Beomgyu through your eyes, through all the beautiful things he reminds you of.
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pairing: Choi Beomgyu x afab! reader
No warnings here, only tenderness and sweetness, infused with the rawness of my unfiltered love for Choi Beomgyu. Love is an emotion so deep, yet Beomgyu makes me feel what it truly means to fall in love, to be in love. His presence brings a warmth and clarity that words can scarcely capture. This piece is also my humble apology to all of you, as I take a brief pause from writing. I hope this small gift fills up the barely there emptiness I will be temporarily leaving behind. Enjoy, and thank you for your patience <3
Reblogs and feedbacks are appreciated!
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The first time you met Beomgyu, you thought he was a song with an upbeat melody and melancholic lyrics.
It was in a flower shop, one tucked between the cracks of the bustling city, filled with the scent of fresh petals and damp earth. You were there to buy flowers for yourselfâno particular occasion, just the quiet yearning for something beautiful. He was there for his mother, as you would later come to know.
Even in a place overflowing with color and life, with beauty and extravagance, your eyes had found him first.
Beomgyu stood near a display of yellow tulips, fingers brushing absentmindedly over the petals as he spoke to the florist, his voice too light for you to catch. The way he moved, the way he laughed at something the florist said, how the golden afternoon light filtered through the shopâs windows and painted warmth into the edges of his silhouetteâit all had the energy of a song that made you want to sway.
âYouâre taking your time,â he then remarked, a hint of amusement in his voice as he glanced at the bouquets before you. âCanât decide?âÂ
You blinked at him, startled by the sudden conversation. âI just⌠I donât know which ones to get.â
Beomgyu glanced at the flowers surrounding you, then tilted his head slightly. âWell, what do you want them to say?â
His tone was a little playful, but there was a quiet kindness in it, too. And when you looked into his eyes, the melody shifted. There, in the warm brown depths, you traced out not quite sadness, but a knowing sort of wistfulness, like a song whose lyrics carried a weight that didnât match the lightness of its tune.
âFlowers can talk now?â you were caught off guard.Â
He chuckled. âNo, and yes. They have meanings. Like those peonies you keep glancing at? They symbolize good fortune and love. Sunflowers over there? Adoration and loyalty. And these?â He gestured to the violets beside you. âFaithfulness. Devotion.â
Something in the way he spoke made your heart clench, like he wasnât just reciting definitions but holding pieces of himself within each word. You listened, caught in the strange contradiction of him. His laughter was bright, his words gentle. And yet, beneath them, there was an ache woven between the notes, the quiet sorrow nestled within the joy.
A song that made you want to dance, but left your heart aching by the time it ended. Yet somehow, you wanted to memorize every word.
That was your first impression of Beomgyu.Â
Beomgyu was happiness as bright as yellow and sadness as deep as blue. Both hues always morphed into longing, into yearning.
Your friendship had come as easily as breathing, slipping into your life like sunlight through an open window. He was golden in the way he laughed, in the way he leaned into you during late-night conversations, eyes crinkling, voice bubbling over with warmth. Beomgyu could fill a room with his brightness alone, and youâhelplessly drawn to the sunâfound yourself chasing after his light without realizing you had begun to run.
And yet, in the quiet, you learned of the blue that floated beneath. You caught glimpses of it in the moments he thought no one was lookingâin the way his fingers hovered over the keys of a piano, pressing down with a softness that made his melodies ache. In the way he gazed at the sky, not with admiration, but with a wistfulness you wished you could gently wipe away. In the pauses between his laughter, when silence pressed in like an ocean tide retreating from the shore.
Perhaps that was why loving him came as easily as befriending him. He was both the sunlight and the shadow it cast, and you wanted to know every shade of him. You wanted to soak in his laughter and cradle his sadness, to learn the melodies he hummed absentmindedly and understand the thoughts he never voiced.
He became your muse before you even knew it, weaving himself into your words, your art, the very fabric of your days. And as much as he was yellow and blue, he was yoursâetched into your heart in colors only you could see.
Beomgyu felt like autumn at its peak.
The world turned golden in his presenceâmaple reds, sunflower yellows, the rich ochre of leaves crunching beneath your feet. He was crisp air against your skin, warm drinks cupped between chilled fingers. He was the golden hour glow spilling through branches, the scent of earth after a nightâs rain. He was laughter in the wind, a sweet hum carried through rustling leaves.
