Honestly this whole thing is just gonna be super self indulgent, as all fan fiction should be. I need the creative outlet, lol. The mind can only hold so many imaginary scenarios with fictional characters before it starts taking up far more brain space than it should.
Iâm in a handful of fandoms casually; I donât really actively engage in any of them so this is my little baby step into that world. Iâll probably write for Supernatural, X-men, DC, and other things that arenât coming to my mind at the moment. Just whatever Iâm feeling like writing, basically!
As much as Iâd like to do fancy formatting and aesthetics, I know that it could end up being a barrier to actually posting for me if I feel like I have to make it look pretty, so Iâm going to try not to stress myself out with all that too much.
Youâre welcome to send me ideas; Iâm not confident enough to try and do requests of any kind yet though. That could change with time!
As far as rules go, I guess⌠be nice? Reblogs are welcome, comments are welcome, asks are welcome. Thanks for coming to visit!! I hope Iâll be able to write something for you to enjoy~
summary: you and sam try to navigate your inexperience and shyer tendencies
tags: inexperienced reader, shy reader, sam being the sweetiest and cutiest and helping you feel comfortable when youâre overwhelmed, use of sweetheart/honey
And you did care. Quite a bit, actually. So when you did finally get into a relationship with the gentle giant youâve come to know and love, you found yourself at somewhat of an impasse. Youâre not really sure how to express the affection you have for him, and it frustrates you endlessly that it doesnât feel easier to just⌠do normal couple-like things.
You werenât the most well-versed person in romance; not for lack of the desire for it but simply your life hadnât worked out that way thus far. Sure, some nights were lonely, but it was enough to just be living well with the people you cared about.
But Sam, observant as ever, has come to know exactly how you show your feelings for him. Heâs not even sure you realize that itâs what youâre doing, which is all the more lovely to him. It always brings a smile to his lips when he notices the way you take care of him almost subconsciously; bringing him snacks/water when heâs gotten lost in a book, suggesting a nap or a walk at just the right time when he needs it most. He thinks you might be psychic, or possibly just more maternal than you realize, the way youâre so tuned into his needs.
It makes his heart ache when you seem at a loss for the same amount of consideration being shown for you. Of course, that was how your relationship had come to be in the first place. He noticed you, and made it clear that he did. And yet every time it happens, itâs like your brain short-circuits a little. Youâre not sure how to take it. Leave it to Sam to remain heartbreakingly patient with you, though. He never seems to resent your little mini freak-outs; only ever meeting them with a gentle smile and kind eyes. He loves you even when you get spooked by love being given to you so openly.
In turn, you canât help but feel more and more frustrated with yourself. Heâs some patient angel of a man, and youâre some kind of Schrodingerâs cat for normal function. Fine when no oneâs observing you, but when youâve got those hazel eyes that follow you everywhere and knock you off your rhythm, youâre doomed. Heâs good at looking away when he can tell itâs making you too nervous, but your poor heart really canât take much more of this.
So you resolve to try and get more used to these things. You end up initiating more, curling up next to him during movies and linking your pinky with his shyly. He holds his breath each time, like heâs worried heâll scare you away if he makes so much as a sound. Youâre almost cat-like to him in that way, opening up to him slowly but surely. He feels like heâs won the lottery each time you get closer.
Linked pinkies turn into you playing with his long fingers, and for a moment you forget to feel nervous. His hand is so big and warm, and he just lets you mess with it to your heartâs content. He wouldnât dream of taking it away from you; as far as heâs concerned, that hand belongs to you now. You squeeze the pads of his fingertips, trace along the inside of his palm. He murmurs something about it feeling ticklish, which makes you smile softly despite yourself. The world feels quiet and good for once. No big bad to go hunt down, no apocalypse incoming. Just you and Sam, watching a movie youâve both seen plenty of times before, enjoying each otherâs company without any expectations.
â⌠thank you for always being so patient with me.â You murmur softly, your head having wound up on his shoulder a little while back. Your eyes are still trained on the movie, feeling a bit vulnerable in talking to him about this.
You watch his hand gently tangle with yours, giving it a reassuring squeeze. âThereâs nothing to be patient for, itâs not like Iâm waiting for something specific to happen. I just like being with you.â That soft voice of his is going to kill you someday.
You peek up at him, met with that tender look he gets when all he can think about is how much he adores you. He would love you just as much if you never gave him the time of day, so to him, every single moment with you feels like more than he could even ask for. A shy smile tugs at your lips, followed by a similar one on his. Maybe you werenât the only one who gets a little nervous with it all.
âI get a little⌠frustrated with myself, sometimes. I feel like I should be better at this by now.â
He hums thoughtfully, carefully brushing a lock of hair from your face. âI know you do, sweetheart. But yâknow, thereâs no timeline for this. I know you can feelâŚâ -He pauses to search for the right way to phrase it- âpent up, at times? Does that sound right?â
You chuckle softly and nod. Thatâs exactly how it feels. You care about him a lot and want to get comfortable with showing him right away, but your gremlin brain takes over and reminds you of how awkward you are, making you feel like a balloon thatâs been expanding dangerously for months without any recourse. All that love with nowhere to go except into little acts of service that feel safer to you than other displays of affection.
A soft chuckle escapes him as well, somewhat proud he was able to supply the right words for your experience. âWhich sounds understandably frustrating. But I think some of that frustration will lessen a bit with time, and as you get more comfortable with me and with being in a relationship.â
âAny way to speed up that process?â You quip with a bewildered half-smile, drawing a genuine laugh from him, his eyes crinkling warmly.
