Gerald Junio

Fly now, Fall later

[saphirasezblazingger]

Time feels like it’s moving way too fast.

I’m a Gen Z, only 24, but somehow 24 feels old and young at the same time.

I still feel like the kid who wanted to see the world, yet most weeks are:

8 hours working from home

8 hours sleeping

8 hours recovering from the first 16

I hit most of my “by 30” goals at 22. I have a wife, a home, and a career that pays well.

On paper, everything is figured out.

But part of me keeps wondering if this was supposed to be the trial-and-error phase. The years where I traveled more, tried random things, made mistakes, changed my mind, and discovered who I could become.

Instead, it feels like I reached the destination early and now I’m staring at the map wondering where to go next.

[saphirasezblazingger]

I love you

And you know it is true

And sometimes I hate you

You know I really do

Because I gave you the right

To break my heart, but that's alright

You always seem angry at the very light

Things I don't do right

I love your smile

It seems so bright

The way your mood swings

Left and right

I love the way you hold my hands

Feels like lavender all over the lands

I feel the warmth of the sun on my face

Like all my problems were slowly erased

I love you

I really do

And I knew

You love me too

[saphirasezblazingger]

Para tayong libro,

Exciting bilihin sa umpisa,

Gagawin ang lahat, pag-iipunan mo pa

Pag buklat mo ng unang pahina,

Ang kwento mag sisimula na

Ang karakter nati'y magpapakilala

Aking ipapakita ang pinakamagandang bersyon,

Para makuha ang natatangi mong atensiyon

Iyon ang aking misyon

Ang kwento'y nagsimula na,

Tayo ay magkakilala na,

Dito na magsisimula ang mga problema

Parang tubig sa ulap ng hanging habagat

Problema ay pabigat ng pabigat

Hanggang sa hindi ko na mabuhat

Malakas na ulan, hampas ng hangin, isang bagyo

Na bumabayo

Sa relasyong ating binuo

Tila tayo'y isang malaking puno

Matayog man ay tumumba't sumuko

Sa hampas ng hangin na dala ng bagyo

Ngunit tulad ng isang libro

Mga problema sa umpisa

Ay malalagpasan ng isa-isa

Sumikat ang araw

Bagong simula ang natanaw

Init na nakakatunaw

Sumibol ang bagong pag-ibig

At dahil sa mga karasan

Alagaan ang puno'y ating natutunan

Mas matibay na tayo ngayon

Sa mga problema ay madaling maka ahon

Kahit tayo pa ay hampasin ng paulit-ulit ng alon

Parang bato na hinahampas ng tubig

Kahit gaano pa tayo katibay,

Sa tagal ng panahon tayo'y bibigay

Away na paulit-ulit,

Timba ay napupuno ng galit

Ang hawak ko'y pahigpit nang pahigpit

Akong mahaba ang pasenya

May hangganan rin at napupuno na

Parati nalang bang ako?

Sa maliliit na bagay ay nagagalit

Mga bagay na aking ipinipilit

Paliwanag na paulit-ulit

Pagod, Wika ng iyong mga labi

Itigil na ito, ang iyong sinasambit

Kaba ang kabog sa aking dibdib

Hindi na patas to

Tuwing ang galit mo ay maaraw

Tila sorbetes, ako'y natutunaw

Sa tuwing ako naman ang umaraw

Ang katahimikan mo'y tila sumisigaw,

Ako'y nabibingi sa katahimikan

Ika'y parati nalang lumalayo

At ako naman itong parating nanunuyo.

Isa pa, at ako'y mapapagod na

Problema'y nagpatong

Galit ay naging gatong,

Nagliyab na parang apoy

Ika'y aking binigyan

Nakakabinging katahimikan

Para iparating ang galit na aking nararamdaman

Nag hihintay sa iyong suyo

Ngunit ang aking natamo

Ay ang iyong paglayo

Hinabol naman kita

Pag-ibig naman ay aking pinakita

Kahit may bahid ng pagkadismaya sa aking mata

Ngunit sa oras na iyon ako ay napuno na

Hindi ko na ito kaya

Ako ay may hangganan rin pala

Ikaw ay aking hinayaan

Palayo, ikaw ay pinagmasdan

Sa puso ika'y aking sinundan, ngunit ang paa ko'y lumisan

Iniisip ko nalang,

Meron rin naman akong halaga

Sana sa pag lisan ko'y iyong makita

Parang isang serye ng libro

Alam kong ito ay ang dulo

Ng isang kabanata ngunit hindi ng libro

[saphirasezblazingger]

[saphirasezblazingger]

Hello

I'm not here just to say I'm sorry. I'm here to say that I was wrong. I was wrong to take it all on you in one go. I can't help it because you're always mad at me in every little thing I do. When I'm singing, you'll get mad, when you're singing, I don't get mad. When I am asking you a question politely, you will act like you didn't hear it. So I'll repeat the question, but you won't answer. So i don't know if you can hear me. So I'll ask again, then you'll yell at me, telling me I'm annoying. Like what? When I'm giving help or advice, you won't take it. You will act like I am doing something bad. When I'm telling a joke. You don't hear it as a joke anymore, you will only hear the negative meaning of it. I'm sick and tired of how you're treating me. That's why I exploded. I just can't hear another yell from you. Sorry. I could have been better.

[saphirasezblazingger]

Existential Crisis is a bitch

[saphirasezblazingger]

Sorry, I don't know what to say.

