a little shady, a little sketchy

I'm sam (she/her, 21, bi af baby) and this is my writing blog (writeblr)! send requests! come partake in some Murder, Betrayal and other Exciting Things! tell me about what you're writing! talk to me about books! (I reply/follow under @angrysalmon)

[shadynalittlesketchy]

about me

I am Sam (she/her, 21). I'm a student, currently in my senior year of undergrad majoring in bio and minoring in art. this means I am a Busy Bitch so my ability to post is largely dependent on how school is going. (I also have ADHD and terrible time management skills, so it depends on that too lol.) I read a LOT of stuff, especially fantasy and crime-or-medicine-related nonfiction. talk to me about what books you like! or ask for recs! or rec me books! if you have a snippet/short story request you want me to write, just ask! I'll write pretty much anything, but I love stuff with villain/hero relationships, strong female characters, and mysterious settings. (this applies to most media I consume, too.)

a few little fun facts about me

i am a huge fan of pirates

English is my first language, mais je parle français bien aussi!

I've played piano for 17 years now!

I'm an EMT (that means if you wanna ask me questions about injuries and bleeding and all that pertaining to your characters, please do!)

I tag the big trigger warnings (like abuse, noncon, etc.) If I ever forget one, just lmk! also I love to curse, so if that's not something you're comfortable with, you've been warned. speaking of tagging, feel free to tag me in tag games! I do reserve the right to not write your request if it's a topic I'm uncomfortable with.

otherwise, the general rules here are

don't be an asshole

please feel free to share my work wherever you'd like, or add on to it, but CREDIT ME

if you have a prompt you want me to use, please credit the creator of the prompt in your request

thanks y'all!

[defectivehero]

prompt #228

“This will hurt me more than it will hurt you,” the villain murmured softly, before bringing the dagger closer to the hero’s chest. The hero rolled their eyes.

“Bullshit,” they snapped. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

“Oh, yes, of course,” the villain smirked. 

[defectivehero]

prompt #228

“This will hurt me more than it will hurt you,” the villain murmured softly, before bringing the dagger closer to the hero’s chest. The hero rolled their eyes.

“Bullshit,” they snapped. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

“Oh, yes, of course,” the villain smirked. 

[luobingmeis]

a guy walks in with two puncture wounds on his neck like “u should see the other guy” and then a vampire walks in covered in those cartoony lipstick kiss marks

[luobingmeis]

i’m really glad this post was a hit with the gays

[screnwriter-old-deactivated2021]

a shit ton of kisses + writing prompts

two characters haven't seen each other for a while, one keeps rambling about something insignificant and the other one kisses them because ''shut up you're rambling just kiss me''

lover has fallen asleep and the character places a lil cute kiss on their forehead

hand kisses!!!! let me invite you for a dance!!!!! let's end it with a kiss on the cheek!!!!

two characters look at each other. silence. then. BOOM BANG LIPS CRASHING CAN'T RESIST YOU ANYMORE BAM BOOM THERE'S A WALL LET'S PIN YOU AGAINST IT

we're dancing and somehow my lips end up on yours

you kissed me and i thought we hated each other but you're pulling me closer and suddenly the world is spinning and i don't want you to stop

gentle kisses on a lover's knuckles after tending to their wounds

i'm supposed to be mad at you but you're holding my face and smiling and i just can't resist it when you're pouting like that

i know we're not together but i might die today so i'm going to kiss you just in case there is no later

you kissed me and i wasn't prepared but it feels really good so i'm going to wrap my hands around you and pull you even closer

the antagonist took you hostage, and i'm a mess, i've been beaten, badly injured trying to get them to release you, i can barely stand and i'm bleeding, but it doesn't matter, you're safe, and you're back in my arms, and i don't care about anything but getting to feel your lips on mine once more

we have a shit ton of stuff to do today but you're bored and want kisses and my attempt at resisting fails and we end up making out on the floor

