Know the Rules Well, So You Can Break Them Collectively

[sebastian-smythe]

santanainny‌:

Ugh, you caught me.

“I want you, I need you.  Oh baby, oh baby.”

I’ll be your Heath Ledger any day, Santana. All you’ve gotta do is ask.

[sebastian-smythe]

📲 [hunter ⇄ sebastian]

Hunter: Yes, mutual friend. And you're right, there's not many people around here worth keeping up with, but I'm lucky to have Quinn right across from me. I take it the two of you are friends?

Hunter: Well, you know what they say, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

Sebastian: Yeah, something like that. She's someone you want to be in good graces with. I didn't realize you two were...close? Close adjacent?

Sebastian: If you've got a manuscript with that somewhere, I'm canceling this doubles match immediately.

[sebastian-smythe]

fabbeats‌:

Oh, in a heartbeat. That’s why you’re lucky because I certainly won’t be coming to your rescue because I like you or anything ridiculous like that. 

Well that’s quite the sentiment. A regular knight in shining leather pants, you are.

No, gross. Never. Wouldn’t dream of it.

Just the fact that you think I’m squeezing into leather pants for all of this makes it entirely worth it.

[sebastian-smythe]

starberrybright‌:

Sebastian Smythe! I am not joking! There is no underlying tone here! I am being extremely forthcoming and honest with you. It’s beyond important that you acknowledge that.

Usually, I only need to occupy one machine. I suppose my laundry had become rather backed up over the course of the last week or so, though. With technical rehearsals starting, as well as full on dress rehearsals, it can be hard to find the proper motivation for chores. You understand, right?

Alright, alright. Stand down, I believe it. Drugs are supposed to be quite the personality enhancer, and I’m not entirely sure I’d want to see what that means for someone with an already...larger than life personality.

Work gets busy, I can understand that. You’re usually just so, you know, on top of everything. Particularly tough week?

[sebastian-smythe]

fabbeats‌:

You’re getting rather demanding in your old age with all these expectations you’re spewing. You’re lucky I’m willing to show up at the hospital for you at all, Sebmantha. 

The sympathy will all be for show. Once they’ve turned their backs they’ll clutch at their pearls and verbally demolish the Fabray name while their own husbands are out with their big busted secretaries, probably named Tiffany or Amber, during the lunch hour. 

And miss a good opportunity for black mail? I know you; you’ll be there just so you can have it to hold in your back pocket.

Point me in the direction of whoever’s slandering the Fabray name. I’ll gladly sleep with their husbands too.

[sebastian-smythe]

santanainny‌:

Mm.  Sure did.

Pity.  I was hoping it would free up your spot at the bar on the regular.

Should know better by now that you can’t get rid of me that easily. You know what I think? You just missed me ever so terribly this weekend.

[sebastian-smythe]

fabbeats‌:

I’ll be sure to have a camera with me. And popcorn. The movie theater butter kind. Maybe some licorice, too. 

That would certainly be quite the scandal. Me, the unwitting wife catching you, my incredibly homosexual husband, in bed with the poolboy. Wait, no. That’s too cliche. With my father. Imagine the societal upheaval. 

You’re not thinking phallic enough about your snack choices for a sex related hospital trip. Gotta really go all out. Popcicles, bananas- I’m expecting the works here.

Your father’s not a terrible looking man, I suppose there’s worse things to be remembered for. Think of the hushed talk that will be had at the country club. Both you and your mother will be feted kindly in sympathy too, I’m sure. Sounds like a win for everyone.

[sebastian-smythe]

evansact‌:

Does that mean I can volunteer you as tribute so I don’t have to do it? Kinda like I’m Prim and you’re Katniss? If you don’t get the reference, that means yes. I wouldn’t go hard on a kid. That’s messed up. Isn’t it, though? ‘Cause if I don’t get it, how am I supposed to know?

It’s a start for something and I honestly got paid pretty good for it. I think it’ll open doors for me or whatever. Me and the mail man are tight. I think? Finn usually grabs the mail. 

Can you volunteer other people for you? Just on a linguistics level, it wouldn’t seem like a very voluntary act. Sounds pretty hardcore if you can though- I really should sit down and watch those things sometime.

Also, I’m pretty sure when your mailbox actually bursts from the pressure of holding too much junk, you’ll hear about it. Either that or you could just use your roommate’s key to check it every now and again.

