ๆฎตใ
ใจ้็ฉบใใชใฌใณใธ่ฒใซๆใพใฃใฆใใฃใฆ่ตคใใชใฃใฆใใใใๆฟใใชใฃใฆใใฃใฆ็ดบ่ฒใใ้ป่ฒใซใชใใ
้ๅฏใฎไธญใใฒใจใใง็ช้ใซ็ซใก็ซฆใใงใใใ
ๅคใซใชใฃใ็ฉบใ็บใใฆใ
็ผไธใซๅบใใ่กไธญใฏๆผ้ใจใฏ้ใๆใใใใใฃใฆใ็ผ็ใซใใใใๆใๅๅฐใใใ
้ปใฃใฆๅคใ็บใใฆใใใจ้จใใฝใคใฝใคใจ้ใฃใฆใใใ
ใใใฆใถใกใผใใจ้ณใใใใใใใฎๅผทใใฎ้จใซๅคใใ้่กใไบบ้ใฏๆ
ใฆใฆ้ง
ๆงๅ
ใๅปบ็ฉใธใจ่ตฐใๅ
ฅใฃใฆ่กใใ
ใใใฆๆใๆฟกใใๆญฉ้ใๆญฉใไบบๅฝฑใฏใปใจใใฉใใชใใชใใ้่ทฏใ่กใ่ปใฎใใผใซใฉใณใใ้จใฎใใใงใใซใใใจๆนพๆฒใใฆ็ชใซๅๅฐใใใ
็ ใใชใๆฅใฏใใใใฆ็ชใฎๅคใ็บใใใใ ใ
ใใใคใๅธฐใฃใฆใใใฎใฏใใคใ้
ใใใใ่ฉฑใใใจใๅบๆฅใชใใ
ใฝใใฃใใใใฝใใใฝใใฃ
ใใฃใๅใฃใๆ้ฆใฎๅทๅฃใใ่กใๆปดใฃใ้ณใงๆฐใไปใใใ
ๆๅฝใฆใใฆใชใใใพใๅบใใฝใใกใผใๆฑใใใจๆใใใใ
ใชใฌใฏๅฐใใ ใใซใผใใณใ้ใใฆๅคใ่ฆใฆใใใฎใใใใฆใฝใใกใผใธ่
ฐๆใใใ
ใใใใใใผใใซใซไนใฃใฆใใใฃใใทใฅใฎ็ฎฑใไนฑๆดใซๆดใใจๆฐๆใ็ดใๅใๅบใใฆ่ๅณใชใใใซๆ้ฆใฎ่กใๆญใใใ
ใพใใงไปไบบใฎ่
ใฎ่กใๆญใใฆใใใใ ใ
็กๆฐๅใช็ผๅทฎใใฏใใคใ่ชๅใฎๅทๅฃใซๅใใใใใ
็ ใใชใๅคใชใใฆใฏใฝใปใฉใใใ
ใใใฆๅคใใใ็ ใใใฆใปใใใ
ใใใฆใใฎใพใพไธ็่ตทใใชใใใฐใใใ
ไธ็็ฎ้ใใใใจใฎใชใ็ ใใใ
ใใฃใใ็ถบ้บใซๆญใใใฎใซใใพใใคใฉใคใฉใใฆใใฆใใฎๅทๅฃใๅผใฃๆปใใฆใใพใฃใใ
ๅฝ็ถๅทๅฃใฏ้ใ่กใๆตใใใ
่
ใไผใ่กใใฉใใฉใ่ใซใพใงไผธใณใฆใใใ
ๅทใ ใใใฎใชใฌใฎ่
ใ
ใใไธ็ๆถใใชใใงใใใๅท่ทกใใใใ
็ฝใๅท่ทกใ่ตคใๅท่ทกใ
ๅทใใใ้ใใฆไฝใใฎๆจกๆงใฟใใใซใชใฃใฆใใ
ๅบใใฝใใกใผใซ่กใๆตใ่ฝใกใใ
ใใคใใชใๆ
ใฆใฆๆญใใใ ใใฉไปๆฅใฏใใใชๆฐใซใชใใชใใฃใใ
ๅทๅฃใใ่กใ ใใๅๆใซๆตใใฆๅ ใกใฆ้ใใ
้ใณไปใใฆใใฟใใใซ่บซไฝใๅใใชใใ
ใใฎๆใใใคใๅธฐใฃใฆใใใ
ไฝใ่จใใชใใงใชใฌใฎ้ ญใใใใใใใๆซใงใใจใใฃใใทใฅ็ฎฑใใ5ใ6ๆ็ดใๅใๅบใใฆใชใฌใฎ่
ใฎ่กใๆญใใชใใใฝใใกใผใ็ถบ้บใซๆญใใใ
ใใใฆ็ตๅต่ใ่ฒผใฃใฆใใใใ
ใใใใใใใใๅฃใ้ใใใ
ใๅฏใใญใใฎใ๏ผใ
ใใใซใใฃใใ้ ทใใ
่ฌใ้ฃฒใใ ใจโฆใใใๅคง้ใซใใใ ใใ
ใใใงใ็ ใใชใใฃใฆใใ ใใใ
ใใไฝใงใใใใใ็ฎ้ใใใใชใใ
ใใ่จใฃใใใใใใๅฐใใใใใใใใใชใ่ฒธใใฆใใใใใจ่จใใใใ
ใใใซ็ด ็ดใซ้ ทใใจใใใคใซ้ฃใใใๅฏๅฎคใธๅใใฃใใ
ใใใฆใใใใซๆฝใ่พผใใจใไฟบใฏใฝใใกใผใงๅฏใฆใฃใใใชใใใใฃใใๅผในใใใใใใใฃใใไผใใใจ่จใฃใฆๅบใฆ่กใฃใใ
้ใใซ็ฎใ้ใใใ
ใใใคใๅธฐใฃใฆใใใใจใงๅฎๅฟใใใฎใใชใฌใฏๅฐใใใคใ ใใฉ็ ใใใชใฃใฆใใฆใใใ
ใใใฆๆฐไปใใใ็ ใฃใฆใใใ
ใชใฌใซใฏใฉใใช็ก็ ่ฌใ็ก็ ๅฐๅ
ฅๅคใ็ก้งใชใฎใใใใใชใใ
ไปใพใงใฎไบบ็ใ ใฃใใใใใชใใจใชใใฃใใฎใซใ
ใงใใชใฌใฎโไปโใฎไบบ็ใซใฏใใใคใฏๅคงใใชๅญๅจใซใชใฃใฆใใ
ใใใฏ็ตถๅฏพ็ใซโใใใโใฃใฆ่จใใใจๆใใ
ใชใฌใ่ชๅทใใฆใODใใฆใใใใคใฏไฝใ่จใใชใใงๆๅฝใฆใใฆใใใใใ็
้ขใซ้ฃใใฆใฃใฆใใใใใใฆใใใใ
ใใใใชใฌใซใฏๅฟๅฐ่ฏใใ
ใชใฌใฏใใใใฎไธญใง่บซใๆฉใฃใใ
ใใฃใ็ตๅต่ใ่ฒผใฃใฆ่ฒฐใฃใๆ้ฆใซ่งฆใใใ
ใใใคใใใใ10ๅไปฅๅ
ใซใฏ็ ใใฆใใใ ใ
The blue sky gradually turns orange, then red, then darker, then dark blue, then black.
I was cowering by the window, alone in the silence.
Looking out at the night sky.
The city below had a different brightness than in the daytime, and my eyes reflected it in the darkness.
As I looked outside in silence, the rain began to fall in sheets.
Eventually, the rain became so strong that I could hear it rushing down, and people on the street hurriedly ran into the station and buildings.