you insist it's time to get out of bed but i'm going to pull you back with a kiss and somehow five more minutes turns into an hour

i have to leave, you can't come with me, and this goodbye kiss, it's going to last longer than any of our other kisses because i can't bear the thought of not having you near

i'm fighting every urge not to kiss you but i can't do it any longer

we're with family and can't kiss but let's sneak into your old room for a minute

you're late for your flight but can't resist jumping out of the car give me one last kiss before leaving

wrapping arms around your lover, kissing their cheek, before resting your head on their forehead

it's our anniversary and i don't want you to see what i've planned so i'm going to lead you into the kitchen blindfolded but i'm going to place a kiss on your head because you're confused about what's happening and it's adorable

so you've got one character, with their back pressed against the door, fighting the urge to kiss the character on the other side of the door, but the tension is unbearable, the character mutters ''fuck it'' and flings the door open, runs back in to kiss the other character

we're at the grocery store and someone keeps staring and whispering to their friends about me, and i can tell it's making you upset, which is cute, so i'm going to reassure you that i love you, by smiling, and kissing your head

forehead kisses x

you're upset one night, and i need you to know that i'm here for you, and i'm kissing your forehead to show i'm here for you

we haven't seen each other in two months and i'm at the airport to pick you up, then i see you, and i sprint over to you, and jump into your arms, with such force i almost knock you off your feet

it's your birthday and i've got loads of surprises planned but first i'm going to wake you up with soft kisses all over

i don't think i'm good enough for you, put you grab my face, look deep into my eyes, and suddenly i can't help but to kiss you

you're sick, and we can't kiss, and it's ,fkn, torture

i know we're at your parents house, but your mother isn't looking so i'm going to sneak a quick kiss on your cheek and pretend nothing happened when she looks back at us

good night kisses <3

i had a really good time on our date tonight, and you're asking for a good night kiss, and it was only meant to be on the cheek, but then i pull back, our eyes meet, and there's a gravitational pull pulling us closer and closer...

you think mistletoe kisses are lame but i bring you under one and suddenly you're all for it?

i've never been kissed before so you volunteer but i decline, we're best friends and it would be weird, but a couple hours later i lay awake in my bed and i can't stop thinking about what it would be like to kiss you and suddenly i regret what i said

we are enemies, and we hate each other, but somehow, i end up with a knife against my throat, and for a second, our eyes meet, and it's only the two of us, and from this point on forward, everything changes, and i find myself longing after your lips

[ousia-poetica]

There is something I still can’t figure out about women, so I surrender to sensuality.

[deadpoetwilde]

dear god the sheer magic of being so invested in a book you just sit and read half of it feverishly without any ability to stop, just gulping down word after word like it’s water in a desert and your eyes aren’t fast enough for your mind and when you reach the last page you look up and realize you’re not decades and miles away but in the space of your own room,,,, truly unmatched by any other human experience

[cielhelm]

the take that “enemies to lovers doesn’t have to involve violence!!!” is so boring. knives to the throat or don’t bother

[villain-enthusiast]

1k+ follower special: possessive villain and defiant hero

thank you so much for this milestone! it couldnt have been done without each and every one of you guys! <3 enjoy the snippet :)

-

“Oh, the things I could do to you now,” Villain murmured, eyes roaming hungrily over the Hero they just caught.

Hero snarled at them as they struggled, trapped between the alleyway wall and the hard planes of Villain’s body. Their hands had been pinned above their head. “You have no boundaries.”

Villain only grinned and pressed harder against Hero, watching as their face flushed bright pink.

“Look at you,” Villain tutted. They grabbed Hero’s chin with their free hand and forced them to look up. “You’re so vulnerable and exposed like this. I can see every little emotion that crosses your features, the ways your eyes are darting around for an escape—which I can assure you, there’s none.”

Hero bared their teeth, arms twitching under Villain’s harsh grip.

Villain released their chin to lean down and brush their lips against Hero’s ear. They felt them shiver under them.

