summary: Kissing Remus that night was the only thing on your mind the entire month, and you haven't seen him since then. You both happen to bump into each other in distress in the safety at Lily's apartment in the middle of the night. Turns out Remus got into a fight, for you?
notes: f!rich!reader x poor!remus lupin,
goody-two-shoes!reader x stoner!remus
wounds, fluff, frenemies to lovers
Remus is sassy and sweet
a/n: as promised, I'm delivering a part two! Sorry it took to long, been brainstorming/daydreaming and fixing/adding details for the past few days! Enjoyyy
IT'S NOT FUN WHEN YOUR MIND FUSSES OVER ONE THING AND ONE THING ONLY. You never remember your drunken nights, that was until a month ago. Even if the rest of the night is a blur you can surely still feel the lingers of Remus' lips, and his touch, and his confessions.
That was the first time you truly accepted to yourself how much you wanted him, but what would be the chances? Lightly touching upon the subject with your parents, especially your mother, did not go well. Now all your most precious belongings sat in a suitcase in the middle of James' and Lily's living room.
Even further so, being locked tight in a small flat with people who constantly talked about their wolfish friend, didn't help get him off your mind. So instead you found yourself busying yourself every day for the past month.
This is how countless shopping bags also ended up beside that suitcase on the floor. It's also how you'd been going out to party so much on your own, desperate to find a man that both you and your mother could approve of so you could move back home to your luxurious bed.
Tonight's adventure was truly needed, as James and Lily just couldn't provide you with foods that fit your, quite expensive, tastes. Now you end up coming back after a late-night trip to the twenty-four-hour grocery mart.
You jumble around as you open the door, pushing it open with your back before you twirl back around. In between the bags of produce that you held in your arm, you see a head of short hair peeping at the edge of the couch which presses against the side of the wall.
"James?" You ask, you go to your left as you enter the small kitchen, setting the bags on the short island turning the lights above the countertops on.
You turn back to the couch enveloped in shadow and chuckle, "What'd you do to Lils this time?" you tease after remembering the one time you'd come over as James had to sleep on the couch after an argument.
You smiled to yourself excited for being able to shove him off of it in a few minutes after putting everything away.
"Definitely m'not James" the person on the couch mumbled, their voice slipping out like silk. You froze as your back faced away from the living room, coincidentally a few bars of expensive chocolate in your hands, ready to be put away.
"What are you doing here, Remus?" you looked slightly over your shoulder as a shiver went through your body. The one person who you were constantly trying not to think about now lay down in the same room as you.
"What are you doing here?"
"I asked first."
You turned around, shoving your groceries to the side as you turned on the lamp at the end table beside the sofa. You widen your eyes as Remus' appearance matched his explanation. "Was out with Prongs, he dragged me back here after I got ina fight with some bloke."
Whatever bloke, had had the guts to fight Remus surely gave him a nasty bruise at his eye. What surprised you even more was his missing jumper which he had turned into a makeshift pillow. Ignoring the flush at your cheeks and the wild thoughts in your mind you could see imprints of nails that dug at his shoulders, dried blood around them.
At the top of his forehead sat even more dried blood and small cuts around his cheeks, and the scars scattered around his body didn't help his appearance.
"Merlin, Remus! Did James even try fixing you up?" you scolded, and even wanted to scowl as Remus' rolled his eyes.
"Calm down. I'm fine."
"And where was Lily?"
"Fast asleep," he shrugged, "We didn't want to wake her— Now care to explain why you're here?" he pushed on, changing the topic away from him.
Your eyes dashed around him in worry, it wasn't all that bad, but without the proper care anything could get infected. "I live here now—" you mumbled before switching the topic back, "Remus you, you need some ice," you finalized walking to the freezer.
Remus watched as you slipped a mound of ice cubes into a plastic bag before wrapping it in cloth. You returned back, setting yourself at the edge of the couch beside him. "Here," you said out reaching the makeshift ice pack.
The boy cocked an eyebrow at you soon shrugging you off, "M'fine," he reiterated.
You huffed, softly pressing the ice to this eye yourself, holding it there despite his tries to move it off.
"Stubborn," he grumbled.
"Evasive."
Your stomach fluttered as you noticed the corner of his lips picked up slightly. "So why are you living here, Princess?" he asked, sending another shiver down your side, you'd never get over the name.
"Got in an argument with my mother about quite a few things. She kicked me or, or really I just left. Lily let me crash," you explained rapidly. You didn't want to explain that the main argument was over how your Mother couldn't let you marry someone of "his status".
Carefully you took his hand pressing it over the ice pack to keep it in place, "M'gonna, I'm gonna get you some anti-septic, hold on. And keep that damn ice on your face!"
As you left Remus did take the ice off for a second in spite. Taking his jumper away from his head, he laid it over his torso, feeling insecure of his scars ever since you turned the lamp on, especially when you looked him over quite a few times.
When he heard your foot steps come down back the hallway he replaced the ice pack on his eye, curiously eyeing the wet cloth and bottles in your hands.
