shanemarion @shanemarion - Tumblr Blog

Hello hello! It’s been ages. How are you? Been through a lot these past few years. I’ve been constantly telling myself how worthy I am, how people should treat me, respect me, love me. But they just don’t. I don’t even know myself. Trust issues everywhere and I’m not happy with it. I felt the world in my shoulder. Scary. But yeah.

I hope to be better. Sooner or later, I will. So self, bare with me, okay?

Hello hello! I’m so back. Its been awhile. How’s life? Not really sure what’s my last entry but for the record, Weak and I are together for a year and two. I’ve been really happy with how things are but these past few days, everything is falling apart. Nakahanap ng mga bagay na hindi ko maibigay. Ang nakakaloka, dalawang beses akong niloko para sa isang babae at mga panloloko pa sa ibang bagay. Gano kasakit yun? Sobra. I choose to fight because it’s the love I knew and ayaw ko magregret na wala akong ginawa at sumuko. Martyr? You tell me. But you know what, these days na okay na kami. Parang ang daming nagbago. Its not the old weak na alam ko. Not the old weak na mahal ko. Napagod at nagsawa na nga siguro sya. Ano ang dapat kong gawin? Kasi sa totoo lang, masakit na. Ang sakit na hindi nya naiisip nararamdaman ko. Hindi na nya kino-consider ako sa lahat ng bagay. Need ko na ba mawala sa buhay nya? Haaaaay

Life

It’s a gloomy day today and I’m up for blog. Turning 26 this year, in less than a month, and I’ve been blessed with so many great things in life. For the past years, I learned so much especially about life. I learned not to validate myself to anyone because people will interpret it the way they want. People will butt in, has a “SAY”, some are entitled. Pathetic! Excuse my word. I don’t need to prove myself but I must earn their respect. Respect begets respect. Everything follows after. I also learned that when you feel it doesn’t right, walk away from it, walk away from the toxic, negativity, it will not help you grow. Live life to the fullest. Love without limitations. Don’t hold yourself back. Sky’s the limit. There’s no perfect life. True! This world is chaotic and dramatic. Life is full of surprises. There are good and bad days. Highs and lows. BUT LIFE IS AMAZING.

Dear Self,

Hanggang kelan ka ganyan? Hindi ka pa ba nagsasawa? Napaka indenial mo pa. Ano na? Bago bago din. Tapos ka na. Kumbaga sa laro, GAME OVER. Talo ka na. Admit mo na lang na hindi talaga pwede ang gusto mo. Wag kang mag regret kasi tama lang ginawa mo. Wag ka ding umaasa kasi wala na talaga. Hindi mo na mababalik ang nakaraan. Masakit diba? Pero okay lang yan. Lumayo ka muna. Para makapag isip at refresh ka. Kaya mo yan. Kung gano kabilis nangyari, ganun din kabilis yang mawawala. Ipasok mo kasi sa utak mo na hinding hindi na magbabago ang desisyon nya. Saka kung ano man, wag mo na ding ituloy kasi hindi naman worth it. Tingnan mo nangyayari sayo ngayon. Smile :) Wag kang paapekto. Kaya mo yan. Alam ko na sobra sobra kang nasasaktan ngayon pero tandaan mo na madami pang pwedend dumating lalo na yung for keep na talaga. Wag ganyan Self. Wag kang papadaig. Maging malungkot ka kung kinakailangan ulit pero after nyan, bumangon ka na a. Bumangon ka para sa sarili mo. Hindi pa naman katapusan ng mundo. Kaya mo yan. Sobra ang tiwala ko sayo :)

Love,

Self

I cannot. Wag bitter, be better girl. Haist. Wag kang ano dyan.

I Miss You, Love.

San Ba Ako Nag-kamali?

Isang tanong. Isang tanong na napakahirap sagutin. San ba ako mag uumpisa? Pano ko ba uumpisahan ang isang bagay na sa una pa lang wala namang dapat. Masakit. Bakit ganito? Hindi ko naman dapat to maramdaman. Ang sakit-sakit. Bakit? Mali ba to? Mali ba na nararamdaman ko to? Mali ba ang mga naging desisyon ko? San ba ako nag-kamali?

Ang hirap na nag kaganito tayo. Kung nung una pa lang, pinigilan ko na, hindi sana hahantong sa ganito. Masakit na hindi pa pala natin kilala ang isa’t isa. Tama ka, hindi talaga tayo magtutugma. Iba ka, iba ako. Sabi mo nga, kaya di tayo match. Hindi mali na naramdaman ko to pero isang pagkakamali na sana nung una pa lang pinigilan ko na para di ako nasasaktan. Okay lang, wala na naman to....sayo. Life goes on ika nga. So bakit ko pa nararamdaman to? Di na tama. Pero wag kang mag-alala, mawawala din to. Sinisigurado ko yan sayo. Itago mo sa bato. Simula ngayon, pinapangako ko, back to normal na ulit. Balik na ulit sa dati. Sa dati na wala lang. Wag kang mag-alala. Wala ka nang maririnig sakin. Pinapangako ko.

