a heartbreak

serena matthews; She was brave and strong and broken all at once.

[serena-matthews]

“You have no idea how fancy I feel staying in a hotel right now. Sure, it barely earned its fourth star and I only just scraped by in paying for this breakfast, but still. Remind me to steal the robe on my way out.” Serena glossed over the tray in front of her, unsure of where to begin now that every space filled with another dish. Splurging probably wasn’t the most responsible decision, but she needed a pick me up if she was going to get through her day. Now that the house was up for sale, she didn’t have much of a choice but to find a room somewhere, and with that came an opportunity for Bryce to stay with her. She was always thankful for his company, and it showed in the way she was trying to spend every second of her trip with him. “Thanks for staying with me last night. For once, I actually appreciate it.” @seniorjuniorjr

[serena-matthews]

positively-nate:

The calm of Harwich during the times he visited almost made the town unfamiliar to Nate. Sure, there were still a new generation of high school students with the teenage drama everyone expected, but without a book deal bearing their secrets, the chaos seemed much more controlled, much more mundane - as mundane as it should have been for Nate and Serena and their other friends, as well. With different colleges having different schedules, there never seemed to be too many familiar faces, and the worry that people might have connected his name to his secret had faded from his mind, just as the paperback passed around the school faded after its fifteen minutes were up. His smile opened up to release a laugh at Serena’s remark, thinking back to the shifts they had suffered through together. Surprisingly, that job - well, mostly the people he worked with - provided some of his best memories of high school. “No, I just think everything ever cooked in that kitchen somehow absorbed into my skin from working there so long - basically, I’m forever the essence of the Blue Dolphin.” Of course it wasn’t true, but he couldn’t stop such a playful nature from being brought out as they hugged. “What? I thought I pulled that apron off. But I’m really glad to see you, too. How’s everything been?”

"That’s probably a blessing more than it is a curse. If the smell takes you back to the Blue Dolphin, it should take you back to me and all of the good memories we had together, and you can’t be forgetting those.” Nate had easily been one of her favorite people during her time at Harwich, and the ease that came with talking with him was one of the many reasons why. Her life had been filled to the brim with angst for as long as she could remember, and she treasured anyone that gave her a break from that. “Everything’s been... surprisingly good. I’m still at Boston, which is stressful but also really amazing. I’m only really here to visit Bryce since he’s needy and can’t live without me for too long of a time. Pathetic, I know.” She scrunched her nose at him, determined not to let her mind wander to all of the other things she had on her Harwich to do list. It was just easier to blame it all on Bryce rather than go into her grandmother’s affairs. “But I’m sure he could manage a day or so without me if you wanted to go catch up. Properly, I mean. I want to hear about everything that’s been going on with you too.” She gave his head a quick pat as she spoke, a soft giggle escaping her lips.

[serena-matthews]

positively-nate:

College was certainly doing Nate well. He was one of many at a such a big school, could easily let loose when he wanted to and then slip away when risks were too high. It certainly wasn’t like that at Harwich, where every move he made in regards to his social life had to be calculated, the avoid suspicion from his classmates as well as the eye of the writer who almost ruined his life. Wonder if anyone ever caught the bitch, he thought the other week, seeing a battered copy of the wretched book in the window of a secondhand shop as he returned home for the break. His anger, stemming from the feeling of having to hide his true self behind protective walls, had weakened over time, though Nate was certainly still guarded, especially around his peers at school who knew nothing of his life back home (and he wished to keep it that way). But now that he was home, Nate couldn’t exactly keep himself holed up in his house - and he was thankful he hadn’t, for a familiar faced lurked nearby. “Hey stranger,” he greeted as they got close enough. “Shit, how long’s it been?”

Now that Summer was out of the equation, Serena rarely made visits back to Harwich anymore. If it weren’t for visiting Bryce and occasionally her father, she probably wouldn’t have come back at all, but this time around she had other matters to attend to, like sorting out her grandmother’s affairs and selling the home they’d lived in all her life. The only plus side she could think of to it all was getting to see the friends she’d actually maintained once she’d left for college, Nate included. They’d suffered long and hard together working at the Blue Dolphin, and she’d always appreciated his knack to make even the worst of shifts bearable. So when she heard his voice, she recognised it immediately, her lips slowly curving upwards into a bright smile. “Not long enough, apparently. I could have recognised that deep fry oil scent anywhere. Did you stop showering once you left town or something?” She pulled him in for a hug, which was defintely a testament to how much she missed him considering she’d never been one to show such explicit affection. “You have no idea how good it is to see you. And out of the apron, too. Marvellous.”

