I'm a Broken Thing

Carnival Row RP

[rycroft-philo-blog]

you're supposed to wait for seven years to reunite with us after faking your death

Why?

[rycroft-philo-blog]

ooc: Im still here

[rycroft-philo-blog]

vignettestcnemcss‌:

Vignette could tell Philo was upset about something, but she wasn’t clear on what. The brandy wasn’t helping. She had her beliefs and understanding of the world and he had another. She’d stayed in Anoun for more than one reason, after all. Someone had to be willing to protect the Fae trying to leave. There was more to it, but that was the main reason. But her experiences there had taught her that sometimes it didn’t matter where the help came from as long as it came. You’d deal with the aftermath later. If there was a later. 

Tourmaline nodded, thoughtfully. “That bodes about as well as the Pact usin’ Marroks.” Vignette had dealt with more of those than she’d like to admit, and Tourmaline watched the wing twitch from her friend. She wondered how many human turned marroks she’d had to kill to survive in Anoun. “I guess we just have to find a way out before then.” Tourmaline wondered if there was a way to find something happier to talk about. “So this was your mother’s flat?” Different question, hopefully, a different direction. 

Philo sipped the brandy and looked at Tourmaline, his face set, “We’ll get out of here before that,” he said quietly. He would get them out of here or die trying. At her question though, his brows knitted as he looked around the flat, “Oh uhm...yes, it was,” he nodded. “I hadn’t known it at the time...the first time I came here...I looked right at those prints on the walls and had no idea they were mine,” he said, his voice melancholy. 

[rycroft-philo-blog]

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Vignette rested her lips on his shoulder, the cloth between her lips and his skin rough, at least for her lips. She let him talk as she watched him. She lifted her head a little, reaching up to run her fingers through his hair that was closest to her, carefully tucking some of it back against iself a bit. “He’s not there yet, though. One day at a time.” She told him softly. That was really all she could imagine herself doing. There was no way to plan what a child was going to do from moment to moment. She knew that from having to keep track of siblings. She decided telling Philo that they’d have to let him get hurt sometimes, scrape his knees and get bruised, as he got older, was a bad idea. 

“I’m just glad he’s here, and that you are too.” She murmured against his shoulder, fingers still running up and down his shoulder blade, still attempting to be comforting.

Philo looked over at her and smiled a little when she kissed his shoulder, his eyes closing as her fingers went into his hair. He swallowed thickly as he hummed and nodded, “One day at a time,” he agreed, clearing his throat as he relaxed.  He shivered when Vignette’s fingers brushed over his shoulder blade. “I’m glad I’m here too....but I have to go,” he murmured as he shifted Bearach into her arms. he turned his own head and pressed his lips to her forehead, “I’ll be back soon, I promise.” And he would. He had no intention of staying at work.

“Please make sure she takes it easy, Tourmaline?” he chuckled. He affectionately brushed his thumb over their son’s cheek a few times before he got up and pulled on his boots and went to work. 

[rycroft-philo-blog]

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Maybe it was because of her experience with her siblings, but even Vignette wasn’t as worried as Philo. Babies got hurt, children did dumb things and scraped their knees or broke bones. It was a part of getting older and growing up. She could see nothing she was saying was helping. “Philo he’ll be ok.” She was grateful when he sat down on the bed and shifted so she could put an arm around his shoulders, leaning on the one opposite of Bearach. 

“Worry less then.” She ordered him, almost teasingly. “We are all going to be ok.” She added gently, running her hand up and down his shoulder blade slowly, comfortingly. “See? You got him to sleep without really tryin’.” She smiled as Bearach was quietly snoring against Philo’s shoulder, face towards them and half squished. 

Philo hummed when she said that he’d be okay, and for him to worry less. That was just as impossible as not worrying at all. He did relax though, just a little, when Vignette pointed out that he’d gotten Bearach to sleep without doing much of anything. He chuckled when the baby breathed, a very light snore leaving him every once in a while. He ran his hand up and down his back again, “I suppose...but that isn’t the same as takin care of him when he learns to do things that’ll hurt him...” he murmured. But she was right, he did need to stop worrying even just a little bit. He was far off from him doing anything besides sleeping and eating.

