"Uh oh, I know that look."
âOh thatâs so sweet, Iâve never had a boyfriend willing to commit arson for me before.â
âI donât want to do things. I want to not do to things.â
âNever half ass two things, whole ass one thing.â
âIâm not afraid of cops. I have no reason to be. I never break any laws, ever. ⊠Because Iâm deathly afraid of cops.â
âYou look like I could use some company.â
âNow, if youâll excuse me, Iâm about to endorse 10 beers into my mouth because it has been an incredible stressful evening.â
âItâs really hard to say congrats without sounding sarcastic.â
âOh, you beautiful spinster you, I will find you love.â
âI donât care about that prize, but Iâm gonna win because I want his happiness to away.â
âAnd then my herbalist took this weird bee pollen paste, rubbed it around my gums, and now my mouth feels like a spaceship.â
âI wished for his happiness to go away. I might be a wizard.â
âI need you to text me every thirty seconds that everything is going to be okay.â
âI think that comic sans always screams fun, right?â
âNo thinking just stupid!â
âIf the world was ending tomorrow, Iâd want to be with you.â
âCome over here and talk about how great I am.â
âWe have one activity planned: not getting killed.â
"Are you mad at me? Because without eyebrows I canât really tell.â
âI hope you brought a change of clothes because your eyes are about to piss tears.â
âI think at some point you and I should probably make out with each other.â
âI doth proclaim to be a stupid fart face.â
"No, I donât know how Iâm going to die. Wait, are you asking or telling me?"
âYou donât have to buy me things. I just like being around you.â
"Skywriting isnât always positive."
âLook, who hasnât had gay thoughts? Who?â
âIâm not drunk. The floor and the wall just switched. Walk very carefully.â
âThe less I know about other peopleâs affairs, the happier I am.â
âMy goal is to run to the moon.â
âNo one is more upset about this than I am. Not like itâs a competition or anything. âCause if it was, I would win, but thatâs neither here nor there. The point is I would win.â
âYou know whatâs thirsty? You know whatâs weird? How thirsty I get when Iâm weird. When Iâm drunk.â
"Let me ask you something. Iâm hot."
âIs there anything you desire at all? Besides me?â
âMan, I should have yelled at you way more.â
âI could set myself on fire and create a diversion.â