Depressing Things

i want a sad blog cuz everyone else has a sad blog and now it's my turn. SW: 215 CW:215 GW:180

[veryluckyclovers]

so epic

[bebx]

absolutely stunning midsommar dress by Kong Min Seon via instagram

[tgirl-thucydides]

[roomba-with-knives-taped-to-it]

For some reason the versions of this where he gives two salutes is being deleted and replaced with a version with a quick cut to a cheering crowd so I’ll just share it here 🙃

[volach-deactivated20230326]

“When the handle has snapped off the basket that held all your eggs…” gone girl tier monologue

[womenintheirwebs-archived]

wow she read them down

[wanderingjunkdrawer]

When you manage a fabric store in a midwest town, you see this played out in real time. Young women coming in during that first year of marriage - when their husbands go to dental college - pert, bubbling with creative plans. Then, four years on, you help them shift to the reality of balancing budget with creativity - and they learn the value of that inexpensive flatfold table that they used to badmouth - to make that 2nd & 3rd baby their own quilts. And they're exhausted. And they're scared. And they are 1000 miles away from family.

And you have your staff play with their kids while you hold them in the tiny restroom as they come completely undone because they just found out that their golden boy husband is having an affair with the someone he's been doing residency with for the past three years.

He confessed that he'd rather be with the other woman but she's of a different faith and it's more important to have kids than to be happy. And no. No he will not grant her a divorce. And he will not stop seeing the other woman - because he's a man. It's his right.

TRUE story.

Also - She was NOT THE ONLY ONE to fall to pieces in our store for similar reasons.

I loath the ideology of "tradwives". It is a false doctrine preach by Patriarchy not a divine being.

It is the nature of evil to hide this way.

.

[jeza-red]

This is 100% what happened to the host mom I've been au-pairing for. And to many other moms my friends have been au-pairing for.

Married out of college, 4 kids, he spent 15 years building up his career while she took care of the house and the kids. When he was earning $600k a year suddenly he started to pull away - she wasn't as pretty anymore, the kids were loud, the house was a mess... She wasn't good enough anymore. He got himself a flat. He got her me and my precedessors to help with the kids. No, they can't divorce, that would make him pay her money for the kids and he didn't like that. Every once in a while a bill would be unpaid. My weekly checks would bounce. We lived in a $1,5mil house around DC and our gas or water was turned off more than once.

Somehow he was always out of money.

By accident she learned from a friend of a friend that he was actually seeing a young lady lawyer for a few years now. It wasn't her, it wasn't lost interest. He was just a piece of shit.

Thankfully, she had family that took no shit and they stood behind her and borrowed her money for lawyers to force the divorce now that she had proof of him cheating. She's spent tens of thousands to get there while he was resisting every step of the way - because without divorce he wouldn't have to pay her alimony, he could just throw scraps whenever he wanted and still pretend to be a good dad.

She's spent tens of thousands and two years to free herself from this man, and when she could finally go to work (thank fuck she finished college) she was earning $25k a year.

She only managed to get away with the support of her parents and family. Through the au-pair grapevine I've known other families like that. Too many. Lady down the street tried to commit suicide when same happened to her - she was from Taiwan and had no support to get free. And people around scorned her for being "dramatic" - women who held on to their places with their fingertips talked shit about her, because their own husbands would never...! Right?

Right?

[techmomma]

This? This is the kind of shit that first wave feminists and suffragettes were fighting against. Hell, even into second-wave feminism.

This? Is why conservatives want to take away no-fault divorce--because if some dude says no to a divorce and you don't have any (IRON-TIGHT) evidence of cheating? Then you're stuck in that situation and he doesn't have to pay a drop toward you and your kids. He can go get a flat, fuck his mistress, and you will starve with your kids until you can get some kind of proof of him cheating and a judge who likes you.

Now imagine all of this horror movie shit, AND you can't open a bank account without this piece of shit opening it with you. That was what women dealt with until about the 70s when we were finally allowed to open bank accounts with a man's signature.

That is what conservatives and fundies want to take you back to. When this shit was just the fucking norm.

There are old white guys still alive who remember who damn nice it was when a woman couldn't open a bank account without a man's signature and his dad could go live a double life with a mistress with zero repercussions and oh how they slather and drool for those times. And how they have waxed poetic about these halcyon days to their desperate daddy-issues sons now eager to please and without the social skills or emotional maturity to understand the fucked up nature of it all.

I'm willing to bet there's like 2 or 3 Tradhusbands(tm) out there for every Tradwife you see, they just haven't found someone they can sink their claws into. Which should maybe terrify you. This Tradwife(tm) movement should really be considered a canary in the coal mine.