[rycroft-philo-blog]

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“Fann-troigh.” She told him patiently. “And you aren’t one are you.” It wasn’t a question. She knew some still thought him human, but he was here, and plenty had made the connection with him being here and being half-fae. “Any help is good help at this point.” She added quietly. She eyed him as he asked about them helping her. “I didn’t need the help. And until we were locked in here, most of ‘em had no other choices.” Like her, really. A lady’s maid she was not suited to do, and never had been. But as both a female and fae that seemed to be the only thing she was allowed to do. She would still ascertain that she hadn’t needed help. 

Tourmaline could see that Vignette had found a bone. She tapped her friend’s leg. “Eat, before you get completely distracted.” She glanced at Philo with a nod. She was sure he could handle it, but she didn’t want to. She was well aware of how passionate her friend could get. “I’m just glad they’re letting us have food and medicine. They can’t keep it up though, not for long.” That was something Tourmaline was particularly good at understanding. She might not have liked her business classes, but her parents had run a shipping business. She understood logistics. “And if they widen the net, they are going to run into food shortages for themselves, there’s lots of fae who do farmwork for the Burgue.”

“Yes, Fann-troigh, sorry,” he smiled over at her with a chuckle. Philo disagreed that any help was good help. Perhaps at the moment, yes, but they would want something eventually. He clenched his teeth but decided not to answer, instead he continued eating as well, throwing back the brandy and then filling his cup up again as he leaned against the chair. He sighed and looked at Tourmaline, always thankful for her help. 

“They can’t keep it up, you’re right,” Philo agreed. “At least not if they don’t pass laws, and they will for now...they’ll have to give us food and medicines...they can’t risk an uprising. The Burgish may out number us, but we out number their police and military...for now they’ll placate...and when they realize that they need the Fae, they’ll find some other way to keep us corralled, but use us to do work...”

[rycroft-philo-blog]

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Vignette eyed him annoyed. “Sometimes you gotta work with those that aren’t your favorite.” She told him confidently. She’d done it plenty when she’d run into other Sparrowhawks before. Sometimes you just had to work with what you had. “And there’s a reason it wasn’t all that hard to find someone to rat on them for you. Most of ‘em are former wing brigade. Soldiers.” She told him with a bit of slur in her voice. “Not all ‘f them, but most. Think I’m the only sparrowhawk though.” Made her wonder. Though most Sparrowhawks had died. There was a reason she’d been the last one. “That was what I thought.” She added with a nod about his comment before going back to eating. Tourmaline bit her lips before smiling. 

“I think it’s a good use of their talents and drive. Better than causin’ trouble for the copper’s and good folk alike.” Tourmaline spoke decisively, but she was better than Vignette at handling alcohol. For a farm girl, the slimmer of the two faeries was a lightweight.

“I’m aware,” he told her. He’d worked with plenty of people he shouldn’t have when he was an Inspector and needed information. “Former Wing Bridage doesn’t mean they’d help a...what did you call me? A Faan-Trough? If they’d wanted to help before why hadn’t the helped you?” He had a bad feeling that the Ravens were helping to help themselves, but he wouldn’t say that to her. If they were going to help now, he’d take it because they needed it. Philo hummed when Tourmaline mentioned them not causing trouble. At least not now.

[rycroft-philo-blog]

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Vignette could see his panic and she found herself laughing softly. “Philo, he’ll learn to walk and run before long, and flying isn’t that far off either.” She found his panic amusing, if only because she understood the sentiment. “But he’s little for now.” She added easily. It would be hard to lose a baby that couldn’t do anything but cry and poop. And nose around for food. “Those are good things.” She hoped that would help a little. 

Tourmaline glanced at Vignette who did look quite worried about Philo. She smiled. “Yes, he is small, and well protected, and loved. Philo you have plenty of help, don’t think you’re actually alone in this.” She told him standing up to rest a hand on his free shoulder after a hesitation. She smiled up at him before moving to sit on the chair again,  more perching than anything else. Vignette sat up more and reached out to tug at Philo’s arm to pull him closer. 

“It’ll be fine, love.” She murmured gently. “Stop worryin’ so much.” She reached up to gently rub at the line between his eyebrows with a smile. “He’s fine and so are you and I.”