“It’s just you and me, darling,” Villain murmured.

Hero took a sharp breath, muscles straining against Villain. “What do you even want from me?”

Villain pulled back to study their expression. “Well, to be fair, I didn’t chase you all the way out here to take back the document you stole from my house.”

“I—,”

“Yes, I know you have it. Perhaps you should stick with the knives and stay out of the snooping job.”

Hero’s answering glare was so roguish it made Villain smile.

“Take the fucking paper and let me go, then,” Hero choked out, hands clenching as they attempted to free themselves for the umpteenth time.

Villain sighed. “This is getting awfully repetitive.” They grabbed a fistful of Hero’s hair and slammed them back against the wall.

The groan it evoked was wonderfully satisfying.

“Stop trying to escape.” Villain bear down close enough to feel Hero’s rapid, frightened breathing against their cheek. “It won’t get you anywhere except exhaustion, and who knows just what I’ll do when you’re too tired to fight back.”

“You would love that, wouldn’t you.”

“Oh, I don’t doubt it.” Villain smirked, eyes flicking down to Hero’s lips.

The column of Hero’s throat bobbed up and down as they swallowed. “You…you never answered my question.”

Villain hummed, dragging their touch down the side of Hero’s face and along their jawline, relishing in their shudder. “And what was that?”

“Why won’t you let me go?”

Villain chuckled lowly, fingers dancing along Hero’s collarbone now. “My dear Hero, I’m sure you’ve figured it out by now.”

Hero stared at them, and Villain could only imagine the things they could possibly be thinking of.

“I’ll give you the document back,” they blurted.

“There’s the submission I’ve been looking for,” Villain purred, smirking at Hero’s scowl. “It was a long time coming, but y’know, I’ve changed my mind. I don’t want the document.”

“Then what—,”

“I want you.” Villain fished a pair of handcuffs out of their pocket and snapped them around Hero’s wrists in a matter of a few seconds.

Hero’s eyes widened. “No, nonono you can’t take me—,”

“Why not?” Villain tugged them off the wall and held them flush against their chest. “Tell me, little Hero, why can’t I take you when you can barely move, barely fight back against me?”

Hero’s strangled exhale was enough answer for Villain.

“You are mine,” Villain whispered into their ear. “So i’m going to take you, document and all.”

It was more than easy to get them to the car and drive them back to their headquarters after that.

[shadynalittlesketchy]

A Guide to Vampire Media That Isn't Twilight, by Someone Who Consumes a Lot of It

I'm NOT here to bash Twilight, just provide some other fun bloodsucker media for y'all to enjoy :) if you have any recs of your own, hit me with those bad bois!

TV

Vampire Diaries- "a girl is torn between two vampires" is the plot for like 2 seasons but then it improves significantly. it's definitely very CW, but a lot of the vampire mythology is very very cool. and it doesnt hurt that the entire cast is ridiculously attractive. a great popcorn show! CW for blood and violence, parental death, and dub-con scenarios.

The Originals- a spinoff of TVD, but you don't really need to have seen TVD to watch this. It centers around the 4 original vampires (original as in like, the first vampires ever created) as they navigate vampire and other supernatural politics in New Orleans. Much less "teen angst" and much more "evil ancient vampires trying to be civil at dinner without murder" vibes. CW for blood and violence, and lots of spooky occult stuff taking place in graveyards.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer- literally my favorite TV show of all time. In addition to some killer vamps (team spike ftw!), there's weird demons, warlocks, werewolves- anything you can think of. it has great LGBTQ+ representation for its time, tackles social issues, and has a healthy dose of humor. CW for violence, supporting character deaths, vampire sex that destroys a building, and sexual assault.

What We Do in the Shadows- I don't usually rec comedies, but this one is too good not to. Loosely based off of the movie, it follows a group of vampire roomates in Staten Island. It is hilariously funny, and mocks just about every vampire trope out there. CW for copious amounts of blood, vomit, some pretty crass sexual humor, and dead raccoons.

