we can see forever from up here

26 | south east melb | likes memes, r&b/hip-hop music, a good book, donuts

[s-t-a-y]

2023

bit late in posting my yearly review, but i didn't have access to my computer for a while so better late than never ig

so.. 2023 was a very weird year. i felt like i didn't accomplish anything. things just kept going downhill? lol. it was a year very much focused on just surviving and getting through it all

the year started off SO BUSY at work, i was doing so much overtime and working weekends, that i didn't really have time for anything else. and it sucked. it really threw off my personal goals for the year. and honestly for what?? i think my company just sees employees as numbers. there were a bunch of layoffs in May and also a few other times during the year, and it genuinely sucked seeing so many people leave. going to work after those periods just sucked. i miss the old team

with all this happening, i felt really lost. i wasn't sure if i should quit and move elsewhere, or stick it out. there were so many times of uncertainty. in the second half of the year though i was offered a new position and i took it and so far so good, i'm learning new things and i'm a lot happier at work. but i do still miss the way it was.

i really fell of at the gym this year. in 2022, i was waking up at 5am every day and getting it done. but this year, i've been feeling so drained, the thought of waking up early was just a big no. and training after work was also a no. but i started doing zumba again in may/june and honestly that's been so fun!

family problems were still there and hit some new interesting lows lmao. i just don't know when all the suffering will end ahahaha

highlights of the year: - my new car arrived! (after a fkn 6 month wait, but that's a whole other story -- also saying bye to my first car was quite sad) - did a road trip to SA; did glamping for the first time which was so fun! - somehow lost 14kg throughout the year - stargazingggg - got myself a snorlax squishmallow and fk i love it sooo much - travelled to 3 countries with some friends - thailand, vietnam, and singapore. being away for three weeks and being able to clock off from my regular life was just amazing. it was so fkn hot but we had so much fun and made some wonderful memories - saw nanon in thailand, omg such a life highlight - housesat for a coworker for 2 weeks - honestly what a great experience. i've never stayed anywhere alone for even a night, so i felt so proud of myself for not being chicken. and it was so fkn therapeutic. having a whole place to myself was just a vibe and i felt so at peace. - got to spend nye at the city with my girls, first time being in the city for nye and it was nice finally getting to see the fireworks in person (even though it was a bit underwhelming lol)

2024 has been going well so far for the most part, i really feel like this year will be a good turning point so yeah doing my best to keep positive

[s-t-a-y]

tonight has been so fucking shit

i don’t know what i’ve done to deserve so much heartache and pain

my whole life i’ve tried to be positive, nice to everyone, helping people, going out of my way for people.. and for fucking what

just one L after another 

i don’t know how much longer i can keep this up 

[s-t-a-y]

2022 in review.

well another year has gone by! this past year went by so quickly i swear. 

2022 was ..different. the things that happened jan-apr felt like a whole other lifetime lol. those first few months were pretty rough. i had issues with my leg and lower back which sucked. mental health was at a low and i felt really alone. i was very confused about so many aspects of my life and what i wanted so i felt very aimless and lost. 

in may i joined a gym again and i think that kind of helped with both my mental and physical health. it was good having something to focus on again. but in the last few months of the year i kind of fell off again with training. 

after halloween i got covid which was a shitty time, and when i got better i fell into a deep depression and just isolated myself from everyone. don’t know what caused it tbh, i was just feeling sad all the time and crying every night for no particular reason. i feel like i’m slowly getting back to my normal self again right now, but at the same time i don’t know if that’s just me faking it because i’m just trying to keep myself busy so i don’t have time to think. i dunno. 

i was also really sick 3 other occasions this year, like really sick and for a long period. my immune system is so bad now. the last time i was sick was pre-covid and this year i was sick FOUR times? nah fam. 

although there were many deep low points this year, there were of course good moments: - went to tasmania with some friends in april. first time on a plane since pre-covid so it was quite exciting! the trip was after a very shitty period of life so i felt really happy to be able to get away, and spend it with great company - my crush telling me he thought i was good looking hehe - got a promotion at work - getting kicked out of miss collins for throwing up ahahah.. didn’t even make it to midnight fml lol - went to hawaii again! fucking amazing place so beautiful such good vibes so happy there ahhhhhh (just very expensive) - saw my man russ live in concert, finally. he was so good. it was such a surreal experience, i love him so much and it was just so great to finally see him - bought a new car! - went on a boat ride on the yarra for my bday, it was just before sunset and it was just really lovely and chill (also my friends made me this like care package for my bday gift and i loved it so much :’)) - went to south australia with some friends - it was quite hot the week we were there but i really enjoyed the trip, we did a lot and made a lot of good memories - spending xmas and nye with friends was so fun as always

i genuinely do have a good feeling for 2023. focus is on self-improvement and making a shit ton of memories. i can’t wait!

[s-t-a-y]

feeling extra depressy today and idk why and idk how to stop feeling this way

[versace-caine]

[autumncozy]

[sehomes]

[convexly]

[inferior]

Paul Munford

[silhouetter]

[mlmlmlmlmlmlmlmlmlml-deactivate]

[visitheworld]

[leylafi-deactivated20200819]

[xallenangels]

Credit

[awesomenickverdant]

[s-t-a-y]

2021 sucked // year in review

this year was probably the worst year i’ve ever had. like just absolutely horrible

one of my oldest friends passed away really suddenly. she was only 25. i’m still in denial about it. and 2 of my relatives passed away from covid. it was a sad time for my family. it still doesn’t feel real. and i haven’t lost a love one in over 10 years so losing this many in just a few months of each other.. it’s really taken a toll on me. 

family problems were fucking next level this year. i cried so much this year more than i have in the past 3 years combined. i literally wanted to die so badly, just to end all the pain. it’s still so bad and i don’t know how to fix it

my mum became unwell this year. her being in hospital was such a shitty time. it unfortunately resulted in some long-term issues, but i’m grateful she’s mostly okay. 

i have literally never been so depressed in my life. i really hit rock bottom. all these issues coupled with being in lockdown for like half the year, really fucked with my mental health. i felt so alone. but even if friends tried to reach out, i pushed them away. my physical health also suffered - i gained so much weight and have become so unfit. i just really let go 

overall it was a shit year but there were a few highlights: - i’ve never been to a wedding before in my life, but this year i had the opportunity to go to 2 - it was so lovely getting to celebrate their special days with them  - went on a ferris wheel for the first time lol - visited a friend earlier this year, who lives a few hours away - it was a really lovely getaway and it was so great getting to see her  - the hangouts with my friends in between lockdowns were always a good time

but yeah other than the above, that’s really it. it was not the best year. i feel good about 2022 though, so fingers-crossed it’s a good one

[s-t-a-y]

i literally don’t know what i’ve done to deserve so much heartache in my life

i wish things could just be fucking easy for once