Philo’s eyes widened again when Vignette brought up him walking, running and then flying, and suddenly he remembered just how terrifying this whole thing was. But he swallowed the fear back, clearing his throat as he shifted, his brows furrowed for a moment in self determination before his face relaxed. “Right...” he murmured when Vignette told him that all of those things were good, and he agreed to an extent. They were good. It meant his son was growing, it meant he was thriving, but it also meant that he’d be in more danger.

He looked at Tourmaline when she started to talk and he nodded, “I know....Thank you,” He appreciated her hand on his shoulder before he sat on the bed when Vignette pulled him and closed his eyes, sighing as he relaxed when she rubbed the line between his brows. He chuckled, “Stop worryin? You might as well tell me to stop breathing.” At this point it was true. 

[rycroft-philo-blog]

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Vignette was very busy eating when he spoke, and had to finish the food. Tourmaline rolled her eyes. “Farmer manners.” She muttered amused, before glancing at Philo. “The Ravens actually. They have some outside connections for food and the likes, and there are more than a few Fae who have similar connections.” Vignette nodded as Tourmaline spoke. She finished her bite and smiled a little. 

“Dahlia’s finally focused on helpin’ instead of causin’ trouble.” She added obviously pleased with that development. “Most of the Ravens aren’t bad people, just… not much for a faerie to do in the Burgue.” Which she knew Philo was well aware of, but it was true. There was more than one reason why she’d joined. Female faerie, in particular, were not able to get many jobs before they’d closed off the Row. And she was good at sneaking, seeing things and being quite calm in most situations, so it helped. Plus all she’d been really doing (besides stealing a flag and killing another faerie) was taking lots. Which was, admittedly, quite fun. “So now they have somethin’ to do.” She added finally, suddenly aware she was very much enjoying the fuzzy feeling from the alcohol. 

“The Ravens...” he trailed off, his brows furrowed when she spoke. Philo looked at her as she spoke about Dahlia and her focus about helping now instead of causing trouble. He hummed as he continued eating, listening to Vignette talk about how the Ravens had connections to getting food into the Row. If that was what the group was doing now, he couldn’t disagree with it. He was thinking about doing the same thing. “Well the more people who can get food and medicines and anything else we may need in here the better..” He pulled in a breath and let it out, leaning back in his seat and sipping his brandy. 

[rycroft-philo-blog]

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“I mean it is colder out here.” Vini spoke with a smile, aware she was under a blanket so really couldn’t say much. She watched Bearach fall asleep on Philo, that warm feeling in her chest growing stronger. She really didn’t want Philo to go to work, though she knew it wasn’t really something she could stop him from doing. 

Tourmaline rolled her eyes as Vignette made doe eyes at Philo, nodding as Philo spoke. It was Vignette who answered though. “I was a child the last time I helped with newborns.” Which was true. She was four or so during her mother’s second pregnancy, and after that her other siblings had come rather quickly. It was as if her mother had wanted to be sure Vignette was aware she was loved and the oldest sibling. “Of course we will.” She smiled up at Philo quite pleased. “This is the easy part though.”

His eyebrows shot up and hit his hairline, “This is the easy part?” he asked. He had to admit, the hours leading up to his birth had been far from easy, but now it seemed the boy was completely easy going. He either slept or ate or needed to be changed. But the worry that hung in Philo’s chest seemed to make the ‘easy part’ more difficult. “It’s gonna get more difficult..” he murmured quietly. “Great...” he trailed off, clearing his throat. 

Philo’s arm tightened under Bearach, his hand now coming up to cradle the back of his head, his thumb just barely brushing over the shell of his ear. He didn’t care if this was going to get harder, he was ready to handle whatever was thrown at him. His son would always be worth it. He kissed his brow, breathing in his sweet scent. 

[wintersnightsky]

What makes you so sure there’s a story worth hearing? Because you’re a man worth knowing. And men like you are made of stories.

[rycroft-philo-blog]

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Nodding dragged her nose along his as she smiled. “Yes, it usually is.” Like the book she’d shared with him, the why was always more interesting. She refused to let herself think of where that book was at the moment. Bigger issues, much bigger issues, to handle first. “School was always a little self-guided. Some of us were better at maths, other’s writin’, some were brilliant at social things other’s science… you had to learn a bit of everything, but if you excelled in something you could learn more ‘bout it.” She paused. “That isn’t how it is here, is it?” No, no doubt religion was tied deeply into the schooling system of the Burgue. Something that she understood, but knew it could cloud things. Especially science. Though that hadn’t seemed to hold the humans back… at all with their firearms and flying things and telegraph lines. And trains. 

