Hello, folks. Just a friendly reminder that sometime soon, Iâll be posting a follow-up to this review, in which I analyze the card and discuss some changes I think would have improved this show even marginally. Until then, letâs get right into the review!
 We get a short intro, before going to our host Gorilla Monsoon, who, true to his word, is wearing a toga. Monsoon introduces us to the newest addition to the announce team, Jim Ross. Yes, itâs the debut of Good Olâ JR in the WWF. Unfortunately, JR is sans cowboy hat this time around, but he too is wearing a toga. Ross throws us over to Howard Finkel, who today will be known as âFinkus Maximus.â Maximus introduces us to Caesar and Cleopatra, making their return from the Royal Rumble on an elephant. Out next is Randy Savage, coming out on a sedan, being fed grapes. Kinda wish it had been Slim Jims. Savage gets a huge pop, and Iâm sad that heâs not actually wrestling tonight. Out next is Bobby Heenan, riding backwards on a camel, and looking absolutely terrified. Heenan complains that he was supposed to be the one on the sedan, with the virgins feeding him grapes. Alrighty then. With the commentators now gathered, we get the entrance of Intercontinental Champion Shawn Michaels, flanked by Luna Vachon in her WWF debut. Out next is Tatanka with a hatchet. Tatanka circles Michaels with the hatchet, as I fear we may see a murder live on PPV. Out to second Tatanka is Michaelsâ former manager Sherri, as our opening match gets underway:
 TATANKA DEF. SHAWN MICHAELS BY COUNT-OUT, WITH SHAWN RETAINING THE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP:
 Good way to kick off the show. Michaels was working very hard here, and Tatanka looked the best he ever had up to this point. The finish, of course, is definitely the elephant in the room. Obviously, the company didnât want to end Tatankaâs winning streak too soon. At the same time, I guess they decided either that it was too soon to end Shawnâs reign as IC Champion, or they didnât think Tatanka needed the belt. Either scenario begs the question of why the match was even set up in the first place, given the circumstances. On itâs own merits, however, the match was solid. ***.
 Post-match, Luna jumps Sherri, but is scared away by the noble stereotype, who checks on Sherri, and helps her away from ringside. Afterwards, we cut to an interview conducted by Mean Gene, whose toga is thankfully much more modest than he had implied it to be. Mean Gene welcomes his guest, the Steiner Brothers. Scott cuts quite possibly the most coherent promo of his career, and Rick promises to make Julius Caesar proud. Cut back to the ring, as the Headshrinkers and Afa are already awaiting their opponents. Out next are The Steiners, as we get our next match:
 THE STEINER BROTHERS DEF. THE HEADSHRINKERS BY PINFALL VIA FRANKENSTEINER:
 Very fun, hard hitting match between these two teams. I actually liked this a little bit better than the opener, and, in fact, Iâd go so far as to say this was one of the most underrated Wrestlemania matches I can think of, at least as far as ones that donât really get talked much about. Just a solid tag team match, and a great follow-up to the opener. *** 1/4.
 Cut back to Mean Gene and a statue of Caesar dressed up like Doink the Clown. Interesting. Mean Gene claims Doink desecrated the statue, and runs down Doinkâs evil deeds, to which Doink laughs uproariously. Iâm really loving Doink as these shows go on. Doink, in a heavy-handed instance of foreshadowing, warns that Crush may be seeing âdouble visionâ by the end of the night. Out comes Crush for this grudge match. Out next is Doink, with an umbrella, for some reason. He really shouldâve come out on a unicycle, or with some hyenas, or something. Doink squirts Crush with his flower, causing a chase to start the match:
 DOINK THE CLOWN DEF. CRUSH BY PINFALL VIA PROSTHETIC ARM SHOT:
 Kind of a standard, somewhat boring match, until the amazingly cartoonish finish, which saw a second Doink emerge with a prosthetic arm while the real Doink was about to be put in a Kona Crush. The two Doinks ganged up on Crush with the arm, did the Groucho Marx mirror gag, and both burst into laughter, before Doink pinned Crush. Enjoyably wacky finish to an otherwise forgettable match. * 3/4.
 Post-match, another referee runs out and informs the ref of the second Doink. They check under the ring, to no avail. Cut to Todd Pettengill in the crowd, as he polls some Japanese cameramen about whether or not there were two Doinks. They babble about Yokozuna and laugh, much to Pettengillâs disappointment. Waste of time. Razor Ramonâs music hits, as The Bad Guy makes his way to the ring. Out next is Bob Backlund, for his very first Wrestlemania match.
 RAZOR RAMON DEF. BOB BACKLUND BY PINFALL VIA INSIDE CRADLE:
 Short, boring mismatch between these two. Iâve touched on Backlund being out of his element here, and I would point to this match as an example of why. Razor took all sorts of bumps for Backlund, and it didnât really come off as believable. The finish didnât really do either of them any favors, either. For what itâs worth, there were some pretty loud âRazorâ chants at the beginning of the match, so make of that what you will. 3/4 *.
