My Bad Habit?
Recently, during a girls small group on East Asia summer project, I was put on the "hot seat" and anyone could ask me any questions they wanted to. So one of the girls asked me if I had any bad habits...Typical me, I racked my brain for a good couple of minutes not being so self-aware about my bad habits. I don't bite my nails, I don't click my pens obsessively, I don't sing in the shower... Then it became blatantly obvious to me what it was. If you have ever seen my room at home, then you will know.
To my family I'm the "pack rat" or a marginal "hoarder". Really, I'm not that bad, not bad enough to go onto a TLC "Buried Alive!" show, but my room is a mess, and I guess it's because I have a hard time throwing things out or giving them away. Funny story, my sister actually had just sent me and my other sister an email of a Wall Street Journal Article she had read about "The Psychology of Clutter". Interesting, I found its thoughts to ring true:
Many powerful emotions are lurking amid stuff we keep. Whether it's piles of unread newspapers, clothes that don't fit, outdated electronics, even empty margarine tubs, the things we accumulate reflect some of our deepest thoughts and feelings.
[http://online.wsj.com/articles/the-psychology-of-clutter-1404772636]
Basically, reflecting on this idea a lot, I delved deep into my own mind and heart where keeping all my stuff stemmed from. These are the thoughts I journaled down for the day on 7/4/14...
Why do I keep so much stuff? I have a really hard time throwing out things. Maybe I feel like everything has sentimental value, or I like to remember the past. Yet I realize this is a sinful part of me that does not want to change from my past of evil desires. And maybe a lot of the things I keep have to do with my accomplishments and/or things I have rooted my identity in. In some ways it's like I've been storing my own idols and sin, and I don't want to let go. So today, I started doing some massive cleaning. Throwing out things that I don't need and organizing things. It felt liberating and scary to do so, it's like I'm getting rid of my old self and putting on the new self. I know at the end of the day, I will still have things I will hold on to, and my room will never really be clean, but I realize I cannot do it alone. I can't clean up my whole life, and no matter how hard I try, I will always fail. This is why I need God and He accepts me in all my sin and shame. He is the one who sanctifies me.