[serena-matthews]

seniorjuniorjr:

He rolled his eyes but a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth when she ran her fingers through his hair. “I’m not being like anything, Matthews. Don’t get all dramatic on me.” Her trying to make him feel better about the subject actually worked. There was a reason he was the only one around and he had to stop dwelling on the past sooner or later. It was the only thing that was guaranteed to drag his mood down, and he planned on being anything but agitated while he was with her- not that it was really hard considering happiness was his default emotion. Bryce knew she had her own life no but it was still a little bit of a shock to see it all. She’d come so far from Harwich is was unbelievable. “No wonder you were keeping this place a secret. It’s awesome.” His eyebrow shot up in disbelief, prompting him to place his hand to his chest. “You do realize who you’re talking to right? I’m Bryce Vieytez, party king and playboy of the year for the past three years in a row. I was born ready to party. The only real question here is if you seriously think you have it in you to keep up with me.”

“I’m the dramatic one? You’re the one that drove all the way over here just because you couldn’t live without me for a couple of months. I feel like I’m in a Nicholas Sparks novel.”  Serena spoke as if she were somehow burdened by his presence here, although that couldn’t have been further from the truth. It was one of those instances where she hadn’t realised what she was missing until it was standing in front of her, and now as she looked up at him, she wasn’t sure how she’d managed to go so long without contacting him. “Yeah, but this is a college party. We mean business here.” She folded her arms across her chest. “Duh. I’ve always been able to keep up with you. It’s the reason why you like me so much. Well, one of them.” She smirked at him, her lips pressing together momentarily. “Go get handsome. I’ll text you where to meet me and we can go from there. I should probably check if I still have your number...” Scrunching her face up with him, she shook her head and gave into another smile that was itching to appear before leaning in to hug him. “Kidding. See you soon, party king.”

[serena-matthews]

seniorjuniorjr:

“Well you have at least three left, and with my luck they’re probably all waiting with open arms.” Bryce barely resisted the urge to roll his eyes, giving away exactly how much the idea still bothered him. It was easy to play cool when he didn’t have to think back on the handful of people she probably had waiting for her, but realizing it was probably the truth irritated him more than anything else. He was charming, friendly, and one of the most entertaining people to be around but he knew he couldn’t compete with half the guys vying for her attention because that wasn’t something that interested her. No, she’d never wanted Bryce during his partying phase, but that was the version of himself he was the most comfortable with. He shook his head, forcing himself to push the thought away knowing he was probably being ridiculous. “Then show me around, Matthews. We’re running on limited time here.”

“Not anymore. El and I have barely spoken since I left, Jack’s got his own girl, and god knows what Hudson’s up to.” Serena could sense that the topic had brought on a shift in his mood, so she reached up to mess up his hair, if just to bring his smile out again. “C’mon, don’t be like that. I’m here with you of all people, aren’t I? Doesn’t that count for something?” Serena was surprised at how at ease she was about showing him her new life, weaving him around campus and describing every little thing in detail without a second thought. The prospect of merging her past with her present had always been daunting to say the least, and she’d always maintained that once she left Harwich behind, it would be for good. Even Elliot and all of her other good friends hadn’t been immune to that, yet here Bryce was, slipping into her world just as easily as he had before. Once she’d finished her grand tour, she stopped in front of him, keeping a safe distance between them. “Now all that’s left is to show you a real college party. I’m sure that’s the part you were most excited about, aside from seeing me again of course. I know one of the frats is throwing one tonight, you in?” 

[serena-matthews]

seniorjuniorjr:

“…Fair enough. But I’d like to think she moved on to more interesting characters these days. I see my name pop up a lot less.” Bryce had never outright told anyone which character was based on him but he figured it was probably obvious to her after she’d figured out his living situation. “It’s better this way. At least you won’t be disappointed in me two months down the line.” He could count how many relationships he’d had that lasted longer than a month on one hand. It was no secret he liked to flirt and while most of the people in his life thought it was cute at first eventually the jealousy kicked in, something he didn’t want to deal with. “You caught me. Your caterpillars are the only ones I’ll ever swoon over.” Raising his hand he traced her brow teasingly. “It’s been two years. I think it’s safe to say I’m over it. But it’s cute that you think you’re still my one and only.” Bryce placed his hand over his chest as his bottom lip jutted out in a mock pout. Someone who was over everything wouldn’t have traveled nearly as far as he did with no reasoning other than the fact that he wanted to see her. But that wasn’t something he could admit out loud. He’d tried time and time again to be honest with her about his feelings but it never failed to blow up in his face or make things awkward between the two of them. No. For the time being he was going to keep his mouth shut and all sappy feelings to himself. Besides, the trip was meant to help him get over her, not to take a trip down memory lane by remembering everything he’d liked in the first place. Though it was hard to keep that in mind with her right in front of him. “Are you sure you can handle something else sweet now that I’m here? I don’t want you to go into a sugar coma or anything.”

