The Life of Rylee @ryleeexx - Tumblr Blog

I think I'm a snapaholic lolol

Went to the aquarium in the middle of the night and had the whole place to myself pretty much. It's awesome when you know someone who works there cause ya get the coolest perks

2017

Still my birthday for 2 hours and 15 minutes

So, today I've learned who the fuck to cross off the list of legit friends. It's crazy, the mother fuckers you fuck with the most can end up being the one's who find your suffering amusing.. Life is too fucking short for that kind of bullshit. Too fucking short.

24th Birthday

Could it get anymore depressing and lonely?! I just want to curl up in a ball and cry myself to sleep. I hate this I fucking hate this. Why? Why did you have to go and do that just so you could turn around and continue to ignore me and do what you've been doing? When I was so close to actually being somewhat okay.. FML. That's cool if your going to be a dick, but don't tell me you're going to do something just to immediately turn around and ignore me completely.

This is my rant that I can't bring myself to say to a certain somebody.. don't mind me.

Fuck you. Yes. I said it, fuck you. Fuck you for making me feel like I mattered. You sat there and I put all of the trust I had to offer, and you turned around and made me regret it. I thought you genuinely cared and that I meant something to you. I made myself vulnerable, and you spit in my face. You proved to me that I really can't put anything past anybody. I went and continue to go above and beyond for you, but you wanna sit there and act like you don't know what's going on.. like I'm not hopelessly in love with you. Even after you brushed me to the side and told me that you were back with your ex. How could I mean that little? How can you sit there and do the things you do, knowing damn good and well you don't really mean anything. Just getting your dick wet? Well, quit playing the good guy role. Quit being so amazing to me sometimes if all your going to do is tear me down. I wish more than anything I could stop going all out for you and doing all the little things that I should be doing for you if we were actually an item.. but I can't bring myself not to do anything and everything I possibly can. Don't ask me if I'm okay every single day when you have got to see the blatantly obvious truth: IM NOT. Don't take my varying answer of "I'm fine", and just leave it at that. "You sure?", Uh well are you fucking kidding me? You see me holding back the tears. You know what's up. Why are you sitting there content while I'm sitting here drowning in my misery and no matter how hard I try to catch my breath I can't. How can you sit there and tell me you give a fuck but do the things you do? Why am I not good enough to matter to you? Why am I not good enough for anyone? Why do I have to fuck up every single thing I come into contact with? I can't help it. Im trying so hard but I'm getting exhausted.. it's so tiring putting everything I possibly can into taking care of everybody but myself. In the end everybody is pissed off at me and I'm the bad guy some how. How can I spend all of my energy trying to make everybody happy and end up with not even myself happy?

#feelin' saucy

#feelin

Beautiful and motivated, bitches.

Tuesday May 10, 2016 8:12pm

Today was my first day of work at Hardtails Bar and Grill! I love it. I cannot wait to see what the future holds for me. James got the power of attorney signed and notarized and in the mail so I should be getting it sometime this week, and then I'll have to get it notarized and go get our marriage license and then bam. Have our wedding by proxy until he gets out in about 18 months and we have our actual ceremony and all that good stuff. I'm so excited for everything. It feels like it's all starting to come together and I couldn't be any more ecstatic with the way the future is starting to look for James and I.

Sunday May 8, 2016 11:27am, mothers day

In the car on the way back to austin. Going to see my love today! I miss his face so much. I've been in Killeen the past couple of days, trying to make something happen.. I need to get a car. Once I have my own car I've got that job at Hardtails. I need that job. I need a job period. I hate this day to day unknowing of where I'm going to lay my head to rest and how I'm going to have to make a buck to feed myself. The past few days have actually been pretty awesome, I've met quite a few people that have been just super awesome and friendly and more than helpful. I would like to find a sober living house in georgetown. James' mother actually came up with that idea, and I actually am pretty stunned I didn't think of it before now. It would be the perfect first stepping stone to getting integrated back into a normal way of life and into normal society. I need to get a schedule going, and stick to it. Start surrounding myself with people who influence me positively and only want the best for me.

what did I do to piss you off so bad? i really havent a clue. I thought I was being helpful and l tried not to take advantage. i dont get it, but i hope things get better for you, and that you find the happimess you deserve. have a great life.

Honestly, you didnt. I guess it was my way of showing you in the worst way possible that, yeah I enjoy your company, but you would never become as big a part of my life the way you had already begun making me in yours. My life is revolved around James, and getting my life to where I can be the best Rylee I can be for him because I intend on spending my entire life with him.

first time by the pool this year. feeling confident and happy♡

Hey hey what's up ?!

heyheyyyy♡♡[:

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