saltyheartnightmare @saltyheartnightmare - Tumblr Blog

When You Know - Part 7

Note - Happy Birthday baby 🥺 i cant believe we made it to part seven this is nuts but thank you so much for all the love you've shown me on this one. the passion was always unmatched and as a special thank you make sure you read all the way to the end for a surprise 🩷

Pairing - Mason Mount × Reader

Word count - 10.1k

Warnings - fluff and angst

As soon as you heard the front door open from the kitchen, you smiled to yourself. Mason’s muffled voice carried through the hallway and the sound of it still made your chest tighten in that familiar way. It still felt a bit weird that he had a key to your front door and could come and go as he pleased but he was technically your landlord and you were getting used to him being around as much as he had been.

When you called out to let them know you were in the kitchen, Freddie’s footsteps grew louder. Little thumps against the hallway floor becoming quicker and louder until he was bursting through the door and running straight into your open arms.

‘Hey, baby’ you sang, his laugh already bubbling over as you scooped him up and pressed kisses across his cheeks and forehead until he wriggled and giggled in your arms. Protesting in the half-hearted way he always did when he secretly loved the attention until over his shoulder you saw Mason follow him in. Shrugging off his jacket and setting Freddie’s bag down on the counter like he was part of the furniture and it made your heart thump in the usual way.

Things between you and Mason had changed in a way that you couldn’t quite put your finger on in the last month or so. When you thought about it, they had been changing anyway for a while ever since he’d apologised to you all those months ago but you’d made it to the point of being somewhat friends again and figured things would stop there. Mason however clearly didn’t agree and seemed to be pushing the boundaries inch by inch everyday until you no longer knew where the line was.

He lingered even longer at the door when he dropped Freddie off like he was in no rush to leave and conversations that used to revolve strictly around nap times and packed lunches drifted into him asking how you were. Not because he felt like he had to, but like he genuinely wanted the answer and when you laughed, he smiled in a way that felt different now. Like he was seeing you again for the first time and you couldn’t help but blush each time he gave you that look.

You noticed how his eyes followed you when you weren’t looking, how his voice dropped when it was just the two of you, gentler than it used to be like he was being careful with you now and sometimes you’d catch him smiling at you from across the room unexpectedly. You’d ask him why but he’d just shrug and say nothing like he hadn’t realised he was doing it or didn’t want to tell you the reason.

Then came the compliments. Your hair looks nice like that or you look cute in that, it suits you sprinkled into everyday conversation like it was nothing but it made your cheeks pink everytime. The mere idea of him finding you cute impossible to you but with each new bit of praise that fell from his lips

You didn’t know why it was happening, you just knew that whatever it was had been sitting between you for weeks, waiting for one of you to be brave enough to say something and standing here in your kitchen on his birthday felt like you were balanced on the edge of something you weren’t quite sure of yet as he looked over at you softly.

‘Happy birthday, Mase’ you smiled and he grinned back at you bashfully. His warm smile still making your heart skip as it felt so familiar and so unusual at the same time.

‘Thank you’ he replied but before you could say anything else, Freddie was tugging at the neck of your jumper to get the attention back on him as he had something to say.

‘Tumble?’ He asked, the same cheeky smile on his face that Mason often wore and it hit you again at how similar they were right down to the little freckles that adorned his squishy cheeks.

‘You wanna watch Mr Tumble?’

‘Yes!’

‘Well maybe Daddy can go put it on for you while I finish your dinner, yeah?’ you suggested, lowering him back onto the floor and Freddie was quick to run and grab Mason’s hand without even looking back.

You watched them disappear down the hall, listening to Freddie chatter excitedly as Mason responded in that gentle, patient voice that had always made you melt before he was glancing back at you. Sending you a quick wink just before he rounded the corner causing you to giggle like a schoolgirl before you caught yourself.

Mason was only gone for a few minutes, popping the tv on for Freddie before he came strolling back in and without a word he took a seat at the kitchen island opposite you.

‘Don’t feel like you have to stick around, I know you've got dinner with the boys tonight’ you told him, hoping he’d tell you he wanted to stick around and thankfully he did just that.

‘It’s okay, I’ve got time’ he smiled.

‘Before I forget’ you mumbled, wiping your hands on a tea towel as Mason looked at you in confusion. ‘I got you something’

‘I already got my gift from Freddie’ he told you as he looked up, his eyebrows lifting slightly in confusion but you just nodded back down at the gift.

‘I know’ you smiled. ‘This one’s from me’

‘You didn’t need to do that’ he told you, shaking his head as a soft laugh left his lips and he leaned back on the stool.

‘Well’ you shrugged, reaching into the drawer beside you to pull out the small wrapped gift and he took it from you with a bright grin. ‘Don’t get your hopes up’

You were suddenly far more nervous than you’d expected to be, watching him frown slightly as he picked it up before his expression changed as he tore the paper open. It was a photo of the three of you. You, Mason and Freddie all close together with Freddie perched on Mason’s hip and one of his tiny hands gripping Mason’s collar while the other reached toward you. Your head was tilted toward them both, smiling in a way you didn’t even remember doing consciously but it was one of your favourites that was taken on Freddie’s birthday.

For a long moment, Mason didn’t say anything, he just sat and looked as his thumb brushed over the edge of the frame slowly like he needed the extra second to steady himself. Watching his jaw tighten just a little and when he finally looked up at you his eyes were softer than you’d ever seen them.

‘I… wow’ he said quietly, his eyes flashing between the photo and your face. ‘I love it’

‘I’ve got this weird memory of you telling me you didn’t have a picture of the three of us and that you wanted one’ you told him. ‘I might be losing my mind, so if I’ve made that up I’m really sorry’

‘No’ he said immediately, almost too quickly as he looked up at you again. This time his face was serious like he wasn’t sure if you were being truthful or not. ‘I did say that’ he confirmed, eyes dropping back to the photo.

