I know what I want

I'm Sebastian, husband of the wonderful Hunter Clarington. I'm a lawyer here in Los Angeles. You better don't want to sit on the opposite side of me in the court. The next adventure my husband and I are planing is a baby and our own little family. warning: mpreg This is just a RP-Account. Nothing belongs to me.

[hunterevanclarington]

MUCH NEEDED TIME TOGETHER || SEBASTIAN & HUNTER

[hunterevanclarington]

"Baby, please stop blaming yourself. Its something neither on of us could control and I don’t blame you. I am just glad you are feeling better and back home with Julian and I. I have missed you so much. I don’t ever want to let you go baby" he said kissing the side of his neck. He watched has Sebastian turned and moaned into the kiss.

His hands roaming up and down Sebastian’s body. Memorizing the feel of it again, before his hands settled on his ass, squeezing and massaging the globes. He had really missed this with Sebastian. Being able to touch and taste. He wanted to feel all of him. Make love to him. Show him how much he had missed him.

He thrust up slightly, not wanting to push to much since he wasn’t sure what Sebastian was ready for.

"Baby? I love you , I want to taste you again and make love to you." He whispered before leaning down to suck a mark on his neck. "Just let me know if you want me to stop." He mumbled. His mouth continuing its explorations.

[seb-clarington--smythe]

Sebastian enjoyed the touch of Hunter's hands on his body. It felt good and right. And he has missed it. But there was this little voice in his head, making him think about it deeper. Was he really ready for making love with Hunter again? Having sex again? The small voice tried to grow louder, but Sebastian's heart took another decision than his mind and the voice went silent when Sebastian snuggled more against Hunter. 

"I love you and I want it. I want us to have sex again, make love and everything that's part of it for us." Sebastian answered Hunter's unspoken question with a firm voice. "I don't want you to stop!" Sebastian moaned and clung harder on Hunter. He was ready.

[hunterevanclarington]

MUCH NEEDED TIME TOGETHER || SEBASTIAN & HUNTER

[hunterevanclarington]

Hunter grinned and grabbed Sebastian’s hand to pull him upstairs to the bathroom. Once there he turned the water on to warm up the water and proceeded to slowly strip his husband. “Baby it is so good to have you home. ” he whispered has he gently sucked on his collar bone once it was exposed. How he had missed his lover and friend and wanted to show him just how much.  His hands where rubbing up and down his sides before he moved them around to the back and squeezed his ass, through his pants. His hands then trailed around to the front and slowly undid his pants pushing them off his long muscular legs. “Get in baby” he said helping him in before hurriedly stripping to follow his husband into the bath water.

[seb-clarington--smythe]

Sebastian closed his eyes, when Hunter started to suck on his collar bone. How long ago had their last romantic, intimate encounter been? He couldn't remember, but for a moment he was sure it must've been during his pregnancy. And for the moment, Sebastian has been just happy that he had such an understanding husband. He had missed Hunter and all their little intimate gestures during their leisure time. Of course he had known it would change when they had a child, but what they both hadn't planned into their family plans was Sebastian's postpartum depression. Sebastian enjoyed the hands of Hunter on his skin and willingly stepped out of his pants when Hunter had pushed them down. He only opened his eyes when Hunter told him to get into the water, which he did a short moment later. Every second that passed while Hunter was stripping down hurriedly, felt like a minute for Sebastian. He wanted his husband close, he wanted to cuddle close to him and to just enjoy an intimate moment again with his husband after all they had been through the last months. Once Hunter finally made it also into the water, Sebastian moved over, so that he could lean on Hunter's chest with his back. "I missed you, so much." Sebastian whispered into the candle lighted bathroom, drawing circles on Hunter's muscular arms that were wrapped around his middle. His gaze fell shortly onto the scar from the C-section and deep emotions flooded him. "I love you, Hunter Clarington. I love you and our Julien so much. I'm really sorry for what I did to you both." A single tear stung in Sebastian's eye when he remembered how he had to leave his family alone to learn how to get better. But this was the past, he needed to look forward into the future - a future that included Hunter and their little one and maybe other little ones. Slowly he turned around in Hunter's arm, so that he was lying chest to chest now. Their eyes locked for a moment, before Sebastian closed his and kissed Hunter with all the love he has for his husband.