[wumblr]

after your parents die, it gets a lot easier to not say anything. i know this may be hard to believe because i've been stalwartly maintaining a 10-post-per-day average on here, but it is a relief to no longer have to lead by example for people slipping into senility or try to influence people whose flaws i have known my whole life, or to feel less like every event needs my opinion, and i wasn't even fully conscious that that was the underlying mechanism

or maybe you know like normal people don't have this role reversal where by the time they're about 25 they've outgrown their parents and they have to periodically give things like life advice on how to weather politically extreme times, i guess i wouldn't know. pull someone out of a cult and they revert to being the scared child they were when their development arrested, it's really sad to watch

the other thing that's been on my mind about this, five months on, is... well i guess it's like the anna karenina thing. happy families are all alike, and they do not understand people who aren't. every unhappy family is unique, and we have to come to understand both types of people, because if you say something that would simply get a knowing nod from an unhappy family person in front of a happy family person, they will usually think you are some kind of sociopath

but i don't think the problem is that it's beyond comprehension without experience. i think the lack of comprehension is more of an unwillingness to believe that anything can really be like that. they must be exaggerating, there could not be so much pain in the world, i could not bear that, it would make me feel guilty to have such an easy life when others don't, and so on... or at least, that's how i want to believe they think. because it's more kind

[soracities]

"Absolutely no one comes to save us but us."

Ismatu Gwendolyn, "you've been traumatized into hating reading (and it makes you easier to oppress)", from Threadings, on Substack [ID'd]

[eagans]

[escuerzoresucitado]

[cacodaemonia]

I know folks have been sharing this link on other posts, but &udm=14 works well:

[fangeek-girl]

You can add it as an extension to Firefox now: https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/udm14/reviews/

[sadblog-issad]

I spent 4 days straight at home with my fiancée now we’re not going to see each other for 9 hours while we’re at work and I miss him so much

[sadblog-issad]

I have been making a lot of jokes lately about "Just go on a walk at the park and look at nature, and maybe you wouldn't be so depressed. 🙄" or "Go outside and read a book in the sunshine and maybe youd feel better" and "Go take care of some plants then you wont have to battle depression."

Which is all funny and great and very true. Remaining active and getting out of the house is very important to your health.

But i just remembered it took almost a whole yesr of me living in an unrelenting supportive environment, where i feel 100% loved and 100% safe to even get the urge to find a hobby.

I remember being 3 months into living here and complaining that all i do is sleep. I barely help with chores, i barely cook, I still dont have a single hobby. I remember trying to convince Adam (my boyfriend) that I'M the problem i always try to blame places or people in my life for being toxic to my mental health. But here i am in a supportive and loving environment. Still. Wallowing. Obviously it's no one else's fault but mine that I'm like this.

I remember adam saying that I have been stuck in fight or flight my whole life. Its going to take more than a few months to make me better. It takes time. I remember begrudgingly agreeing to his remark, but not truly believing it myself.

But hey almost a whole year in and I'm feeling like a whole new person. I'm not perfect. I haven't cooked anything all week. But I sat in the sunshine and read a book. I go on walks. I take care of plants. I'm better about getting chores done. And I feel happier.

Idk i just wanted to journal

[blurrysins]

Darling you're doing great!!! It's gonna take time, but I'm glad you're coming into your own. And figuring out new hobbies and things you wanna do. I hope you know I'm proud of you for getting through everything you have, and very happy I've been able to help you heal from it all too. Know that no matter how long it takes, I'll always love you so so much.

[sadblog-issad]

Been almost a year since I wrote this. I would like to add I finally learned how to crochet stuffed animals. A hobby I’ve desperately wanted to learn since high school but I never had the drive or the motivation thanks to depression and undiagnosed adhd.

And idk I feel like something as simple as finally learning a hobby shows how much I’ve been able to grow in a loving and safe environment.

“Go outside and get fresh air” is great advice and all for depression. But means almost nothing if you’re not in the right environment to grow already.

I feel like there’s a poem here somewhere I just can’t write it.

[conscious-love]

You don’t build psychological resilience by feeling good all the time. You build psychological resilience by getting good at feeling bad.

Mark Manson

[sadblog-issad]

Your younger self asks “It gets better, right?” as if the answer should be a very obvious “yes.” Because she trusts that you would make things better she trusts that you would have been able to fix the problems you were facing.

But you have to face her and sigh “No, not really, not in the way you wanted at all. But we carved out a small space for ourselves and we’re very happy now. But it was really hard to get there. Things will be okay though, it takes time.”

“How much time?”

“Too long.”