A fter returning you removed the ice pack yourself, setting it on the coffee table, much to Remus' delight. What wasn't very settling to him was when you mentioned how you were too clean up the cuts, especially the gash on his forehead.
"Might hurt," you whispered, pouring some solution on a cotton pad and applying it to the tiny cuts and imprints first. You then moved his temple, you slowly pouring it over. Remus winced and seethed, making a frown appear on your lips. You took the wet rag off your leg as you cleaned up the dried blood. "Sorry."
If he was being honest with himself, he didn't mind. The closer to him you were, the better. He was hopeful you didn't notice his constant stare on you as you worked on healing his wounds. So fussed over him he itched himself with the question, "Why are you doing this?"
Grateful for the dim lighting, you cheeks heated up. "Well, you're currently residing on my bed. Sooner I patch you up, sooner I get to sleep."
"Well I could always make some room. No problem with sharing," he teased, the extra wink he added pushing you over the edge. For as long as you can remember Remus was also teasingly flirting with you to boil your anger, now you questioned if he did it to genuinely drop hints.
You clenched your jaw, scrunching your nose at him with fake disgust. You set the alcohol and rag back down and picked up a small butterfly strip to apply to the open cut that kept glaring at you from his forehead. "Remus, what happened?" you question concerning to whatever fight he'd wound himself in.
"—Do you remember the party last month?" he cut in right before you applied the bandage, making you freeze once again, but with the power you had, you managed to nod. "What do you remember?"
Simply with the stare you gave him silently told him that you remembered what was important. "Look, I'm sorry for, for kissing you. You were drunk and— It was Rosier."
You wanted to answer, to tell him that you enjoyed the kiss, if it wasn't for the end of the sentence that caught your ears. "What about him?" You'd only brought Rosier that night because your parents would've never let you out of the house to attend some house party with James and everyone.
"Me and Prongs were at a pub t'night. We bumped into him and the git was saying nasty things 'bout you. M'guessing he found out about that night, and I tried telling 'im off but," he rambled and slowed down at the end.
Motioning your head for him to continue. Remus took a breath and furthered on, "He started talking crap about me and then my fist did the rest of the talking," he chuckled, "Prick was a coward at the end and ended up just hittin' me over the head with a bottle." Well, that explained the cuts all over his face.
You looked at him in slight up, your lips parted, "What'd he say about me?"
"S'not important."
"What did he say, Remus."
You needed to know what things were being said about you behind your back. Though you had your difficulties with your family, you weren't going to let bad-mouthing of you ruin everything. You didn't want shame put on your name from a lonely, rich bastard.
But most of all you wanted to know what riled Remus up so much that he'd take a hit of glass to the head for you. Putting down the strip you occupied him by then putting the ice back on his eye. And as you stared at him so intently he couldn't say no to you.
"He called you a—a slut and a bloody whore," he said quietly, looking away as his jaw clenched and teeth gritted, "Just rambling on to all his muppets on how it wouldn't be long till you moved onto them and their servants." You heart sped up tenderly as you saw how furious and emotional he got over the subject.
It surprised to you know that truly, somewhere, Remus had a heart for you. You bit the inside of your cheek figuring out what to say next. You busied yourself switching back on bandaging the cut up again, talking while you applied it on to distract him from the pain.
"You shouldn't have punched him though, you fool," you laughed very softly, not letting him know that knowing what Evan Rosier had been saying about you affected you as much as it did, "Can't doubt that the prat will press charges."
"It's worth it."
You set the peelings of the strip back down in the small box beside all the other items. Remus twisted his legs around you before planting his feet on the ground sitting beside you.
While months ago, being so close in his vicinity would have you fuming, itching to get to the other side of the room, you now sat with goosebumps all over your body, a rapidly beating heart, and twiddling your fingers in your lap like a dunce.
"Did you mean what you said that night?" the question slipping out of your lips while you craned your neck to look at him. "When you said I was pretty, and charming, and that you liked me, did you mean it?" The only answer Remus gave you was silence, a shaky inhale was the only thing that was heard other than the chirps of crickets outside.
His jaw shook slightly while his lips were brought into a fine line, "Yes," he said. You blinked and looked down into the tiny sliver of space that was in between you two. And now this time Remus was anxiously awaiting your repsonse.
"I like you too," you whispered, looking up at him through your lashes. Remus' fingers twitched at his sides and he gave you a singular nod.
"Good." He turned around, stretching out to grab his jumper as he stood up and put it on. "I should get going now, since I'm all patched up." You cursed yourself in your mind for being sad as the fabric covered his torso.
The air around you two was thick and weirdly awkward. "Do you want a cuppa?" you blurted, "Before you go. I got this special tea from the market."
Remus nodded, "That'd be nice, thanks," he muttered. You got up and squeezed your way past him, sending shocks up his arm. You got the counter and shifted through the bags picking out two different boxes of tea bags. "Which would you like, I have—" As you turned around to show him the options you were surprised at his very close presence behind you.
