“ crying is very punk, trust me, i do it all the time & i am a punk. ”
“ do i like him or is he just tall? ”
“ not to be dramatic but if i don’t get my life together i will die. ”
“ am i dramatic? yes. is it justified? also yes. ”
“ everything that you feel is just a chemical reaction inside your head. wow. ”
“ there’s a special place in hell reserved just for me. it’s called the throne. ”
“ let’s get high!! … grades. ”
“ i think my gps secretly gets mad at me when i deliberately disobey its directions. ”
“ it’s a bird! it’s a plane! it’s … me, trying to outrun my feelings. there i go. ”
“ i am here to say that i am a bisexual who loves mangoes. ”
“ why has no one fallen in love with me yet? i’m so bored. ”
“ honestly, i don’t even play an active role in my life. shit just happens & i’m like ‘ oh, is this what we’re doing now? okay. ’ ”
“ life hack : you don’t have to be a wolf to yell sad noises at the moon. ”
“ what the fuck do mirrors do when nobody is around? ”
“ it may look like i’m having deep thoughts, but really, i’m just thinking about what to eat next. ”
“ do i deserve back pain at this age? ”
“ i’m a simple person; anything happens, i cry. ”
“ i’ve mastered the skill of feeling guilty for asking for anything. ”
“ yes, the rumors are true. i’m a lovey-dovey dumbass. ”
“ i try not to sound like an asshole, but it’s really hard because i am an asshole. ”
“ someone has to date me eventually, right? ”
“ what circle of dante’s inferno did you crawl out of? ”
“ your inability to learn complicated handshakes is tearing this friendship apart. ”
“ there’s no way that EVERYBODY was kung-fu fighting. ”
“ saying my name is so intimate, why would you do that to me? ”
“ don’t ask me about my sexuality. you’re not gonna get a straight answer. ”
“ i would follow you to the ends of the earth with only mild complaining. ”
“ the first step to any murder is to have fun & be yourself. ”
“ i think i am subconsciously trying to ruin my own life. ”
“ i may seem like an angry person on the surface, but deep down inside, i am actually angrier. ”
“ i push everyone away, but in a way, i am doing them a favor. ”
“ what do you mean a thesaurus isn’t a dinosaur? ”
“ i’m not even a hot mess. i’m more like a lukewarm mess. ”
“ i’m not interested in being polite or heterosexual. ”
“ can someone please explain to me how i’m supposed to sleep for eight hours straight when i’m not even straight? ”
“ you’re not allowed to be busy, you’re my only friend. ”
“ becoming older than ten years old was the biggest mistake of my life. ”
“ is it cold in here, or is that just my heart? ”
“ if i sigh loudly enough, will all my problems go away? ”
“ hey, sorry i’m late. i didn’t want to come. ”
Cause tonight
I’m looking for you
I’m getting closer
Into your heart
If I go in deep, if I flow inside deep
It’s all right
Looking at our same dreams
That have started to connect
From now on
We want to be one, I hope we will be one
eight / ( last song listened to ) : amigo by s.hinee
nine / ( last film or show watched ) : cloudy with a chance of meat.balls
ten / ( inspiration for muse ) : ive had hansol for a long time but he was first inspired by a lot of b-rated horror movies and then i kinda figured out his own lore from there? idk my head is empty
eleven / ( story behind url ) : seering, seer - medium + searing
tagged by: @witchtyranny
tagging: anyone who wants to
i don’t wanna hold you back with trembling eyes, baby. don’t wait for me to speak first. i don’t wanna hold you back …. with false eyes, i’m looking at you with red eyes, baby. / independent, selective & private original character.
it’s snowing , there was ice on the roads.
his father’s car is flipped over and blood stains the concrete.
( or your face is buried in water, you’ve stopped breathing. )
and hansol doesn’t even remember how he got to this point.
7:36 p.m.
it was dark that night , anyone could easily assume it was an accident with how icy the roads had been as a late. his father had wanted to take him out for a drive, hansol wasn’t really willing but the fear that his father might get mad if he didn’t agree weighted more power on his decision then anything. it’s a cold night and he barely is able to pull on a sweater before he is dragged to the car. it’s quiet, almost too quiet, but hansol doesn’t remember a time where there wasn’t a quiet car ride with his father. he could feel that tonight was going to be a bad one.
8:52 p.m.
hansol can feel his skin crawling , the side glances he’s getting from his father with the mixture of fear climbing up from the back of his throat. he can see the city less and the forest more as they drive out to who knows where, it’s when his father stops at a stoplight to look out the window. making eye contact with a shadow, its eyes are bloodshot and just from the sight of it, he can feel the fear crawling up the back of his throat.
( mama, i’m scared. i just want to run away from all of this. )
suddenly , he feels disconnected from himself, like he’s looking at himself from a distance. he can see his father driving again, he can hear his father yelling at him, screaming at him, wishing he had never been born. it’s when he loses himself fully when he hears his father scream that his mother would have wanted him dead and that he was going to do just that tonight. hansol grabs hold of the steering wheel and that’s when things went black.
( or maybe you’re remembering it wrong, maybe you never felt the shadow claw it’s way into your core, maybe he kept driving. you let him yell and scream, he stops the car, you sit there; you’re afraid and you want to go far away from here. he pulls you out of the car, he’s dragging you towards the water, you scream and try to run away from him. he hits you over the head with something heavy, you can feel the blood spilling; it’s so warm and it’s the only thing reminding you that you’re still alive. but, he continues to drag you along and you’re too dizzy to try and run away this time. )
9:19 p.m.
hansol feels dizzy , like he’s hanging upside down and he can feel blood dripping down his face , another nosebleed. his body hurts and he looks around him , everything is in flames and his father isn’t awake , he can hear sirens in the distance and everything goes black again.
( no, your head is under the water, you try to fight him; his hands are around your throat. you can feel yourself choking back sobs, you want to go home. you want to get away from him, your vision is starting to go black and you can’t breathe. you feel yourself starting to accept your death. )
9:30 p.m.
( or is it december 25th, 2015? )
hansol is in an ambulance , they say that it’s a miracle that he’s alive and barely hurt at all. they say that his father didn’t survive the crash. he can’t find it in himself to cry, knowing fully well that if his father did survive the crash, he would die himself sooner than later. he doesn’t remember how the crash happened and everyone assumes that it’s because of the shock. that his reaction to it was barely anything and he seemed to disconnected from the world around him, they blame it on the roads being slick with ice and no one second-guesses it. no one thinks anything of it.
( this is not how it went, not this time. they find you a week later, laying next to a lake on the outskirts of the forest; far from the city. your body is colder than usual, there’s bruising around your neck from the choking, your blood is no longer running. you’re just another sad story, one to be spread around the news, how you were such a good kid; how everyone was your friend. none of that would ever be true, in the end, you were just a sad little boy. that’s all you ever were. )
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