[trans-wojak]

I swear to fucking god, do people even listen to themselves these days? Another stupid girl posting on Facebook that she’s supposedly “agender” but ain’t ever going to inform her parents about her precious gender identity because they won’t understand. That she will die without them ever knowing.

Do you know how privileged that is? Literally, your parents won’t even give a fuck. Why? Because you aren’t actually going to transition. Do you know what happens to ACTUAL transsexuals? We get kicked out of home, we get abused, our parents disown us. I was NOT put in conversion therapy and pushed back into the closet for fucking 9 years then made homeless just so some stupid girls can think “oh but I don’t feel like a girl, I’m fine with my sex tho” is on the same level as me.

My parents originally fucking were horrible to me, they put me in conversion therapy and you what that lead to? Me having such low self esteem that I believed being abused was normal, so normal that I got into a domestic violent relationship that lasted for 9 years. Conversion therapy actively encourages you to consider suicide as an option if you can’t live as your assigned sex. They break down your spirit, they basically try to convince you that you’re delusional. Leaving him meant I was left with NOTHING but not only that, I had already started testosterone and the changes were beginning to get too obvious for my dad to ignore. He literally made me homeless cause he refused to have me live with him until I could get my own place. Because now I wasn’t just looking like a dyke, I was now showing signs of true transsexuality.

Both my parents are better now, they have a lot of regret about treating me so poorly over my gender dysphoria - but they are not perfect. My mum will still run away and hide from people who knew me prior to my transition if I’m with her because she doesn’t want to defend me if they are nasty when they realise it’s [deadname] as a man now. My dad still uses she/her pronouns for me even though it makes people think he has dementia lol. He constantly thinks I’m going to kill myself because I will eventually regret my transition. He also thinks everyone can always tell that I’m trans even though I’m stealth in real life. He lets it slip that he thinks I will never find a partner, constantly tells my mum that he wishes I “just stayed as a lesbian butch woman**”. My mum thinks [deadname] and Mike are two different people, she thinks she lost a daughter, but gained a son even though I am the same person. She has said before that I killed her first daughter when we have arguments.

I am so sick of this non binary craze bullshit. Y’all don’t understand that transsexuals do not get the same benefits you do, you can hide being “trans.” You can put on your they/them pins at LGBTIBBQ meet ups but take them off to go back to your cis life. I cannot. My life is forever shaped by this bullshit, I am struggling so hard to change my name legally so EVERY TIME I do anything that requires that nonsense - people treat me like fucking shit. Cause they see a bloke in front of them but a legal female name, they know. Nurses are absolute trash to me if I ever go to the hospital because of my legal name. They use he/him until they see the paper work then do a condescending smile and use my deadname, she/her etc. Its rare that I have a decent nurse or doctor who ACTUALLY continues to treat me correctly.

Your non binary identity is based all on fucking sexist gender roles and without those, you wouldn’t have an identity. Mine is based on the fact my brain sex is male but my body was born female and I’m actively changing that to male.

We are not the same.

[fairylilies]

i’m so sorry if someone made you think it’s hard to love you

[sadblog-issad]

I have been making a lot of jokes lately about "Just go on a walk at the park and look at nature, and maybe you wouldn't be so depressed. 🙄" or "Go outside and read a book in the sunshine and maybe youd feel better" and "Go take care of some plants then you wont have to battle depression."

Which is all funny and great and very true. Remaining active and getting out of the house is very important to your health.

But i just remembered it took almost a whole yesr of me living in an unrelenting supportive environment, where i feel 100% loved and 100% safe to even get the urge to find a hobby.

I remember being 3 months into living here and complaining that all i do is sleep. I barely help with chores, i barely cook, I still dont have a single hobby. I remember trying to convince Adam (my boyfriend) that I'M the problem i always try to blame places or people in my life for being toxic to my mental health. But here i am in a supportive and loving environment. Still. Wallowing. Obviously it's no one else's fault but mine that I'm like this.

I remember adam saying that I have been stuck in fight or flight my whole life. Its going to take more than a few months to make me better. It takes time. I remember begrudgingly agreeing to his remark, but not truly believing it myself.

But hey almost a whole year in and I'm feeling like a whole new person. I'm not perfect. I haven't cooked anything all week. But I sat in the sunshine and read a book. I go on walks. I take care of plants. I'm better about getting chores done. And I feel happier.

Idk i just wanted to journal

[etherealghostdoll]

me trying to enjoy something: ☻

my brain: you can’t enjoy this because you aren’t skinny

me: ☹

[toxic-idiot]

Ohhhh my god ohh my god ohhhhhhh my god why do they always do this??? Why does everything have to be about them??