He looked like he was shaking himself out of something as he apologized, "Sorry."
You turned back setting the boxes back down on the marble as a sudden urge came over you. You cursed once more to yourself biting your lip in contemplation. "Fuck it," you uttered so quietly that only you'd hear it.
You whirled back around stopping as you caught Remus' eye. And for what seemed like hours, the two of you just stared. It wasn't like the night at the party, where his eyes glazed all over you face, he was simply just looking at your eyes, and it both scared you and make you feel warm at the same time. "Can I kiss you?" you questioned.
His lips crawled into a mixture of a smirk and a grin, "You don't need to ask me that ever, Princess." You stomach filled with butterflies at your anxiousness. His hand snaked to cup your face pulling the two of you in, but he didn't dare let your lips touch.
It wasn't like the last, where he'd gone in so quickly, instead, you waited there with your eyes closed begging him in your mind to just do it. In fact, it gave some odd comfort at the thought that he might be relishing himself in the moment just before he finally attached to you.
But just like the last, when it happened you were overwhelmed with a rush of dizziness. This time though the kiss felt extremely gentle, he kissed you like you were made of glass. Because while that night, kissing him felt like a fight of realising feelings, this one felt like dancing in them.
It wasn't long before the two of you got tired of having to contort you necks, and so Remus aided you on your try to hop up and sit on the counter. Carelessly you both pushed the paper bags and boxes of tea aside, making quite a ruckess you giggled.
You hands found themselves in what you decided your now favourite place to put them, tangled in his hair. And his own, what was then decided from the very beginning, resting back along your hips, least to say you had a strong sense of deja vu.
Remus stumbled, creaking and shoving the stool beside him and the tug you gave at his hair earned you a small groan from him before he parted for a moment. "If we keep making noise like this they're bound to wake up and kick us out."
You pecked him lips before adding a remark of your own, "You're the one making all the noise you idiot. Besides, wouldn't be the first time you've ruined something."
You felt the chuckle he gave fan out against your face while he pressed his nose into yours, "Here I was thinking that when you finally liked me the shots would end."
"If I recall you're the one who starting throwing the shots first."
"Can't blame me for wanting your attention," he shrugged, capturing your lips one again and capturing you in a little shock you'd accidentally completely knocked the boxes of tea off the counter. "So I'm the one making all the noise huh?"
"Shut up," you breathe dipping back in. Just then the door at the end of the apartment twisted open and your red-haired friend barged down the hallway, and the dazed lost puppy that was James stumbled down the hall with her.
She had a stern look on her face as her wand was raised at the ready. As she caught sight at the two of you, Remus in between your legs with your arms wrapped around him, her jaw dropped. "What the hell?!" she yelled, a smug smile on her face.
You peeked over Remus' shoulder looking to Lily whilst she gave you a supportive shake of her head. "I'm home!" you cheesily said quietly.
James, not taking in anything that was going on around him, dragged his hands down his face as he turned around and walked back into his room as Lily told him, "We can get back to bed, love, nothing but people who've gone mad!" she suggested toward the pair of you.
She turned back around before she entered back into her room. "If you two do anything," she scolded, wagging her wand, "I will curse your nuts, Moony, and donate your trash collection of books!" she scowled, slamming the door shut.
Remus' shoulders shook as he laughed quietly. Upon looking back at him your eyes immediately found his again realising he hadn't once looked away during the interaction. "I think we've found you a new enemy," he teased.
You rolled your eyes, "I'd never hate anyone as much as I hate you. Especially not Lils," you emphasized. Your breath was stuck as he started pecking and nipping at your jaw. He made his way around your neck, collarbone, and face, surely leaving a pair of hickeys somewhere before he place one last kiss at your lips.
summary: both you and Remus hate each other, painfully eating away each other each time you're forced to see one another due to your shared friends. Now at a party, Remus can't keep his eyes from you. The truth comes out when you're drunk, right?
notes: f!rich!reader x poor!remus lupin,
goody-two-shoes!reader x stoner!remus
angst, jealousy, underage drinking, frenemies to lovers
Remus is sassy
a/n: I'm forever obsessed with the rich jealous partying trope for no reason at all. Gossip Girl is influencing me too much.
YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHY YOU WERE AT THIS PARTY IN THE FIRST PLACE, you didn't need to come, this wasn't exactly your crowd. You were only friends with Lily, which soon turned into a tangled mess of being friends with her boyfriend and his friends. Because you'd never be at a party with low lives wasting their days away getting drunk and smoking weed.
That's the exact reason why'd you'd associated yourself with Lily Evans in the first place, up keeping her clean slate would keep yours clean as well. So when Lily refused to attend this party, despite the pleads from her friends and her boyfriends, why had you accepted the offer in her place?
You very well justified that you needed to socialize more, besides, being so uptight wouldn't get you any farther than it'd had now, it was time for a change. You weren't stupid of course, you made sure to bring someone along of who could get you home safely, someone of your status who had good morals and ideals, which all too entirely failed.