You realized it one afternoon, walking beside him on a path littered with amber and rust-colored leaves. The sun hung low in the sky, gilding everything in soft light. Beomgyu walked with his hands stuffed into the pockets of his coat, his hair a tousled mess from the breeze. He kicked at a stray leaf, sending it spinning into the air, and when he turned to you, grinning, you swore you had never seen anything more beautiful.
âAutumn suits you,â you had said, the words slipping out before you could think twice. Honestly, you didnât need to.Â
He blinked, surprised. Then, his lips curled into a slow, knowing smile. âHow so?â
You brushed your thumb against his cheek, smiling softly. âFalling... it doesn't feel as painful or haunting as I always imagined. You helped me realize that what I've been fighting all along was actually what I needed the most.â
But seasons change, and autumn never stays.
You learned to love him when autumn was endingâwhen the trees were stripped bare, their branches skeletal against a slate-gray sky. When the wind grew sharp and cold, biting through layers of fabric and stinging your cheeks. When the last of the leaves clung desperately to thinning branches before surrendering to the earth.
And yet, even when winter kissed the ground and the north wind carved itself into your bones, you found yourself loving him still.
You loved him when his warmth turned to silence, when his golden glow faded into something softer, something more fragile. You loved him when his laughter quieted, when he stood beneath the barren trees with his hands still stuffed into his coat pockets, staring up at the sky like he was waiting for the first snowfall.
Because Beomgyu was not just autumn in its splendor. He was also the bare branches left behind. The final leaf drifting to the ground. The moment the cold settles in, biting and realâand the moment you decide that even then, you will stay.
You loved him through the changing seasons. You loved him, all of him.
Your first kiss with Beomgyu did not feel like fireworks like how the authors in their books promised you. It was not a dazzling burst of color, nor a sharp, fleeting spark that set the night ablaze. No, it was quieter than that. Softer. Like the swell of waves that kissed the shoreâgentle and lulling, a pull and retreat that never truly left.
You remembered the way the world seemed to hush around you, how the distant hum of the cicadas melted into the rustling leaves. The lanterns overhead bathed everything in gold, but all you could focus on was himâthe way his hands cradled your face, hesitant but wanting. The way his breath fanned over your lips, warm and steady, before he finally closed the distance.
It wasnât urgent. It wasnât hurried. It was the slow kind of falling, the kind that felt like a secret between just the two of you. He kissed you like he had all the time in the world, as if he was memorizing the way you felt beneath his touch. And when he pulled away, your heart still chased the warmth he left behind.
Much like the sea always reached for the shore, you knew you would always find your way back to him.
His hugs felt like the solace of scented candles and the soft glow of lights that fill a room. On days that have stretched too long, coming back to your shared apartment, he knew when to hold you.
On such a particular day, you found him in the living room, sitting on the couch with his guitar resting in his lap, playing a tune you recognized as one of his many unfinished songs he played for you. You leaned against the wall, fondly watching him. It was stupefying how his presence alone could make you forget about all the noises in your mind.Â
When he saw you, he didnât ask. No words were ever needed. One look at you and without a single question, he opened his arms to you, waiting for you to accept it.
Resisting the pull for him and the safety he provided you is like the tide resisting the moon. Futile.
You fell into his embrace like two puzzle pieces fitting perfectly together. His arms closed around you, drawing you in, and the weariness from your day began to fade. You nestled against him, your cheek resting in the curve of his collarbone. You exhaled a breath, letting the ugliness of the world wash out that was buried deep in your heart, followed by a long inhale of his scent which instead made its home there. Him, the rightful owner of your heart.
Pulling you down on the couch he held you close, pressing a soft kiss to your temple before he whispered against your hair. âRest, my love. You are deserving of it.â His voice is full of quiet admiration. âStay in my open arms and rest.â
You close your eyes, the rhythm of his heartbeat beneath your ear grounding you. Being near him, surrounded by him, itâs like the calm after a stormâthe world hushing, the air softening, everything falling into place. It felt like returning home.
Beomgyu is home.
Beomgyu is the embodiment of pure love and comfort.