Thank you for understanding, even if it hurts.

Sorry for putting you in that situation in the first place.

I love you, always and forever.

We'll pass these trials soon. Just hold on.

[saphirasezblazingger]

Boom, I manage everyone to get mad at me, even I am mad at me. I hope it ends soon.

[saphirasezblazingger]

10:38 pm

I had a dream. A painful one. It felt like it was real.

I do not remember much. Just that my girlfriend cheated on me with someone close to me. They did the unforgivable and then my girlfriend told me, regretting the affair. She tried ger best to say sorry, in words and in action . I felt the pain like it was real, then I cannot just forgive her. But then she walked out of me not being able to bear the way I ignored her. Then she was driving a motorcycle, I had to run after her. I was exhausted but I caught up to her asking her to be patient with me. My heart is not ice cold, it is hurt. I said I can't just forgive her but she can't just walk away from this. It felt like the dream took days. I was crying inside me, I even talked to the guy. He said that they didn't mean to do it. The pain was constant. I can't accept it. I thought about proposing to marry her if she hadn't done that.

4:45am

Then I woke up. I didn't know how to feel. I feel angry and furious because she cheated on me but was relieved that it was just a dream. I instantly wanted to go after her and propose to her, even though I know that I don't have the means to support her yet. I just thought, I have work We can just get married.

4:48am

Then I came to my senses. There are a lot to accomplish before marriage. I need to finish my school, we even need to get matured and talk to a council. I realize that we had a fight a night before the dream. Searching for her messages

"New message 6:17pm"

She hasn't messaged me yet, okay. I don't like this feeling.

[saphirasezblazingger]

It hurts

I woke up early.

It smells like coffee.

I can hear the wind blowing,

Trees cranking, birds chirping.

I remember those day when I was gazing on your beauty. You had no idea that I was so down for you. I was your friend but I never saw you as mine, you are so much more than that.

The late night walks. I was your on-pocket photographer. You thought I like taking pictures, but to be honest I just like to stare at you. You were my day, you make me excited about school ever morning.

I wonder why you never felt me or see me. I literally was inside your world. I was everywhere you were. I know I love you before even I confessed that I like you.

I love you so much it hurts. I watched you fall for somebody, broken hearted, rise again like there was nothing. I watched you go, walk away from me. I watched you eat. I watched you talk. I watched you walk. I watched you cry. I watched you laugh. I was there, I was always there.

...

Now, I feel you like you're a time bomb that explodes anytime. I love you so much it hurts. Everytime you make me feel I'm nothing. You drive me crazy in all emotions. You heighteneds my emotion, you magnify everything. My anger, my love, my happiness, my sadness, my hatred, my joy and everything I feel.

Everytime you argues with me I want to smash anything that I'm holding. I want to slam the table. Then be sorry. You're love makes me vulnerable, but it feels so good. It feels like I'm naked on the top of a mountain, where no one cares on how I look.

I love you so much it hurts. I love to make you happy as the best I can do. I always make decisions for you before me. It made me turn down a lot of things I like that I know you won't, but you never knew them.

I love you too much it hurts. I always want to make you happy as you make me. I want to return your love full. I want to make you feel loved. I want to treat you as my Queen. I want you to feel safe. But I want something in return. I want you to take care of yourself as I take care of you. I want you to love yourself as I love you. And I love you. I love you. I love your fair skin, brown eyes, black hair, I love all of you

[saphirasezblazingger]

Love

[saphirasezblazingger]

Lo siento

[saphirasezblazingger]

Pero el hecho de que fuera cierto dolía aún más. La forma en que dijiste que fue dolorosa. Porque estabas disgustado conmigo. Me siento disgustado conmigo mismo.

[saphirasezblazingger]

apartofuswasbrokenormorelikelyapartofmewasapartofmewastakeniwanttogetmyrevengebutibroughtthistomyselfallihavetodoistolivewithitishouldveseenthiscomingnowillbecolderthanevermyjokeswillneverbeunleashedwithfullpotentialnodirtytalksnocommemoratesnonothingimsadbutitsallrightisupposetoletthisotherfeelingsthatwasblockedtotheothermeansiwasalittleluckythativegottotalktosomeoneaboutthisthingsnowillhavetobesadandtrytokeepitwithinthisisthefarewellofdirtytalksbutnotinmymindiwontbesayinganythingmorethankiss

[saphirasezblazingger]

Taylor's Seven, My Version

I think you should come, run with Me and we can be weirdos Then you won't have to try Or hide under my bed And just like an old tale Our love will be passed on

[saphirasezblazingger]

[saphirasezblazingger]

Sorry

Here we go again, I hate confrontations because I'm not good at it. I always ending up being the bad guy, well in fact I am just the half. I always ended up saying the wrong things or words.

I'm Sorry, I wanted to give you literally my time like NOW... Because I'm not doing anything. I'm free, but I feel like you are angry or something. You make me feel that I am the one to blame.

I told you that I am not doing anything, in a form of something you will read between the lines. And all you just did was agree, then nothing.

I'll make a summary

-I was busy these past few days. Now that I'm free, you are not.

- I wanted you to come but you refused, saying next time.

-I think you are avoiding me, maybe because you felt like I am avoiding you. But I am not. But if I see it on your side of story I kinda am.

-Please forgive me. Sorry for the hectic schedules. Sorry if I can't reach out to you directly. Maybe because I know that you'll get mad.

PS. I really miss you.