And Then Some

A home for my poems, writing, and all other things that I find amazing. Hope you do too. Safe haven cause I need it too

[seeking-phantoms]

[seeking-phantoms]

Heavy is the crown No, heavy is the heart that bears the sole burden of lonesome love. Who hears that they are still loved by the one that they still love. Heavy are the tears that fall in the moments of heaviness when times are lonely. The heart cries out for them and her heart hears the plea but her soul is at constant battle. My heart is heavy at times at hearing certain phrases. I cannot clutch my heart and wipe away the tears whilst reaching out for her. She tells me not to cry. Heavy is my heart. Heavy are my tears.

[seeking-phantoms]

I do not take credit for any of the words below, just the order in which it is written. These are all song lyrics. This is also in relation to May 2nd for those who know.

I’m the girl you’ve been waiting for

Look into my eyes

Believe me that the storm is coming

Don’t be afraid

I’ll never be the same

Compassion’s in my nature

I just can’t give it up

Get ready for a fight

I ain’t ready to die

Never again

I’m starting to learn

Find inspiration, some kind of purpose

You don’t know how hard I fought to survive

Some days, it ain’t all bad

Some days it all gets worse

Some days, I swear, I’m better of layin’ in that dirt

I’ve tried to own it, write songs about it

Believe me, I’ve tried, in the end, I needed to breathe

Sometimes I’ll fall down, sometimes I’ll lose hope, but those days will be few if I keep my feet on the ground

I might be lonely, but I ain’t alone here

So I keep pushin’ the limits of what makes me me

I can be better than I was

I can be better than I am

I will not bow, I will not break

I will not fall, I will not fade

I’m not giving in

Face the shit that makes me me

And I’ll survive

I give you everything I have

I start again

But I’m telling you that nothing will ever be the same

I want to live like I know I’m dying

I know I’m a mess and I wanna be someone that I like better

If you can’t stand the way this place is, take yourself to higher places

Every wound will shape me, every scar will build my throne

Our scars remind us that our past is real

Maybe I’m just too eager

Holding on

So now, I dance in the flames

Whatever pain may come.

[seeking-phantoms]

A river flows

Soon stopped up

Moss and branches

And things unknown.

A stranger comes by

And cleans the bed

The river flows freely

Thanking the stranger

With giggles.

They become friends

The stranger sits by the river side.

Watching and tending to the river’s beds.

The river thanks them

With giggles and love.

But soon the stranger

Grows bored and overwhelmed.

Too much moss and gunk

Flows down this river’s path.

The stranger curls up

Still by the river side

But the river’s bed

Stops up quickly

And inside it cries.

The light in the forest

Dims as the day comes to a close.

The stranger lies next to the river

That is quickly drying up.

As the moon rises

The river is no more.

[thehopefulquotes]

“One day someone is going to hug you so tight, that all of your broken pieces will stick back together.”

— Unknown

[vincent-van-gtg]

[seeking-phantoms]

I dare not reblog

[wetheurban]

When your body is trained to expect abandonment, manipulation, or emotional distance, even healthy love can feel threatening. Let yourself be loved without suspicion.

[seeking-phantoms]

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I’m a mentally disturbed llama

[theluzvre]

red wax seals png. made by me. credit not necessary!

theluzvre.

[seeking-phantoms]

Love me some wax seals

[wetheurban]

How to Handle a Narcissist:

Don't take the bait. Trust patterns, not promises. Limit your expectations. Don't seek validation from them. Recognize manipulation tactics. Use logic over emotion when responding. Don't engage in power struggles. Remember the truth. Don’t internalize their projections. Don’t try to change or fix them. Stand firm in your boundaries. Lean on your support system. Walk away.

[seeking-phantoms]

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The Meadows and Gardens

I wish they may not run away look for the evening warm. a longing for the red. Have care Never fear Sit by people near us. Soon again, lock the door and turn towards the fields to look after the meadow. A little green encircled by a pretty ring, paling enclosed a flower stretched deeper down, and on the other side lay contentment. Walk to the field, gaze cheerfully around. A different look from the place. Here it is all so green, bedecked with thick-spread fruit trees, the ground full of beautiful flowers. Cheerful and at ease. Nay, I could fancy the woods greener here than elsewhere. The sky blue and so far as the eye can reach. You have pleasure and delight. Whenever you cross the stream you are in another world. Fir-ground, look back, dark and dismal that solitary spot is. Ruined stalls, the brook flowing past, a melancholy. If you approach that spot, You grow sad, you do not know why. Live there and keep themselves so separate from the rest of us. Who knows? But perhaps they be poor people. Wishing, shame, conceal. For, after all, no one can say. The only thing is none knows how they live. For the little garden, indeed, cannot support them. And their fields, they have none. No mortal comes, for the place they live. Our wildest fellows will not venture into it. Walk to the fields. That gloomy spot lay aside.

[seeking-phantoms]

Phoenix Rising

So many times I've been falling beaten to my knees Out of my throat I've been calling out many names.

I've risen above the tide I've fought far and wide.

You think that by mauling my body's sweet caress that I wouldn't be calling out names in duress.

Still I rise above the chide by standing tall and fighting mind.

I'm no longer stalling for the help desperately needed I'm reaching out, calling when I need help to stand.

Never alone in fighting stride, don't look back at their mind.

I rise by patching bleeding, I rise by getting help. I rise by helping others, I rise by healing self.

[seeking-phantoms]

A Lady Lost

A lady lost in the woods running along no path her chocolate hair rushes behind her as her shimmering eyes search for a way out. Thorns snag at her shirt little lumps collect as she trips over roots unseen and cuts at her bare feet. Her mind confused, dazed around she finds the stream that once held her friend's safe haven but no, they are no friend no more. They look up from their side of stream, they kneel at the stream bed. Blue eye meets her brown, their tears are locked inside. The lady silently shakes her head. Her friend stands, whispering in the breeze that whips around, "I'm sorry, I did not know" they turn to walk away back out of the mind. "Don't" the lady shakes her head, they pause a moment now, but they know that once inside, their words hold no meaning more. They can say all they want, but nothing will make it right. The lady leaps into the streaming water cold envelopes her. "Wait!" she cries, "Come back!" but her friend is mist once more. The lady looks at the stream leaves passing by her shins. The silent stream soon roars to life and the lady lost becomes the friend by the stream.

[seeking-phantoms]

Growing

Never have I felt so alone a silent mass grows. I have told those closest to me, but a silent stillness grows. I cry in my bed at night, but my own silence grows. I reach out to friends at night their silent responses grow. I cannot comprehend why. Silent confusion grows. Why me? Why eight out of ten thousand? My silent suffering grows. A neurosurgeon referral sent, the phone silence kills me as it grows. A silent plea prayed at night. My faith in life silently dies.