You don’t steal someone’s car unless they love you
-- Sally, 1999
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@sallying
You don’t steal someone’s car unless they love you
-- Sally, 1999
Me: If Andy Kaufman came back today, it’s been so long no one would even get the joke
Huey: But wouldn’t he think that made it the best joke ever?
Me:
Me:
Me: Whoa…
Louie: Right?
Flashback
Pete: Maybe you can answer this question: Why does everyone dance holding one hand in the air? Sally: Because we have a beer in the other one
ALEXA, DAY 2
Pat: Alexa, play Russian music
Alexa: Sorry, you don't have that in your cloud music
Pat: Alexa, play Hungarian music
Alexa: Sorry, I don't have that
Pat: Damn, Sally what do you have?
Sally: I got this... Alexa, play 80's synth pop...
Pat: Alexa STOP
Sally: Alexa, play hair metal power ballad
*Tesla's "Love Song" comes on*
Pat: This song offends me
Sally: You're offended as the voice of a generation?
Pat: I'm offended as a DRUMMER!!
MY AMAZON ALEXA ARRIVED TODAY, AND SINCE WE UNPACKED IT, MY AFTERNOON HAS GONE LIKE THIS:
Pat: Alexa, what is the meaning of life?
Pat: Alexa, play some Irish music
Sally: ALEXA STOP
Pat: Alexa, how long do cats live?
Pat: Alexa, who invented liquid soap and why?
Pat: Alexa, put "gum" on my shopping list
Pat: Alexa, where is my shopping list?
Pat: Alexa, what is the weather going to be like in Alexandria, Virginia a week from Tuesday?
(Those of you with toddlers get it, I'm sure.)
Pat: Alexa, do I look fat in this?
Pat: Alexa, play some Irish music
Sally: ALEXA STOP!!!!!!!
Pat: Alexa, what do you think of Donald Trump?
Pat: Alexa, do you know who I am?
I’d love to be Bryce Harper’s dick, for just one day. Half a day. Hell, I’d take an hour"
I promised if I posted this, I would not say who it was.
I’m “Maybe I should call a cab to take me from the Starboard to the Rudder” years old, apparently
-- Sally, June 2018
Lately I’m more optimistic about the future of my marriage. I caught my husband on Tinder, so hopefully he’ll meet somebody soon
Overheard in Dewey Beach, probably
Bernie Guy: Your way doesn't help *everybody*
Hillary Girl: Your way doesn't help ANYBODY
Guy: But it could!
Girl: But it won't!
Guy: ...
Girl: ...
Guy: ...
Girl: So should we just go make out?
#Unity
Pro-tip: There is always a hotter girl.
Words to Live By
Get over yourself, Pete. My high school girlfriends aren’t calling up all offended that I made fun of cow-tipping…
Steve K, December 19, 2014
Out of town guest: What was that hole in the wall place we went to that time?
Sally: *Don’t say Dan’s Cafe*
OOT2: In Adams Morgan
Sally: *Don’t say Dan’s Cafe*
OOT3: Ya with the ketchup bottles
Sally: *Don’t*
OOT4: And airplane liquor
Sally: *Noooooo*
OOT1: Sally?
Sally: Um, I don’t know any places like that. Let’s go back to the Hill.
Because Adult.
Ralph: ... No, that was ANOTHER time Sally tried to use the men's room and got us kicked out of a bar
Rich: That happens to her a lot
Me: Ya, that's really all I get kicked out of bars for anymore
I hate playing "Never Have I Ever" - I always lose.
Overheard in Dewey
There's no excuse for being bad in bed. Unless you're drunk.
If Monica Lewinsky banged the President these days she'd be bigger than Taylor Swift.
Huey: What are you doing here?
Louie: Oh, you know, I had this move... so I came here to bust it.
"How I Met Your Mother"