True Blood- vampires in Louisiana, in a world where everyone knows vampires exist. it checks off all of my boxes for morally grey characters and weird supernatural happenings. it's an HBO show, so TW for blood/gore, violence, and soooo much sex and nudity.

Carmilla- technically a web series, not a TV show, but whatever. its lighthearted lesbian vampires, based off of the very old novella of the same name. great if you like vampires without the scare factor. and its free to watch on youtube!

Movies

What We Do in the Shadows- the movie the TV show is based off of. vampire roommates in New Zealand. also very funny, but less graphic violence/sexual references. created by and starring Taika Waititi, of Thor: Ragnarok fame.

The Lost Boys- awesomely cheesy 80's cult classic feat. Kiefer Sutherland with a bleach-blond mullet. it's fun and weird and has a cool aesthetic. it also has the same kind of vibe as the Goonies. TW for gore, and one icky scene with maggots.

Thirst

South Korean vampire drama with dark, aesthetically pleasing religious imagery. The mc returns from a mission trip with intense cravings for sex and blood and struggles to hold onto his humanity. super angsty and dramatic in the best ways. CW for copious blood and gore, spicy vampire sex, and sexual assault.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

a surprisingly good movie! has a fun, steampunk feel to it, and a pre-MCU Anthony Mackie, which is an added bonus. vampires kill honest abe's mother when hes a child, so he grows up to be an axe-swinging vampire slayer AND the president. this is not a movie to be taken seriously, but it is an awesome popcorn movie! CW for parental death, blood/gore, slavery (it is set during the civil war), and children in danger.

Interview With the Vampire

it is about as gay as a movie can get without the main characters actually being gay. it's a long, drawn-out story about a vampire and his life from when he's turned in the early days of america, until the present. the vampire is played by brad pitt, and he shares lots of longing glances and homoerotic blood drinking scenes with tom cruise. it is visually spectacular, even if the story is a little long. CW for blood/gore, child death, and sexual content.

Bram Stoker's Dracula

starring winona ryder and keanu reeves! it follows the book fairly closely, although it is a very 90s movie. it is WILD, but a classic and a lot of fun if you like vampires, or really any kind of supernatural shenanigans. CW for sexual content, and blood/violence.

Books

The Coldest Girl in Coldtown

non-traditional vamp book, by holly black (the same one who wrote the cruel prince). vampires live in fancy quarantined cities called coldtowns, and the MC ends up in one inadvertently. its a more dystopian/sci-fi take on vampires, but it still has a lot of traditional vampire fun thrown in, too. plus the cover is just gorgeous. CW for sex and violence.

The Southern Book Club's Guide to Slaying Vampires

probably one of the weirdest vampire books ive ever read, but in a good way. its about a group of housewives who start a true-crime bookclub, but begin to suspect that their new neighbor is a vampire. its a really good female empowerment story, and it also explores white saviorism. CW for sexual assault, racism, violence, and forced pregnancy.

Lost Souls

Poppy Z. Brite's books are like a punk-rock, gayer version of Anne Rice. lost souls has great queer rep, and is funny and weird and heartbreaking all at the same time. it's about the lives of vampires in New Orleans, but it's very unique and unlike any other vampire story out there. CW for blood/violence, sexual content, and sexual assault.

Dark Lover

this book is the peak of smutty vampire romance novels. I usually read books like this just for fun, but its actually well-written and has a compelling story outside of the smut aspects. It's about a half-vampire woman who teams up with a vamp to kill the slayers that murdered his parents. just ignore the fact that the love interest is named Wrath. CW for tons of smut, and blood/violence.

The Beautiful

I would describe this as a classic vampire story- romance between a human and a vampire in victorian-era NOLA, complete with costume balls, mysterious murders, and a secret supernatural club. CW warning for mild sexual content, and violence. (It's YA, so there's nothing too graphic.)