As James drove the three of you, you noticed his insistent pestering of your plus one. Now you sat pressed against this supposedly morally good guy, drunk, dizzy, and tired, so much so that you couldn't even feel the nips he'd been giving to your neck. You rambled on to James and Mary, who sat on the armchairs across you.
Both, relatively sober, found intense amusement in seeing you drunk with a guy all over you, which was amazingly out of character for yourself. Every now and then you'd look around the room in search of something frantically determined, the two teasing you on how your eyes were popping out of your head.
You looked across the room at Sirius and Peter miserably failing at beer pong, then to Dorcas and Marlene as they swayed to whatever tracks were booming throughout the room so loud you had a slight headache.
Taking in account everyone you knew was to be there, was when you realized why you were so confused. "Where's Lupin?" you mumbled, "Haven't seen him yet."
James, the closest to you than anyone else here, looked at you in surprise, "You want to know—Moony, huh?" he poked the inside of his cheek.
"I saw Remus earlier, dunno where he'd be," Mary answered, the both of you ignoring James' delight.
You hummed as the boy beside you pressed his lips to your cheek, "Don't need to worry about other guys now, baby," the boy whispered, and even though you cringed at the name you were too tipsy to care.
A burst of giggles and snickers erupted from behind you, James raised his eyebrows in even further interest than from what he expressed before after your comment, "There's the man of the hour!"
You whipped your head around, rolling your eyes at the lanky man who entered the scene, a girl attached to his hip, bottle in hand, and a cigarette in the other. He wriggled free from the girl's arms, still telling her to follow, as he did a smug dance of a spin, "Missed me too much, Prongs?"
James snorted and titled his head towards you, "No, but someone else did," he said, nuzzling his face teasingly at your scowl. Remus slowed his steps towards you all, and you could've sworn you saw a small disgruntled frown appear on his face for a moment as noticed you and your company.
He quickly smirked, "Now who let the selfish snobs in?" he yelled, no one else paying him no mind as he plotted himself, and the girl he was with on the other edge of the couch.
You scrunched your nose, his presence snapping you out of some of the daze you were in, "Does anyone smell that? There's just this intoxicating smell of lung cancer and ignorance, absolutely vomit-inducing if you ask me," you snapped.
"Poor thing, wouldn't want you puking all over your date, princess," he remarked, putting his arms around the shoulder of the gorgeous girl who giggled at his comment beside him.
You stomach twinged at the name, that all too easily rolled of his tongue, and his tongue only. And everytime, since the first time he'd said, started a roraing fire in your stomach.
━ "Lily, have you seen my mother's Chanel bag?" you whined barging into the room. You were hurriedly getting ready for a fancy dinner you were supposed to attend.
The red-haired girl shook her head sympathetically. You seethed at her answer, ignoring the weird stares from the others in the room, "My mother is going to murder me!" you yelped, "I need that bag!"
An annoying snicker echoed from across the room, "Is the poor princess finally going to get in trouble?" he crooned, "Told you that you needed to sharpen that memory," he tutted.
"Fuck you, Lupin." ━
You grunted, not able to find anything to bite back with. Remus smirked at your silence, directing his attention to your company, "So who's the wealthy, tasteless boggart you've dragged along?"
The boy beside you glared towards Remus, "Evan Rosier," he introduced, gritting through his teeth, "And we both have much finer tastes in both people and luxuries than you ever will."
"Maybe you do, in women at least," Remus started, and your cheeks grew slightly rosy at his insinuation, "But Princess here sure does have a knack for choosing the worst men to be with."
You scoffed, "And you're to be the best option? Someone so childishly obsessed with chocolate?"
He shrugged with a grin, "Well, yeah," he answered, taking the last swig of his beer before standing up and stretching his limbs. "You lot have fun, I'm off for another drink," he declared, stumbling his way to the kitchen as the girl hopelessly followed him.
You huffed, aimlessly sitting and now listening to Mary's rant, and you couldn't help but feel extremely suffocated. Your head continued to hurt and your mind swam. You took a sharp breath and jumped up from your seat, "Gonna get some air," you mumbled without another word.
You clutched your head as you pushed through the bodies of people. Slipping out into the backyard, you breathed while staring at your shoes as they danced around in your vision.
"Y'following me now are ya?" a voiced echoed out to your right.
Picking your head up, your eyes followed to source. You chuckled to yourself seeing Remus pressed against the wall, puffing smoke of a new cigarette into the air. "You wish," you said.
Taking in his disheveled hair, stained jumper, and sunken eyes, something in you paused. Your brows furrowed as your expression was somehow a mix of confusion and disgust. Remus tilted his head and cocked his eyebrow, rolling himself off the wall.
Suddenly your legs stomped toward him. "You're annoying, arrogant, and can't dress for the life of you," you spat.
Remus looked at you like he'd just watched a jester perform for him. "M'sorry, what was that?" he mirth, leaning down as he tilted his head towards you as to hear better.