‘Did you really? When was it? Because I honestly can’t think for the life of me’ you giggled but you noticed Mason wasn’t laughing along anymore. His face almost blank as he hesitated just for a second too long and you felt your heart sink at his sudden change in behaviour.

‘Oh- uh’ Mason started, shifting slightly on the stool as you watched the cogs turn in his brain and you knew whatever he was about to say would be a lie ‘A few weeks after Freddie’s birthday I think’

‘A few weeks after his birthday?’ you repeated slowly, your eyes narrowing a fraction as you watch him twiddle his fingers together awkwardly.

‘Yeah’ he nodded, still not looking at you. ‘Something like that’

You wanted to push. The timing didn’t quite add up and his evasiveness only made you more curious but there was something in his voice that made you stop yourself. Whatever that moment had been for him, it clearly meant more than he was ready to explain so you let it go for now.

‘Well’ you said softly ‘I remembered it recently and thought… maybe it was time we fixed it’

‘Well thank you’ he nodded before opening his mouth ready to speak again. You noticed no words came, almost as if he was debating on if he should say what he wanted but in the end he went with it. ‘You know, nothing could ever top what you got me two years ago’

‘What did I get you?’ You asked, your mind reeling back to that day surrounded by his family but his soft smile answered for you.

‘The night you told me you were pregnant. Best birthday I ever had’ he nodded and your breath caught. Tears springing to your eyes immediately as you thought about that night in bed when you told him he was going to be a dad and you had to turn away from him so he didn’t see how emotional it made you. ‘This is good too though’ he chuckled. ‘You know you didn’t have to get me anything’

‘Why not? It wasn't expensive or anything’

'I know' He nodded, still holding it between his hands and looking at it fondly before he finally glanced up at you. 'It means a lot' he told you and there was something in his voice that made you stop and turn the stove off and give him your full attention. You hadn't seen him this emotional and on edge probably since you'd known him and you were unsure if you should say something. Eventually giving in and leaning on the island opposite him so you could give him your full attention.

'You okay?' you questioned, watching him exhale slowly and you knew that look in his eye instantly. You'd see it only once before, the night he told you he couldn't be with you anymore and you knew he was holding back with something he wanted to say. Holding your eye contact for what felt like a lifetime before he broke it suddenly. Looking down with a huff before raking his fingers through his hair and gulping hard.

‘I’ve been trying not to do this for weeks now but I can’t anymore’

'Do what?'

'Say something I can’t take back’

‘I don't understand’ you gulped, your heart dropping to your stomach at how distressed he seemed and the only way you could see this conversation ending was with him telling you the picture of the three of you was too much and he wanted out again. Backing up away from him as if physical distance might make the pain lessen and even though this was the last thing you wanted to hear right now you let him carry on.

'I know it’s my birthday and this isn’t fair timing and I know I’ve already pushed my luck' He sniffed, rubbing his palms together with his eyes fixed on the counter. 'But I can’t keep pretending this is just… easy co-parenting anymore'

'Then what is it?' you questioned, knowing you didn't want the answer but you needed it so if you needed to, you could finally move on from him and get on with your life. Yes it would be hard, things had changed and he'd made everything so easy lately yet you knew this had to be your final straw.

'I don’t want to be on the outside of your life anymore'

'Mase' you said carefully, eyes filling with tears even though you weren't exactly sure what he was trying to say so you tried your hardest to keep calm. ‘What does that mean?’

'It means that I don't expect anything from you and I don't expect you to feel the same at all after everything' he continued, voice low and measured as if he was really thinking about what he wanted to say. 'I’m not asking you to forgive me, I just need you to know that I want you back. Properly. Not just as Freddie’s mum but as you'

Your chest tightened instantly, the words you were predicting to come out of his mouth being the complete opposite to the point where you didn't understand what he was saying for a while.

'You don’t… you don't get to say that like it’s that simple' you tell him. Your shoulders relaxing as you realised what was happening and the last few weeks suddenly made a whole lot more sense in your mind.

'I know' he says immediately. 'That’s why it’s taken me this long to say anything. I know I shouldn't have a right to feel these things and i know how complicated this makes everything'

'You hurt me, Mason' you sniffed, your brain not sure what else you should be saying but you could see the way your words hit him like a ton of bricks.

'I know' he repeated and this time his voice broke just a little as he carried on. 'And I live with that every day'

'You don’t get to just… decide you want me back'

'I’m not deciding for you' he told you quickly, standing from his chair and attempting to make his way around to you yet you were glued to the spot. 'I’m just telling you where I stand, that's all. The rest is for you to decide' he said. Stopping right in front of you but just far enough away so you weren't uncomfortable. ’I’ve changed, I’m not the man who walked away anymore. I want to come home to you both and I want to try again if you’ll even consider it'

Your pulse was racing now, a thousand thoughts colliding at once in your brain as you struggled to comprehend what was happening and the fact Mason was so close wasn't helping you at all.

'This doesn’t just affect us' you told him 'There’s Freddie'

'I know' he nodded. ‘I just… well when you told me you felt the same-‘

‘What?’ You cut him off, your blood running cold at his words. ‘When did I ever say that cause I certainly don’t remember’

He held your gaze for a long moment, jaw tightening almost as if he didn’t want to tell you but then he exhaled slowly, like he’d been holding his breath for weeks and this was finally his release.

‘You really wanna know?’

‘Yes’

‘Okay’ he said, voice quiet like he was thinking about how to word what he wanted to say. ‘It was the night I looked after Freddie here, you came home after going out with Lu and her sister’

‘What? I don’t remember’ you told him, your cheeks heating up as you realised you didn’t have much recollection of that night after you’d arrived home and you wondered now if you even wanted to know what he was about to tell you.