[seb-clarington--smythe]

jeffyduval replied to your photo:Julien and I had a fun day at the pool today. The...

Oh my god little cutie. I am still not allowed to steal him, am I?

Thank you. You have your own little cuties, so no, you're still not allowed to steal him.

How are you and Nick? Is everything alright?

[hunterevanclarington]

MUCH NEEDED TIME TOGETHER || SEBASTIAN & HUNTER

[hunterevanclarington]

"I know baby, but I want to be sure I am not pushing you too fast. There is a bath waiting and maybe some cuddle time or whatever you want in bed. I want to hold you Bas, and touch you, make you feel good again." He whispered leaning across the table to pull Sebastian into a gentle kiss. "Whenever you are ready we can go on up. I want you to enjoy tonight." He said smiling against his lips. Before kissing him again.

[seb-clarington--smythe]

Sebastian smiled into the kiss when he heard that Hunter even had a bath prepared for them. "I'd say we enjoy a warm bath then." He whispered against Hunter's lips and quickly drew in some air, before his lips were claimed by another kiss of Hunter's lips. Oh, how much had he missed those lips, those small, innocent and soft kisses. For Sebastian Hunter's lips felt like velvet. With a soft groan Sebastian ended their kiss. "Let's go upstairs and get into our bath before the water turns cold." He suggested now, astonished about himself for being the one to initiate something further. Today was a good day, he felt it now. At first, in the morning, when he had his first alone time together with Julien he was afraid, anxious and in sheer panic, but now with Hunter around he felt the anxiety fade away and he felt safe again. 

[hunterevanclarington]

MUCH NEEDED TIME TOGETHER || SEBASTIAN & HUNTER

[hunterevanclarington]

Hunter smiled at Sebastian has he reached across and grabbed his hand. “I am glad you like it baby, I tried to make all your favorites. Was there anything else you wanted to do baby? Or did you just want to cuddle?” he asked softly. He knew Sebastian was getting better, but that he wasn’t where he was before. He didn’t want to push him into something he wasn’t ready for. He squeezed his hand and continued eating.  Watching has Sebastian did the same. He was very happy that things were getting better and he would do all he could to help it continue. 

[seb-clarington--smythe]

"I wasn’t the one to plan this evening." Sebastian smiled at Hunter. "But I’ll try to be as open as possible for anything you have in mind." He took another bite of the food and closed his eyes, a soft sound of enjoyment coming out of his mouth. "You’re a much better cook than I’m." Sebastian stated. Sebastian missed evenings like this, but he also knew that not a long time ago, he wouldn’t have been able to enjoy such evenings. "So, what did you plan next for tonight?" Sebastian asked curiously. 

[seb-clarington--smythe]

Julien and I had a fun day at the pool today. The little man loves the water, even though he looks a bit skeptical here. 

[hunterevanclarington]

MUCH NEEDED TIME TOGETHER || SEBASTIAN & HUNTER

[hunterevanclarington]

Hunter smiled when he heard Sebastian. He went out to the living room and pulled him into a hug. “Hello baby, How was your day?” He asked softly, gently leading Sebastian into the kitchen. “I hope what I have planned isn’t too much. I just wanted to do something special for you.” he whispered. “Sit down baby, I will serve and pour the wine.” He indicated the chair and once Sebastian was sitting, Began to plate up their dinner. 

[seb-clarington--smythe]

Sebastian smiled when he saw Hunter. His husband really had to suffer the last few months because of him. A part of him hoped, that he was able one day again to give Hunter back at least a small part of what he had done for Sebastian all this time. He enjoyed the hug and let himself be led by Hunter into the kitchen. "It smells fantastic and I can't wait for what you've all planned." It was the truth, the food smelled fantastic and even though Sebastian was still not feeling the same like before the birth of Julien, he knew when it was time to just enjoy.

