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"Writing while black"
Tonight I was able to stop by a demonstration on campus that consisted of protesting, marching and a die-in.
Students and staff marched from the middle of campus to the very front of it which just so happens to be near the main road. The peaceful protesting continued thereâŠâhands up, donât shoot.ââŠâNo justice, no peace.ââŠâBlack lives matter.â
I was standing on the traffic island that divides Lincoln Avenue (our main road) in two with a group of students. There were a lot of us so we were grouped up everywhere around the intersection OFF of the road. No traffic laws were being broken. It was at this moment, in the midst of a âhands up, donât shootâ chant that a white man in a red pick up truck decided to swerve his truck toward the group as if he was going to run us over. I had only been at the protest for 10 minutes tops when this happened and I remember being too shocked to even move as the man drove off, still swerving wildly in his loud truck, looking out of his window.
Now Iâm on social media where students are anonymously asking us black students âwhat is there to protest about when you only pay half price for tuition?â And it made me realize something. You donât have to steal swisher sweets out of a gas station or refuse to get on the side walk to be a target in America. No one had to put me in a chokehold for âresisting arrestâ and at this point the only reason why I canât breathe? Is because Iâm living in a system that was not designed for me. One day weâre harassed for not going to college and making something of ourselves, the next weâre harassed for going to college and not paying enough money for our education. The nerve.
I attend a university in a town with inhabitants who once OPENLY and jokingly discussed the idea of organizing a lynch mob under the mug shot of a black person on the Charleston Police Department's Facebook page.
I attend a university where my black brothers are repeatedly referred to as thugs because they are from ChicagoâŠbut never as gentlemen for graduating with their degrees.
If we wouldâve gotten hit by that truck, it wouldâve been because we were black in a world that doesnât accept black as good enoughâŠBut Iâm sure the news would not have hesitated to mention that we were just simply way too close to the road.
No one ever stopped to ask us what we were protesting about, or ask us why we were so passionate about the failure to indict the police officers who were responsible for Mike Brown and Eric Garner. No one cares. Everyone else saw our skin color and saw enough.
Yes, weâre angry. But weâve BEEN angry. Getting shot while surrendering is deep, but having no voice is deeper. Our skin does the talking and the white man does the walkingâŠout of the courtroom while weâre 6 feet under.
In my last class of the semester today, African-American Youth Literature, we were wrapping up the semester in a class discussion where the topic of why blacks grow up fearing cops and whites donât came up. But I want to correct something first, blacks donât fear cops, cops fear blacksâŠand while fear is obvious it is also dangerous. My white classmate made mention of how she was always taught that cops could be trusted. Calling 911 was always the solution to a problem according to her teachers. I made sure she knew that I grew up in the same classrooms with the same b.s being fed to me. I was taught that the police would always be there when I needed help.
So whatâs the difference? How about when a black man reaches into his pocket to grab the driverâs license he was told to grab by the police officer and gets three bullets in his chest by that same officer because âhe thought he was reaching for a gunâ.
How about when I get pulled over for an expired license plate sticker and see my skin color before I can even remember where my âlicense and registrationâ isâŠreminding myself that if I move too suddenly, I may not even make it home.
How about when my boyfriend gets pulled over in the middle of the day at the end of July while driving my car in basketball shorts and a wife beater and gets patted down and asked if he has a gun while my car gets searched for no reason. (Afterward the cop made sure he thanked us for being so cooperative because thatâs what you do when the jar with scented beads in the back of the car turns out to be an air freshener and not drugsâŠoh and if anyone has mastered holstering a gun with basketball shorts on, please let my boyfriend know, just out of curiosity, weâre wondering how that goes)
Iâm rambling now so I swear Iâm going to wrap up and get to my point in just a second.
Weâre angry, America. Students, parents, teachers, athletes, congressmen, grandparents, entertainersâŠweâre angry. We refuse to be silenced by your neglect any longer. Your neglect has led to us being misunderstood. We refuse to be misunderstood any longer. There was a time when we were scared to stand up. Now we hold hands and stand up tall together. What if I told you that you now have a reason to be scared?
I personally do not hate white people, I hate white privilege. I was raised to love and that is the way I will always be because I understand that privilege can have you viewing things from a brainwashed point of view and for that I am truly sorry. For your brainwashed minds, that is.
People want to mention how âevery life mattersâ but fail to value EVERY life.
So DO SOMETHING.
WAKE UP.
I am a black student and mother with a spotless record and my life matters. But get this, even if I was a criminal living off government assistance with no job, my life would still matter. And it's nobody's job to decide which life matters more. Is that so hard to understand?
Are you up yet?
Everyone wants to be understood but no one is trying to understand. That's dangerous. But it's okay, everyone will understand soon enough.
America, what if I told you that you now have a reason to be scared?
Today on Black Twitter âŠ
Black twitter is perfect
the boy speaks out
Draya! Lmfaooo
Entry 2: Reality
Friday, May 10th, 2013.
