sentimental, sensitive

i own a heart, an ear, and an eye

[sentimental-sensitive]

life can be really cool

and there is some beautiful things to see when you are given the the time to live

but damb, im tired of being an adult right now

[sentimental-sensitive]

April 6, 2026 - April 9, 2026

the week i realized i hate working in Media.

[sentimental-sensitive]

it’s been rough

for me

for my loved ones

for those near and far

we work hard

we are resilient

i hope that someday soon

we’ll receive some ease

and contentment

and less struggle than we’re facing now

and that we continue to find…

the strength to endure

the fight to overcome

the silver linings in the clouds

and the will to keep going

[sentimental-sensitive]

on another note

climbing content has been coming up on my feed lately. i’ve been noticing the particular dynamics of the local climbing community where i am. a lot of young and vibrant people end up drawing more to bouldering (indoor + outdoor) and have this trendy air about them. they are undeniably charming and dress really cool.

as a climber, and one who prefers rope climbing, i’ve drawn close to all the titas, titos, ates, and kuyas of the climbing community. and thinking about the person i am, that makes so much sense 🙃

[sentimental-sensitive]

fluid like water

as i’m moving through life, im slowly beginning to accept that my life really does move in phases. while there are parts of me that have rooted deeply, i find that it just shows up in different forms. much like the way water moves. i take the shape of or influenced by my circumstances or surroundings, but still eager to move, change, or take what course that i wish to flow, as well. i am also eager for balance.

there are times where i feel that the world asks me to be consistent, particularly when it comes to jobs or hobbies, but my curiosity and intuition make me eager to frequently try new things, even if i don’t master them completely. i’ve always thought of myself as a sweetheart of many trades.

all this to say, i am learning to be accepting of my constant need to move, balancing my head, heart, soul, and the all that is placed before me. i am giving myself permission to try things, know when it no longer serves, or stick with it for the time being until i can find a path less resistance…but for now to flow with the course that I am on.

i’m really grateful to have a partner and friends who are very grounded, though. it’s like rocks in the middle of river that coax me to slow down when i am rushing, the high mountains that help me to free fall into wider waters, or the walls of earth that gently guide my path and grow with me.

i am fluid like water. clear when flowing and best cleared when still. finding a way when it is introduced and only forceful when there’s pressure. but otherwise calm, healing, and versatile.

[sentimental-sensitive]

been super into knitting and crocheting lately. i crotchet a cat ear beanie with some mohair i got picked up in Japan.

here it is just crocheted vs. brushed out

[sentimental-sensitive]

saturn moving into aries and i can already feel my temper rising

😑

[sentimental-sensitive]

my mom has been living her best life and it brings me so much joy 🥰

[389]

by Ian Loring Shiver

[sentimental-sensitive]

me

[sentimental-sensitive]

i want to document my life more again.

i like placing it here.

[sentimental-sensitive]

life has felt a little heavy lately. work has been exhausting. i've been a little more introverted. instagram makes feel like im not doing enough. im coming terms with how much of my self worth i have put into productivity. its challenging, but i want to learn to be more quietly self-assured. i went to the snow with friends recently. it was nice :)

[sentimental-sensitive]

i’m feeling a bit lost

i’m grieving a past self

i’m painting on a smile

even though i really want to cry my eyes out

i’m sensitive to every shift of mood

every change in tone

it makes me paranoid

and i begin to question my worth

my security

my comfortability

i miss my friends

but i’m so tired

my capacity to do anything runs thin

i want love

and approval

but criticism sinks in deep

so does feeling left behind

i fear others getting tired of that

getting tired of me

or worse, not caring at all

there are patches of light

but i’m in a hole again

it’s felt like that awhile now

and i’m not sure how to climb out

i hope i figure it out

or that i get a hand

or that things feel better soon

i’m tired

[sentimental-sensitive]

20260116 // a thought

After reading Bell Hook’s All About Love, I have come to realize that I am am full of love. But as I’ve come to realize, being in a fairly healthy relationship with someone extremely grounded is that much of that love I end up pouring out. In turn, I fee I am not well versed in how to receive love.

I had a string of thoughts. Very often I will dig into my past to find the potential root of the challenging emotions that I feel, particularly regarding my low self-esteem and insecurity. In toxic relationships, it blairs so loudly and painfully. But in my current relationship, it shows up so differently.

