Well hello tumblr. It has been a mighty long time. I haven't indulged in a tumblr binge in quite some time. It’s funny how at one point you consumed my life daily. All the witty quotes, and badass photos I could find that no one had seen yet. All the people who get so upset for you stealing one of their pictures, it just all seems irrelevant now. It’s great to still see what you’ve been up to but I especially need an outlet to pour into right now. Ive been extremely stressed, depressed, high anxiety the last couple of weeks - its insane. I work at Safeway (the grocery store) in the deli. It’s a fun job, I work in the best deli in the Northern Californian division based on our customer reviews. I work very hard at what I do and for most of the time, I enjoy it. The thing I don't enjoy and is starting to weigh heavy on me is the pay. Safeway is a type of corporation that is heavy on seniority, how long you have been with the company, blah blah blah. One of my coworkers has been there for over 6 years and finally just got a huge pay raise of over $3. AFTER 6 YEARS. Jesus christ. I can hardly wait 6 months. In my position right now, I usually have to be at work at 4 am. YES. 4 fucking am. Almost 5 days a week like that. My young adult mind gets blown how early that is and how often it is. I like to work hard, but fuck. For shit pay. It is weighing heavy on me now because this is the first time I am actually doing everything on my own. When I first moved out of my mom’s house when I was 19, I was working and going to school. My mom had a deal with us three kiddos that if we were at least working full time or going to school full time, she would pay our rent. Good shit right? For a while. Then you start getting down about how you didn't really leave the nest, you might as well still be there. After doing this for 3 years, this is the first time I am now responsible for it. Its not an easy transition but thanks to the love of my life Duane, I don't have to go at it alone. We have been dating for just over a year and moved in together about 2 months ago. I love him with all of my heart, like Ive never loved anyone this much before. I love him so much it hurts sometimes. Ive been getting so stressed out this last month, I went out with a couple of old friends and got shitfaced. I started saying how I pay for our apartment (we split everything 50/50) and I started yelling how he should move the fuck out. Seriously I have no recollection of any of this. Just a distant boyfriend who seems to want nothing to do with me that next day when he wasn't talking to me. There is nothing I can say or do about it because he can never forget it. As much as I have apologized because I genuinely do not feel that way, he will still never forget my hurtful words. Then my fucking sarcastic bitchiness decides to show up and get me into even more trouble. He was at a friends house swinging by to pick up some weed and he tells me that he has to wait for him so he goes to his cousins house not very far from there. I just got an overwhelmingly weird feeling so when he told me his cousin just pulled up at the same time he did, I unthinkingly said “Prove it”. I got my ass handed to me for that one. I don't know why I said it, I just did. Sometimes I don't have a filter and it just comes out like word vomit. Bleh. After crying and not really talking to him for a day, we made up the next day. I can't really explain to him the emotion Im going through with finding a new job and stuff right now because frankly, I can’t even wrap my brain around it. Not knowing which was is up, where to go from here. I have thought of so many different options for work but how will it all work out? So then I get all reserved about talking to him about my feelings like my shitty Cancer (zodiac) likes to do and push him away. I truly don't know what I would do if I lost him. My heart would literally implode and I would just fade away into nothing. I want everything to be better and starting with a new job would help. I just have no clue where to start or how to get there. What I want to do anymore, or how to start something new. I think I could use someone’s advice out there. HOLLA if ya hear me and hook your girl up with some friendly advice. I would appreciate it.
gamechangershow
izzy806
dailybridgerton