He never needed grand declarations, never needed to string together poetry in an attempt to express what was already woven into his every gesture. His love was in the silent things, the unnoticed thingsâthe way he refilled your coffee when you werenât looking, how he made sure your scarf was wrapped properly before you stepped out into the cold. It was in the soft hum of his voice when he thought you were asleep, in the way his fingers smoothed over your knuckles absentmindedly as he read beside you.
You never liked oranges.
But they tasted sweet when he peeled them for you, his fingers deftly working through the rind with the kind of care that made your heart ache. He would press a slice to your lips without a word, waiting for you to take it, his gaze warm with an affection too vast to be contained in something as simple as language. And maybe that was why you took it, why you chewed past the tang and the bitternessâbecause when love was given so gently, so earnestly, how could you not accept it?
Much like the love that had brewed in the home you built together, his presence seeped into every corner of your life, turning the ordinary into something golden. You found yourself enjoying things you never had before, simply because they were wrapped in him. The mundane had never felt so tender. Love had never tasted so sweet.
With him it did, it always does, and you knewâit always will.
There's this weird obsession with Jiyong's sexuality on viptwt since the beginning of this year that I really don't understand. Almost everyday there's someone discussing if he's gay or bi or straight not to mention the sexualization of every interaction he has with almost everybody. It's really frustrating and sad to witness because we as a fandom have always complained about people and media violating Jiyong's privacy in the past and this might be the worst kind not only because it's something so personal and private but also because it's his fans doing it. It's so invasive and we should know that in the big year of 2025.
may god bless the dinosaur that died to make the fossil fuel that was treated to become gasoline in the car that took his mom to the hospital to give birth to him
âWe think you and Ji should date,â your managerâs words hit you like a ton of bricks.
âWait, what,â You almost shriek.
âItâll be good for both of you. You and Big Bang both have albums coming out and it could help your album sales.â She says with an emphasis on the âyourâ. You grimace at her words. The idea of riding on someone elseâs coattail isnât what you wanted. Especially when itâs your ex-boyfriend. You and Kwon Ji-yong dated about a year ago but never confirmed anything so when you split it was quiet.
âDo I even have a choice in this,â you ask with a sigh.
âNope, so be prepared, heâll be here soon and weâll discuss the plan.â
That night was your first with him in the hotel room. Your managers decided that since Big Bang would be going on tour it was best if you tagged along, both for the publicity stunt and your career. You and Ji were A list actors in front of everyone, but when you two were alone, it was a different. After the first show you and Ji-yong congratulated each other in front of others and you gave a quick kiss on the cheek.
âYou did great, oppa!â Your smile wasnât forced and the compliment genuine. Heâd always been an amazing performer, itâs one of the many qualities that drew you to him.
âThanks, Jagiya,â he kissed the tip of your nose.
âGet a room you two!â Taeyang shouted teasingly. You both rolled your eyes and for a brief moment, you wondered how genuine Ji-yongâs gummy grin really was. You shook the thoughts from your head as you both walked to your dressing rooms. Once inside you shut the door with your back against it with a sigh of relief.
âOne show down, a bunch more to go,â you mumble to yourself. The next few months were a whirlwind of fake romance. The onstage kisses and backstage hand holding, the teasing remarks and cute pet names, it was all reminiscent of the time you two spent together, and yet none of it was really real. At least not for Jiyong. For you it was like visiting an old friend, getting to feel his hugs and kisses like you used to. Getting to laugh at his silly jokes and having dance battles on stage like you would at home. It was trip down memory lane. But you grew tired of the stark contrast. Things were sweet whenever you guys were in front of anyone, including the guys, but when alone, things were somewhat distant. The air was more professional and colder somehow. It sucked.
You were out on stage with Ji-yong as the other guys were taking a break, when he did something totally unexpected.
He put the mic up to his lips and said, âI love you, y/n,â the crowd went wild. Your eyes were wide and thatâs when it felt like something in you felt like it broke. Knowing the words were nothing but lines to feed the publicity stunt. But youâd remain professional.
âI love you, Kwon Ji-yong,â you grinned and shared a passionate kiss, one you couldâve sworn was real.
Back at the hotel that night, you hurried to get into the room before anyone else could stop you. You flopped face first on the bed and groaned loudly.
âWoah, and here I thought it was a good night,â Ji-yongâs voice made you jump. You sat up and just glared at him.