“University is much easier to get into. You’d have liked it.” She smiled at him, trying to imagine Philo as a college student.

Philo shrugged, “We learned pretty much everything too...religion thrown in there as well....but college was for studies that were more focused on whatever you like,” he said as he thought about his schooling. “Some men of the Burgue were interested in sciences, or...becoming doctors....some decided to join the clergy,” he shrugged again. “If you wanted to go to the university and learn math you could...but yes, I suppose before the university we were told what to study and when to study it..” He snorted a laugh, grinning as he looked down at her, “Easier to get into because I’m not smart? Ouch,” he joked, knowing that wasn’t what she meant. 

He laughed as he leaned down and kissed her gently. He pulled away slowly and nodded, “I suppose I would’ve liked it, yes,” he agreed. He had liked learning. He loved reading. “I would have done well, I think, but I’m not upset that the military was the way I went...it brought me to you.”

[rycroft-philo-blog]

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Vignette found herself more than a little amused. “Glad to know none of us were aware parentin’ was a thing we could do.” She mused, eyeing her friend, and then Philo. She was happy, she found, content. Her favorite people, all in the same room. Even if one of them was tiny and currently half drooling on his father’s shirt. 

Tourmaline tilted her head. “Well being parents suits you both. I didn’t think I would ever have said that about you, Vini.” The slap at her shoulder made her fake being hurt but start giggling. 

“I have never been bad with children! Even in college, when you were off in those stupid business classes, and I ended up spending half of my History course with the teacher’s baby!” She admonished her friend, amused. Admittedly, the baby was about two, so it was mostly just being handed things and told magical stories in words that were barely comprehensible, but it had been fun. And she’d gotten some extra reading material to make up for it. Of which Tourmaline had often distracted her from. 

Vignette glanced at Philo and Bearach. “Is he alright?” She asked, aware the tone change from teasing to slight worry was going to be a bit jarring, but she found herself nearly constantly worried Bear wasn’t alright.

Philo ran his hand over Bearach’s back, and he nodded at Vignette’s question, “He’s alright,” he said quietly. “Just a little fussy...he’s probably just a little cold compared to where he was,” he said as he turned his head and kissed his son’s head gently. “Isn’t that right, my boy?” he whispered as Bearach continued to slip further into sleep. He chuckled before his attention went back to Vignette and Tourmaline. 

“I heard Vignette took care of all of her younger siblings,” he said with a smile. “I think she’ll be much better at this than me,” he said as he continued to rock from side to side. “But I think we’ll figure all of this out together, right?” he lifted an eyebrow.

[rycroft-philo-blog]

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Vignette was slightly tipsy by the time he’d returned with the food, talking about the Black Raven’s as Tourmaline nodded along. Dahlia had seemed to find her actual purpose now that the Fae did have something for her to fight against. Though she’d been talked down from outright violence to using the raven’s as a form of protection, keeping people from getting hurt or doing stupid things, and making contacts with the outside world for more food and supplies. So far it had been working, some Vini was quite proud of. 

The pile of food drew both faerie’s attention, both noting separately it was more than he probably should have cooked. Neither said anything as Tourmaline reached out to take a small peice of the fish as Vignette shifted so she could lean into Philo a bit. “Thank you.” She murmured before kissing his cheek, obviously much more relaxed than when he’d returned. Food was much more important at that moment than cuddling into Philo, however, and she carefully went for a peice of fish as well, blowing on it before taking a very dainty bite. “Mmm. I like it.” She managed after swallowing, as Tourmaline nodded her approval as well. “You should eat some too.”

“You’re welcome,” Philo replied as he kissed Vignette’s cheek back, smiling against her skin before he pulled back. He started eating as well, taking a piece of fish and some of the salted pork and other pieces of the food he’d prepared. He sipped his brandy and leaned back against the chair he was in, enjoying the quiet moment, one that was almost peaceful, if that were possible. He sighed as he sipped his drink again, put another mouthful of fish in his mouth and some cheese before he cleared his throat. “So what were you two talking about?” he asked, having heard them murmur to each other in Faeish. “Hopefully nothing bad about me,” he teased.

