call me seraph

tw: discussion of mental illness and ED He/they | 23 | 5’8” | CW: 190 | GW1: 185 | GW2: 155 | UGW: 121

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one thing I wish I had learned earlier in life is that the same energy that went into being pessimistic and believing that I'd always fail and be unhappy is the energy that could've gone into being optimistic and expecting life to turn out for the best at every corner.

it's a choice to wait for the best or the worst in our path, not a personality trait, as I strongly convinced myself of. I wanted to believe that my low self-esteem and my lack of confidence were not only unescapable but useful, that I was protecting myself by not thinking that life would be good.

expectations are always make-believe stories, sophisticated hallucinations, illusory visions; so why can't they always be amazing, blessed, joyful, beautiful? if we must create narratives for ourselves, why not one full of color and happiness at every page?

being pessimistic only protects us from one thing, and that is from seeing good in the world even if it is right in front of us or within us. expecting the worst from life, from others and from ourselves prevents us from identifying happiness, from realizing that we've received a blessing, from wanting more and pushing ourselves towards more.

we get stuck in a mindset where, if things don't work out, we don't feel the need to fight: we feel validated that we weren't naive, that we didn't allow ourselves to believe that anything would change, that we were right to be sullen; and if things do work out, we just shrug it off as a fluke, as not even that great, or engage it with fear: life's too good to be true, something terrible must be about to happen to me.

if I could give my past self advice, it would be this: allow your skin to be soft once again and allow yourself to fantasize about a better life at all times, no matter how grim it may seem. do not give the villains of the world the satisfaction of letting yourself give in to fear instead of diving headfirst in hope. there are always beautiful flowers growing out of hard concrete. ‧₊˚✩彡

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[kitkatt07]

some of my favorite th¡nsp0 <3

[seraphim-tears]

I won’t be skinny in time for summer, but at least I’ll be less fat. Maybe I’ll be almost skinny by the time the fall semester starts, and I’ll shock everyone with how different I look.

[anastasiasmenu]

I know fall is long gone, but here is some dark academia spø for my girlies (and guys and theys) who can’t let it go 🪶🦉☕️

[damagedcaskets]

[ieatunicornbutterflies]

Some th!nspo i found on pinterest, not my stuff

[seraphim-tears]

Update: Almost out of the 190s ✨

I’ve lost around 15 lbs in the past month, which I think is great progress. Last month’s progress is this month’s motivation to keep going!

Anyway, here are some changes I’ve made that have helped me lose weight:

This is more of a disclaimer, but my appetite did a complete 180 last month and now I often do not feel hungry, which is most likely due to stress and anxiety.

I stopped counting calories and now focus on healthier meals with smaller portion sizes, along with less frequent meal times.

I stopped ordering out as often and now prepare the majority of my meals at home. I mostly make Asian style meals that consist of veggies, tofu, meat, and rice.

Vegetables are the bulk of my meals and I fill up on them before I start to eat the rest of my food.

I make sure to season my food well, and I found that a lot of spicy food helps decrease my appetite. I enjoy spicy food and I have a low tolerance for heat, so it works out. (If you don’t enjoy what you eat, you are much more likely to binge)

I have a Stanley, which I always keep filled with ice water. You don’t need a Stanley for this (tbh they leak a lot, and I’m sure you could find a different brand that’s better quality), but I like having a cup with a handle so I can easily carry it everywhere I go. Ice water helps decrease your appetite, and it’s delicious.

I stopped ordering extremely sugary coffee and now opt for iced americanos or plain iced almond milk lattes, but I prefer the first as they help decrease my appetite.

I stopped eating sweets like cookies or ice cream, and now choose fruit, yogurt, or oatmeal when I want something sweet. However, sometimes it’s better to eat one cookie instead of denying yourself and then binging on much more later!

I regularly go on walks and try to get around 10k steps per day. I’m not too strict with this one, but walks make me feel better, especially when I’ve eaten more that day than I’m comfortable with.

I stay busy so I don’t have time to mindlessly snack. I’m approaching my last year of college, so this isn’t much of a challenge to do.

I distract myself from being hungry by doing other tasks such as cleaning around the house, doing homework, taking a shower, etc.

I will continue to update this if I think of any more

[skinyykat]

She’s literally living in my dream body

[buffersz]

everyone talks about getting skinny with an ed but nobody talks about how much easier it is to get your life together, your room being cleaner, skin being clearer, and life just overall being better

like rn im just reorganising my room and then going on the treadmill and doing silly little workouts?!? life is soo much better