âI think youâre doing a great job already.â He promises with an earnest smile, eyes shining with adoration. He can see the efforts youâve been making to try and get more comfortable, and he would tell you how proud he is if he didnât already know youâd get embarrassed about it. He canât really hide it though, it shows in his expression as clear as day. Still, youâre grateful he knows you well enough to try and say it in a way that wonât make you shrink into yourself again. Thatâs one of the many things you love about Sam Winchester. He always considers you, from the way he talks to the way he looks at you.
You hum softly, heart fluttering gently in your chest. Itâs much more manageable than the usual hammering sensation he seems to cause in you. You turn your head back to the laptop screen, your cheek squishing against his shoulder. Any remaining nervous energy gets transmuted into the way you continue to play with his fingers.
â⌠Do you ever feel pent up like thatâŚ?â You ask softly after a while, realizing it could be hard for him to have to hold back on the ways he wants to show affection.
You peek up at him while heâs thinking, trying to intuit his thought process via facial expression. Heâs not one to lie, so youâre not worried about that, but you are deadly curious about his answer.
âYes and no?â Frustrating angel man. âFor the most part Iâm satisfied, but there are moments where I can get that⌠whatâs it called? Cuteness aggression?â
His answer draws a bright laugh from your lips, your eyebrows raising in surprise. âYou get cute aggression over me?â
He grins boyishly, making your heart nearly jump out of your chest. âThat I do. Sometimes unbearably so. Itâs a real problem, honey, donât laugh.â Your snort-laden giggle only makes his eyes shine brighter, wanting to hear more.
âSounds troubling.â You muse through your laughter, unable to hide your fondness for him. âHow does one even deal with such a problem, pray tell?â
âMy best guess is squeezing you to death, but that presents a whole new set of problems.â He jokes, awarded by another beautiful laugh from you, just as intended. He wants to be the one to make you laugh like this forever.
âI can imagine.â God, he loves your smile when youâre amused with him.
You think for a moment on his conundrum, still gazing at him with that empathetic gaze he loves so much. â⌠I mean⌠I might still get embarrassed about it, but you can hug me when you want to. When the cute aggression hits.â You offer, even though you know youâll probably get all weird about it when it really happens.
His features melt into a gentle understanding smile. He can tell when youâre trying to offer something youâre not fully comfortable with yet. So, he makes his counter-offer: âHow about⌠if youâre feeling up to the hug but still feeling kind of weird about it, we find some way to get those nerves out of your system afterwards?â
Your head tilts inquisitively, prompting him to explain more.
âWell, you seem to feel calmer when you have some sort of⌠outlet. Like with my hand.â He lifts your hand that had been messing with his. âIs there anything that you think could help get out those nervous feelings when youâre feeling overwhelmed? Any sort of immediate instinct on what youâd want to do?â
You pause to think. âPunch a wall?â
He has to bite back a laugh. Youâre too charming in his eyes. âMaybe something that would do less damage to you and/or the walls.â He pauses before lifting up both his hands, palms towards you, a little lopsided smile on his lips. âDâyou think hitting my hands would work?â
âWhat, like sparring?â Your eyebrows knit as you try to understand.
âYeah, kind of. Just getting out some of that excess energy.â He offers kindly, his head resting against the back of the couch as he continues to gaze at you warmly, his hands still lifted toward you.
Heâs so ridiculous. You might be the one with cute aggression now. You let out an exasperated little huff and take up his offer, your knuckles meeting his palms as if you were the worldâs least committed boxer. And yet somehow, the rhythmic impact of each gentle hit seems to genuinely ease the tightness in your chest, like clouds parting to reveal the sky after a storm. A soft sound of amusement escapes you.
âI canât believe this works.â You mumble, shaking your head with a small grin as you continue to hit his hands one at a time. Leave it to Sam to find a solution. âItâs weirdly calming.â
âDoesnât feel too bad on my end, either.â He muses, clearly enjoying the half-hearted fury of fists against his palms. In some ways, it seems to help calm him too. Heâs read somewhere about different types of self-regulation techniques before, but he had never really gotten the chance to try any out until now.
Eventually you run out of steam, your hands tangling lazily with his. Heâs never seen you look so unfazed by his touch and his presence before. Almost thinks heâs dreaming with the sheer serenity of the moment. He doesnât want to do anything to break the spell, so he just stares at you with a soft awe, filing it all away into his heart for safekeeping. His hands are yours to fiddle with as you wish. Now and whenever you need them.
You donât even realize the relaxed smile thatâs been on your lips for the past few minutes. Itâs like youâve been given a perfect preview of your relationship later on down the line, from when it will feel easier for both of you. The thought prompts your smile to widen as you return his gaze. You and Sam seem to meet perfectly in this gaze, like heâs witnessing the same sneak peek into your future. Thereâs both an ease and a promise being held in the air. You almost feel like you could laugh from how light your heart feels. Something about this moment has provided the reassurance that you needed; you can take as much time as you need to figure out how to exist with him, and it doesnât mean youâre falling behind. Heâll be ready to meet you where youâre at, wherever that might be. You just gotta let him into that turbulent mind of yours, and heâll keep you company as the storm passes.
Itâs like youâre able to see him more clearly in this moment, your nerves and anxieties having stepped aside for the time being. Heâs your Sam, and heâs happy youâre here with him. It feels good knowing one day, probably sooner than you realize, those worries that cloud your view of your time with him wonât be the ever-present third wheel tagging along on dates. Itâll just be you and Sam, together in clarity. You give his hands a squeeze, and his lips part into that wonderful smile. Things will be okay.
a/n: And thatâs my attempt at writing! Let me know if you liked it, I honestly donât know how to feel about it lmao
Iâm tagging @violained as their mystery anon that decided to start my blog because of themmmmm, they always write the loveliest stories and Iâve enjoyed getting to read them and send them little thoughts and things~ (*á´ÍËŹá´Í)ę¤*.ďž
