Enchanté

Megan//London ; ~We have calcium in our bones, iron in our veins, carbon in our souls, and nitrogen in our brains. 93 percent stardust, with souls made of flames, we are all just stars that have people names~

[nitrogen]

I care way too much and I just get hurt I’m so tired

[seestras-before-mistas]

anyways sorry for the sad post and i will absolutely end up deleting it out of guilt but it’s 4.47am and i am sad

[seestras-before-mistas]

thinking about how my last proper relationship i got into, i got into on valentine’s day years ago and it led to an abusive, toxic relationship that trapped me and idk that just makes me rly sad bc it makes me feel like it’s made me unlovable in some way.

[seestras-before-mistas]

and sometimes i’ll be looking for something and i’ll come across something from that time and it hits me like a truck, but what makes it worse is sometimes i’m like... i miss that time? when actually i don’t st all, i miss what i thought was love when in reality i was nearly the lowest i’ve ever been and i was hiding upstairs after a panic attack whilst they punched counters and made me feel guilty for their pain afterwards.

and the sad thing is i don’t think anyone knows everything that went on, and i feel guilty even talking about it.

[seestras-before-mistas]

thinking about how my last proper relationship i got into, i got into on valentine’s day years ago and it led to an abusive, toxic relationship that trapped me and idk that just makes me rly sad bc it makes me feel like it’s made me unlovable in some way.

[seestras-before-mistas]

Feeling sad & frustrated, pls cheer me up

Also I am the original Misty day tyvm

[thehauntingsource]

thehaunting: We’re actually pretty much in love with them, it turns out.

[seestras-before-mistas]

[seestras-before-mistas]

Apparently I look like a modern day witch so that’s that

[seestras-before-mistas]

I really had the worst anxiety/panic attack the other night. It might have been a culmination of having a drink, a painkiller and calming tablets or it might have just been anxiety, but god I was unable to sleep, breathe, or even think. I was just pacing around my room in agony and I crashed at some point and woke up on the other end of my bed sleeping upside down on a ball of my duvets with maybe 2 hours sleep?

I wasn't rested. I was still stomach turning anxious. I felt so, so sick. I felt like I needed to run away from everyone and everything. I tried to smile at school and I tried being funny and jokey but I was so not myself.

On top of that I had to record a narration voice over and perform a duologue for TV and film, and I've never been more out of it.

I dunno what happened, but it made me feel absolutely awful.

I don't think there's a point to this, I just needed to vent/rant.

[mtvgeneration-blog]

wish i didn’t need constant reassurance that people actually enjoy my company wish i genuinely felt liked and didn’t go through life feeling like I’m burdening every person i come across

[corvigae]

i wish there was a non-shitty way to text your friends and say “hey, i’m feeling Empty rn and desperately need validation/attention.”

[thaynissima]

[seestras-before-mistas]

One of my least favourite things about being at drama school is the silent expectation to watch a TONNE of films and TV shows ect... Considering i literally can't watch things without going on my phone or walking around because my attention span is the size of like... Nothing.

Like I have so, so many things on my Netflix list but like, I've only ever gotten a minute in before I was off doing something else or on my phone and I can't remember a thing that happened.

So yeah I can't wait to go back in September and be like lol I stared at a wall for a couple of hours some days and walked around my entire house at 2am because I felt like I had electricity down my spine so I don't know what to tell you 🤷

[sparcky]

me, looking back on it all:

[seestras-before-mistas]

Sorry to be emo for a hot second on the timeline but am literally sobbing my heart out at 2:34am because my heart is still grieving for Naya and alongside that I'm also an anxious mess rn who can't reply to messages but then is even more anxious because I don't want my friends to hate me or think I don't care but I'm just rly strung out rn like my brain doesn't filter anything out so I'm constantly overwhelmed every single day and it's so exhausting and I deal with headaches every day because my brain just takes in everything and then that wipes me out and I still haven't replied/messaged people!! and I'm not depressed so I should be able to reply to people and video call them but I just can't my brain physically sit let me reply and god I want to I really do because I want to be there and talk to and comfort my friends because times are really weird rn and I miss my friends more than words can say my heart literally aches for them and it also aches to think like what if some of them don't care about me anymore because I haven't replied or messaged them like lockdown has been so weird and so many people are going through horrid things and I know that maybe my friends are in the same boat as me so I shouldn't cry over this but I'm low-key worried about going back to uni because I see my friends all together having fun and what if they're judging me for not replying to them or messaging them all the time even though I post an Instagram picture or whatever and I'm a super like, in person person like if times were normal id be out and about and seeing and hugging my friends and family all the time and when things are normal like me not replying isn't too much of a big thing because I'll see the person but now I can't and I'll video chat with someone and then be like "oh I spoke to them recently" when in reality it was like 3 weeks ago because time is weird and I haven't seen my friends in months and maybe I'm being stupid but I'm just

Very very overwhelmed tonight.

And I just kinda need a looooong hug.

So I'm rly sorry about putting this all on the timeline but I just... I needed to vent.

[seestras-before-mistas]

Ever just feel like... Mad lonely even though you have beautiful friends?

My lil anxious heart is working overtime tonight my god.

[stcrlghts]

i think what’s on a person’s nightstand is very telling so reblog this and put in the tags the things you have on your nightstand