"You really don't want any help?" Sebastian asked when Hunter told him to sit down and he would do the rest. When his husband only started to fill their plates, he sat down on the amazingly decorated table. A smile appeared on Sebastian's face. Hunter really was one fantastic and amazing husband and he didn't know what made him so lucky, why he deserved such a great man as his husband. Once the plate was in front of him, he took a small bit and just tried the food. "It tastes delicious, thank you babe!" Sebastian reached over the table to connect his hand with Hunter's, not caring that eating with one hand would take him double the time. He wanted to enjoy Hunter's company, his presence.

[hunterevanclarington]

MUCH NEEDED TIME TOGETHER || SEBASTIAN & HUNTER

Hunter smiled softly when he got home. He was ready to spend some much needed time with Sebastian. All was quiet when he got into the house so he proceded to get things ready for his and Sebastian night. He made sure all was ready for dinner 

and a bath ready 

and a bed to snuggle on. 

to be honest he was a bit nervous but was happy to have his baby back and wanted to show him just how much he missed him. 

[seb-clarington--smythe]

Sebastian was feeling nervous and bad. He had his first day with Julien alone and he wasn't quite sure he did everything alright. His shrink had told him that they'd start with one day a week now and slowly add more days of him being alone with Julien. The day was over and Sebastian had tried his best to give Julien everything he needs and to react properly to any of Julien's emotions during the day. But he still had the feeling he failed and especially he thought that Julien might think he neglected him right now, because he had just driven over to Jeff's and Nick house with Julien, the travel bed and a lot of baby stuff. Now  he was on his way back home, he was glad that Julien hadn't started crying as soon as he was about to leave the house, obviously playing with the twins was distracting enough. 

Sebastian was now on his way home from Jeff and Nick, thinking about what he really wanted to do with Hunter this evening. A part of him hoped, that Hunter would come home soon. He knew Hunter had used the day to work, after Sebastian's supervisor had discussed the plan with them that Sebastian should be alone with Julien today. When he arrived their driveway and saw Hunter's car in the garage, a sigh of relief escaped him. The iron fist around his heart, that he felt since he left Jeff and Nick's house with the fear of being alone at home, let go and he could breath properly again, knowing he wasn't going to be alone at home.  "I'm home!" Sebastian's voice wasn't as loud and enthusiastic as one might think it was when he called out for Hunter, but he hoped one day he would come home again and be able to call out for his husband with the joy and happiness he felt before. 

[jeffyduval]

Best friend visit || Jeffbastian

[jeffyduval]

"It will be fine. It’s normal that you will be anxious beforehand. But I know you trust me and it will be fine. You can always call if you want to check on him or come around and pick him up if it gets too bad for the two of you. But I think it will be fine for all three of you." Jeff smiled at Sebastian. "Good. You should bring the travel bed then. And maybe let him sleep here in it for one night already that he knows the bed and not everything is new." 

When Seb told him the theme of the nursery he smiled. “A small jungle? That sounds cute. I will keep my eyes open for elephants and lions.” He could see that Seb loved the room. When he opened the door he walked inside right behind him and bit his lip. “Wow, this looks amazing.” He really loved the room. “All the details.” He looked around and saw all different kind of animals. “And I love the colors.” He walked back over to Seb and smiled at him. “You really did something amazing with this room. I would love to have it as my room.”

[seb-clarington--smythe]

"I won't come and pick him up, because I can't handle my anxiousness." Sebastian declared. "I will only come if there are problems with him, if it's too much for him." Sebastian changed Julien's diaper, before he him into a pajama onesie. "I'll make sure to remember that." He made a mental note to let Julien sleep in the travel bed before. There shouldn't be any complications on next Saturday if he can prevent them. 

"Thank you. I loved planning it and I wanted Julien to start loving animals as much as I do." A small smile occurred on Sebastian's face, while he picked Julien up again. "Time to go to bed, little one." Julien's answer was a yawn and Sebastian couldn't hide a small chuckle. "At least you agree with me." Gently Sebastian put Julien into his bed and gave him his pacifier, the one that had written 'I love Daddy' on it. He stroke softly over Julien's head, while the baby boy tried to keep his eyes open, but was fighting a losing battle. "Sleep Julien, I'll be there when you wake up." He murmured and started humming a soft melody of a lullaby. So far he didn't feel like singing a lullaby to Julien, but at least he could bring himself to hum one. For a few moments, Sebastian even forgot the presence of Jeff, because he was so concentrated on his child.