You frowned and repeated yourself, "You're incredibly annoying, stupidly arrogant, terribly dressed, and I don't like you," you announced once again.
He removed his head only slightly away from you, still close enough as you felt his breath fan over your face from his wolfish smile. He brought the cigarette from his two fingers up to his lips as he inhaled and puffed out the smoke into your face.
Your face scrunched again in disgust as he stared at you intently, you awaiting his retaliation. "I find you incredibly gorgeous, stupidly charming, and terribly cute, and I surprisingly find a great liking to you."
Blush scattered across your face at his confession, a gulp climbing down your throat whilst you trailed off, "You...?" You were speechless, not expecting his words, the grass and scenery behind him blurring and swirling in the back.
Your eyes darted around the place, avoiding his own eyes before your chin was pinched between his thumb and index, forcing your eyes to bounce right to him, his cigarette still clenched in the same hand in the last of his fingers.
Not only had you not expected his confession, but you certainly didn't expect him to lean in, pressing his lips gently to yours. It quickly escalated as his hand moved to grip the back of your head, the other resting on your hip.
Your elbows brought up to at his shoulders, fingers tangled in his hair whilst you screamed to yourself to pull him away, you're body ultimately betraying you as they only pushed his lips farther into yours. That's when you found out that you were indeed, kissing him back.
Remus pulled away chuckling, letting your arms continue to sit on his shoulders. You breathed hard, staring at him with confusion with the newfound dizziness swimming around in your head. Your mouth was agape, ready to say something, but nothing came out.
"Merlin, if I knew just a compliment and a kiss could get you to shut up, I would've done that ages ago," he joked. Your face fell at the remark, your forearms brought down to his chest as you finally tried to push him away.
"Why'd you kiss me, you prick?" you sternly questioned, ignoring how rapidly your heart was beating. His hand still keeps you in place at your hip.
"Because I like you," he stated as if it were obvious.
You shook your head, letting a small laugh escape from your nose, "You're drunk, and you're high," you insisted.
"Truth comes out when you're drunk, right?"
You stood silent, begging to tell him no and denying the fact that you itched to kiss him once more. Though your lies weren't said, your truth was done as your lips soon gravitated back to his like a magnet.
Now instead of you being pressed against against the couch you were now found pressed against the concrete wall of the house, and your innocent need for one more kiss turned into necking.
A smirk from Remus continued to press on into the kiss as you two parted for air a quick second as you got in a whisper of "I hate you."
Purposely, on the next gasp for air, Remus cheekily echoed your words from earlier before, "You wish."
His cigarette was discarded to to floor as both his hands were now occupied at your hips, and both your own gripping at the sides of his face. While your back scrapped along the wall your hips were lifted away as his arms clawed them closer to his own.
His back bent over to reach down to you. Your mind flooded with the discovered thoughts and questions on how you were making out with Remus Lupin at a party, and how badly you'd wanted him for the past year.
Still, the two of you couldn't escape the quips murmured now and then.
"I knew I told you to sharpen your memory—but maybe instead you should sharpen your whole mind—if it took you this long to find out."
"Fuck you, Remus."
"I think you're in the process of doing that, yeah."
"Idiot."
"Brat."
You thought you might've drowned in his lips, if it wasn't for the parade of a voice. "Time to get going y/n!" James shouted, stepping outside.
Quickly, you pushed Remus off of you before James could catch you in the act. You felt as though you'd committed a crime.
Remus chuckled as he stumbled back, wiping your lip gloss off his lips. "Lily wants me home..." he slowed, seeing the mess of both of your guys' hair and your excessive blushing.
"Right, let's go," you readied, combing your fingers through your hair trying to fix it.
James nodded, disturbed and amused again, he slipped back inside. You panted heavily from your nose, staring at how Remus' eyes dashed across your face before they finally rested on yours.
"Best get going, Princess. You're carriage is ready and your palace awaits," he joked. You clamped your lips shut with your teeth, your stern lustful glare softened as you pursed your lips.
"Bye, Remus," you said with your arms crossed, turning on your heel you walked away, still feeling his eyes on the back of your head with his smug smirk.
As you crossed back inside you jumped at the sight of James waiting in anticipation by the glass door. "Bloody hell, James! Y'Scared the shit out of me!"
James snickered at you, "You and Moony?" he asked surprised and teasingly, though behind your backs him and Lily had counted the days when it'd finally happen.
You scowled and shook your head rigorously, "Absolutely not!" you opposed.
"Sure. And by the way, you reek of beer, smoke, and chocolate," he added cheekily, sparking the heat in your cheeks again.
summary: it's been years since you confessed your love to Remus, and he couldn't reciprocate it. It's been years since your days at Hogwarts ended, and you're now recouped back with your schoolmates for a holiday party. What could go wrong?
pairings: f!reader x remus lupin, angst, fluff,
a/n: ngl this is partly based on the beginning of my parent's little love story, and of course, this is based on closure by taylor swift (and basically the whole evermore album)
❝ IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME, and seeing the shape of your name just spells out pain. It wasn't right the way it all went down, looks like you know that now... ❞
You quickly ran down the stairs of your apartment, trying your best to fit the silver hoop through your ear without harming yourself. You tripped your way into your incredibly small kitchen, shuffling at the island counter, which only was filled with months-old letters, bills, and notices, trying your best to find a specific invitation.