Love in Vein

A collection of vampire short stories compiled by Poppy Z. Brite, but written by a variety of authors. there's some really different takes on the vampire myth, and it's interesting to see it played with in so many different ways. just an fyi- it gets weird af and pretty graphic. CW for body horror, blood/violence, sexual assault, and sexual content.

Bonus! Mini playlist

Bloodletting by Concrete Blonde

Black No. 1 by Type O Negative

Cure by Darling Violetta

Blood in the Cut by K. Flay

Holy Water by Bad Company

Decode by Paramore

Uninvited by Alanis Morissette

I Will Never Die by Delta Rae

Devil Inside by INXS

Death of Me by PVRIS

Hypnotic by Zella Day

Cold Blooded by the Pretty Reckless

Savior by St. Vincent

Psycho Killer by the Talking Heads

Transylvanian Concubine by Rasputina

Virgin State of Mind by Ks Choice

How Soon is Now? by the Smiths

Red Right Hand by Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds

[shadynalittlesketchy]

shamelessly reblogging my own post bc I KNOW y'all love a villain/hero romance, and several of these go hard for that. The Vampire Diaries and True Blood have it, and Buffy basically INVENTED the trope.

[shadynalittlesketchy]

A Guide to Vampire Media That Isn't Twilight, by Someone Who Consumes a Lot of It

I'm NOT here to bash Twilight, just provide some other fun bloodsucker media for y'all to enjoy :) if you have any recs of your own, hit me with those bad bois!

TV

Vampire Diaries- "a girl is torn between two vampires" is the plot for like 2 seasons but then it improves significantly. it's definitely very CW, but a lot of the vampire mythology is very very cool. and it doesnt hurt that the entire cast is ridiculously attractive. a great popcorn show! CW for blood and violence, parental death, and dub-con scenarios.

The Originals- a spinoff of TVD, but you don't really need to have seen TVD to watch this. It centers around the 4 original vampires (original as in like, the first vampires ever created) as they navigate vampire and other supernatural politics in New Orleans. Much less "teen angst" and much more "evil ancient vampires trying to be civil at dinner without murder" vibes. CW for blood and violence, and lots of spooky occult stuff taking place in graveyards.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer- literally my favorite TV show of all time. In addition to some killer vamps (team spike ftw!), there's weird demons, warlocks, werewolves- anything you can think of. it has great LGBTQ+ representation for its time, tackles social issues, and has a healthy dose of humor. CW for violence, supporting character deaths, vampire sex that destroys a building, and sexual assault.

What We Do in the Shadows- I don't usually rec comedies, but this one is too good not to. Loosely based off of the movie, it follows a group of vampire roomates in Staten Island. It is hilariously funny, and mocks just about every vampire trope out there. CW for copious amounts of blood, vomit, some pretty crass sexual humor, and dead raccoons.

True Blood- vampires in Louisiana, in a world where everyone knows vampires exist. it checks off all of my boxes for morally grey characters and weird supernatural happenings. it's an HBO show, so TW for blood/gore, violence, and soooo much sex and nudity.

Carmilla- technically a web series, not a TV show, but whatever. its lighthearted lesbian vampires, based off of the very old novella of the same name. great if you like vampires without the scare factor. and its free to watch on youtube!

Movies

What We Do in the Shadows- the movie the TV show is based off of. vampire roommates in New Zealand. also very funny, but less graphic violence/sexual references. created by and starring Taika Waititi, of Thor: Ragnarok fame.

The Lost Boys- awesomely cheesy 80's cult classic feat. Kiefer Sutherland with a bleach-blond mullet. it's fun and weird and has a cool aesthetic. it also has the same kind of vibe as the Goonies. TW for gore, and one icky scene with maggots.

