physical pain that accompanies the emotional is too immense. i thought when we make a wise decision we are supposedly overcome with feelings of righteousness and pride. how come my stomach feels like it has been yanked out and twisted. i don't understand. i am scared that i have tortured my own being through imaginative brain-play. creating falsified realities, allowing myself to relish in them. i often question if i am too soft, too easily impacted. i let myself feel so deeply, i don't often know when to begin or end. how much is too much sadness? is there appropriate terms for sadness? can it be contained and put into a box and tucked away? the unpacking is unbearable. maybe we don't get over things, instead we learn to allow them to be beside us throughout life, constantly poking holes in our own blissful realities. what does it mean if the thought of something can impact your mood so drastically? do i care? is my subconscious playing a horrible game with me? why does something that is so incompatible with me, cause such a strong draw. the pull i feel is magnetic and cosmic. i cant describe it but i understand the feeling in my body. an end has never felt more incorrect. maybe it is the day, and by night and day again, the thoughts will morph into a feeling of acceptance. i understand sometimes closure is not a reality, and not every instance in life can be neatly packed up and tied together with a bow. reality is more messy and confusing, often leaving the brain scrambled. is there any justice in attempting to unravel the mess? is there a point in comprehension? maybe it is more suitable to simply hunker down and carry on to avoid the threat of insanity.