[jeffyduval]

Best friend visit || Jeffbastian

[jeffyduval]

"I am sure Julien will be fine. We have enough kids around for him to be distracted. And if we really can’t calm him down you two aren’t that far away and I can bring him back home if he misses you two too much." Jeff looked at Seb and smiled. "Sure, Saturday to Sunday is great. Do you have a travel bed for him? Or do you want me to use one of ours?" He asked.

"Sure, I am right behind you and if you are unsure just ask." He followed Sebastian inside. "No, I haven’t seen the nursery so far. So I am excited to see how you decorated it. I am sure it is great." He was really excited to see how Julien’s room looked as he was sure that Seb had decorated it tasteful. He was still thinking about how the room for the little peach would look and was excited to start decorating another room in their house. So now they would only have one guest room left.

[seb-clarington--smythe]

"I hope so, I will just be really anxious beforehand, because it's his first time sleeping somewhere else." Sebastian knew that Jeff and Nick were great with babies, especially since they had 4 kids on their own, but he wasn't sure how Julien would react. "Yes, we do have a travel bed for him." he answered while he walked through the corridor to Julien's nursery.

"We decorated it like a small jungle, so be aware of any lions and elephants." Sebastian joked when he gave a small description of the nursery. He was quite proud of what Hunter and he himself did during his pregnancy in preparation for their little one. It was the first baby room they were able to decorate and Sebastian knew they had at least two more available in case they decided to get more children. "Here we're." Sebastian announced when he opened the door with his elbow and walked in to put Julien on the baby changing table to change him from his clothes into a pajamas.

[jeffyduval]

Best friend visit || Jeffbastian

[jeffyduval]

"Of course I can babysit then. I really don’t mind. And this weekend is fine. Which day? Or do you want the whole weekend? I wouldn’t mind that as well. I just don’t know how well you would deal with that." Jeff looked at his best friend. He really didn’t mind having Julien over and he hoped their kids would be best friends later on so they could have sleepovers all the time and everything. But he knew that he had hated letting his kids sleep somewhere else. And he still did. Another reason why the number of kids was great because four kids rarely got invited to a sleepover together. The only bad part was that he and Nick never really had a night for themselves, but they knew how to work with the time they had.

Jeff smiled at Julien as well. “He didn’t really pay attention to me.” He said and then looked at Sebastian. “I am sure Nick wouldn’t mind. As long as I don’t stay too long. I mean, Nick wouldn’t mind if I come home late but I want to wish my boys a good night at least.” He grinned. “But I am sure Hunter will be here soon and then I will leave you two alone with each other. Can I come with you when you bring Julien to bed? Or do you want to do that alone?” He hadn’t been in Julien’s room yet and he really wanted to see what his best friend had done, but if it wasn’t okay he would just wait out here for Seb to come back.

[seb-clarington--smythe]

"I'd say only one day. I'm not sure how Julien will react when he's sleeping at another place than home and especially without Hunter and me." Sebastian was still a bit unsure about it, but on the other hand he really wanted a night for Hunter and himself just one time. It would be Julien's first night sleeping somewhere else. "So Saturday to Sunday would be okay for you?" Sebastian asked Jeff.

"You can come with me, I'm still not sure if I'm doing everything in the right way again." It still was quite a weight on Sebastian's shoulder, the fear that he was doing something wrong, that he wasn't seeing his baby's needs or feelings. "You haven't seen the nursery so far, have you?" Sebastian asked now, while he made his way inside with the tired baby boy. Sebastian remembered, that Jeff and Nick had visited him in the hospital, but he hadn't invited them to their home so far, because of his mother's stay and then his postpartum depression had come out.

[jeffyduval]

Best friend visit || Jeffbastian

[jeffyduval]

Jeff smiled at his best friend. “If you want a night alone with Hunter, sure. I would babysit him for as long as you want. I don’t mind having a baby around, especially not when it is such a cute little boy like yours.” He grinned. Sure he would babysit the little boy. He knew his kids loved babies and wouldn’t mind one in the house and soon they would have their own babies again so he really didn’t mind. “Just let me know when and I will take him.”

