myosotis

I be writing stuff

[rupturedsotis]

[rupturedsotis]

I'll tell you why I Don't wanna know where you are I gotta joke I've been dying to tell you Silent kid is looking Down the barrel To make the noise that I kept so quiet Kept it from you, Pitseleh I'm not what's missing From your life now I could never be the puzzle pieces They say that God makes problems Just to see what you can stand Before you do as the Devil pleases Give up the thing you love But no one deserves it The first time I saw you I knew it would never last I'm not half what I wish I was I'm so angry I don't think it'll ever pass And I was bad news for you just because I never meant to hurt you

[rupturedsotis]

And you left me nothing except all the memories i had of you, of us. Everything feels like a dream now- a dream I wish to live with forever but its unfortunate because every morning im forced to awake to your absence, to feel the empty air around me but its not so bad because we share the same sun and that mere thought lets me live a little longer each day.

[rupturedsotis]

I still smell the scented papers just to relive a moment of that day but the smell fades with the distance between us

[rupturedsotis]

Im a measely thristle fluff, I am swept off by the wind from all directions, ending up in people's palms, making wishes on me yet they dare to crush me in between their fingertips. Weary and lonesome, yeah I float around quite often, not in permanence, I am not a birthday candle, I yearn to not be foo'ed, im to be kept warm in presence, to fulfill your wishes but you foo me, crush me, pluck me yet my foolishness tickles me, I come running back.

Though im not a flower but from my nuclei does grow a meadow. Yet im such a tool for your futile entertainment, I cry, I long for you to adore me, to see me for who I am, to see me for more than my bristles,

To see my seed, to realise the flower I can be. I am more than what you can see, I am what i will become. Your blood thirsty lustful eyes, something I wish to never witness again. Its times like this which sepulchers my view of friendship, and there I stand before the blade, chewing at my own thoughts, to prove myself wrong, surely I must be loved right?

I taste the bitterness of truth, I am all I will ever have.

[prisonerofthemoon]

i take a drag from you and, like a second hand smoker, i watch your life pass by through another's eyes. and sentenced to life i am by this tiny thrill of mine. i suck you in and breathe you out, the prettiest summary of you will only last as long as i am alive and through my mouth.

you may outlive and out remember me, but we will both die at the same time.

[miianko]

Inspired by that one pic I saw on Pinterest

[rupturedsotis]

Its been almost 3 years and I think the reason I haven't been able to close our chapter although you very clearly left my life is because you still infiltrate all parts of my routine. I still speak in your language, your vocabulary; I still listen to our songs and smile about when we used to sing it to each other; I let my hair grow for the first time ever and haven't cut it since you left. In some ways I chose to stay like this- to let you grow and consume my soul wholly but parts of me does want to let go but all of me doesn't. Because that would mean I never loved you to begin with, but I did- I did much so that it has grown like my hair. Its too long, too messy and too tangled for me to realize how long it has been, now it is too familiar, too warm to get a new haircut. I wish to every new dawn for you to reach out some day. I hope you will because I will wait forever for you.

[teathattast]

[rupturedsotis]

I refuse to write about my friends anymore because its been too long I've been writing letters and not getting one back.

I wonder when I'll be loved sincerely but not because they feel obliged to return much of my warmth.

[rupturedsotis]

I read this one post on Instagram where it stated " I wish you would choke on every word that tries to come out of your mouth, so you'll realize how I pressed my lips so tight to stop the tears from coming out of my eyes. I wish regret would make a hole in your chest so that you run out of breath often when you remember what you did to me. I hope you look for me in everyone you meet but never find the warmth I became for you." And since then, I finally understood everything. Ever since you left, I haven't been able to breathe- the tremor in my heart makes me choke on every word. I can't tell anyone how I feel because this hole in my heart swells a little more each time I remember what happened between us. Ever since you left, I haven't been able to spell my own name, even the faintest smell sickens me to my stomach; my very own breath nauseates me. Ever since you left, I sought out to stranger's eyes and looked for their warmth like a lost puppy. I finally understood this was you punishing me.

[rupturedsotis]

Your absence crawls all throughout my bones, my skin and my soul.

Yet you never really left.

[rupturedsotis]

There reigned a thunder in my heart, the droplets of rainwater filling me up slowly, weighing it down. It was empty yet heavy, it felt tight and compacted yet loose and fragmented. It hurt but what is there to feel when it is truly an abyss? Every little matter filled me with doubt and dissapointment. The future only bought me misery, i couldnt imagine nirvana beyond sucess or intelligence, of which i both clearly lacked in the institution. If i cant bring honour to my blood, what would my purpose ever be? Or would i even have a purpose to live for?  

[rupturedsotis]

Grief

Grief no longer caresses your shoulder, now it plays god. Making you bow and kneel before him like an infidel dog, whimpering with nowhere to turn to but grief, god. He scams the gullible tourist, he propagates you, grief brags about his benefits, compares himself to heartbreak, disappointment, solitude, resentment and suddenly grief seems to be the most warmest embrace, familiar. 

[rupturedsotis]

Saturday the 24th January 2026.

Im no longer clean and i dont really remember how long i was clean because i wasn't thinking about it for a long time.

A thick lump of pickling paralysis swells at the pit of my heart and no matter what i did i couldnt swallow it nor would it emerge up my throat. All i could think of was the stinging of my arms, how sickeningly familiar it was, and when I finally dug that blade across my skin-i felt relieved. I'm not sure when i started to feel comforted by it but the heavy feeling in my chest lightened a bit now and thats all i needed-to not feel so guilty by the weight of my own regrets, cause mum was right i was going to regret this and it's finally hitting me. 4 months isnt that far from reach and time is a bus without brakes and the path must be nearing an unfinished road.

I am growing quite fond of the sting. I hope for it to spread all throughout my skin.

[rupturedsotis]

i felt your absence after 2 years and it hasnt stopped since

28/9/2025 They say time heals , yet all it ever does is hoax you into believing you are indurated to the harshness of their voice, what once was bleeding all over you, now it chases you away, it no longer asks for plasters. All it takes is an alarm of their farewell which only leaves you basking in your sheets, with all sides of penitence cold from the realization of “it really is over now, they’re really not coming back”. The bracelet left behind in the catacomb shoebox, the serenaded songs come resurfacing, emerging from beneath almost as if it never really deserted you, it was always there. All it takes is for another to rapaciously grab at your bones, sucking it dry, licking their sly hands of seismic vengeance grabbing at your throat, choking you breathless. It terminates just as it hypnotises you into thinking this has come to its end. It never will be. Their common name, the box full of scented papers, their glasses , every post, every picture in your gallery, every song, and the desecrated place of farewell , remains. Their malignancy infiltrates every gesture, every failed attempt to repent to yourself, it haunts. All time ever does is act god , transiently blinding you like a puppet, then taking it away and repeating. Aching and not aching. Mourning and not mourning.

[rupturedsotis]