writing down my thoughts

[seasofjupiterx]

I saw it coming but at the same time I didn't because I didn't believe the world could possibly be that fucking cruel.

[seasofjupiterx]

He feels it.

Not in words, but in the silence between us.

In the joking questions he asks with a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes: “Why do you hate me?”

In the way he holds me tighter, as if his body is trying to memorize something his heart already fears.

In the plans he makes — like drawing maps to a future he’s hoping that still belongs to us, not knowing I can’t walk that path anymore.

And I let him.

I lie there, let him hold me, kiss him back — and cry quietly inside.

Not because I don’t love him.

But because I do.

And because I know I’m going to leave —

not to hurt him,

but to stop losing myself.

[seasofjupiterx]

There was once when words came easy,

There was once a time when our love was free.

We’d speak and smile,

We’d hold each other,

But it seems to me now we’ll only ever speak out of spite.

We’re never at ease,

We’re always picking,

I fear we’ve forgotten what loving is like.

[seasofjupiterx]

There was once a time where I felt loved

There was once a time when I felt safe.

You made me feel happy

My own personal paradise.

But now it seems I’m always in tears

As you put me down over and over again

You don’t understand

How your words hurt me

And I don’t know how much I can take

[seasofjupiterx]

"I wish I knew that was the last time I would see you. I would have hugged you longer. I would have said more.."

[seasofjupiterx]

For once i want to be a person that isn't so easily replaced. I wanna be someone's favorite person, someone's priority like they're my priority. I wanna be the person that someone is scared of losing..

[seasofjupiterx]

And then finally

It didn’t hurt anymore

[seasofjupiterx]

"You were everything…"

[seasofjupiterx]

"Maybe..

Just maybe..

In another universe

I don’t look for you in everyone I meet"

[seasofjupiterx]

I think about us a lot. I don't know if it's the end of the chapter and you'll return later on or if it's the end of the story, but I love you. I miss you. And I'm sorry this is the way it became.

[seasofjupiterx]

"The thing I keep thinking about is: Was it worth it to be happy for a little bit? Even though it ended up sad.. Or would it have been better if the whole thing never happened?"

[seasofjupiterx]

"There is a part of me that is desperate to know if my absence has done any damage to you. That there is a possibility that you too, experience long restless nights due to the thought of me. That your heart is broken in the same places as mine. I want to know that I'm not the only one hurting from this. I want to know that I actually meant something to you."

[seasofjupiterx]

"sometimes when I look into your eyes I get confused. I dive into their green maze then surface to find them.. brown."

[seasofjupiterx]

"my biggest fear is that we were meant to be. what if we were wrong, and we missed out on all the ways we were supposed to love each other. what if timing and space was just an excuse that we used to separate two hearts that beat simultaneously. maybe we are going to live the rest of our lives watching the wrong story unfold."

— Whitney Hanson

[seasofjupiterx]

"I am so scared that we were meant to be but kind of just did it wrong..?

Like what if we ended things and we’re now watching the wrong story unfold.. for the rest of our lives."

[seasofjupiterx]

"I think I will always love you a little bit not in the ‚I love you' way but in the way were I care at you like I hope you are safe and nobody hurts you and I hope you come home well and I hope you're happy."

[seasofjupiterx]

"I’ve reached the point where I just want to forget about you and everything we had. I just want the pain to end."