Mary Macdonald had been your best schoolmate during your years at Hogwarts, and despite, by now a few years, of barely speaking to her or anyone in her crowd, she'd been so kind as to invite you to a wonderfully large and fancy Christmas Party.
And it was for this very reason as to why you stood in your most expensive dress, dug out from the back of your closet. You wiped your sweaty hands on the velvet fabric before delving back into the mountain of parchment searching for the envelope that held every single piece of information you neglected to put to memory that would get you into that party.
You were desperate to spend your Holidays not stuck in your parent's home for once. But it was only once you accidentally stumbled into a large stack as every single piece of paper collapsed on the floor, that you realized who might actually be there. You carefully picked up small clumps, replacing them back on the counter as you eyed the very last one.
It was quite dusty with small water stains sprinkled and it was extremely crumpled. Your jaw clenched as you picked it up and placed it at the edge of the counter. You inhaled a large breath before snapping your head in a different direction as you finally saw the invitation in your peripheral.
You ran to your living area grabbed your purse and ran back as you gripped the envelope. As expected, you've managed to make yourself late. You waddled on over in your heels to the small entranceway and picked up your coat and wand from the coat rack.
Maybe in a moment of weakness or a flood of memories, you looked back to the dirty crinkled piece of parchment in your kitchen. It was a big party, there would barely be any chance you'd see him, you assured yourself. And in fact even if you do, you can do you best to avoid him, you planned.
You shook your head and stepped back towards the island. Gripping the envelope tightly you shoved it into the pocket of your coat.
But if by any chance you ended up speaking with him tonight, you'd surely give it back, you couldn't possibly bear the weight of that note anymore, and you surely had no use for it now.
Taking a deep sigh you adjusted the collar of your jacket, patting now your hair in the mirror before exiting your old townhome. You locked the door behind you and shoved your hands into your pockets. You squeezed the envelope inside it almost in comfort before you apparated yourself away.
❝ Yes, I got your letter, yes, I'm doing better. It cut deep to know ya', right to the bone... ❞
After you found yourself apparated to an area which you knew was near your designation you crunched the snow beneath your heels as you walked, almost aimlessly, to the party. Upon seeing the large estate you felt wildly unprepared and under-dressed. Least to say it was a luxurious event.
You stumbled up the steps, nervously searching through the vast halls, filled with fishes of people, to find a pair of, wanted, familiar eyes. You found yourself in the gigantic main room, as witches and wizards conversed among themselves, grabbing the treats and drinks off the trays of staff.
You were stopped as one of the waiters offered you a truffle, interested in the beautiful dessert you picked it up and turned around as you shoved it in your face, only to accidentally bump into another figure. The woman you'd crashed into turned around, their bright red hair flashing your eyes. As you got a good look at the person your face fell.
"Oh my—Merlin! y/n is that you?" she excitedly asked, disregarding your muttered apology and quickness in trying to whip back around. You cringed and turned back around on your heel giving a fake smile.
"Lily—my Godric, hi," you breathed.
Lily slowly parted from her current conversation to partake in one with you. "Well I haven't seen you in forever! Where are you, what do you do now?" she questioned.
You wiped your sweaty palms once again on the fabric of your dress, "I, uhm, I live in Chudley now," you chuckled nervously "I'm an artist, a painter actually."
The red-headed girl looked at you in such awe, and you were certainly in disbelief as to why. "Wow y/n, have you sold much? Featured in a gallery ever?" she was completely interested. It was then that you remembered that she was always like this, but it'd been so long that you'd forgotten what it was like to have someone engaged in what you had to say.
Your smile finally picked up a bit, "Yes, actually, got my first gallery showing about a week ago, it's still up for a couple of months! But uh, regarding sales, it's enough to keep the lights on, y'know?"
"Well I think it's absolutely lovely that you're working your dream, that's really great," Lily appreciated, "I'm assuming you're trying to find Mary, come along this way, she with the rest of them!" she waved on, but your feet were planted in the ground.
You gulped down the last tiny bit of your truffle, you eyebrows knitted together as you stuttered, "The—the uhm, the rest of them?"
Lily's excitement softened at your mutters, "Oh you're still—" she said slightly surprised but she cut herself off in fear of saying something offensive, "He hasn't arrived yet," she assured, then lowering her voice in a whisper, "We're not sure if he's coming, it's around that time."
You grew a small frown, "Ah," you hummed, "He uh, well," you dug out the letter from your pocket, waving it in front of Lily as she read the senders name printed in the corner. Her lips pressed together as she nodded, giving you relief as she disregarded it and intended to act like she didn't see the letter, nor knew anything of the situation guiding you through the nets of attendees.
