[saltrose]

I have no one to talk to about this.

[saltrose]

My energy is so low today. I went on a 5km afternoon walk around the neighborhood just so I could get some circulation going, for my sore legs. Unfortunately I hurt my feet from wearing flip flops instead of sneakers. I thought it wouldn’t be a problem since my rainbows are broken in.

When I came home, I did a hair mask, ate a banana and drank some electrolytes before showering, moisturizing my body, blowdrying my hair, doing that whole bit.

I’ve also ordered a new workout set. To make getting ready for a workout easier.

Now all I have to worry about is what I’ll have for dinner. Sometimes it feels like the fitter I get, the more fuel my body needs and the less I can keep up with feeding myself well. My best bet is on taking it one day at a time and not stressing about nutrition too much.

[saltrose]

I’ve gone on a little shopping spree because I’ve accepted that I’m not going on a vacation anytime soon so I might as well enjoy my time at home at least for the next 6 months. Hence why most of my purchases consisted of sweatpants and t shirts, activewear sets, storage food containers, a curl styling cream…

After spending 2 years in and out of the country I really just want to revert to stability right now. It seems to be what my nervous system needs. I got a youtube premium subscription and a dream. To bring my resting heart rate to new lows.

Short-ish term I’m planning on de-cluttering as much as possible. My strategy is just to live daily life and discard whatever is in the way that’s weighing me down.

On a more present note I’m resting today but I’m doing it by integrating gentle movement like walking. No more sedentary resting, it’s been making my muscles stiff. It’s okay to sweat in between hard training days too.

[crescend0ll5555]

[saltrose]

I think I did very well today. I ended up going for that walk I told myself I’d go on since yesterday. I hope it stimulated enough circulation so that I can be fully recovered tomorrow.

I felt a bit stressed today and frustrated at times. I just let those feelings pass through me by noticing them. I breathed through the sensations and told myself everything would be fine.

The plan for tomorrow morning is to have some good fuel before crossfit. I roughly know what I’ll have for lunch after, so I’m not worried about it. I’ll just take it easy because my workouts do take a toll on me, so I’m chilling.

[saltrose]

My morning’s been nice. I had a good breakfast. I’ve decided I’m going to crossfit tomorrow, I’ll just have to stretch a lot beforehand if I don’t want to get seriously sore again.

My only struggle today so far was to figure out what to have for lunch that was filling and good. Something different so as to not get sick of my meal prep by having the same thing over and over again. I picked up a torta from a local food truck establishment. It was gloriously good… I feel satisfied and full. God bless. My problem solving skills are off the charts today.

When I drove back home, I saw a storm coming in the horizon. I love this part of summer. The days might be steamy hot but the evenings are windy wet.

I’ve been watching lots of paddy pimblett content on youtube. I was not familiar with him or anything ufc before he popped on my fyp upon a recent win of him a few nights ago. I’m happy I came across it. His personality is very refreshing. That’s what I’ve been doing in my downtime.

[saltrose]

Placed a fat free people order

What else is going on in my world… I got my period this morning and my hamstrings are still deeply sore, so I might not even go back to crossfit till Saturday. I might just take a long walk tomorrow so as to not stay sedentary.

In the afternoon I did an everything shower and then headed to the bank to run an errand and picked up a matcha latte on my way back home. Apart from that, lots of sitting on my laptop and laying in bed watching youtube today. A torrential downpour blessed the evening and made for good background noise.

I’ll be sleeping soundly tonight.

[saltrose]

I feel so good in the evenings compared to the mornings. Every morning I feel groggy and angry… it’s probably due to unprocessed emotions. If this persists I think I might book an EMDR therapy session. Because my level of stress in the morning is so hard to put up with. I don’t even open my eyes before I have an awful thought or a bad memory that puts me in the most awful mood. I’ll be already annoyed before even getting up. I have to hype myself up and borrow some dopamine from my phone because for some awful reason (I know exactly what reason) my brain doesn’t produce serotonin and dopamine in the morning, ever. So… I’ll have to address that soon.

But I won’t worry about it, I know it’s manageable and I know that it doesn’t stop me from working, eating and being optimistic. Life would just be so much brighter if I didn’t wake up feeling like it’s up to me to end world famine every morning.

I know I’m good because my evenings in contrast are so different. I’m happy and serene with no effort. Here are 3 things I was grateful for today:

1. really entertaining youtube content

2. my microsoft excel job

3. rest days

[saltrose]

No journal entry yesterday but know I had a productive day. Not because of any glamorous endeavor like going to crossfit or pilates (because it was a rest day) but because I declogged my bathroom drain and took the garbage out of my room. I moved stuff around in my room enough to free up space and make it more breathable. It really feels like I’m unclogging my arteries. Or like when I can finally breathe after being congested.

I don’t feel my best today. I however still had enough energy to cook a nice breakfast for myself this morning. I followed a quick yemeni lahsa recipe. It was good. I’m also having coffee even though it messes up my bladder. I’m making sure to enjoy it while watching football though.

I thank the heavens that I’m only lightly sore. Sometimes when it’s the 1st or 2nd day after a workout, I can’t even get out of bed. I may go back to crossfit tomorrow when my hamstrings fully heal.