Paalam.

Open Letter to L.

Hello L! It’s been awhile. I have a confession to make. I loved you. Scary but yes, I fell in love with you. It came in the most unexpected moment and unexpected person. Time passes by, I got to know you and I was hesitant to know you deeper because I am afraid of falling in love, afraid of being left because we can’t, afraid of hurting. But you proved me wrong. You proved that its worth the risk. I thought we’re okay but maybe not. I was willing to take the risk but suddenly, poof! You left me hanging. Maybe I was just a joke, a game you’re willing to play and win. Maybe I assumed too much. That its not real. I was just a game. You won. You left me, and I assumed there’s a understanding between us. But it was just a game. Game well played, my dear L.

Thank you for leaving me, for playing with my emotions. Yes, I’m hurt and it may take time for me to recover. Sorry for distancing myself. It’s the right thing to do, we’re not helping each other but instead its dragging us down. Maybe when I’m fully okay, we can make our path cross again. Maybe we just have to find ourselves first. Hello Love, Goodbye.

.xo

I love you. Goodbye.

Maling Akala

Akala ko nung una sadyang ganyan ka lang.

Akala ko nung una baka di naman.

Akala ko nung una nagbabago ka.

Akala ko nung una totoo ka.

Puro “AKALA”.

Akala ko ikaw na.

Hindi pala.

Buti nagising ako sa isang bangungot.

Isa kang bangungot na ayaw ko ng balikan.

Mahal Kita Pero....

Mahal kita pero hindi pwede.

Mahal kita pero meron ka ng iba.

Mahal kita pero alam ko na sa kanya ka masaya.

Mahal kita pero di tayo match.

Mahal kita pero di ko kayang ipagsabi.

Mahal kita pero madaming hindi papayag.

Mahal kita pero wala lang ako sayo.

Mahal kita pero niloloko mo na ako.

Mahal kita pero pinapaasa mo lang ako.

Mahal kita pero ang labo mo.

Mahal kita pero ayaw ko na.

Mahal kita pero ang sakit-sakit na.

Mahal kita pero ikaw ba?

Hello Heart.

Hello Heart! How are you? I hope you’re doing great. For the past couple of weeks, I know how hard it is for you and how hard it is to continue beating. You’ve been broken for how many times by the same man. He poached your heart repeatedly and unknowingly.

Now, it is hard but I know you’re strong enough to fight. Keep fighting. Keep on pumping. You’ve been through a lot but look how far you’ve come. You always have a choice and please choose to let go. Let go :) I will always see you. I will always feel you. Your power is greater than anything else. Choose what’s best for you.

It’s okay to cry. Cry as much as you want. There will always be a storm but remember that there is rainbow after. You feel empty but you will be filled again. Always always remember that. So don’t give up. Let’s make a new beginning.

Love,

Self

The Forbidden

Have you ever felt something you really wanted but you can’t have? Something that is wrong. Something that makes you happy but makes you sad as well. Something that... my heart tells me this is the best feeling but my mind knows the difference between wanting what you can’t have and wanting what you shouldn’t have... And I shouldn't want you.

Thank you for bringing out the best of me. It is fun from the secrecy, the sneaking around. I don’t know how you are so familiar with me and how every smile brings me closer to this impossible feeling. Maybe, in another time, different place, and some other existence. I realized that the only next step I need to do is to stop. Leave you alone. Walk away. I have to draw the line of determination from desperation. What truly mine will be mine and what is not, no matter how hard I try, will never be.

Sorry for the assumptions and goodbye for now.

F U

Ignorance at its finest. Think before you click. You know nothing and the hell I care. Fuck you both.

LOST IN NOWHERE

My entry for the past year is nothing but my failures in life. Set of failing journey...

Now, I am welcoming my 2019 again, with my failed 2018 and probably a fail 2019. Not a good way to start my year.

My plan went nowhere... I am losing interest in life, becoming impatient, becoming the person I don’t want to be.

There’s no light in my darkness. Everything is falling apart. Doubting myself over and over. I’m walking on a critical path and I don’t know how to get out.

My life is a total mess... I’m hurting... Truth hurts. I haven’t proven anything yet... and I know that... I really do because I’m a failure myself. We believe the other’s voice to be the truth about who we are.

I try to tough it out but there is always a thing that gets into my head. Thus, rattles my emotion.

I am completely losing it to end...

Should I continue till the end or just admit my defeat?

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

shanemarion