Thirst

South Korean vampire drama with dark, aesthetically pleasing religious imagery. The mc returns from a mission trip with intense cravings for sex and blood and struggles to hold onto his humanity. super angsty and dramatic in the best ways. CW for copious blood and gore, spicy vampire sex, and sexual assault.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

a surprisingly good movie! has a fun, steampunk feel to it, and a pre-MCU Anthony Mackie, which is an added bonus. vampires kill honest abe's mother when hes a child, so he grows up to be an axe-swinging vampire slayer AND the president. this is not a movie to be taken seriously, but it is an awesome popcorn movie! CW for parental death, blood/gore, slavery (it is set during the civil war), and children in danger.

Interview With the Vampire

it is about as gay as a movie can get without the main characters actually being gay. it's a long, drawn-out story about a vampire and his life from when he's turned in the early days of america, until the present. the vampire is played by brad pitt, and he shares lots of longing glances and homoerotic blood drinking scenes with tom cruise. it is visually spectacular, even if the story is a little long. CW for blood/gore, child death, and sexual content.

Bram Stoker's Dracula

starring winona ryder and keanu reeves! it follows the book fairly closely, although it is a very 90s movie. it is WILD, but a classic and a lot of fun if you like vampires, or really any kind of supernatural shenanigans. CW for sexual content, and blood/violence.

Books

The Coldest Girl in Coldtown

non-traditional vamp book, by holly black (the same one who wrote the cruel prince). vampires live in fancy quarantined cities called coldtowns, and the MC ends up in one inadvertently. its a more dystopian/sci-fi take on vampires, but it still has a lot of traditional vampire fun thrown in, too. plus the cover is just gorgeous. CW for sex and violence.

The Southern Book Club's Guide to Slaying Vampires

probably one of the weirdest vampire books ive ever read, but in a good way. its about a group of housewives who start a true-crime bookclub, but begin to suspect that their new neighbor is a vampire. its a really good female empowerment story, and it also explores white saviorism. CW for sexual assault, racism, violence, and forced pregnancy.

Lost Souls

Poppy Z. Brite's books are like a punk-rock, gayer version of Anne Rice. lost souls has great queer rep, and is funny and weird and heartbreaking all at the same time. it's about the lives of vampires in New Orleans, but it's very unique and unlike any other vampire story out there. CW for blood/violence, sexual content, and sexual assault.

Dark Lover

this book is the peak of smutty vampire romance novels. I usually read books like this just for fun, but its actually well-written and has a compelling story outside of the smut aspects. It's about a half-vampire woman who teams up with a vamp to kill the slayers that murdered his parents. just ignore the fact that the love interest is named Wrath. CW for tons of smut, and blood/violence.

The Beautiful

I would describe this as a classic vampire story- romance between a human and a vampire in victorian-era NOLA, complete with costume balls, mysterious murders, and a secret supernatural club. CW warning for mild sexual content, and violence. (It's YA, so there's nothing too graphic.)

Love in Vein

A collection of vampire short stories compiled by Poppy Z. Brite, but written by a variety of authors. there's some really different takes on the vampire myth, and it's interesting to see it played with in so many different ways. just an fyi- it gets weird af and pretty graphic. CW for body horror, blood/violence, sexual assault, and sexual content.

Bonus! Mini playlist

Bloodletting by Concrete Blonde

Black No. 1 by Type O Negative

Cure by Darling Violetta

Blood in the Cut by K. Flay

Holy Water by Bad Company

Decode by Paramore

Uninvited by Alanis Morissette

I Will Never Die by Delta Rae

Devil Inside by INXS

Death of Me by PVRIS

Hypnotic by Zella Day

Cold Blooded by the Pretty Reckless

Savior by St. Vincent

Psycho Killer by the Talking Heads

Transylvanian Concubine by Rasputina

Virgin State of Mind by Ks Choice

How Soon is Now? by the Smiths

Red Right Hand by Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds

[shadynalittlesketchy]

I make my return with something a little lighter, brought to you by this wonderful prompt by @were-writes

“She’s a super-villain.”

“Yes…”

“She leaves a trail of destruction and misery wherever she goes,” he carried on.

