Yesterday, when I woke up from an afternoon nap, a highschool friend forwarded a link and asked me to verify if it's true. It was about Miura Haruma. At first, the link sent to me was an error, it doesn't lead to the article. I was thinking, I hope it's fake news, because there's no article in the link. So I tried searching his name, and there it is. It's true. Miura is dead.
In high school, when everyone's into kpop and kdramas, I was into jpop and jdramas. I love Miura ever since I saw him on Gokusen. He was a huge part of my high school life. A high school friend's relative who went to Japan even bought a magazine with him as a feature in it and sold the pages with him in it to me. Internet's a luxury back then so I rent computer shops to watch videos of him on youtube.
Now, I'm into kdramas and kpop, but I still think of him, sometimes. I check up on him through social media and search his drama list and what's hes been up to. I read that he has a drama this August-September, and a movie next year. Death sometimes really comes in a flash, giving no regards to anyone.
You'll never really realize if someone's suffering or not, noh? Looking back, from all the youtube videos and fan videos of him that I watched, I never thought he was suffering. I never thought that that he was sad and depressed. I never thought that he'll be thirty when he takes his own life. He's a decorated actor, with a lot of award winning dramas and musicals under his belt, but we was actually suffering. Somehow, I feel guilty even though I'm a hundred miles away and he doesn't know I exist. I wished, somebody knew and helped him. But it was too late.
What happened really hit home. I am a big fan. Always will be. It really hurts. I'm really sorry.
Miura, you will always be in my heart. I will remember you forever. I'm sorry. I hope, wherever you are, you don't feel pain anymore. I hope you are already crossing the bridge to the afterlife and in the process of crossing that bridge, you'll forget all the bad memories you had in this life. I'm sorry we failed. I failed. I'm sorry. I love you. Please know that. I love you. Rest well. Good bye.
I wish the world was a little kinder.