 Back to Mean Gene, as heâs interviewing the Tag Team Champions, Money Inc. We get a look at how the feud between these two and the Mega-Maniacs all started. DiBiase says itâs time to put up or shut up, calling Las Vegas their backyard, and IRS threatens to take Beefcakeâs protective mask and further injure his face. They also insinuate that Hulk Hoganâs conspicuous black eye here was caused by them, specifically that they paid some goons to rough him up coming out of the gym. Do they think Iâm stupid or something? Iâve seen Hogan survive much worse bodily harm in Mr. Nanny. Iâm sure heâll be fine. Out come the champions for our co-main event. Out next are the Mega-Maniacs, and Hogan is sporting quite a nasty shiner, indeed.
 MONEY INC. DEF. THE MEGA-MANIACS BY DQ TO RETAIN THE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP:
 So, here was the finish: the referee was down. Beefcake and IRS were both down. They tagged in their respective partners, and Hogan used the facemask of Beefcake, which had been ripped off during the match, on the heels. Hogan and Beefcake then pinned their opponents at the same time. Jimmy Hart, who comes off as rather Scrappy Doo-ish in his newfound babyface role, then turned his jacket inside out to reveal zebra stripes, and counted the pin. Hogan and Beefcake, like colossal buffoons, celebrated with the tag team titles, as if that actually counted as a win, until a real referee came down and disqualified the Mega-Maniacs, probably for that bout of idiocy, to which Hogan and Beefcake were incredulous. What an awful finish to an otherwise average tag team match. Again, we must ask the question: why book a match, a title match no less, wherein the challenger cannot, under any circumstances, lose the match, when you have no intention of changing the belts? This was far worse than the Michaels/Tatanka deal. That one reeked of desperation. This one reeked of bullshit; they really couldnât pin Beefcake? The man who went in with a known injury that could very well have been exploited? This was infuriating, but I canât really slag the match too much. **. On a side note, it looks like Hogan wonât be leaving Wrestlemania IX with gold. Too bad he wonât be given another opportunity to win a title tonight, because I think heâd do it in record time.
 Post-match, Jimmy Hart throws the ref out of the ring, and the Mega-Maniacs celebrate by opening up Money Incâs briefcase and throwing money to the crowd. Ugh. We get another interview with Todd Pettengill, this time with Natalie Cole, daughter of the Jazz great Nat King Cole, and the CEO of Caesarâs Palace, Dan Reichartz. Neither of them really contribute much. We then get a Mean Gene interview with Mr. Perfect, ahead of his match with Lex Luger. Okerlund points out how many people Luger has knocked out with his forearm, including WWF Champion Bret Hart at a brunch earlier that day. Mr. Perfect stumbles a bit over his promo, and goes to the ring. Out first is Lex Luger, with his long posing routine, this time incorporating four mirrors with sparklers on them. Well, thatâs new. Out next is Mr. Perfect to a huge reaction.
 LEX LUGER DEF. MR. PERFECT BY PINFALL VIA BACKSLIDE:
 Well, this was a little disappointing. Iâve generally enjoyed watching Mr. Perfect wrestle on some of these episodes of Raw so far, so I was expecting a solid match, even though Iâm really not a fan of Lugerâs work so far. For whatever reason, these two just didnât click at all. I wonât lay the blame entirely on Lex; I just donât think these two had a particularly good chemistry in this match. * 1/2.
 Post-match, Luger hits Perfect with the forearm, knocking Perfect out. Shortly after, Perfect goes after Luger to the back. Finding Luger talking to Shawn Michaels, Perfect starts brawling with the Narcissist, until Michaels attacks him from behind. I guess he really doesnât like having his conversations interrupted. Michaels continues the beatdown, until officials pull the two apart. Back to ringside, as Heenan and Savage argue about what they just saw, leading to Savage standing up threateningly to a huge pop. Man, itâs too bad Vince didnât want him to wrestle at this time. Ross sends it to Gorilla Monsoon, as he hypes up Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzalez and Bret Hart vs. Yokozuna, still to come. Giant Gonzalez is out next. Oh lord, no. Gonzalez is still wearing the stupid air-brushed muscle suit. They couldnât give him tights, or a loincloth, or something other than that? Out next is The Undertaker, on a funeral chariot, with a vulture. If Taker did shoot interviews, Iâd be very interested to hear if he had any problems with the bird. Speaking of problems, here comes this match!