[rycroft-philo-blog]

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Vignette took the glace carefully, eyeing the liquid. She smiled a little at Philo as he kissed her before he returned to the kitchen. Tourmaline took a slight bit of privacy to pull her friend into a hug. “It’s alright Vig.” She murmured softly into her friend’s hair before letting go. She and Vignette had… talked. Or rather Tourmaline had let Vini rant at her. She was well aware of Vignette’s protective streak. It wasn’t always obvious, but she didn’t handle the people she cared about being threatened or hurt very well. And she didn’t like Portia for some rather normal reasons, at least in Tourmaline’s mind. And they were entirely because Portia hurt Philo and almost got him killed. As she had put it when they arrived, she could have cared less if she was a legger, she just didn’t like her. 

Vignette drank more of the brandy and sighed, leaning into Tourmaline. With low voices they did start talking, Vignette apologizing for her outburst. She hadn’t meant to cause a problem she was just protective of Philo. At least she wasn’t grumbling in Faerish anymore. Or mixing up swears, so Tourmaline was confident Vignette would calm down soon. 

Philo made sure to busy himself in the kitchen, cooking their meal. He’d found some salted pork, a large piece of fish and potatoes that he figured would be split well between the three of them. He got out some bread and hard cheeses and the bottle of brandy. He sipped his drink as he cooked, turning the fish over in the pan and letting it cook. 

When dinner was done he put everything on a large plate and set it on the table, giving the two Faes forks. “It’s hot so,” he sat down next to Vignette and refilled their glasses with the brandy, “be careful..” he knew he’d probably cooked too much, but he didn’t care. He wanted to have one dinner where the three of them could enjoy themselves. He’d get more food some how.

[rycroft-philo-blog]

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The idea of taking Bearach anywhere was unnerving. She wasn’t normally a hermit but she did not feel comfortable with the idea of leaving at this point. She had no doubt at some point soon she’d get stir crazy, but at the moment, she had no desire to leave. Tourmaline smiled, her back to Vignette, however. “Hm, I’m sure they’ll all be delighted to meet him.” Tourmaline was as pleased that Bearach was here as his parents were. Well, maybe a little less. She was just glad that Vini was happy, and Philo. She turned back to Vignette and took her hands. “What’s it like, being a mum?” That was not a question that Vignette had expected. 

“Exhausting so far. It’s only been what… less than twelve hours?” She smiled at Tourmaline. “Why? Have an idea for yourself?”

“Me? St. Tit, why would you think that? I’m perfectly happy being Aunt Tourmaline, thank you very much.”

Bearach yawned and stretched against Philo’s shoulder, a small huff leaving his nose as he rubbed his face along the crook of his neck. The baby started to fuss, but Philo rubbed the boy’s back, his thumb sweeping between his wings. “Shhh, you’re alright,” he whispered. He kissed his cheek and the shell of his ear as he started to walk around the room, a small bounce in his step to soothe Bearach back to sleep. “That’s my boy,” he chuckled, his nose brushing along his feathery hair.

He snorted a laugh when Vignette asked if Tourmaline had thought about children. He shrugged, “I can’t say that I blame you,” he said quietly. “I didn’t thin of myself as being a father until he came into the world...Honestly I didn’t feel like one until he was actually born...”

[rycroft-philo-blog]

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It was hard not to laugh with Philo so she did. He had a happy laugh, one she loved hearing. “It’s not that I don’t like goats, I just never learned to like that goat.” She told him easily. “And he never liked me, so it worked out just fine.” Mostly. Except when the billy was an adolescent and tried to chase her down. He’d learned the hard way that she very much could outfly him and taunt him from the air. “The basics, mostly. Who, what, where, when, why. Though it was often the why that was more interestin’.” She was happy to talk about history. “Important events, people, basic history stuff.” She added easily. “I learned more in university. Took an entire glass about St. Titania.” Smiling was easy at the moment. “And it was encouraged t’ learn more about things you were interested in. The Fae aren’t so focused on fittin’ in as much as the Burgish.” She mused. 

“Why would be the most interesting thing,” he agreed, nodding. He let out a long breath as he watched her, his brows furrowed. Philo smiled, “You would want to learn more about it,” he said as he wrapped his arms tighter around her. He frowned as his head tilted to the side, “What d’you mean things you were interested in? I would’ve been allowed to study things in the university if I could’ve afforded it,” he told her, confused.