‘You were drunk’ he continued, not unkindly but his words came with a certain weight that made your eyes sting. ‘I thought you’d been out on a date and you asked if I was jealous. I said no but I really fucking was, like the thought of you with someone else and Freddie having to call someone else dad... it tore me apart. And then you told me how much I hurt you and how angry you still were and then you said… you said you still held onto some feelings for me’

You opened your mouth, then closed it again. The room impossibly quiet now and you weren’t sure who was supposed to speak next.

‘And then you went to bed’ Mason said. ‘And you asked me not to go so I didn’t. I stayed and I held you until you fell asleep cause that's what you wanted’ he swallowed. ‘You happy now?’

Happy? That definitely wasn’t to word you would use and your heart ached as you looked back at him in confusion.

‘I-’ you started. ‘Mase, I-’

‘It’s been eating me alive ever since’ he interrupted, finally looking away. ‘You know? Because you said all of that and then the next morning you didn’t remember and I didn’t know what to do with it. I didn’t want to throw it back at you, or make it into something you weren’t ready for so I just… kept it’

‘I didn’t mean for that to happen, this is why I don’t drink that often’ you told him with a smile, trying to make a joke in hopes of easing the tension and thankfully you saw a ghost of a smile on his lips. Reaching for his hand before you could talk yourself out of it and he stilled before lacing his fingers through yours like it was something you did everyday. The sensible part of your brain shutting off as all you could think about what was happening right now and the way his soft eyes lit up as he looked at you transported you back to the early days of your relationship.

‘I’m glad you told me’ you said quietly.

‘I am too’ he nodded. ‘Even if the timing’s shit It’s just… you gave me hope that we might be able to turn this around and get back to where we were-’

‘Daddy!’ you both heard Freddie suddenly call from the other room. the sound of his voice making you both jump ever so slightly but you could see the slight smile on Mason's lips.

‘Our son, much like myself, has impeccable timing’ he huffed causing the ghost of a smile to fall over your lips. Mason squeezing your hand before quickly running into Freddie to see what was wrong.

As soon as he was out of the room his phone buzzed. You didn’t mean to look but it was face up and unlocked on the side and you read the text without even thinking.

Mason came back in moments later, drying his hands on his jeans which could only mean Freddie had split something but that was the least of your worries right now.

‘Everything alright?’

‘Your dinner, it’s not just the boys is it?’ you asked, cutting straight to the point as you didn't want to mess around and you noticed him stop short whilst looking at you questioningly.

‘What?’

‘I saw your phone’ you said confidently, meeting his eyes without apology as you didn't care that you’d been snooping. ‘I didn’t mean to look but… well it looks a lot like a couples dinner’

‘Two of them are bringing their girls. I’m going with Alex’ Mason nodded, following your gaze to the counter where his phone was and then back to you.

‘And who’s she?’

‘He’ Mason corrected gently, taking a few closer steps towards you. ‘Finley’s brother. We grew up together’ he told you but before you can say anything in response Mason’s phone was ringing. The sound sharp and intrusive in the quiet and you both jump as it knocks you out of the staring contest you’d found yourself in.

Neither of you moved at first but as the sound finishes he glanced down at the screen. His jaw tightening before he looks back at you like he doesn't want to say what he's about to.

‘It’s Finley again’ he says quietly. ‘I need to head out or I'll be late’

‘Okay’ you replied, hugging your arms around your middle as if to shield yourself but he stepped closer. Stopping just short of touching you so he was closer than he was before and your breath caught as his eyes locked on yours.

‘Can I come back later?’ he asked. ‘After dinner. We don’t have to talk if you don’t want to I just… I don’t want tonight to end like this’

You held his gaze, your heart still racing with all your raw feelings still simmering beneath everything else yet you didn't know if you should agree to it or not. Saying yes felt dangerous yet if you said no you knew you'd be lying to yourself.

‘Maybe’ you told him finally. Relief flashing across his face before he reigned it in, nodding as if he knew better than to push you but you could tell he was relieved.

‘I’ll take maybe’ he agrees, hesitating at the door as his hand rests on the handle. ‘Just know, I meant what I said, yeah?’ he added. ‘About staying. About all of it’

You don’t answer but he gives you one last look before quickly nipping into Freddie and then disappearing into the night. The click of the front door closing behind him echoing through the house and all you can do is stand there, heart pounding and wondering how to keep yourself occupied before he came back.

It took you a moment, but you shook yourself out of everything and did what you always did in times like this. Focused on Freddie. You made his dinner, cleaned the kitchen again even though it didn’t need it, packed his lunch for tomorrow and did anything that kept your hands busy and your mind from replaying Mason’s voice.

His words echoed anyway.

You checked the time, then told yourself not to think about anything too much. Joining Freddie in the living room for a chat like you did most evenings now his speech was getting there and you couldn’t wait to see what he had to say tonight.

‘Did you have a nice day with Daddy?’ you asked him softly, brushing your thumb over his chubby knuckles as he sat on your lap and looked up at you with the same big brown eyes as Mason.

‘Yes’ he giggled, the tiny lisp at the end melting your heart instantly and you smiled back at him just as widely as he was smiling at you.

‘Yeah?’ you nodded. ‘What did you and Daddy do?’

‘Park’ he clapped, his face scrunching up in concentration like it always did when he was trying to find the right word. ‘Swing’

‘You went on the swings?’ you asked, already picturing it perfectly. Mason pushing him gently, crouching down to eye level every time Freddie laughed too hard like you’d seen a million times before.

‘Yeah’ he nodded ‘High!’