“I would hope she just ran out of material to work with. I’m pretty sure she did with me.” Once Summer had passed, Serena had stopped caring about keeping her situation a secret. It wasn’t something she confessed openly to people, but it wasn’t anything that she kept hidden either, and moving to a new place only made it that much easier to be honest. “Pfft, I’m immune to that pattern. I mean, I’m still around after all this time, aren’t I?” Serena knew she hadn’t reached out to him as much as she probably should have since she’d left town, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t still important to her. Even with only texts and phone calls holding them together, she still regarded him as one of her best friends. Smacking his hand away once it made contact with her face, she promptly scrunched her nose at him. “Whatever. It’s not like I was hoping you’d come back here to profess your undying love for me or something. I guess I’ll just have to go back to one of my other suitors.” She released a dramatic sigh, pretending to be disappointed. Truth be told, a part of her defintely was, but there was no way in hell she was going to admit that, even to herself. “I think I’ll manage just fine. Besides, I’m going to need all the help I can get to stay awake if you’re going to be around. I’m sure the movie theater won’t be able to go without you for too long, so I’m going to enjoy having you here while I can.”

[serena-matthews]

seniorjuniorjr:

“You were never pathetic. There’s nothing wrong with staying where you’re comfortable.” Bryce couldn’t stop himself from chuckling at the irony of it all. Pizza rolls were one way to his heart but she’d worked her way in without needing any extra incentive a long time ago. “I don’t think our marriage ever did unless you had a priest sign off on everything at some point. It’s just a girl. She’s working at the Blue Dolphin now and… I dunno. She gives me free food. Plus her eyebrows are ten times cooler than yours so it was really hard for me not to be into it right off the bat.” He spread his hands as if it made perfect sense, thankful again for his ability to lie on the spot without giving much away. Maybe it would have been easier to be honest but he was in too deep to back out at the moment. “What about you? Do you have any more boyfriends or are the two at home still enough for you?”

“There is when that place also contains a vindictive psychopath trying to blackmail you and all your friends.” Talking about what had happened back in Harwich was always going to feel strange, but Serena had at least gotten to a place where she could bring it up without feeling completely uneasy. “You really are hellbent on breaking this off, aren’t you?” Serena listened as he spoke, taking it seriously up until the last part. She furrowed her brows as she grinned, turning her head so she could look at him while she spoke. “Bullshit. There’s no way in hell you could think someone has better eyebrows than me. Mine always have and always will be your favorite.” She wanted to add in that she was happy for him, but she couldn’t bring herself to say it. He probably would have been able to tell that she was lying anyways. “Nope. I figured three would be one too many, and I didn’t want to make you any more jealous than you already were. I’m single.”

[serena-matthews]

seniorjuniorjr:

“If you’re saying I don’t have a life because I decided to stay then screw you, Matthews. I like to think I’m cashing in right now. I might not have you but I’m still not paying rent and my housing doesn’t depend on a report card. Not all of us need all this in order to be happy.” He motioned towards the campus around him. Maybe he’d set his standards too low but that wasn’t something he was unhappy about. People who worked too the point that it consumed them always seemed to break before they were actually happy anyways. “I’m just putting it out there.” He shrugged his shoulder dismissively, half hoping she wouldn’t question him. His eyes caught the way her smile faltered and there was no denying he felt a small surge of pride. After pining over her for years now she finally understood what it felt like to be on the jealous end of the spectrum, even if it was all because of a lie. “You don’t have to sign them. I’m not sure if you remember but we decided that was a done deal a few years ago and I’m a word of mouth guy. Does it matter?”

“Do you really think I’m in a position to say that to you? I stuck around for way longer than I should have solely because I could. That’s pathetic. I’m just happy if you’re happy.” As much as she wanted to, Serena didn’t quite believe him when he said he was happy with not going to school. Maybe she was just overthinking things like she had the tendency of doing, but something told her that there was a part of him that wished he had moved on. “If I wanted you to fall in love with me, I would have just come right out with it and suggested we get pizza rolls. I know that’s the way to your heart.” Linking her arm with his, she directed him towards the bakery, hoping that by walking alongside him he wouldn’t be able to detect how weirded out she was. Bryce had always been pretty good at reading her, even when she did her best to hide how she was feeling. “I don’t think that counts in the eyes of the law. Or maybe I just don’t want it to. Uh, yeah? I think I deserve to know that much. Is it anyone I know?”

