right when you were born, your eyes were wide open

Life is about balance and the transformation of energy. Put good energy out, and find good energy to bring in. Beyond that, enjoy the moment, help reduce suffering, and learn as much as you can about the world. I wanted this blog to have some kind of noble purpose, but really it's just about me figuring myself out and coping with the anxiety disorder that has crippled me for years. Occasionally I have an "aha" moment or insight on life that might be enlightening for you.

[sewn2gether-blog]

This is what anxiety feels like.

I live in my own mental prison. I raise my hand to my heart and feel it beating like the heart of a little rabbit on the run. My hands shake. My legs are weak. My life is perfect. My head is not.

I wish I could break open my chest and let all the demons out. They claw at my back, roll in the bottom of my stomach, and threaten to emerge in a shower of tears, but rarely do.

The worst part of my anxiety is that it holds me right by the edge. It never drops me - just lets me hang there, scrambling for solid ground. I’m not falling, but I’m not standing either. I’m cowering. I’m paralyzed. I’m insane.

Multiple voices criss-cross in the blackness of my mind like playful, violent shooting stars. One is the voice of reason and practicality. One always gets ahead of itself. One is the all-knowing, clear, puncturing voice of truth. One unsteadies the truth in a frenzy of analysis and calculation. One whispers tempting distractions. One wants and wants and wants. One just tries to laugh and breathe.

I’m somewhere in all this. I am all of this.

I would give anything, anything, to be free of this.

[dearcoquette]

Some advice: if you fuck on the first-date, he probably won’t come back for a second. If the sex was hot and he does come back enjoy becoming fuck-buddies, because by fucking on the first-date, you’ve essentially told him by your actions: “I’m easy and definitely not the type of girl you’ll be...

[sewn2gether-blog]

From reddit: A boy sells lemonade from his front yard stand in 1973. 

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People who get snobby when their blogs start gaining traction are fucking pathetic.

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If you're reading this right now - relax. Let the muscle tension go

Do you ever suddenly realize you've just been sitting with your shoulders hiked up to your ears and your jaw clenched for no apparent reason?

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It Hurts Me Too - Keb Mo

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You have a choice.

I know you feel the heavy weight of sadness in your gut, the tightening feeling of anxiety in your upper back, the chaos of thoughts in your mind. I know it feels like you have no control, that all these things have a mind of their own. I know it feels like you NEED to see this thought through, you NEED to sort out your emotions NOW. But you have a choice. Most of the time, you are capable of turning them off to focus on something more productive. When you think certain thoughts, the heaviness and the chaos will return, but if you don't want them now, you can turn them away. It's not that your emotions and worries aren't valid, it's just that you need to find the will and the discipline to focus on things that are better for you. You have plenty of time to ruminate. But time is valuable. Think hard about how you want to spend it. 

[sewn2gether-blog]

Threw together the cutest little outfit today, but the only person I'll be seeing is my therapist. Damn.

[anachronica-deactivated20140926]

If you consider a woman less pure after you’ve touched her, maybe you should take a look at your hands.

Unknown (via satanicbabydollxo)

[ashramof1-deactivated20201019]

You will lose everything. Your money, your power, your fame, your success, perhaps even your memories. Your looks will go. Loved ones will die. Your body will fall apart. Everything that seems permanent is impermanent and will be smashed. Experience will gradually, or not so gradually, strip away everything that it can strip away. Waking up means facing this reality with open eyes and no longer turning away. But right now, we stand on sacred and holy ground, for that which will be lost has not yet been lost, and realising this is the key to unspeakable joy. Whoever or whatever is in your life right now has not yet been taken away from you. This may sound trivial, obvious, like nothing, but really it is the key to everything, the why and how and wherefore of existence. Impermanence has already rendered everything and everyone around you so deeply holy and significant and worthy of your heartbreaking gratitude. Loss has already transfigured your life into an altar.

Jeff Foster (via coketalk)

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Thoughts On Being Yourself (by JennaMarbles)

I wasn't a fan of Jenna after her slut-shaming video, but I just gotta love her for this.

[sewn2gether-blog]

Something important that we tend to forget:

People don't get drawn to you because you're you, they get drawn to you because you have something of value to offer them. 

Whether it's entertainment, wisdom, money, validation, or social connections, remember that people stick around because of what you can offer them, not for what they can offer you. 

[californiacruelty]

[suicideblonde]

Amy Winehouse

[coverjunkie]

Libertine (UK)

There’s a new mag in town. Libertine Magazine: “For Interested Women”

Founder and editor Debbi Evans explains:

“to redefine the ‘women’s interest’ category. In addition to luxury lifestyle content we cover tech, science and business, and celebrate high achieving maverick women for the contents of their brains, not their beds. There is no fashion or beauty content in issue 1, unless you count a piece on the semiotics of handbags. There’s nothing like it, and we’re really excited (and relieved!) to have finally got it out there.”

[coketalk]

I love everything about this.

[sewn2gether-blog]

Life skill

Learning the difference between truly kind people and the other semi-dangerous varieties:

(1)people who are nice in exchange for material things/attention/power

(2) people who are afraid of ruffling feathers (looking out for themselves)

(3) people who are socially warm and friendly but morally inept.

[sewn2gether-blog]

The Great Gatsby (2013) Review

The Bad News: I wont say I was entirely disappointed, but the Gatsby film missed the mark a little for me. The film was full of aesthetically beautiful shots, but almost overwhelmingly so. Some of the images were incredible, but I never had time to let my senses rest. I personally prefer it when any type of art has a balance of calm and chaotic...I like it when things begin soft and then build up to a crescendo. Gatsby was just maximum stimulation the whole way through. It was like trying to gasp for a breath of calm air on a windy day.

The visuals interfered with my ability to get a true sense for the characters and feel an authentic connection between them. The whole thing reminded me a little of Daisy herself - pretty and engaging but ultimately shallow. 

Unfortunately, in all the visual splendour, we also miss out on the subtle criticism on American society that made Fitzgerald's book so great. 

The Good News: It emulated the book beautifully. The setting was exactly how I pictured it in my head, and the director included all of Fitzgerald's key language.  To be fair, I felt that the book didn't get me fully emotionally invested in the characters, so it makes sense that the film didn't either, being very loyal to the book. 

The music was actually fine for me. The modern twist might throw some people off, but I actually liked the juxtaposition. 

The acting was great. Leonardo DiCaprio was as dreamy as ever. Toby McGuire was a perfect choice. 

TLDR; Perfect rendition of the book, spectacular screen shots, overwhelming focus on aesthetics that distract from emotional authenticity, skims over deeper meaning

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Troubled or self-absorbed or both?

You know, I'd post a little more often, except I realized that my posts mostly consist of navel-gazing fuckery sprinkled with a bit of self-righteousnous. My intentions are good, but I never realized how self-absorbed I am. Even now I continue with excessive introspection. It's just so seductive. 

Doesn't it sound so tragically romantic when someone goes on and on about troubles of the mind and young love? That kind of stuff has its place...I feel compelled to express myself, and obviously that's what blogging is for, but I think that sometimes we need to step back and recognize the difference between privileged whining and legitimate situational troubles. 

And now I raise a question - if someone is privileged and self-absorbed, does that mean their problems aren't legitimate? To what extent should we sympathize with people who are struggling mentally on account of not taking their head out of their ass? I mean, they don't know it's up there, and there struggling is still real...I speak for myself at least....