And there were hardly any people walking on the dark, wet sidewalks, and the taillights of the cars on the road were limp and curved from the rain, reflecting off the windows.
On days when I can't sleep, I look out the window like this.
He always comes home late, so I can't talk to him.
I noticed the sound of blood dripping from the wound on my wrist that I cut earlier.
I didn't patch it up, and he's pissed that I stained the floor and couch again.
I opened the curtains a little bit, stopped looking outside, and sat down on the couch.
I grabbed the box of tissues on the table and pulled out a few sheets of paper and wiped the blood off my wrist with a disinterested look.
It's as if I'm wiping blood from someone else's arm.
His lethargic gaze is always on his own wound.
There's a shitload of nights I can't sleep.
I wish they'd at least let me sleep at night.
And I hope I never wake up.
I want to sleep for the rest of my life and never wake up.
Even though I had wiped it clean, I got frustrated again and scratched the wound.
Naturally, the wound opened and blood flowed.
The blood trickling down my arm extended to my elbow.
My arm was covered in scars.
Some of the scars would never disappear.
White scars, red scars, purple scars.
There are so many scars that they look like some kind of pattern.
Blood ran down on the floor and the sofa.
Normally I would have rushed to wipe it up, but today I didn't feel like it.
I didn't want to do anything.
Only blood flowed from the wound on its own, and it fell away.
I couldn't move my body as if it was rusty.
That's when he came back.
Without saying a word, he patted my head and took five or six sheets of paper from the tissue box and wiped the blood from my arm and cleaned the couch.
Then he put an adhesive bandage on my arm.
Finally, he opened his mouth.
You can't sleep, can you?
I also told him that I had taken my medication... and only a lot of it.
But you still can't sleep.
I don't want to wake up to anything else.
When I said that, he said, "Well, that's a problem, but I can at least lend you my bed.
I nodded my head and he took me to the bedroom.
When I crawled into bed, he said, "I'll sleep on the sofa, so call me if you need anything.
I felt relieved that he was back, and I started to feel sleepy.
Then I realized I was asleep.
I'm not sure if any sleeping pills or sleeping aids will help me.
I've never had that problem in my life.
But he's become a big part of my life now.
I think I can definitely say "yes" to that.
Even if I hurt myself or OD, he doesn't say anything, he just treats me and takes me to the hospital.
I twisted around in the bed.
I touched my wrist, where I had just gotten a bandage.
If he were here, I'd be asleep within ten minutes.