‘High? Daddy’s brave then’

‘Daddy’ Freddie echoed happily, patting your chest before pointing vaguely toward the door like Mason might still be there and your heart broke as he looked around for him before looking up at you in slight confusion.

‘Don't worry, you’ll see him soon. In the meantime, how about we put our jammies on and then we can put one of your films on yeah? Get some snacks and have a cuddle’

‘Yes!’ He laughed, the idea of a movie night exciting him clearly but you were only 20 minutes into Moana when you felt his little body go heavy in your arms. His soft snores melting your heart as he cuddled close into your body and your wrapped the blanket around you even closer.

Your mind kept drifting back to the kitchen though no matter how hard you tried.

The way Mason had looked at you when he finally said it. Not hopeful or demanding, just honest like he’d finally given into his feelings.

I want you back.

You swallow hard, fingers brushing absently through Freddie’s hair as he snoozes against you and the weight of him grounding you. A gentle reminder of what’s at stake and of how much you’ve had to hold together on your own.

You’re not angry at Mason anymore.

But you’ve not fully forgiven him either.

You thought about the nights you cried after Freddie was asleep and the mornings that you pulled yourself together because there was no other option. The version of yourself who learned how to survive without leaning on anyone other than you and you’d be damned if you let Mason undo that with one conversation. He didn’t get a clean slate just because he finally found the right words and you knew when he eventually came back you wouldn’t let him off easy.

Freddie suddenly let out a sleepy sigh, his tiny hand curling into your top and you pressed a quick kiss to his hair as your chest tightened

‘You’re my priority, Freddie’ you murmured quietly, hoping one day he’d know how much love you felt for him. ‘Always, yeah? You’re my best friend and nothing changes that’

You popped Freddie to bed when the film was over and you were half-asleep yourself when you heard the front door go but you were only startled for a half a second. You knew it was Mason, listening to the familiar sound of him placing his keys carefully on the side table, slipping his shoes off instead of kicking them away before hanging his jacket up at the door. Mason moved like he knew the space as well as you did and as he climbed the stairs carefully, you sat yourself up in preparation of him coming to see you.

There was a pause outside your bedroom door and you could almost envision him standing there with his hand poised to knock but before he managed to, you quietly called to him to let him know he could come in.

The door opened slowly, Mason stepping in like he was afraid of waking you up but you hadn't been asleep at all yet. The room lit only by the streetlight spilling through the curtains and you watched him carefully as he came over and stood at the foot of your bed.

‘You’re back early’

‘I left, couldn’t really concentrate on anything else’ he told you quietly and you could tell he was unsure of himself. His hands shoved into his pockets as he stood there and whilst tension and defensiveness from earlier was all but gone, tiredness and relief was left in its wake. ‘I didn’t know if you’d still be awake’

‘I was’ you said, hiding your hands in the cuffs of your long sleeve top before wrapping your arms around your waist. ‘Couldn’t sleep’

He nodded like he understood exactly why, raking his fingers through hair before scratching his beard like he always did when he was nervous.

‘Can I?’ He gestured vaguely toward the bed, stopping short of asking outright if he could join you but you just nod. Watching him perch on the edge opposite you as he kept his head down and after a few seconds of staring at the pattern on your quilt he exhaled like he’d been holding his breath all night.

‘I didn’t stop thinking about you all night’ he told you softly. ‘About what you said, about what I said. Everything feels so weird and broken’

‘You don’t have to fix it tonight’ you murmured, watching him finally look you in the eye and his sad smile nearly broke your heart.

‘I know’ he replied. ‘But I want to, I hate feeling like this’

‘Me too’ you agreed, the awkward tension killing you so you took it upon yourself to break it slightly in hopes he’d figure out you were joking with him. ‘I’m still mad at you’

‘I know’ he smirked, his silly smile making your heart thump as you felt your shoulders relax and you couldn’t help but smile back at him.

‘But I’m glad you came back’

‘Me too’

The room grew quiet again, the steady rhythm of his breathing almost sending you off to sleep but you knew he was just figuring out what he wanted to say next.

‘I’m sorry’ he said eventually. ‘For all of it, yeah? For leaving, for not fighting harder, for thinking I had to have everything figured out’ he carried on. His voice low and steady, like he’d had this conversation with himself a hundred times already but was now ready to share it with you. ‘I thought being strong meant not needing anything and not asking for help but when you needed me and I didn’t know how to… I panicked. I thought I wasn't strong enough for you at all at that you deserved better than me’

Your throat tightened, all of your emotions bubbling up inside you to the point you felt like you were about to burst. You felt hot, sick and faint at the thought of finally having this conversation with him but you’d been waiting months for anything from him so you let him speak.

‘I see it now’ he nodded. ‘How unfair it all was. To you, to Freddie and to us. Becoming a dad changed me, you know? It's really made me realise how much I have to lose’

‘You didn’t always act like it’

‘I know’ he said quietly, lacing his fingers together as if he didn’t know what else to do with them. ‘But I do now. Every day I wake up thinking about how to be better, how to be someone Freddie can rely on. Someone you can rely on. I don’t want to be the man who walks away when things get hard anymore’

‘Wanting it and doing it are different things’ you told him, wanting to give him a bit of a hard time but you were happy to see he wasn’t shrinking or backing down. He welcomed you challenging him like it gave him another chance to prove he’d changed.

‘I know’ he agreed immediately. ‘That’s why I’m not asking you to believe me just because I say it. I know I’ve got a lot to prove and you’ve not even seen the tip of the iceberg yet’

‘You mean that?’

‘Of course I do’ he told you as he exhaled slowly. ‘I want to show you over time. In the boring moments and the hard ones. I want to be there for bedtimes and arguments and nights like this where nothing’s fixed but we don’t give up anyway’ he chuckled, his voice becoming animated as he shuffled a little closer to you and you felt your body automatically lean towards him.