When I was young, my stepdad was really verbally abusive, so much so it felt extremely degrading. He hovered over everything I did and was excruciatingly mean when I made mistakes. When things weren’t done as he liked them, he’d get extremely angry and sometimes blame me. I think it was then that I built this idea in my head that the decisions that I make (particularly the wrong ones) can have some kind of impact on someone else, began to tread carefully around others, and spawned a complicated relationship around making mistakes or displeasing others. i learned from my stepdad that love is withheld until I was deserving of it.

It’s one of the reasons I am so hard on myself. It is also one of the reasons I have a hard time taking criticism. On the other end of the spectrum, I am also reluctant to accept other’s praise or feel truly proud of what I do (or at least I always question whether what I could offer was really enough.) I am constantly comparing myself to others I deem more worthy than me.

This is something I still struggle with today. This belief was fortified in past relationships, where I attached myself to partners who I felt could complete me or help fill this sense of self that I feel I lacked. In the last few years, I have worked hard to get to know myself. I am also in a relationship with a partner who lets me be myself. But even so, I have a hard time feeling confident in myself. And at times, it makes things a little tricky. Because even when I am reassured of my worth from others, I still have a hard time believing that I am worthy.

I cannot keep blaming my past for my lack of self confidence now, though I do think it helps acknowledging where it roots from. I like the person that I am, but limit myself in believing that I am less than what others expect or want. I also undermine others reassurance and love for me by shooting down their praise, projecting what they should expect of me, questioning whether I am deserving of their love, or compare myself to others.

I write this now not to perpetuate my past, but because it is something I am seeing with myself that I want to work on. I want to take accountability for this habit that is not serving me and definitely not serving those that care about me. I know it will take time, and it won’t be linear, but I know I want to keep working at it, nonetheless.

that’s all.

thanks for reading if you did.

-L

[sentimental-sensitive]

it's been awhile

but i'd like to get back to writing and sharing here

i think i really need it

[plasticgelo]

[plasticgelo]

its not camping if you dont stay up til sunrise 😂

Thank you reese for the photos i love youuuuu

[shireenseno]

The Last Frame of the Day (Dream Telegram) An exhibition of works to be viewed before falling asleep. Curated by James Clar One of the eight exhibitions of the first Ctrl+P Biennale

Hypnagogic hyp·na·go·gic ˌ hip-nə-ˈgä-jik-ˈgō-: of, relating to, or occurring in the period of drowsiness immediately preceding sleep “The hypnagogic state is that heady lull between wakefulness and sleep when thoughts and images flutter, melt, and transform into wild things.” – Cate McQuaid (Boston Globe, October 1, 1998)

As a light and media artist focusing on new technological production processes and their application to artistic narrative forms, I was inspired by Gregor Janson in his essay “Nothing New Under the Sun” [1] where he describes cinema as a dream-factory, which takes us prisoner in darkness. Essential for the cinema’s spell and fascination is precisely this darkness, which provokes immersion in a sort of cave of the subconscious, within which the images (of artificial light) develop their suggestive power. This combined with concepts of Dream Telepathy, [2] where communication can be done to someone while in a subconscious state were of interest in this project. Artworks generally require an active, focused state, but these works require the viewer to lose focus. The hope, of course, is for the works to become entry points into the viewers’ dream-space.

The artists were asked “If you could control what the last thing an audience sees before going to sleep, what would it be? What would be your wish as the last frame of their waking moment and the first frame of their dream state.” With cultural diversity and mythic undertones, their creations become a contemporary reflection on “Charon’s Obol.” [3] the coin placed in or on the mouth of a dead person before burial. The myth resonates metaphorically as a token passage into the realm of dreams.

Thus, the artists in this exhibition were invited to create works that would be the last thing a viewer sees/experiences before falling asleep. Considering the ubiquity of mobile phones used at bedtime, it is only fitting that the works were produced specifically for viewing on phones during the viewer’s transition from wakefulness to sleep. They are best experienced one work at a time as bridge from the conscious to the subconscious. There are 17 works altogether. A viewer should experience the whole exhibition one work every night within 17 days.

Click to view exhibition (on your phone)