Lari's views on marriage throughout the series
While re-reading the Tapas version, I'm reminded of all the small mentions of Lari regarding marriage.
Even with the topic of "marriage", Lari's views go a drastic change throughout the series.
In the YM world, it's a very traditional, patriarchal, misogynist world. Women have no rights and are treated as property of either the father, brother (if she is unmarried) or the husband. They are not allowed higher education, and their only use is to look pretty as the lady of the home. All the decision making goes to the men. ALL the women in the series suffer some sort of sexist discrimination.
Amanda Belois - Has no say in House Belois decisions (eventually leaves the Count) Riche/Tris Gorten - married off to unhappy marriage Amelia Belois - tried to marry into power, died for her ambitions Eva - became a slave to the Emperor In TL1, Lari was any normal noble girl. She loved reading poetry and romantic stories, and dreamed of a marriage of happiness and love. However, she knew that such stories were unrealistic; as a noble she would have to marry for the prestige and prosperity of the House. However, even that bare minimum wasn't fulfilled: unbeknownst to her, she was the hidden Princess of the former Emperor, and was intentionally hidden away in the Southern Territory of the Belois manor. Count Belois intentionally blocked ANY suitors from approaching her. After she turned 15, she awaited letters from suitors but they never came. She was upset that Lehan was getting PLENTY of letters when he turned 15, and at age 18, she all had lost hope. At age 16/17, House Belois intentionally sabotaged her with a pathetic debutante to ensure no one would be interested in her. no one in the Belois manor wanted to help her with it, so she sought the help of Amelia Belois who also gave the bare minimum - as a result, Lari was shunned, mocked, ridiculed for being so plain at the most important event of her life thus far. Recall, the debunte ball is the event to introduce a young lady into society as a new young adult - but she received no attention at all. She only got the courtesy greeting from Rupert, who only cared about her as a "Belois" and not as "Lari". By the time she was 18, she lost all hope of ANY romance. After YEARS of mulling it over, she concluded she had a terrible personality, she was plain and unremarkable, and no one would ever want her. She had held hoped at age 16 that even if she was deficient, then some other noble would want her - but guess not.
Lari NEVER imagined that her own family was sabotaging her self esteem, because they had planned for her to marry her own BROTHER of all people. They never considered her their own daughter, just "someone who would become their daughter in law in the future." She may have learned perfect etiquette and all the skills required for a noble lady, but what was the point if she never married?
In the beginning, Lari pretends to not be bothered by the prospects of marriage - as she gave up already a long time ago - but she is still very much bothered by the concept. She often reminds herself she doesn't want it, doesn't need it, and unfortunately for Rupert, Lari is coping HARD regarding marriage.
At the end of the Belois vacation arc, she mentions again that she hopes for a marriage of love; but he reminds her how unrealistic it is, and she agrees. It's a nice thought, but utterly unrealistic and she knows that very well.
Years later, Lari's view on love literally breaks her: the 17yo Lari of TL2 is utterly uncapable of accepting Rupert's feelings. She spent almost 8 total years convincing herself no one will ever love her, no one wants her, no one wants her in their future, Rupert, the cold-hearted murderer would NEVER consider her a partner... yet here he is telling her point blank he loves her.
Throughout the series, Lari isn't an idiot, she notices his feelings, but she is in HARDCORE DENIAL about it. She makes every excuse under the sun to convince herself he doesn't like her in that way, that it's just because he's a nice, considerate guy.
Some readers may say it's because Lari's a cruel person, but I see it differently: Lari is so utterly broken and traumatized from the past, to her, the idea that "no one will love her" is her [truth].
To protect herself and her [truth], she pretended not to know, because she couldn't accept Rupert's feelings. She can't cope with it. For someone to be alone this whole time, to suddenly have someone tell her they loved her so much? it's too much for her. She can't suddenly undo 8 years of a belief just like that. It takes her over a year during the separation, and a few months after they reunite, but eventually through patience and positive encouragement, Rupert does manage to change her thinking, and Lari does understand she's a person who is worthy of someone's love, someone does want to marry her and be with her forever, someone wants to protect and care for her.. :)