[sebastian-smythe]

mr-blainderson‌:

Uh huh, by possibly getting me murdered, I see…

It could be, if those anons you just got are any indication. Yes, though that turned a side quest, if you will, of seeing just what it would take to get you into a shark costume, a la a certain blonde, mutual friend of ours. 

Well, I mean, there’s a chance. It’s for a good cause though.

People are definitely willing to jump on board with this idea. I think you may have stumbled across one of those niche fetishes that roll around the internet every now and again. ...Of course it was. I should probably just assume that any corrupting that goes on is usually Quinn’s doing.

[sebastian-smythe]

santanainny‌:

Someone is feeling a little sassy today.  You know I didn’t see you Saturday.  I heard you found a pretty decent hangout upstate.  Word travels fast around these parts.

Oh, you heard about that?

Pretty decent. Good for a night out, but y’know. Probably not a regular hang out sort of thing.

[sebastian-smythe]

fabbeats‌:

One day you’re going to injure yourself during sex by doing something incredibly mundane. Like headbutting your partner or slipping in the shower. And I’m going to remember this conversation and laugh. 

All of mankind is perhaps a tad dramatic. I’ve kept you around, haven’t I? Despite the number of times you’ve made me glare.  

I’m glad you’re planning on laughing, because I’m switching my emergency contact to you as we speak. You’ll be there every step of the way, and definitely at the most inconvenient time.

Unless you’re about to confess to being just head over heels for me, I think that’s a little different.

[sebastian-smythe]

evansact‌:

Dude, that’s unfair to all of the other districts. I’m a badass. No one else stands a chance. Not even baby Rue could get one over on me. Also, I lost my mail key, so what happens if I don’t actually open it?

Just a short film. It’s gonna showcase at a big film festival. They’re hoping it if kicks off, we’ll do something even bigger.

Annnnd you’ve officially out-referenced me. Not that far on the nerdy uptake. Though the idea of you barreling through a child is a pretty great mental image. Not opening your mail doesn’t make it not exist, you know. This isn’t a tree-falls-in-the-forest kind of situation.

Small project with room for growth, not a bad score from the sounds of it. Pretty sure the mail man is going to start plotting your demise if you’re not around to check it, but hey, do what you’ve gotta do for a job, right?

[sebastian-smythe]

fabbeats‌:

I sense the sarcasm, but we both know you would have just loved to be sent to the hospital on a sex related injury. Just so you could tell the story.

Since when have we been trying to set me up?

For an allergy to body paint? No way, it would have to be something of truly epic proportions. Legend worthy.

Since you declared war on man kind over your coffee break the other day. I’m sticking to what I said- there’s someone out there interesting enough to hold Quinn Fabray’s attention.

[sebastian-smythe]

starberrybright‌:

I’m not doing drugs, Sebastian! I’ve never taken a performance enhancing drug in my entire life, and I certainly don’t intend on starting now. It’s very important to me that you know this.

Well, it certainly doesn’t sound like a bad, idea. Or, perhaps, maybe avoiding the laundry room on Sunday’s, as that’s usually my designated chore day.

Sure. Wink wink, nudge nudge. I’m hearing you.

Or maybe just leaving a machine or two open, yeah? It’s been so quiet around here lately, I nearly forgot how full force Rachel Berry’s Day of Chores really was.

[sebastian-smythe]

evansact‌:

Sorry for totally falling off the face of the earth. I got a really cool gig and I think it’s gonna be a hit. I shattered my phone during a scene, ‘cause I forgot it was in my pocket, but I got a new one. Did I miss anything? Who’s gonna give me a full report? Seriously, I gotta know what’s going on.

We all decided there’s too many of us, took a vote, and elected one person for eviction Hunger Games style. Your 24 hour notice should be in the mail. Tough break.

What kind of gig?

[sebastian-smythe]

santanainny‌:

Amen to that.

You better keep my name out of your mouth then, friend.  And you’re right, it seems as though my schedule is full.  If you’re jonesing for a little Auntie Tana time you’re just gonna have to try harder next time.  The early bird gets the worm.  

Oh yeah, you know me, clawing tooth and nail for some quality bonding time. Not like I don’t see you pretty much every weekend as it is, right?

[sebastian-smythe]

@fabbeats replied to your post: just wear the shark costume. you know you want to.

Sexy shark…..

Don’t act like you wouldn’t want to see it.