Author's Note: currently my free time isn't much with the lovely chaos of moving so my time spent writing isn't much (I'm sorry y'all 😩😩 I'm hoping it'll be better in a few weeks...) but I did find this in my google docs!!!
This also wasn't technically "finished" but I honestly don't remember where I was planning on going with this one.
Tags: @slashscowboyboots @teller258316
Warnings: Alcoholism, (I think that's it)
Tears filled my eyes as I watched him snore soundly, tucked under the covers of his bed.
My heart ached every time I was with him, and every time I wasn’t.
Whenever I’m with him it’s because he’s drunk, and every time he’s not I have no clue where he’s at.
He says he loves me, but every morning he leaves.
We haven’t held an actual conversation in months, and yet, when he comes calling, I let him in.
Why?... Why is he the one I want?
I let out a long breath, rubbing my hands over my face before taking another long look at him.
What the hell are we even doing? We aren’t even in a relationship.
At least it doesn’t feel like it, as much as I hate to admit it.
I’m the one coming to his shows. I’m the one helping him out of bars and into the house after he’s had one too many. I’m the one that stays up all night taking care of him so he doesn’t choke on his own vomit when he’s sleeping. I’m the one holding his hair back for endless hours because the whiskey finally hit him and the hangover is taking over after a night of partying hard.
I’m the one up half the night worried sick that he’s been in an accident, that he overdosed, that he isn’t coming home this time.
And yet, the only time he shows me affection is when he’s drunk.
The sun was just barley rising, just enough that little of the bright yellowish-orange light was starting to fill the room. I glanced out the window for a moment, enjoying the colorful hues of light that were in the sky, knowing it would be the last time I’d ever have this view in his room. I had written a letter that I had placed on the pillow I used to sleep on, my things were packed in my car already, I guess I just needed a moment before I left him once and for all.
I shouldn’t love him the way I do, I should be able to easily let go…
Well, that’s what they keep on telling me anyways, my friends, my family.
But they don’t understand that there once was a time he wasn’t like this. He didn’t just kiss me when he was drunk… He didn’t want me just because he was drunk.
I guess I kept holding on because I was hoping the old him would come back, but I can’t just keep waiting, after the fight we had last night, after feeling so alone as I slept in the guest room, having to cry myself to sleep, I came to the conclusion that I deserve more than this.
For my sake, I’ve gotta let go.
I took one last look at him before quietly making my way out of his room, shutting the door softly. A tear rolled down my cheek once I made it to the front door, in that short second I almost stopped myself from opening that front door, from leaving him, but I didn’t want to wake up one early morning due to a phone call that he was dead. I didn’t want to live this way anymore, as much as I tried to help him become sober, all those nights I fought with him, all those nights I cried until I drifted off to sleep, all those nights I begged him not to go out.
I didn’t have a certain place in mind once I left his house, I just wanted to get as far away as I could, I didn’t want the temptation, nor the closeness. I wasn’t going to cry and run back to him, I was gonna go far and get over him.
I had warned him two weeks ago that if something didn’t change I was leaving. He cried, and pleaded for me to stay that night, promising that he’d change, but when the next morning arrived, he was gone once again.
I never took Slash as the type to really let himself go, but people change and so did that relationship.
Now, I’ve just gotta find a way to heal on my own. Work on myself for the better.
“You’ve reached Y/n Y/l/n, sorry I wasn’t here to take your call. Please leave a message and I’ll be sure to call you back.” My voicemail rang out as I hopped out of the shower, towel wrapped around my waist.
“Y/n… It’s me, S-Slash… I’ve been trying to reach you for the past four weeks now.. Um, I got this number from, uh, from a friend. I messed up baby, please call me back. I… I know I didn’t say it enough, but I love you.”
My breath caught in my throat as I heard his voice, tears burned my eyes but I wasn’t about to let them out.
I wasn’t going to let myself break down because of him.
I saw the way out and I took it, I can’t run back to him now.
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