You took a large breath of bravery through your nose as you slowly approached the circle of very familiar faces. You first caught Marlene Mckinnon's attention, catching you in her view her eyebrows lifted as her mouth formed a small O.
Following her gaze, Sirius finally saw you, his eyes widened in utter shock as he absentmindedly nudged James beside him. Looking at the disturbance James' cheeks puffed up with air before exhaling it out. Dorcas, who stood at the other end beside Marlene watched the scene and you could see her mouth the word "shit," at everyone's upset.
How were you to approach a group of old friends who now semi-hated you but yet felt incredibly sorry for you? Instead of stressing over the others, you focussed on how Mary squealed with joy upon seeing you. She slightly waddled a run in her heels over to you as she embraced you warmly. "You came!"
You scrunched your face with a grin as you pulled back, "Of course, Mary! Needed to get out of the house anyways," you smiled, she put you at ease even while Marlene looked at you so skeptically and as James and Sirius exchanged glasses before downing the rest their glasses of champagne in their hands.
"Well if it isn't y/n y/l," Marlene smirked, it completely confused you because while the rest of her face seemed elated to see you, her eyes seemed to almost be throwing daggers at you. The rest of the women quickly warmed up to you as you entered the conversation, though James and Sirius kept almost unnervingly quiet. Above all, you noticed the absence of Peter and him.
Finally, the conversation began to smooth, the group being able to get quite a few good hearty laughs from you. Though the ends of your Hogwarts days were a touchy subject that everyone mindlessly agreed not to talk about, you all got caught up in reminiscing on events previous to it.
But it soon came to a close as Peter ran up, "I've got a surprise f'you all!" he exclaimed gripping the back of James' shoulder as he squeezed himself between the pair of men before he looked across the circle to you. He opened his mouth to say something before tightly shutting it closed.
Behind him followed another man. He was tall, dressed his best scraggly black coat, a white undershirt, and black slacks all tied together with a matching black tie. His ruffly brown hair didn't match his attire, and neither did the deep scars that lined his face, some old but some fresh and new, but either way he was undeniably beautiful.
He slowed to a stop in the small opening between Peter and Sirius as his half-lidded eyes and warm smile turned into repetitive blinking of disbelief and lips in awe.
And for a moment, the rapid growing beat of your heart, as you saw his figure coming, came to a complete stop.
And everything was deadly silent.
❝ Yes, I got your letter, yes, I'm doing better. I know that it's over, I don't need your closure... ❞
The group stood still and quiet for seconds as their eyes flickered between the two of you, itching to see the reactions. The awkwardness between everything grew to a hot before Sirius shut it down, to the relief of everyone except you.
"So who needs a drink?" he asked, and like a pounce of a tiger, everyone utters their Yups and Yes's and Count Me In's, scurrying away quickly. Mary was the last to leave, fighting with herself in her head if it was better to let you deal with it for once or keep you safe from this horror you desperately tried to stay away from.
You dipped your head down staring at your shoes trying to avoid his eyes. It was only when he cleared his throat that you snapped ur attention back up to him. "Remus," you greeted quickly with his name, flashing a fake, uncomfortable smile.
He grazed your figure with his eyes for a beat before he muttered your name, "y/n."
The air felt cold and thick against your exposed skin, your necklace and dress growing tight on your skin from hearing your name from his lips again. "How are you—"
"Cut it with the niceties Moo—Lupin," you stopped him, "You can have your letter back," you growled digging the letter back out of your pocket and shoving it in his hand, "I've gotten all of them, but this one... you need to take this one back. I don't want it," you gritted.
"Y/n, I just. You wouldn't talk to me, I needed you to know—" Remus changed, not wanting your disacceptence.
"So filling my mail with your stupid words would get us through to each other? You did all this to yourself."
"I didn't know you had—Look I'm sorry but I was scared—"
You scoffed and laughed in his face adjusting the strap of your purse on your shoulder, "I'm not doing this with you right now, here, after all this time. I'll send the rest of your letters over another day, K?" you ended turning around walking out of the grand room and through the halls.
Remus' heart clenched in love of hearing your laugh but hated the circumstances it was under, begging for this conversation, to clear up every single miscommunication and wrong step, he followed you out.
You crossed by the open bar finding Mary and everyone else downing drinks. You took her hands into your own, "Thanks for inviting me Mary, truly, but I best get going now," you thanked quickly, ignoring Remus behind you with his open mouth with empty words. He only flicked his eyes to the group for a fraction of a second before landing back to you, still closely following you out as you grabbed your coat at the door and exited the mansion.
❝ Don't treat me like some situation that needs to be handled. I'm fine with my spite, and my tears, and my beers, and my candles. I can feel you smoothing me over... ❞
You were halfway across the large courtyard as Remus scurried down the steps, "I loved you!" he exclaimed. You froze and a sharp breath filled your lungs as you whipped around, and you let yourself fully remember what happened for once.
It was the start of your seventh year at Hogwarts. Everyone knew something was brewing between you and Remus. The strong tension, the back-and-forth banters, subtle compliments, and executing favors with no question.