I’ve been thinking of doing something with my hair but at the same time I really want to just keep my natural color anyway because it’s what will always harmonize best with my features. Plus, I don’t care for the maintenance of highlights. I think I’ll just get a haircut, even out my tone and that’s it. Not booking the appointment today since I’m still thinking about it, but maybe tomorrow.

I also want to get a new pair of everyday prescription frames and maybe a whoop band. The whoop band is kind of a stretch since I don’t need another wearable, but do I want one? I think about it constantly but I feel like it’s a milestone sort of gift to myself and not something I’d casually order a wednesday.

[saltrose]

Today was another rest day. I did some online shopping in the morning and ordered some pairs of black crew socks to match my black training shoes that are gonna arrive in the mail in a few days.

I went to my weekly massage and then had some fish for dinner. I’m happy that the tension on my shoulders and neck has gone down. After dinner, I showered and now I’m in bed about to fall asleep with a podcast playing, as per usual.

I was grateful for

1. the partially cloudy weather, where it’s not overcast but there’s enough clouds to lower the temperature at least a couple of degrees when it’s been too hot

2. the simple things, like a well-rounded breakfast plate or when my dog wags his tail just because I’m around

3. my autonomy. my ability to make decisions that revolve around my own wellbeing as opposed to pleasing others

[dailyeffectiveprayer]

This story was never meant to be powered by your strength alone. The Holy Spirit is the One who opens the right doors and arranges the right people. You are going to see favor you did not earn and opportunities you could not have orchestrated on your own.

[saltrose]

This evening went fantastic… I cooked a sole muniere and enjoyed it. Afterwards, I walked the dog around the block before it started raining.

I think that cutting down on stressors in my life has done me well. This evening to me was proof of that. During my walk with the dog, I noticed the red and purple clouds reflecting on a house’s windows. I noticed the little bit of rain drops that were starting to fall. I felt great to have seen another day and felt optimistic about the ones that I have yet to be enjoyed.

I’ve done a great job getting myself to this mental space and I’m sure it’ll get better from here. I should let myself expect great things and not worry so much about what could happen. I’m quite happy with my life.

What I appreciated most today was:

1. having a place where I feel 100% safe and can enjoy my own company

2. experiencing another beautiful summer sunset

3. cooking a kickass meal for myself

[saltrose]

I feel like I’m having kind of a hard time this morning. I think it’s due to muscle tension from yesterday’s workout. Yesterday’s workout included deadlifts and I wasn’t engaging my core as much as I should’ve, so my lower back muscles were compensating for the load. On the other hand, my period’s coming soon, so feelings are intense. Especially on a nervous system that’s still somewhat dysregulated, as I still wake up activated and depressed every single morning. It’s exhausting. After breakfast, I was forced by my body into a deep 20-minute nap. I felt significantly better after.

I wrote this in the morning and after writing this above, I set out the intention of enjoying today despite my ailments. I have now had a late lunch and soon, I’ll have dinner. I’m mainly focusing on reminding my nervous system that I am safe.

I feel much better right now and I’m ready for a calm evening.

[saltrose]

I feel pretty accomplished today… I did high intensity interval training in the morning and fueled accordingly throughout the rest of the day. I had much tv to watch with my meals, with the quarter finals of the world cup. I’m really pleased with how today went. Just in general, not necessarily pleased with the results of the games, just happy to have been entertained by something this afternoon when the only thing I could do was rest.

Today I was grateful for

1. The air in my lungs

2. Good energy and good vibes

3. Being in bed early

[saltrose]

Sole left defrosting in the fridge overnight. I’ll have oatmeal in the morning, then cook the sole when I come back from crossfit, which I’m already regretting that I set out to do because I’m still slightly sore. But I’m going anyways because then I can watch the world cup while feeling somewhat accomplished. I’ve even picked out my outfit for tomorrow. Now I need to get comfortable and catch up on sleep.

[saltrose]

Today is a filler episode since I only slept 5 and a half hours. I feel like I’m treading water. Good thing I have a football match to watch today, and tomorrow there’s two.

I’m particularly excited about tomorrow since I reserved a crossfit class. I have to be extra diligent about hydration today.

I’ll have oatmeal and some fruit for breakfast tomorrow so I can have lots of energy before the workout. I am so excited. I think I’ll be 90% recovered from DOMS.

[saltrose]

I got the coconut waters that I needed from costco today. When I got home, I had dinner then I walked the dog. As soon as our walk was finished, it began thunderstorming.

It sounds like it’s gonna rain all night. I’m not sure how I’d describe today. I woke up really depressed and it wore off throughout the day like it normally does. I wonder how much stress I actually have or if this is trauma residue, because I literally sleep 7-8 hours every night, so in theory I shouldn’t be waking up feeling dire. Whatever feelings I have I’m sure it’s my body asking for them to be acknowledged and processed.

Already have decided tomorrow will be another lazy day so I can fully recover from my last workout and go all out on Saturday.

Grateful for today:

1. Rainstorms

2. Good summer meals like tacos and coconut waters

3. Having air conditioning