memory dump

i'm karamatsu. these are my memories. please message me if these sound familiar. user is 18+

[sadkaramatsu-blog]

@ anon hmm... i don’t have any memories of him, so i can’t say much... unfortunately, i don’t think that matches

[sadkaramatsu-blog]

dear anon: yes, i would like that

[sadkaramatsu-blog]

choromatsu

today’s ep was really validating. it matched my memories of choromatsu as someone who saw my anxiety and understood it. it made me miss him a lot. if you’re out there, i want to talk to you again

[sadkaramatsu-blog]

purpose

the reason i made this blog was to find canonmates and hopefully answers to my questions. i have laid out a number of memories on my page. please, please message me if you think you might be one. call me kara or K

[kinboxed]

[sadkaramatsu-blog]

memory dump 5: totoko

i have already found my totoko, just adding some memories of her to give more context to myself

we were best friends. we loved to sit on park benches and eat ice cream

i slept over at her house on her bedroom floor if my brothers were being mean. a rumor started that it was something more than that. too bad i was way too gay

i liked her in elementary/early middle school because everyone else did, but then i discovered...boys

we didn’t talk much in high school but reconnected as adults

[sadkaramatsu-blog]

memory dump 4: happy

other memory dumps were a bummer so

i loved to sew. mom gave me lessons starting in middle school

i also loved art. i liked to paint and make sculptures by gluing things together. i also liked glitter gel pens

i liked eating cream puffs

men’s fashion magazines were calming to me. i liked to sift through the pages and make notes of what i liked. also the scratch and sniff cologne pages

i really did love my brothers and they loved me, even if it didn’t feel like it sometimes

we would play board games or card games in the middle of the night and laugh and it made me feel so loved. sometimes our parents would come up and yell at us to quiet down though

todomatsu and i liked to play with makeup and nail polish. we had very different aesthetics but we had fun. sometimes we would give other brothers makeovers

[sadkaramatsu-blog]

call me kara

i won’t state my name or any identifying information about myself here. i’m just putting out feelers in case i have a canonmate around somewhere. i will tell more about myself in messages if it feels right

all i will say for now is i am over 18 and anti-incest

[sadkaramatsu-blog]

memory dump 3: high school

i came out as gay in high school. this is also when my mental illness got really bad. not a coincidence: i was bullied badly

mom was accepting but dad took a little while to adjust

i was in drama club. i had a crush on the president. it would be interesting to find him, too, but i doubt i will because he’s a non-canon character. i think we kissed behind a set once, but he didn’t end up feeling the same way for me as i did for him. i was crushed. but now i don’t even remember his name

i remember having frequent panic attacks and throwing up in the boys’ bathroom a lot. choromatsu helped me learn self calming techniques after he came home to me sobbing and rocking alone in our room

i walked home with my brothers every day. one day i came home with lots of bruises and a bloody nose. i wished they werent waiting for me but they were. i didn’t want them to know how badly i was getting bullied

i talked to todomatsu a lot after i came out. he was questioning some stuff too. i told him what i could. we bonded very strongly over that

[sadkaramatsu-blog]

memory dump 2: triggering

SERIOUS TRIGGER WARNING FOR SELF HARM/SUICIDE. DO NOT READ FURTHER UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO ENGAGE WITH THESE TOPICS.

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i was a cutter. big time. i covered it up with makeup so nobody found out for years. ichimatsu caught me in the bathroom one night. there were a lot of tears. he wanted me to recover because he used to do that too

choromatsu hated it. he freaked out and threatened to tell everybody. i begged him not to. he was mostly helpful to me with anxiety stuff, but not this. this gave me anxiety

i told todomatsu by myself. i felt like i could trust him because he was also the first person i told i was gay. he was sad. he didnt really understand why someone would do that to themself

i didn’t want osomatsu to know, but the three of them told him behind my back. i was mad for a while

we all tried to hide it from jyushimatsu. we thought he didnt need to know that. but he was more understanding than any of us thought

i was suicidal for a long time. i have a horrible feeling that i might have gone through with it. i don’t know though. maybe i survived an attempt or something, or maybe i just feel that way because i was suicidal for so long it felt inevitable. this is something im looking for to answer. please message me if you think you might be a canonmate and you know something about this

[sadkaramatsu-blog]

memory dump 1: me

i was not a happy karamatsu. i had severe depression and anxiety, possibly more. i also had some...issues with uhh. triggering stuff. (LINK TO MEMORY DUMP 2: TRIGGERING)

i miss my brothers. they really did care about me. i hope i didnt ruin their lives too much... i have a bad gut feeling abt what might have happened to me that would have been awful for them but idk. i kind of wish i could find a canonmate brother who might remember more...did i ever get better

i dont even care which one. i love all of them. they all knew sooner or later, too. ichimatsu was first...then choromatsu, then todomatsu, then osomatsu, then finally jyushimatsu (we tried to hide it from him lmao oops). i also wanted to hide it from osomatsu because wtf i cant be babied by him. but the others disagreed

i really hated being babied by osomatsu lol... kinda funny bc i was the biggest babier of the other 4 but. yknow. im a Big Man

meanwhile poor choromatsu was so freaked out...