‘And if I doubt you?’

‘Then I stay’ he replied without a pause, like it was the most simple question in the world. ‘I listen and I don’t disappear. I want us to be a family again. Not just on paper and not just for Freddie cause that’s the easy option. I want it because I love you and because I choose you’

Tears pricked at your eyes instantly, unwanted but unavoidable. You’d never thought you’d hear those words from him again and now you had you didn’t know what to say back to him. Wondering if the words had slipped out by mistake or if he meant them but by the way he was looking at you, you knew it was the latter.

‘Mason I… I don’t know if-’

‘I don’t need you to say anything’ he smiled. ‘I just need you to know and for the chance to prove that maybe one day you might want to say it back. I’ve loved you this whole time, you know? Even when we weren’t together and I pretended I was fine but I was fucking petrified’ he laughed. ‘Scared to try and get you back and mess it up all over again so I stayed quiet and I played it safe but I don’t want to do that anymore’

The room felt unbearably still, trying your best to take in what he was saying as he’d obviously had time to think about it but you were frozen. His words whirring around in your brain and before you could say anything he was talking again.

‘I’m not asking you to forgive me’ he said softly. ‘And I’m not asking you to forget what I did. I just need you to know that I didn’t stop loving you, I just didn’t know how to come back without hurting you again but if you tell me you don’t feel the same I’ll respect it. I’ll still show up for Freddie and for you but I just needed you to know the truth’

Silence settles between you again, but this time it’s heavy with understanding rather than uncertainty. Deep down you knew how you still felt about him but you needed more from him than a few promises.

‘I just need some time, I think’

‘You can have all of it’ he agreed, sliding even closer to you until your legs almost touch before reaching his hand out to you. ‘I’m not going anywhere’

He didn’t press, didn’t reach out to touch you he simply left his hand there in hopes you reach back and after a second you did. His hand warm and familiar in yours and you felt your skin tingle all over. His touch making you quiet for a long moment as you stared at your linked fingers and the touch of his skin on yours gave you the courage to speak.

‘When you left’ you mumble finally, your voice low and emotional ‘I don’t think you ever really understood what that did to me’

‘Tell me’ he gulps, knowing this was about to be a hard conversation but you knew there was no way you could move on without speaking your mind.

‘I was pregnant’ you continued, your throat tightening almost as if your body didn’t want to tell him anything and upset him but you knew you had to carry on and make him realise. ‘I was exhausted and terrified and my body didn’t feel like mine anymore. Every emotion felt too big, like I was one wrong breath away from breaking and then just like that you were gone’

Mason’s grip on your fingers tightened ever so slightly, the weight of your words finally sinking in.

‘I’d never felt that vulnerable before’ you gulped. ‘I didn’t know how to ask for help without feeling like a failure and all I kept thinking was if I’d just been… different, you might have stayed’

‘You shouldn’t have had to think that’

‘But I did’ you replied. ‘Every day I did and even though I still want you and still feel things for you, when you talk about coming back and about being a family it terrifies me because letting you in again means risking that kind of hurt all over again’

‘It breaks my heart to hear you say that but can’t sit here and tell you not to feel that way’ Mason sniffed, lifting his free hand to your face so he could gently brush beneath your eye and catch a tear you didn't realise had fallen. ‘You’re right to be scared. I broke your trust and I know it won’t come back because I want it to. I can’t promise I’ll never mess up again but I can promise I won’t leave you on your own. I won’t let you carry everything by yourself’

You closed your eyes, leaning into his touch as his hand came around to cup your cheek. The pair of you shuffling even closer until you were practically in his lap and your breath caught at close you now finally were.

‘I want you to tell me when you’re scared’ he continued. ‘When you think it’s all too much. I want to be there for all of it’

‘You make it sound so simple’ you laughed, the sound coming out a bit broken as you were so emotional and the sad smile on his face made your heart hurt.

‘Well I know it won’t be’ he admits. ‘But I think it’ll be worth it. You don’t have to decide anything tonight, I’m not asking you to trust me fully yet, just let me be here and let me earn it’

‘Okay, but I’m still scared’ you whispered, a little laugh escaping you and he grinned back at you like he always did.

‘I know, but you’re not alone in it anymore’ he smiled, the fact that you’d somewhat agreed to giving him a shot making him grin and his joy was contagious as you started smiling back up at him.

'I can’t believe this is happening' you whispered, the words almost lost between you but Mason let out a soft laugh and you found the courage to nestle into his neck. 'I never thought you’d look at me as anything other than Freddie’s mum ever again. It’s not exactly got a line of people out the door waiting on me’

'Even if you did I’d be at the front of the queue' he told you easily, his eyes never leaving yours as he softly stroked your knuckles with his thumb and you laughed at how cheesy he was being.

‘You’re insane'

'Maybe' he admits, lips twitching as he shrugged his shoulders 'But you forget, I’ve loved you since the first time I saw you'

'Mason, I had a mask on the first time you saw me' you reminded him but he was giving you a look like you both knew it didn't matter.

'I could see your eyes though. Most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen' he winked and for a second, it’s like the years folded in on themselves and suddenly it was 2023 again.

Mason had barely been in Manchester five minutes the first time you met him. It was late afternoon when the call came through, a friend of a friend frantic on the other end of the line asking if you could take an emergency booking. You’d nearly said no, It was last-minute and the day was already practically gone but the money was too good to ignore. So you packed your kit, pulled on your coat and headed out the door.

By six o’clock, you were sitting in a ridiculously posh hotel room, filing the old polish off Debbie’s nails while she chatted away about schedules and last-minute chaos when the door burst open without warning.

