I am sitting on my bed wearing my blue cotton strapped dress, looking from my window right next to the yellow chrysmat or so they are called flowers. It'’ winter and its cold outside, it'’ bit chilly inside so I have my small pastel blue blanket laying on my shoulder as I hear the sound of Clairo - Sofia and my white manicured nails on the keyboard of my laptop. This morning A left to his house finally after sleeping over 3 days in a row. It was upsetting that he left which is weird because that'’ all i have wanted the past couple f days, for him to leave.... Yesterday he almost made me do something I didn't want to do and he reminded me of my rapist. It'’ time to talk to him. I have to tell him that I need to let this go. I know it will break him and it will break me too but this is the correct thing to do for now at least. My first lover and I spoke all morning today and it feels weird, I felt like I went back 4 years , I am still in school and I am sitting on my bed talking to him for hours before I take my mid day nap , that'’ at least what he claims I was like back then, I can't remember that much.
6 november 2019 Sarah , child of the sun