Today the group was expected to be up bright and early and on the bus to head to the Apartheid Museum. I experienced my first hardcore case of jet lag, in other words, I didn't sleep at all last night. I am already starting to despise the fact that I stand out here, at breakfast I can feel the workers staring at me and while I am sure that they stare at all foreigners, I'd much rather fit in here. I had mixed emotions about the Apartheid Museum. For one, I'm definitely not a huge museum fan but this wasn't just any museum to me. First we were given our tickets to enter the museum, each ticket had a classification on it: White or Non-White. My classification for the day was non-white and I entered the museum completely oblivious to the affect that the things I was about to see where going to have on me. What I have known about apartheid has always been brief, though still powerful. I related it to the civil rights movement in the states although I knew that, in a sense, the two deserved their own definitions. Initially, it was a normal museum to me. I entered a room which was centered on the life of Nelson Mandela, from his youngest days to his most recent days. That was great but expected as well. I was ready to move on at this point and I took it upon myself to enter another room with two walls filled with pictures and descriptions. I learned about the way the youth did what they could for survival even if it was immoral to some. I saw stories of kids who had lost their way, disobeying parents because the street life was more convenient than the education their parents wanted them to get. I saw overwhelming pictures of starving and sick children, crowded train stops (the one train and train station available for non-whites to get to and from work at the time), teens pick-pocketing whites in town, and children being shoved in the face by white men just for begging for money, just to name a few. At one point I was caught off guard by a sniffling sound which led me to look around and notice that I had been joined by another lady in the room who could not handle the intensity of the things she was seeing, leading her to cry. This was when I got lost in the museum, I was quite determined not to cry. Turning corners, entering rooms, seeing nooses hanging from the ceiling, reading the names of many prisoners whose lives were lost in the jails because of torture (documented as âsuicideâ), only because they were involved in the fight against apartheid. I forgot where I was and went even deeper into the museum and not noticing how far in I was, got to a dark room playing a simple 15 minute video that stunned me so much that I watched it twice. I think today may have been a hint at how this trip is really going to go for me. I'm almost embarrassed to say that I didn't know how serious this subject of apartheid was until today. But I know now, and I am heartbroken to know of the cruelty and seriousness of the matter. A day in apartheid and I was angry knowing that although those times had ended, things would probably never be the same. Yet I'm relieved to know that apartheid is over and a step has been made toward freedom.
Entry 1: Pre-land Butterflies
May 9th, 6:09 p.m. my time and 11:09 a.m. Chicago time
I figured I'd start my first entry with about 3 more hours of flight time left. I'm officially on my way to Johannesburg, South Africa. I left Chicago yesterday at 4:10 p.m on a flight to Amsterdam and arrived in Amsterdam around midnight Chicago time, 7 a.m. Amsterdam time. My layover was only 4 hours which went quick after me and some girls from the group walked around the airport for awhile and grabbed something to eat. We left Amsterdam at 10:25 a.m and that is the flight that I am still on now. I was really nervous about the flight at first, being 10 hours long and all, but fortunately, my body still thought it was night time and so I was asleep before the plane even left the ground. I slept for 5 hours straight and I've been up ever since, watching movies and now writing this entry. The sun has finally set outside so I know we're getting closer (since we won't be landing until night time). Airplane sleep still sucks. But man, I'm beyond excited to be one hour closer to landing. The fact that I am on my way to South Africa is still so real to me. I scare myself when I think about it because I have absolutely no idea what to expect. I don't know if I'll hate it and if I hate it, I'll be stuck there for an entire month. I won't be able to talk to my family or friends the way I would on a regular basis, will this make the trip even harder for me? What am I going to learn? How will I apply this to my life? I left Illinois during one of the most trying periods of my life, so what will be waiting on me when I get back? Did I make a mistake by registering for this trip back in the fall of 2012? If I think any harder right now, I'll give myself a headache. I'm happy that I made this decision, and no matter how I feel by the end of this trip, I'll still be glad to say I tried. I almost didn't make it, but look at me now. Â
My favorite part of all the words of encouragement & prayers Iâve received today was realizing that I have a remarkable group of people by my side. At one point I wasnât sure Iâd make itâŠbut look at me now. Proof that you can do anything you put your mind to if you leave it all up to GodâŠall it takes is a little faith. Iâm proud of myself even if no one else is! Amsterdam then South AfricaâŠIâll see yâall in a month! đđâđđâ
So in less than 24 hours I will be on an airplane headed to South Africa on what I consider to be the journey of a lifetime. Iâm seriously considering making a separate blog just to talk about my experiences there but I havenât decided yetâŠneedless to say, Iâm beyond excited. No one will ever know...
My thoughts are consumed...
With the fact that I will be in South Africa in a week. When I turned in my application, I didnât think I would feel the way I feel now. Donât get me wrong, Iâm excited about it! But Iâm also scared nowâŠ
but more than ever, I hope that I come back a better person. I hope I learn a life lesson while Iâm there. I hope that I come back ready to face everything that will be waiting for me when I step off the plane.Â
South Africa: 7 days, 10 hours and 25 minutesâŠ
Or be.
Confuse or be confused.
Break or be broken.
Leave or be left.
Suppress or be rejected.
đ
I need my life back under control ASAP! I have blessings waiting on me that I canât obtain until I get it together. And Iâm mad at myself because itâs taking so freaking long to figure this all out!
Smhhh. Patience. Peace. Hope.
Blah.
RESTART.
Operation Breaking Bad Habits & Addictions.