[serena-matthews]

sseniorjuniorjr:

“You’re all talk, Matthews.” Bryce groaned loudly once she pinched his cheeks but couldn’t find it in himself to actually break away from her. “If I’m proof of anything it’s that school is for suckers. While you’re here slaving away in front of a desk I’m living the dream and getting free movie tickets every Friday night.” His chest puffed proudly as the thought. School had never been an option for someone with an attention span as short as his. At least it wasn’t unless he conned someone into doing his homework for him like he had in high school. “Then show me everything. But if you think the bakery thing is going to make me fall in love with you you’re about six months too late on that one. I have a new leading lady in my life now.” It was a flat out lie. One that he wasn’t sure why he made up in the first place but there was no going back. 

“My track record would prove otherwise.” Serena grinned as she thought back to all of the afternoons they’d spent playing video games together, a weird nostalgic feeling overtaking her for a brief moment. “Nah. If you were really living the dream, I’d still be there with you. But unfortunately, I decided to get a life and move on from serving coffee at the Blue Dolphin. Sucks, I know.” She pressed her lips together as if she were disappointed by the choice she had made, when really she couldn’t have been happier about moving on from Harwich. As much as leaving him and the rest of her friends behind had been, Serena couldn’t deny that getting a fresh start was entirely worth it. “Woah, where did that come from?” Her smile faltered for a second before she recollected herself, trying her best not to come across as alarmed as she actually was. “I don’t remember signing any divorce papers. Who’s the other woman?”

[serena-matthews]

seniorjuniorjr:

“Well maybe that just means it’s my lucky day.” Bryce couldn’t stop himself from laughing as he hugged her back, lifting her off the ground momentarily before setting her down again. “I thought I told you I got accepted. I finally decided to stop being content with working at the movie theater my whole life and get a degree in Biological Systemology.” He pressed his lips together to stop himself from giving away that he was only kidding. Then again, he wasn’t sure if what he’d mentioned was something that was actually real so maybe it didn’t matter that he couldn’t hold back his grin for more than a few seconds. “Seriously though, I was just in the neighborhood and I remembered you were here so I thought I would stop by. I hope I’m not interrupting you or anything.”

“Always trying to one up me. If it weren’t for the fact that I’m still way better at video games than you, I’d be crushed.” Serena reached up to pinch both of his cheeks, still grinning. She wasn’t sure how she could ever stop now that he was here. “No, not at all. It’s not like I have a bunch of super important classes to attend or anything like that.” Even if that had been true, she was more than willing to ditch them all to spend the rest of the day with him. “I was actually about to head back to my dorm, but I feel obliged to show you around campus now. Maybe even take a pit stop at the bakery?”

[serena-matthews]

seniorjuniorjr:

When she left it was supposed to be easier for him to move on. In a way it had been. He didn’t have to deal with seeing her everyday, and as time went on he felt himself slipping back into familiar habits that ended with him having a new date every week instead of dwelling on one girl. But that didn’t change the fact that Bryce couldn’t just forget about her. Whatever had happened, even before the kiss, had stuck with him. Maybe it even changed him a bit, but he was determined not to let the past come back to haunt him after months of brushing it off as nothing. No, his only goal was to visit her at college one weekend to convince himself that that part of their friendship had disappeared as quickly as it started. After asking a few people and wandering the campus for a bit his eyes finally landed on the person he’d taken a train for hundreds of miles just to say hi to. “Hey!” His voice carried through the patio, causing more than one person to glance in his direction but his attention never drifted away from the girl. “You know where I can find a girl named Serena around here? She’s a little weird and uses every chance she gets to avoid smiling but when she stops thinking so much she can be alright.”

