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throwback to when i thought it would be cool to put flowers in my jeans!!

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Each relationship between two persons is absolutely unique. That is why you cannot love two people the same. It simply is not possible. You love each person differently because of who they are and the uniqueness that they draw out of you.

William P. Young, The Shack (via wordsnquotes)

aqkires

Hopeful - Hopeless

Sept 20th, 2015

Our conversations are getting shorter. Sometimes we just don’t talk at all. I’m trying so hard to reach out to you. All you do is push me away.

I’m scared that you’ll learn to live without me. I’m afraid that you’ll just forget me and all the feelings you have for me will just fade away. And to know that I can never be able to do that.

I’m trying so hard. I’m so hopeful, trying to sort things out that it’s getting hopeless.

You wanted space, I gave it to you. I’ve asked what you want. I’ve asked you everything but all you can say is you don’t know. I want you to fight for me, to just be strong for me.

All this while, I’ve fight for you. Whenever you just push me away, I’ll beg for you and pull you back to me. This time, I just want you to pull yourself back to me? Can’t you do that?

I miss talking to you, don’t you miss it?

I miss hearing your voice. Just listening to whatever nonsense you have to say.

I miss hearing your half awake voice every night as you’re about to sleep and in the morning as you got up. Your soft moan, God how much I miss it.

You know those little fights we have always. I miss that too. You’re so cute whenever you do that. You’re so annoyingly cute and I fucking love that.

And also those late night conversation we always have. I miss that the most. When we just talk about almost anything.

Those four words. God knows how much I miss them.

I just miss you so much. I need you so much and there’s nothing I can do about it that I’m going out of my mind.

aqkires

Sept 20th, 2015

E m o t i o n a l ; the downward spiral.

It’s 3am in the morning & I can’t seem to fall asleep. I can feel the anxiety kicking in. As much as try to put the feelings aside, it keeps on haunting me. Like tiny creatures in my head. Trying to keep my breathing steady, trying not to think so much.

I hope writing this would help me get my mind off things.

It’s really hard to fall asleep nowadays. Well, it has been really hard all this while. But nowadays, it’s different. Even if I eventually fell asleep, I would always keep on getting up in the middle of my sleep and the most amount of sleep I get would only be 4 hours. No matter how much I try to fall back to sleep I just can’t. I tried sleeping early but I’ll get up after an hour or so.

That feeling you get as if someone wakes you up forcefully. As if your soul were pull out from your body. You feel empty and so out of place. You heart just keep on beating faster and faster & all you could hear is tiny little creatures talking in your head. No matter how much you try to calm down, it gets worse as you try. Cold sweats, rapid heartbeats and there is nothing you can do.

Maybe that is why I can’t sleep. To be awake all night is better than to be awoken like that. The pain is unbearable. And as I lay here tonight, sleepless; it’s still there. In my head, just waiting for the right time to attack.

I’ve been trying so hard to not let it overpower me. To not let it conquer me but what I don’t know is, it is always there. It will always be there. Like a parasite, living in my head. Sucking up to all of my thoughts, eating away all the positivity and hopes. Leaving only negativity and despair.

There’s nothing I can do about it. The more I think, the more I fight, the more it is eating me alive. I tried to ignore, but it has its ways to fuck me up. With all this emotions raging up, I’m all heightened and overwhelmed.

Anger. Fear. Sadness. Disappointment.

So sensitive, it’s like everything is a stimulus against your emotions. The more you try to keep calm, the more it is haunting you.

I’ll sleep.

THE END.