RunStretchLive

Marathoner. Mother. 31.

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The zoo trips picnics.

The fact that I align with this book so much and knew I’d parent this way since I was 13.

The penny runs 🤍

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Solo parenting.

Creating animal homes.

Ladybugs.

We’re just having a great time.

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May snow days ⛄️ and coloring in bed 🦋

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The drastic weather difference we’ve gotten recently. Absolutely not mad about it.

Our rule this season: never pack the snowsuits.

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Running while they read and point out everything they see may be the best thing ever.

The oldest asks me to actually read her story while I’m running 🫡 she turns the pages and I do my best.

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We’re having the most fun.

Walks are pretty slow. We’re busy catching bugs and looking at rocks and chirping at birds.

There’s so much to say and do.

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Being a parent is pretty cool because you can choose to have a park picnic and stay out past bedtime to climb rocks.

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She’s chasing the “half moon” and trying to figure out how we live on a planet, but not one we can point to in the sky.

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Just baby memories 🤍

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Made a new little favorite corner of our home.

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Their love is one that I have dreamed of.

I remember meeting my current in-laws. I remember calling my mom and saying “how do you get in-laws like that?” They were so warm and kind right off the bat.

As Tristan and I started dating I grew more in love with them too. A true second family. How they helped Tristan with our engagement, telling them we were pregnant, the trips they made out to Boston… they aren’t my parents, but I know I hit the in-law jackpot.

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Big “no shoes” kind of guy on our walks recently.

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“I didn’t settle for you. I planned for you.”

It’s long and far in between the self conscious feelings of worthlessness. I told Tristan I had a thought that he settled for me because I was open, raw and vulnerable when we started dating. It was just so easy being together and now I could tell you it was infatuation.

When that thought popped in my head I dwelled on it for a bit and then moved on. It wasn’t debilitating like it used to be. Even telling him, I felt a little funny. As if I should be over this, but I still need some help. In the moments of the day and thinking about the whole situation, I’d forgotten that Tristan had truly been planning for me. He changed a lot and held back a lot. He showed me so much love and understanding.

It’s crazy how quickly things can change. This life is pretty amazing and I’m so glad we get to do it together.

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What's on deck for this week:

what we're eating:

cinnamon bun protein pancake bowls- my kids don't seem to love sweet things, but we'll try it!

sweet potato beef bowls- pretty staple now

turkey egg bites

buffalo chicken pasta

ginger-molasses granola

what we're doing:

christmas light running in the evenings

clearing out our closets and resetting for the colder season

setting up a little hike for my birthday before dinner with the extended family

making my own birthday cake!

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We’re out chasing Christmas lights and it may be my new favorite season.

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Had a funky dream last night. It felt like a closure in some way. I went so quickly into falling in love with someone else and never gave you a second thought and then all at once you were all consuming.

All the thoughts of worthlessness and “why not me” came so fast and were crushing. The massive “what ifs”.

This version of myself could have made it work, but we couldn’t make it through that season. You can only lie so much. You can only gaslight so much. You could only take the broken version of myself so much. Even though I left you. You’d left me behind long before.

In my dream we met at some apartment. It was placed in Columbia, even though I’ve never been there like that. I was packing the last of your things and you came over to get them. We chatted about where we are now in life.

You told me about how great your wife is; how confident and driven. I told you about how gentle Tristan is and how much fun our kids are.

It was weird to experience you in a dream in that light. We haven’t been friends for years. Even those last years together it didn’t feel like we were friends.

Sometimes I think dreams have some meaning. I like I’ve been circling with the “why” and “in another life”, but man this life is so sweet.

I hope yours is too.

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My almost 3 year old fell asleep on me for the first time in a long time.

She’s fiercely independent and dropped her nap a long time ago. She played and ran in the leaves today and was so excited to see the moon while we were still at the park.

“Look! The moon and sun are both awake!”

I want to hold onto this almost 3 year old for as long as I can.