“Well, yeah-”

“She’s holding the mayor to ransom as we speak.”

“I know all that,” she raised her voice, determined to have her side of the argument heard, “but have you considered that she’s really hot?”

He scowled. “Do you ever think with anything besides your loins?”

“Ewww, loins. What are you, eighty?”

His scowl deepened. “You know I’m your boss, right? You could at least pretend to respect me. We have to try to stop her, and get the mayor out safely.”

She grinned. “I do respect you. And I am just the gal you need to rescue the mayor.”

“That’s unusually enthusiastic of you. Why are you so-” And then it hit him. “Absolutely not.”

“It’s the perfect opportunity! I get what I want, the mayor is saved-”

He tangled his hands in his hair. “-you get murdered, it’s all a trap...”

She continued. “...I can use my considerable prowess in the bedroom to persuade her to abandon her life of crime.”

He laughed hysterically. “Your considerable prowess in the bedroom?! No matter how good of a lay you are, you will not be able to get her to stop being a goddamn psychopath!”

“Never say never. I go in, seduce and distract her, you grab the mayor, we get her in handcuffs and bring her to justice.”

“No.”

“Do you have a better idea?”

He looked distinctly frazzled. “Jesus fucking christ, you are going to get both of us killed.”

She clapped her hands together. “Is that a yes?”

He rolled his eyes. “Go suit up.”

[deepwaterfiction]

Text: I can see the angels in their true form, a thousand splendid eyes and all. They think it’s funny, and have taken to hanging around my apartment, which is not large. *

[shadynalittlesketchy]

8. Leave Me In Peace

“Come out of the house! Hands where we can see them!”

The villain sighed sensationally. It was the third time that month the authorities had shown up at their house. All the villain wanted was to be left the hell alone with some tea and a good book. They hadn’t menaced a city in years; and yet, everyone seemed particularly determined to arrest the villain for “immoral conduct.” The villain’s hearty scoff was interrupted by more loud pounding on the door.

“Come out of the house with your hands up or we will break down the door!”

The villain massaged their temples and knocked back the rest of their tea. “Please don’t. I’ve replaced it several times in the last year.” The villain padded over to the door, greeted by an assortment of large, unpleasant weapons jabbed in their face. “Hands where we can see them!” The villain raised their hands calmly. “Would you be so kind as to evacuate yourselves from my front porch? I was enjoying a lovely cup of earl grey before you interrupted.” Clearly taken aback by the villain’s polite demeanor, the leader of the group cleared their throat. “I’m afraid that’s not possible. We have orders to arrest you for 17 counts of blasphemy, 3 counts of forgery, 4 counts of manslaughter-”

“9 counts of extortion, 1 count of arson, 73 counts of burglary, et cetera. I’ve had goons banging at my door twice already this month. I’m perfectly aware of what crimes I’m charged with.”

“You understand that we have to take you in.”

The villain rolled their eyes. “Yes, I do understand the basics of what happens when you commit a crime.”

“Step onto the porch or we will take you by force.” The villain grinned. How delightful. “You’re new here, aren’t you?”

The assembled officers raised their weapons. “I don’t recommend that,” the villain said mildly.

“I’m not going to ask again. Come out here, or we’re coming in.”

The villain waggled their fingers, flexing and warming the power inside them. “You can try.” The leader signaled, and one of the officers lunged for the villain. The villain caught them by the throat, fingers crackling with power. “Thank you for setting an example for your friends.” The officer’s throat bubbled, melted, and they crumpled to the ground. The villain wiped their fingers on their pants, nose turned up in disgust. As convenient as their power was, it really was quite unpalatable. “I’m not particularly fond of my abilities, but I will use them when necessary. Is anyone else eager to demonstrate?” Unsurprisingly, none of the officers stepped forward. “Excellent. Now, please remove yourselves and your colleague-” the villain nudged the gooey corpse with their toe “-from my property, and kindly refrain from returning again.”