Mason walked in like he owned the place, his hair an ungodly mix of bleached yellow ends and dark brown roots that somehow made him look ridiculous and charming all at once. But it wasn’t the hair that caught your attention.

It was his smile.

You tried to focus on your work, tried keeping your eyes down and remain as anonymous as you could but the sound of his voice nearly broke your cover

'Is Jaz about? I’ve got the dye' he asked, his eyes scanning the room like he was trying to find her except they kept landing on you every few seconds. Curious and unmistakably interested and you felt your mouth dry instantly.

'She’s just popped back to her room, she’ll be back in a sec' she told him before turning toward you. 'That’s Mason. Ignore the nest on his head, we’re trying to fix it by tomorrow morning'

'Hey' he protested lightly, hands raised like he was shocked at her words. 'I had a free summer, I was experimenting' he explained but his eyes were still on you and you were suddenly very grateful for the mask covering half your face, because you could feel the heat rising in your cheeks.

'Whatever you say, love' Debbie teased, rolling her eyes before smiling at you. 'You can wait here with y/n and me. Jaz is getting her nails done after me, so you two need to be quick when she's back'

Your eyes met when she said your name, and Mason’s smile widened like he was trying and very much failing to hide it but before anyone could say anything else Jaz returned. Sweeping Mason away with her toward his room to sort out the disaster on his head so you barely had time to process the interaction before they were gone.

When Mason burst back into the room later, you almost forgot how to breathe.

Gone were the god awful crispy, yellow ends and in his place stood someone impossibly handsome. His new dark hair neatly styled, jaw sharp, eyes bright and still smiling like he had been the whole time you’d known him.

You were finishing Jaz’s nails, her leaving him to dry and style his hair when she was done dying it and you were desperately thankful the mask was still hiding your face as he leaned against the doorway. The heat in your cheeks travelling down your neck and you feared someone would call you out on it soon.

'That’s so much better' Debbie said approvingly, grabbing his cheeks and squishing them until they flushed. 'Promise me, no more blonde ever again'

'I guess so' he chuckled, clearly embarrassed about the way she was fussing over him before his attention shifted to you.

'What do you think, y/n?' he asked, his voice soft as he said your name for the first time and you nearly choked as your eyes met across the room. 'An improvement on before?'

'Very much so' you managed, forcing your voice to stay steady and not give yourself away but thankfully everyone seemed to be none the wiser.

'You’re welcome!' Jaz shouted across to him causing Mason to laugh. His eyes still on you like the joke was shared just between the two of you but you were the first to break. Finishing off Jaz’s nails so she could compare hers with Debbie’s and just as you were about to pack up Mason took up the seat she was just in opposite you.

'You having yours sorted out while you’re here Mase?' Debbie asked him with a laugh. ‘You could do with a bit of a tidy-up at least'

'I don’t think y/n would have much to work with' he admitted with a laugh, looking down at his hands and turning them over before he tucked them under the table so you couldn't see them. 'Bit of a lost cause’

'Nonsense' Debbie scoffed. 'She works miracles, I don't think mine have ever looked this good’

'What do you reckon?' he asked you, his brows raised questioningly as your eyes flick up to meet his and even though your mind was blank at the sight of him, you managed to stutter something out.

‘I think you’re doing alright as you are'

You could see the bridge of his nose deepen in colour at your words. Debbie and Jaz’s conversation fading into practically nothing as the pair of you looked at each other softly. His handsome face locked in on yours and you wondered if you needed to say something else before he spoke up himself.

'Can I ask you something?'

'Yeah?' you nodded, your ears buzzing as the blood rushed around your body in anticipation of what he might say and for once you couldn't read him.

'Are you ever going to take that mask off' he asked, eyes dancing now as he noticed your brows shoot up at his question. 'Or is that part of the mystery?'

‘Oh- um. Well usually I do I just…’ You trailed off, suddenly aware of how exposed you would feel revealing your face to him but you also realised how silly you must have looked with it still on.

'No pressure' he said immediately, softer now like he wasn’t trying to force you. 'I was just curious'

You hesitated for another second, then without thinking too much about it you reached up and hooked the elastic off one ear and then the other. The mask slipping away into your lap where you held it loosely in your hand like a lifeline before cautiously looking back up to Mason.

Mason went very still for a moment, almost too still to the point he'd made you worried that you’d made a mistake until his expression shifted like he’s forgotten where he is.

'Oh' he breathed almost to himself but your heart was pounding at his reaction.

'Oh… bad oh?'

'No. No, definitely not.' He smiled, shaking his head quickly like he was afraid he’d upset you. 'You’re… yeah’

'It’s alright, you don’t have to-'

'I really do' he replied, cutting you off as he leant forward and met your eyes steadily. 'I just… you’re beautiful'

There was something in his tone, something sincere and unguarded that settled your nerves a little. You’d always found it hard to take a compliment and this seemed like a pretty big one coming from him but just from the way he smiled at you made you feel comfortable enough not to hide away, but to look him in the eye and accept what he was saying to you.

Debbie glanced over at that moment, heading your way to pop down a piece of paper with her email address on for you to send her invoice to but you could see her eyebrows waggling at the sight in front of her.

'Not interrupting anything, am I?'

'Sort of' Mason replied, his eyes not leaving yours as you let out a giggle and you knew from that moment that wouldn't be the last time you saw him.

That level of attraction you both shared in the early days never faded on your end. Mason had always been the most handsome man you’d ever seen yet you were a completely different woman than you were two years ago when you told him pregnant.

‘My body’s different’ you told him, the words spilling out before you could stop them and when Mason shifted slightly, he lifted his head so he could see your face.

‘Different how?’