Jeff grabbed Seb’s hand and stroke over it. “You didn’t hurt him though. That is really amazing that you didn’t. Especially as you can see it could have ended differently. Don’t think about what would’ve happened if you wouldn’t have realized it.” He smiled at him and waited for a moment before he pulled his hand back. “I am sure Julien wants to stay awake just to spend more time with you.” He smiled at Seb and got up with him. When he saw how he kissed Julien’s head he had to hold back a even bigger smile. “Do you want me to stay?” He asked.

[seb-clarington--smythe]

"I want a night, where Hunter can sleep through and where we have got some time for us alone again." Sebastian admitted. "I missed him a lot and if it's just to cuddle close to him for one night without anyone disturbing our sleep." To be honest, Sebastian wasn't quite sure if he was already ready to have sex with Hunter again, but he really wished for one night, where Hunter was able to sleep through again and where they had some time for themselves. "How about on the weekend?" Sebastian asked now.

Sebastian nodded. He knew he shouldn't think about what could've happened. It was just so hard, to not think about it. "I'm sure he wants to stay awake just to see our visitor." Sebastian gave back, but smiled at Julien. "But no matter why this little guy tries to stay awake, it's time for bed. Otherwise, someone will be very grumpy in a few and it's enough if I'm grumpy." Sebastian picked Julien up into his arms and stood from the lounge chair. "I'd love it if you'd stay a little longer, but I do understand if you've to go home to Nick and the kids." Sebastian answered. Of course he wanted Jeff to stay, because he knew he would be nervous all over again if Jeff was leaving and Hunter not at home by then.

[jeffyduval]

Best friend visit || Jeffbastian

[jeffyduval]

Jeff smiled. “Hunter gets enough sleep, believe me. And I am sure you would let him sleep when you are awake again if he needs more, right?” He knew that waking up in the middle of the night could be exhausting, but he was sure that Hunter didn’t mind doing it. “It doesn’t matter that you don’t wake up. He can cuddle close to you again as soon as he comes back to bed and I am sure he loves that. I mean you weren’t here for some time and I am sure he missed you a lot and is happy to have you back here now. I don’t even want to imagine what our bed would be like without Nicky in it.”

Jeff listened to Seb’s worries. “I am sure you will never hurt him on purpose, Seb. I know with your thoughts it was bad and you thought about it, but you won’t do it. You got help and that is showing something already. You didn’t hurt him, you got yourself help. So I am sure you won’t hurt him on purpose in the future as well. And other things happen. You are a human, you sometimes make mistakes. And that is alright. So stop being scared.” He grabbed one of Seb’s hands. “As long as you’re scared you are pulling away from Julien and I don’t think you want that, right?” He rubbed over the hand and smiled encouragingly. “You are one of the only people I would trust with my babies, so don’t ever think you would be able to hurt your child. You aren’t able to do that.” He looked at Julien and grinned. “Yeah, next time a hat and sunscreen. But he seems to be fine and when you put him in bed soon he won’t be out here much longer.” He chuckled when Seb told him he was always welcome for a pool party. “I don’t mind if you don’t join us then. I will just sneak inside and bring you some food from the barbeque and then go out again and jump into your pool.”

[seb-clarington--smythe]

Sebastian nodded while he was deep in thoughts. Maybe Jeff was right and Hunter really didn't mind it. About one thing Jeff was right, if Sebastian was the one to get up, he wouldn't wake Hunter as well. "I missed him so much." Sebastian murmured, more to himself than anyone else. His time in the clinic was his lowest point so far and he never wanted to fall back to that point. At the moment he knew he was getting better due to the meds, but he wasn't sure how it would be once they started cutting the meds down. Suddenly an idea struck Sebastian. "Jeff, would... would you babysit Julien for a whole night as well?" he asked slowly, not sure if Jeff would be up to that, because Nick was pregnant now and they had four kids of their own.