The officers left the villain’s porch in record time. Once they were gone, the villain surveyed the damage. Compared to the last few visits, it wasn’t too bad. Most everything was still intact. Unfortunately, the corpse left slimy residue on the carpet. The villain sighed. It was better when things didn’t get so messy. Occupational hazard, they supposed. They rolled up the carpet, then put on a fresh pot of tea and went back to their novel.

[shadynalittlesketchy]

Media of the Month: Offbeat Sci-fi

(comic) Book: Saga by Brian K. Vaughan and Fiona Staples

Best described as a space opera but with fantasy elements and some of the weirdest things you'll ever see in a story (in a good way). The story is centered around a couple who are from opposing sides of a war (think Romeo and Juliet in space!) and their young daughter. Other characters include the dismembered ghost of a teenage girl who acts as their babysitter, a prince with a television for a head, and a large cat who can tell when someone is lying. It's bizzare and magical, and has some of most unique, fleshed out characters I've ever seen. (Just a heads up: the series deals with some pretty intense stuff, including paedophilia. It also has some really graphic sexual content, so keep that in mind if it's not something you're into.)

Movie: The Fifth Element

Bruce Willis as a disgruntled space-taxi driver, Gary Oldman as a deranged arms dealer, and Milla Jovovich as a kickass supreme being. Super '90s, with tons of action. The worldbuilding is so unique, and while there's a few sci-fi tropes, the characters are interesting and the way they interact is amazing. I don't know how best to describe the plot. Just watch it!

TV Show: Firefly

Firefly is a mash-up of sci-fi, steampunk, and cowboys, and it is glorious. The show follows a ship called Serenity and the motley crew of people it carries. A captain from the losing side of a war, his badass first mate, an escort, a preacher with a mysterious past, a brother protecting his psychic sister, a trigger-happy mercenary, an adorable mechanic, and a goofy hotshot pilot. I don't want to give too much plot away, but the general premise is that they travel the galaxy, doing jobs of dubious legality to keep flying. There's so much more to it than that, but you've got to watch it to really get the full experience.

[shadynalittlesketchy]

Media of the Month: Offbeat Sci-fi

(comic) Book: Saga by Brian K. Vaughan and Fiona Staples

Best described as a space opera but with fantasy elements and some of the weirdest things you'll ever see in a story (in a good way). The story is centered around a couple who are from opposing sides of a war (think Romeo and Juliet in space!) and their young daughter. Other characters include the dismembered ghost of a teenage girl who acts as their babysitter, a prince with a television for a head, and a large cat who can tell when someone is lying. It's bizzare and magical, and has some of most unique, fleshed out characters I've ever seen. (Just a heads up: the series deals with some pretty intense stuff, including paedophilia. It also has some really graphic sexual content, so keep that in mind if it's not something you're into.)

Movie: The Fifth Element

Bruce Willis as a disgruntled space-taxi driver, Gary Oldman as a deranged arms dealer, and Milla Jovovich as a kickass supreme being. Super '90s, with tons of action. The worldbuilding is so unique, and while there's a few sci-fi tropes, the characters are interesting and the way they interact is amazing. I don't know how best to describe the plot. Just watch it!

TV Show: Firefly

Firefly is a mash-up of sci-fi, steampunk, and cowboys, and it is glorious. The show follows a ship called Serenity and the motley crew of people it carries. A captain from the losing side of a war, his badass first mate, an escort, a preacher with a mysterious past, a brother protecting his psychic sister, a trigger-happy mercenary, an adorable mechanic, and a goofy hotshot pilot. I don't want to give too much plot away, but the general premise is that they travel the galaxy, doing jobs of dubious legality to keep flying. There's so much more to it than that, but you've got to watch it to really get the full experience.

[gingerly-writing]

Prompt #2274

“Uh uh uh,” the villain chastised. “I’m the only monster around here. Not going dark on me, are you [hero]?”