âWhyâd you do that?â You didnât mean to shout but the feelings, both positive and negative couldnât be helped. He looked at you and rubbed the back of his neck. He opened his mouth to say something but you cut him off.
âHow long does it last? I mean, they canât expect us to get engaged and then get married,â you half joked. You wouldnât put it past your manager to suggest such a thing though.
âI donât know,â he says with a sigh. For a moment you just sit there.
âIâm gonna take a shower,â you say slowly. Once the shower was over you walk out to see him in nothing but sweatpants trying to make a bed on the couch. You smile to yourself, at least he wasnât going to try and force you to share a bed. He looks back at your and smirks.
âEnjoying the view?â Your eyes grow slightly wider as you realize you were staring.
âWhat,â is all you could manage to say back. He chuckles to himself as you stride to the king size bed. The lights went out and both of you were laying there still. You sighed as you instantly knew you werenât going to get much sleep. You tossed and turned until you finally couldnât take it anymore.
âJi, you awake,â you whisper in the dark.
âNope,â you could hear the smirk in his voice. You rolled your eyes with a small smile.
âI canât sleep,â you admitted.
âMe either,â you hear him shift on the small couch.
âYouâd be more comfortable over here,â you teased. Itâs not like the two of you hadnât shared a bed before, so it wasnât a big deal.
âYou sure you want me over there?â You gently bit your lip.
âMight help me sleep honestly. Itâs cold in here,â
âOh so itâs really about you and not me?â you giggled at his teasing words.
âJust come here.â You threw back the blankets and feel the mattress dip beside you. You slide in close to him, feeling his body heat almost immediately.
âBetter?â you could see his face a little more from the moonlight. His brow was quirked with a small smirk.
âWarmer,â you hum satisfied. You both stare at each other for a moment not saying a word.
âIâve missed you, a lot.â You heartbeat quickend at his words. The moment he said he loved you on stage came flooding back and your emotions stirred once more.
âJi,â your tone warned him that it may not be safe to continue the conversation.
âI mean it, Jagiya. Iâve missed your smile and your laugh. The way you lights up when you get excited about something.â He chuckled to himself quietly. Â
âJi, youâre the one who said you didnât know what you wanted,â you said cautiously. He sighed and sat up in bed.
âI didnât mean I didnât know if I wanted you or not,â
âThatâs exactly what I asked you,â you said a little too quickly. You knew now wasnât the best time for this but screw it. He opened the wound so you decided to let it weep.
âI asked you if you still wanted to be with me,â your voice cracked slightly and you mentally cursed yourself.
âYour answer was, I donât know.â He sat there silently as if knowing there was more to say. You sat up to meet his gaze.
âWhen someone doesnât know if they wanna be with you, that means they have doubts, Ji. And I wasnât gonna stay and be made a fool of.â By now tears were pricking your eyes and you tried to blink them back. It surprised you how strongly you felt about all this, even now. You thought you mourned the relationship and the future that couldâve been. But seeing him again, having to act all loving and romantic with him brought up a lot of feelings.
âAegiya,â he whispered as he seen you wipe a stray tear from your cheek. You starred at him not knowing what to say.
âI wanted you, but I knew that staying with you meant going public and I didnât want you hurt,â he tried to defend himself.
âJi-yong, that wasnât just your choice to make. I can take care of myself.â
âThe media is stupid, y/n. Itâs not that easy.â His voice desperate for you to understand his perspective.
âBesides you were the one who left,â he reminded you.
âYeah I know that, G-Dragon,â You said his stage name sourly making his face crinkle. You rarely used his stage name, because while you loved his confidence on stage, you fell in love with Kwon Ji-yong, G-Dragon was just a bonus.
âYou act like I donât know how the media is first hand, or like I didnât back then.â You gave him an expectant look. He cast his eyes down away from you.
âI know it doesnât seem like it, but I thought it would keep you safe, you had just started making a name for yourself too. I-I never meant for things to escalate the way they did.â You heard the crack in his voice and sighed through your nose rubbing your head.
âLook, lets just, get some sleep. We get a break after tomorrow, and we can talk about this again,â your voice laced with exhaustion. As your turned to face away from your ex, his voice cut through the silent room.
romaincrisis
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theartofmadeline