It felt like a silent agreement between you two as the flirtations grew more obvious. Every sight of him caught you winded, and every touch had you melt to the floor, when he finally kissed you, you couldn't help but feel yourself explode with your own personal fireworks. Until he pulled away.
Rumors that he started talking to someone new shattered you. Soon your heartbreak filled with rage, he'd lead you on only to crush you and leave you stranded. And where once, he helped you captain your ship, you soon found him drowned away as you frantically steered yourself into an iceberg.
Your anger so strong you couldn't even look at him, and so you left anything related to him altogether.
Because you thought you had something, only to be made to feel like you meant nothing. Your graduation day only led to more despair as Remus sought you out once again, with the courage to confess. You shut him down and locked him out. It was the loudest and yet most silent, lonely, train ride home.
You blinked back to the present, Remus and you still in the exact moment and positions. Your jaw clenched as his next words came out so softly, so slowly, like a whisper only you could hear across the courtyard. "I still love you."
❝ Yes, I got your letter, yes, I'm doing better. It cut deep to know you right to the bone. Yes, I got your letter, yes, I'm doing better. I know that it's over, I don't need your closure. Your closure, your closure, your closure...❞
The fire in your stomach was lit again, "Don't. Moony, just don't. What was that letter? Huh?" you begged, "'I'm letting you go. I hope you're life is swell'? What was that bloody shit? Because it sure seemed to me like a let's-catch-up-like-good-old-friends type of letter! Not a I've-loved-you-after-all-these-years!" you shouted angrily stomping your way up to him.
"You didn't even try! In any of your letters! All you do is act like it's fine or give empty apologies. So please, explain now, give me a real reason for everything, but don't give me this shit."
He stared at you in worry as your bottom lip quivered, eyes glazed in gloss. "I was trying to stop loving you."
You sobbed a wolfish laugh, "Bull. Shit." you said, pushing his chest away, "You knew I was interested! You knew! So don't give me that absolute fuckery because it makes no sense!"
"I couldn't burden you with—everything—all my...problems," he whimpered, "You needed, you need someone stable. You need someone who can give you a home and family like you wanted."
You parted you lips at his confessions of insecurties, "Remus, I'm a full time artist, barely making it to keep my water on—" you tried explaining back to him.
"I saw your gallery, you know! You need someone who's going to help you show off more of your talent, not hold you back! So why haven't you found someone yet? Stop sitting around hung up on me—" he rambled on, getting angier as you tried driving him away, but bits of every sentence he said added fuel to your burning fire.
"I am not hung up on you!" you exclaimed.
"So why are you here begging me for reasons why I didn't want to be with you? Why do you have to freeze every damn time you look at me, and for Merlin's sake, why've you kept all my letters?"
Your face blackened while you glared into his eyes. And while your fear of confrontation was afraid of confronting what went down, it was the fear of confronting what still lingered. You still loved him. That's what you wrote in the only letter you ever wrote back, the letter you never sent.
And maybe that's why his letters stopped coming. When he was finally ready to let go and take his risks to have you, you neglected to accept his grasp.
❝I know I'm just a wrinkle in your past life. Staying friends would iron it out so nice. Guilty, guilty reaching out across the sea that you put between you and me. But it's fake and it's oh so unnecessary...❞
You didn't know why you did it, well you knew why you did it, but you didn't know what came of you. Because instead of pushing him away, you gripped tightly onto the collar of his white shirt, dragging and pulling him to you as you crashed your lips onto his.
And when he, very quickly, kissed you back, your hands skidded up grasping the sides of his face, his own hands pressing your back closer into him. Your lips toppled over each other fueled with passion, craning his neck down just to feel more of you.
You didn't mind that the chilly air froze your cheeks because when the snow came falling you knew it was for the two of you, hoping that it'd freeze you in this moment. You panted lightly through your nose as Remus finally pulled back from you, dashing his eyes all across your face trying to read you.
"Because I don't want you to let go, Remus," you whispered your answer back, Remus shaking his head sofly and rapidly in assurance of your words, "I'm fine with your problems, I'm fine if you can't give me a family, I'm fine if you can't give me a steady life." you scrambled tripping over your own words.
After avoiding his gaze you finally let his chases of finding your eyes catch up with you. "I don't want just a life, Rem. I wanted a life with you. You can't just try to let go of me, can't just stop loving me because you're scared of that," you scolded, furrowing your eyebrows at him.
"You need to let yourself love someone, you've— you need to give me a chance so I can love you." you pressed. Your stomach fluttered as he gave you a soft kiss as your lips once more, and this time when he pulled back he kept his eyes on yours, not letting you look away. You didn't want to look away, you were hanging on waiting for him to say something, anything.
"I will."
❝ Yes, I got your letter, yes, I'm doing better. It cut deep to know you right to the bone. Yes, I got your letter, yes, I'm doing better. I know that it's over, I don't need your closure. Closure, your closure, your closure.❞
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