Truth be told, Serena hadn’t been particularly concerned with keeping in touch with her old friends from Harwich. It wasn’t a malicious move or something she’d planned on purpose, but after everything she’d endured back home, she was desperate to finally take steps forward rather than ones back. It helped that college provided her with plenty of areas to keep her mind occupied, and not having Summer around meant not needing to visit as frequently as she might have wanted to. But that didn’t mean she hadn’t thought about it, especially when she came across and old picture of them or whenever his name flashed on her phone. He was one of the few things from her past that she actually felt tethered to, and the memory of how they’d ended things in Harwich still plagued her mind from time to time. At least with all the miles between them, she didn’t have to deal with any of the feelings she might have still had for him. But in a matter of moments, that all seemed to change, and as she heard his voice call out to her, she stopped short. Turning around as soon as he got closer, her face immediately lit up with a mixture of surprise and joy. “If it weren’t for the whole smiling thing, I would have sworn you were talking about me. Clearly I have no problems in that area.” She practically leapt into his arms, her grin wider than ever. “What the hell are you doing here?”

[jackenglert]

You’re welcome. 

Hopefully Summer still likes me.

[serena-matthews]

How could she not?

[kennedysalvatore]

I didn’t realize just how serious schools are about early acceptance, but I’m certainly not complaining. Looks like I’m going to college.

[serena-matthews]

Kenn, that's amazing! Where at?

[madiganphelps]

Oh, Serena…

I…. God, I don’t even know what to say. I never would’ve guessed all that. I’m so…. awkward with words. Can I hug you? Is a hug appropriate right now because I’m feeling the sap so much more than I ever have before, and a hug feels right.

[serena-matthews]

It's not like... a big deal or anything. Like I said, Ijust never really knew how to tell you. 

I may hate hugs, but I'll never be able to turn down a Madigan hug. You know that. 

[serena-matthews]

weekend away // serena & jack

[jackenglert]

Laughing with no intended malice, he grins, making sure she didn’t take her eyes off the road. “Or we can move somewhere that the language isn’t English so we have to assimilate into a different culture… so then, no one will ever know it’s us if we’re speaking fluent Spanish or something.” He concluded easily, knowing that what he was saying was more than a pipe dream. Maybe it was his idea to escape before he went to school, to try and get out while the time was good enough so he could disappear, but if he knew better, it wasn’t going to happen. There was no escape from his father’s insistence that to make money, he needed an education, and each passing day he was becoming more and more comfortable with the insistence of an education. After all, it was already written for him. “Well once I get a job that’ll be double the income to escape.” Furrowing his brow together, he turned his head towards her, shrugging. “No clue. I’d still swim in it.”

[serena-matthews]

"But then we'd have to learn a new language, and we both know I'm too lazy for that," she raised a brow at him, shrugging her shoulders slightly. Weirdly enough, the idea of fleeing the country with her best friend didn't seem like such a bad idea, especially with Ruby Grant's cloud hovering so closely over their heads. More than anything, Serena wanted an escape. It had always been that way, despite the fact that she was outwardly opposed to it. She supposed now that the facade was just a way of convincing herself that she truly didn't need or want to leave Harwich, because whether she liked it or not, she had to be here and she had to deal with that. "You know I can always sort something out at the Blue Dolphin for you," she turned to look at him, her eyes serious. Serena was always willing to help a friend out, especially Jack who had always been there for her in spite of the own weight he carried on his shoulders. "I'm not at all surprised," she snickered quietly, "Maybe one day, when we have enough money, we can actually go to all of these places. We could take the world by storm."

[madiganphelps]

I…. didn’t know that. I kind of always suspected because— well, you’re just so secretive, and I never want to push… Anyway, I know this is not even close to being enough, but I’m your family too. And Carson. And Walcott, though I know you’ll say that’s not much of a comfort.

[serena-matthews]

Y-Yeah. I've never really been good at talking about it. It's not really something I want to talk about either.

My mom... I don't know, she left when I was like, one or two. No one knows where she is, and truth be told, I'm pretty happy about that. She had me when she was young, too young, and she couldn't handle it I guess. I guess that's why I have such a soft spot for you and Carson. [She tapped her finger on the side of her mug nervously.] After she left, Summer started helping my dad out, but it wasn't enough... so he decided to rob a 7/11 with a gun, a fake one though. The clerk pulled out a real one which got in the way when they fought... I don't really know the details. Anyways, the clerk died, and my dad was given a life sentence for manslaughter and a few more years for robbery. I haven't seen him since. He writes, but I don't write back. So... yeah, just me and Summer now.

[madiganphelps]

I don’t… want to entertain the idea of you losing her, because I know it’s already on your mind enough as it is. But I don’t want you to think that you’ll be alone, either. I’m here for you, no matter what.

I know that’s nowhere near the same, but it’s just something that no matter what, there’s someone here for you.

[serena-matthews]

I know, I know. But she's... she's the only family I have, Mads.