‘Well since Freddie, I don’t look the same’ you gulped. ‘I don’t feel the same about myself and sometimes I worry that you’ll take one look at me and want to go again’

‘Hey’ he whispered gently, tipping your chin up until you looked at him. ‘Don’t do that to yourself’

‘I’m serious’ you insisted. ‘I always wondered why there wasn't anyone else, like you could be with someone who isn't exhausted and covered in dribble 90% of the time’

‘I don’t want anyone else’ he told you firmly. ‘I’ve seen your body change because it carried our son, because it did something incredible’ He whispered, his forehead touching yours gently before his thumb brushes your cheek. ‘There’s nothing about you that makes me want to look elsewhere’

‘Really?’

‘Yes’ he replied without hesitation. ‘I never told you enough but you’re so beautiful, y/n. You still are, yeah? And it’s not even just looks, I feel like I lost something when I walked away and I don’t want to lose it again. Every time I leave you guys now it kills me inside. Like when I left for dinner earlier, I stood outside the front door for five minutes wanting to come back in’ he told you seriously but you could see the smile on his lips which relaxed you. ‘Every time I walk out that door, all I think about is how much I love you both and how wrong it feels to not be here. I don’t leave because it’s easier or I want to, I leave because I think I’m doing what you want but I can’t say it breaks me every time’

‘You really mean that?’

‘There’s never been a moment I didn’t’ he confessed, pulling away from you slightly so he could look at you properly, his eyes shining as tears gathered in them. ‘Even when I messed it all up. And I'm not just saying all this cause I think it's the right thing to say. I’m saying it cause i mean it and i want to be honest with you’

You felt it before you saw it, the way his breathing changed and the way his chest rose a little too quickly. When you lift your head, you find his eyes fixed on the far wall, jaw tight, blinking hard like he’s trying to hold something back.

‘I haven’t cried in ages’ he said suddenly, voice rough which helped you know it was real. ‘Not since the first time I held Freddie.’

‘Really?’

‘Yeah when I came to pick you up and I held him for the first time. You were packing up so i dont think you saw but i was a right mess’

‘I didn’t think you wanted to hold him’ you gulped, not knowing how that would land with him and you saw the guilt in his eyes immediately. ‘You didn’t go near him at first, like you didn’t want him at all’

‘I was terrified’ he admitted, pain flashing across his face as he recalled those early moments of Freddie's life. ‘I didn’t trust myself not to break him’

‘Is that why you missed his birth?’

The words sat heavy between you, wondering if you should have gone there but tonight wasn't about going easy on him. You wanted him to squirm and answer the hard questions so you knew he was being honest and not just trying his luck with you again.

‘I know how that looked’ Mason said quietly. ‘And I hate myself for it. I get that that's easy for me to say but I really do. I cried that night too, after I dropped you both home. I sat in the car and cried like an idiot because I didn’t want to leave you there without me’

‘I want to believe you Mason, but you went on a date that night’ you reminded him and you watched as he shut his eyes tightly.

‘Fuck’ he muttered, rubbing a hand over his face that haf flushed instantly. ‘Yeah. I know how that looked too’

‘You left me home on my own’ you told him softly but firmly ‘And you went on a date with a girl I used to work with?’

‘It wasn’t a date’ he insists quickly. ‘She was a distraction. I couldn’t be alone with my head that night and in the nicest way possible she was an easy option’

‘It wasn’t just that night though, was it Mason?’ You told him, shaking your head as he winced. ‘There were others, and then that headline, Messy Mount, like you were having the time of your life while I was at home trying to keep a newborn alive. The one time you were meant to step up to give me a break and you spent your time shagging your way around Italy’

‘I hated that article’ he said, his embarrassment immediate and genuine and you almost felt a bit sorry for him. ‘I wanted to crawl into a hole when my mum called me to have a go’

‘Then why did you do it?’ you asked and you noticed he went quiet before his voice came out barely above a whisper.

‘Because I didn’t want to feel anything anymore’ he admitted. ‘Because being alone felt worse than being seen with someone I didn’t care about. ‘I never slept with any of them though, I swear’

You study his face, searching for hesitation or a hint of a lie but you don't see anything.

‘It was just… company’ he continued. ‘Noise. Something to stop me from thinking about you and Freddie back home and how much i was messing everything up’

‘You didn’t think about how it would feel for me to see that?’

‘I didn’t’ he said, voice thick with regret. ‘And I should have. I’m sorry’ His tears finally spilling over and he didn’t attempt to turn away or joke them off. ‘I loved you, I still do. I just didn’t know how to deal with the mess I’d made and all I did was make it worse. I knew I hurt you and I knew I couldn’t give you what you needed right then so I tried to make it worse and push you away’

You reached up without thinking, brushing your thumb beneath his eye and the gesture surprised both of you. A look of softness falling over his face as as he watched you and once most of his tears had been wiped away you carried on.

‘You know, Lu found your Tinder once’ you say softly and Mason stiffened immediately out of embarrassment.

‘She did?’

‘Yeah’ you nodded with a slight laugh. ‘She was scrolling one night and nearly dropped her phone’ You glanced up at him and you couldn’t stop the smile on your face. ‘She wanted to catfish you’

‘Of course she did’ he chuckled despite himself, before wiping his eyes with his sleeve to dry his face but you could see he was smiling a little now.

‘She was furious’ you continued. ‘Kept saying she just wanted to see if you were actually talking to anyone or if you were just… there’ You nodded. ‘I told her I didn’t want to know’

‘I shouldn’t have been on it’

‘It is what it is’ you say gently. ‘But it still hurt because every time something like that came up, it felt like proof that you were moving on while I was stuck in the same place’

‘I wasn’t moving on’ he said quietly, closing his eyes briefly so he could take a breath. ‘I was pretending I could’

‘Did you ever talk to anyone properly?’