"But it could've happened if I wouldn't have gotten into the clinic at that point." Sebastian admitted something that he had talked over and over with his shrink and in the group therapy. He had met mothers in the clinic that had hurt their babies due to those thoughts. Of course he knew that those women would not receive hard sentences in front of a jury, he was a lawyer and he knew that postpartum depression and obsessive thoughts were a reason to lower the sentence. But it still had shocked him to see how far this could go if nobody saw the signs. Sebastian smiled weakly. "If I'm not in the mood for a pool party, there is a big chance that I'm not up to any visitors." He opened his arms to pick Julien up and bring him to bed, because the baby boy yawned nearly all the time now and couldn't keep his eyes open, even though Julien was fighting hard to stay awake. "It's really time to go to bed now, Julien." Sebastian whispered to the baby boy and kissed his forehead, before he picked him up in his arms.

[seb-clarington--smythe]

[hunterevanclarington]

OK good baby. Be ready lots of cuddles coming your way. I missed them. Has for me working, we will cross that bridge when we get there. For now  Jeff is willing to watch Julian when I go in if needed. So stop worrying so much. You are doing great. 

[seb-clarington--smythe]

I'm in the mood for cuddles today. I missed you. I know he told me, but I really want to be able to take care of our son on my own again. 

[seb-clarington--smythe]

[hunterevanclarington]

Baby he loves the walks so don't worry about it. Just being out there with him, he will enjoy it. I want you to know that things are fine and I don't want you to push yourself too much. I want you to be well baby. No matter how long it takes. I am on my way home how about a cuddle session when I get there?

[seb-clarington--smythe]

I don't push myself too much, I just stated that Susan is pushing me hard lately. But it's because I want to be able to be alone with Julien again, so that you can return to work. I know we've saved a lot, but with the new house and everything we needed for Julien... I just don't want us to get into financial trouble because of me. I will be well. Cuddling sounds good, I'm in the mood for some cuddles.

[seb-clarington--smythe]

[blainers--hummel-anderson]

He’s just too cute, you guys must be so proud of him.

[seb-clarington--smythe]

Thank you, Blaine. Of course we're.

[jeffyduval]

Best friend visit || Jeffbastian

[jeffyduval]

Jeff smiled at Sebastian. “I am glad to hear that Hunter supports you. I would have kicked his ass if he wouldn’t do that.” He said honest. “You need your sleep to heal. I am sure Hunter doesn’t mind waking up for your baby boy and coming back to bed where you are right after that.” He knew that Hunter had missed Seb when he hadn’t been at home, so he was sure Hunter prefered that instead of coming back to an empty bed at night.

He shook his head when Seb said that Julien was so breakable. “No, Julien isn’t breakable, Seb. Believe me, my boys did a whole lot of stuff in that age and they are both still perfectly alive.” He chuckled. “Julien loves to play out here in the sun.” He looked at the little guy. “And I am glad we have no pool to worry about. We will come here when we want to throw a pool party.” He winked at Sebastian.

[seb-clarington--smythe]

Sebastian smiled weakly. "Hunter needs his sleep as well." he just stated, because he really felt useless during the nights. "I don't wake up when he leaves our bed and comes back, thanks to the meds." Sebastian often asked himself, how that must feel for Hunter - to wake up to a screaming baby and then come back to a still sleeping husband. But he really was happy that Hunter was so supporting, otherwise they would really need a nanny.

"I just worry a lot, that he might get hurt or even that I do something wrong and hurt him." Sebastian sighed. "You know, when... when you've had those thoughts I had a while ago, back right then when I asked for help and went into the clinic for treatment... you always fear that they might suddenly come back, even though the shrink says that I'm far away now from where I had been back then and that they normally don't reappear." It was hard for Sebastian to speak about it. "I'm just scared of myself." he whispered lowly. "I guess every baby does like to play in the sun," Sebastian turned to smile at Julien. "But I think next time we have to make sure, this little boy is wearing sunscreen and a hat." Julien just made a laughing noise and yawned the next second again. "Oh, oh, I think someone needs his bed a little bit earlier than usual?" Sebastian smiled at Julien, before he turned to Jeff. "You're always welcome, as long as you accept that there are days I might not join you for a pool party."