 THE UNDERTAKER DEF. GIANT GONZALEZ BY DQ:
 Wowie, was this bad. If I had to choose between The Great Khali and Giant Gonzalez which one is a worse wrestler, Iâd have to go with Gonzalez, if for no other reason than his selling. The dude sold like a shambling zombie most of the match, and his offense was just as putrid. The finish, which infamously featured Gonzalez use a chloroform-soaked rag on Taker, was just as insulting, as the list of awful finishes from this show continues to grow. Bad stuff. Probably the worst Streak match Iâve ever seen in my life. -**.
 Post-match, a group of officials checked on Undertaker, which lead to Gonzalez chokeslamming one. Taker is stretchered out, as the crowd begins chanting for Hogan. Oh, youâll have to wait a few minutes for him, folks. Suddenly, the gong rings, as Taker comes back out to Gonzalezâs dismay. Taker goes after him in the ring, as Paul Bearer attempts to restrain him. Gonzalez is then lead out by security, as Undertaker is announced as the winner by DQ. JR promises that the war between these two is far from over. Stick around, folks!
 We go back to Mean Gene once again, as we see Yokozunaâs defeat of Jim Duggan, as well as a contract signing between Yoko and Bret, which ended with another Banzai Drop. Gene acknowledges that the odds-makers are betting on Yokozuna to win the match. Well, give them a prize. Gene then asks Hulk Hogan for his thoughts on the main event. Hogan rambles about Bret Hart, as well as his and Brutus Beefcakeâs injuries at the hands of Money Inc. Hogan warns Bret to watch out for Yokozuna, as he assures him that he and his Hulkamaniacs are on his side. Hogan then issues a challenge to either Bret or âthe Jap.â Lovely. Anyway, the challenge is laid out; the winner of the WWF Championship match tonight will face Hulk Hogan at some point. Perhaps before the show goes off the air, even. Gene then takes us to Todd Pettengill, who accosts some fans, including two frat boys who are probably having the time of their lives, getting to wear togas out in public, drinking beer, and watching some rather poor wrestling. Out first is Yokozuna, with Mr. Fuji. Out next is the champion, as our main event begins.
 YOKOZUNA DEF. BRET HART BY PINFALL VIA SALT TO WIN THE WWF CHAMPIONSHIP:
 Considering this was Yokozunaâs first major PPV match, I have to say, I did not think this was bad. Thereâs only so much these two can do with each other, and I feel like what they did was probably the best it could be. Bretâs certainly capable of better matches, but, for what it was, a pretty decent match. ** 1/2.
 But wait, itâs not over yet! As soon as Yokozuna stands up, in comes Hulk Hogan, outraged at Bretâs title loss. Hogan checks on Bret, when Mr. Fuji grabs a mic and challenges Hogan to a match with Yokozuna. Uh-oh. Hogan is about to walk away with Bret, but he freezes when Fuji offers to put the WWF Title on the line. Bret tells Hogan to go for it, in a moment that he may or may not be bitter about today. Hogan, being the noble hero he is, accepts the challenge against the tired fat man, and here we go:
 HULK HOGAN DEF. YOKOZUNA BY PINFALL VIA LEG DROP TO WIN THE WWF CHAMPIONSHIP:
 Essentially, Yoko tries to grab Hogan as soon he enters, trying to hold him back so Fuji can throw salt in the Hulksterâs eyes. Hogan ducks the salt, however, as it strikes Yokozuna. Hogan then takes down Fuji, hits Yokozuna with a clothesline not unlike his finisher in Japan, and nails the leg drop to score the quick victory. Many others have said it before, but, yeah, this left a bad taste in my mouth. I donât know if this was the plan all along. If not, the question must be asked for the third time tonight, why make a title match where you donât really want the challenger to become champion? They may not have ever had a heel walk out of Wrestlemania as champion before, but thereâs different ways to send the crowd home happy. This reeked of desperation, much like the previous finishes. I should mention that this was the last WWF Title match for quite some time. The next title match would be Hogan dropping the title 70 days later at King of the Ring, but weâll get to that when we get to it. Stupid, stupid stuff, but not really worth rating, to be honest.
 I will concede that Iâve never seen the earliest Wrestlemanias, some of which may be worse than this show. Iâve also never seen Wrestlemania XI, which seems to go hand-in-hand with this show as among the worst Wrestlemanias. I have seen Wrestlemanias 27 and 32, which some consider to be among the worst. But of all the Manias Iâve seen, this was by far the worst. Bad finishes, bad matches, bad booking all around, and a headscratchingly strange aesthetic to the production made for a rather unenjoyable viewing experience. I will say, the first two matches are definitely worth seeing. Maybe even Yokozuna vs. Bret Hart, I suppose. But as a whole, Iâd have to give this show a thumbs down. Watch it for historical purposes if you must, but be aware that a long stretch of tedium and boredom await you.
 Well, thatâs for all now. Stay tuned, as next time I go over a few changes I wouldâve made to the card to improve it, even a little bit. Until next time.