‘No’ he answered immediately. ‘A few messages here and there but nothing real. Most of the time I’d open it, stare at it and then feel sick.’ He swallowed. ‘It never felt right’

You’re quiet for a long time, Mason’s hand still in yours and the room wrapped in that late-night stillness where everything felt more honest. You knew you’d heard everything you wanted to and now it was make or break time for you to finally say what you needed to. Yes he’d been awful but he’d sat there and owned up to it all in a way that made your chest swell and you saw no reason to keep torturing him.

‘I think I’m done questioning you’ you said finally, watching him as he stilled and looked up at you like he hung on your every word. ‘I don’t need to go over it again, I don’t need more explanations or apologies or timelines. I know what happened. I know how much it hurt’

Your voice wavered, but you didn’t stop. Gripping his fingers tightly for some courage to keep going but you were finding it hard to say what you wanted.

‘You broke me Mason and I didn’t even realise it was happening until I was already on my knees trying to hold everything together on my own. I was so vulnerable, and I needed you and you weren’t there. I won’t pretend I’m over that, yeah? I’m not and I might never be completely’

‘I understand’ he whispered quietly, the sound of defeat so evident in his voice and even though you couldn’t see his eyes, you could feel the sadness in them.

‘But’ you gulp, lifting your head to look at him and when his eyes met yours they were attentive and questioning. ‘I’ve also watched you change. I’ve seen the way you show up for Freddie, the way you don’t rush off anymore and the way you listen instead of trying to fix everything quickly or avoid it’ you tell him, a small smile on your lips that he soon mirrored. ‘I’ve seen the man you’re becoming and I don’t think you’re the same one who walked away’

‘I promise you I’m not’ he whimpered, his throat bobbing as he tried to gulp down his emotions.

‘That night when I told you how I felt… I know I was drunk and I know it wasn’t the right time or the right way but it was honest’ you sniffed, your emotions now getting the better of you at the sight of him being upset but you fought to keep going. ‘I meant it. I still do. I still have feelings for you even though I tried not to. I tried to bury them and be sensible and protect myself but they didn’t go anywhere’

Mason didn’t speak and you know he’s waiting for you to finish. Giving you your time to say your piece just like you'd given him his time.

‘I’m scared’ you admit. ‘And I don’t trust easily anymore but I don’t want to keep living like we’re circling each other and pretending our feelings don’t matter so… I want to try’ you say, a weight lifting off your shoulders as soon as the words leave your mouth. ‘No rushing, no pretending the past didn’t happen but actually giving us a real chance. A fresh chance to see where it goes’

‘Thank you’ he said, voice thick as it wobbled. ‘I won’t waste it, I swear’ he tells you, resting his forehead on yours and for the first time since he left all those months ago, you let yourself believe that this could work.

After a few seconds you feel his hands cup your jaw, his face pulling back to look at yours and you know in that second he wants to kiss you. His eyes drifting down to your lips as he fought to calm his emotions but you were both so high on adrenaline it hard to stay away from him right now.

‘You don’t have to’ he murmured, voice low as he caught your eyes again. ‘Not if it feels like too much but I-’

‘I want to’ you tell him, your chest tightening at the way he’s giving you the choice but you shake your head slightly as a smile broke out over his face.

He leaned in slowly giving you time to pull away and when his lips meet yours it was gentle. Almost like he was relearning the shape of your mouth and like he knew this moment mattered more than anything else that’s come before it.

You sigh into the kiss without meaning to as he slid and arm around your waist to draw you closer. Your hands immediately finding his shirt and your fingers curl into the fabric when he deepens the kiss just a fraction making you melt completely. Weeks of tension, anger and want dissolving into something warm and familiar as he kisses you like he’d missed you for 100 years.

When you eventually pull back, it’s only because you need air. Your foreheads resting together with your noses brushing gently as you both breathed a little heavier now. A faint smile on both your lips as you took a second to breathe each other in until he pulled back to eye you curiously

‘Hey’ he whispered, the silly smirk you used to love so much on his face and you couldn’t help but grin back at him.

‘Hey’ you reply, your voice barely there before he pressed a softer kiss to your lips and then another to your cheek, your temple and your hair. Not pushing you or asking for more, just showering you with his affection in hopes he can make you feel as special as you make him feel.

You relax against him, exhaustion finally creeping in now that the adrenaline has faded and Mason shifts carefully, pulling you gently into his chest so he could wrap his arms around you full and you tucked yourself into his neck beneath his chin. His heartbeat is steady against your ear as his hand rubs slow circles on your back. The motion soothing enough that your eyes start to droop and he must have felt your body go heavy against him.

‘This okay?’ he asks quietly. ‘I can go if you want to get some sleep, it’s pretty late now’

‘Stay’ you mumble, untucking yourself from under him so you could look him in the eye and your heart fluttered at the way his face softened.

‘I’m not going anywhere’ he replied, kissing the top of your head as the room grew quiet again before you attempted to shuffle back down and under the covers. Pulling Mason with you until your head was on his chest, your arms around his waist and you felt his breathing evening out beneath you. The sound warm and familiar and you let yourself sink into him as he held you knowing the pair of you had said pretty much all you needed to say.

‘We can talk more tomorrow, figure it all out then’

‘You sure?’

‘Yeah, I’ve had enough of talking about serious stuff. Why don’t you tell me what you had for dinner instead like we used to?’

Mason chuckled under his breath, leaning down to press kisses over your forehead before snuggling down and pulling you closer before going into each course in detail just like before. Tomorrow was a brand new day and for the first time in a long time you were going to sleep without having to brace yourself for what might come next.

Next chapter - 10th March 2026 😘

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