All you need is food

[shawnxpeters]

rissacastro‌:

His question almost drew out a bitter laugh from their lips, but instead, Ris settled for a scoff and an eyeroll. They didn’t think they would ever find the love of their life, and it wasn’t some kind of pity party they were throwing, more like… they didn’t think they would connect with anyone at that level. Or maybe they just weren’t cut out for the monogamous life? Rissa didn’t know and it was too much to think about at the moment. “I probably mistook my feelings for them for something else… because they were there.” Rissa shrugged again, before running their fingers through their hair. And honestly, the rehab time would probably be great to sort everything out and make sure they kept their feelings for Jordan completely platonic, after all, just like Shawn, they were happy with someone else and Rissa wasn’t going to be the one to ruin that. When he teased her about needing a hair appointment, the brunette sighed tiredly. “Thanks Shawn… That kind of joke is exactly what I needed right now.” They finally pressed the button to call in the nurse and then stubbornly stepped out of bed so they could try and look for their clothes. Hopefully they would be out of there soon.

“I feel offended though, I’m more attractive than Jordan, also taller, why couldn’t you confuse your feelings towards me?” He attempted to make a joke, whatever to hear them laugh again and because he knew they didn’t need the heavy talk right now, they were probably already deep in their own thoughts so he at least could attempt to make their day a little better right? But well, he hadn’t been there, he had been busy with Jackson, which only made him feel worse for being the most fucked up friend in the world. Too busy getting laid to be there for his best friend. “I’ll be here all week and there are more jokes from where that one came from” He winked at them, helping them find whatever they needed.

[shawnxpeters]

rissacastro‌:

“That’s cute. His girlfriend is really adorable.” Ris replied with a small, yet sweet smile on their lips. They really were happy for everyone’s happiness. Sure, maybe they were bitter for the lack of such feeling their life, but just because Rissa was not in a good place at the moment, it didn’t mean they needed to keep ruining everyone’s happiness, right? “At least one of us is getting laid. You deserve it… after all the crappy men and crappy sex you’ve been through.” And due to being high for the most time of these last few months, Rissa couldn’t remember the last time they had actually had a good night of sex. “I think I developed a crush on Jordan and totally lashed out on them and started treating them like shit when they started dating their guy.” They took a deep breath. “I’m pretty sure I should be apologizing to pretty much everyone now.” Ris rubbed their hands over their face, taking another deep breath and only looking at Shawn again when he spoke about the text. “Yeah, she’s the best. No wonder she’s my manager. Hopefully I’ll be out of here soon… I need a shower.”

“She is, maybe you should hang around her more” Rissa could use having healthy friendships with more people and Dal was perfect for that. “Not all the guys I’ve met were crappy at sex though, and come on, you can get whoever you want and you know it” Rissa was so fucking attractive he knew any man or woman would want a piece of that. “You did?” That was new, he had no idea they had feelings for Jordan. “You think it’s like, a definitive crush, like, you know, love of your life kind of crush?” Jordan couldn’t be blamed for dating someone, they seemed happy with Ri Ahn, but it sucked for Rissa, he knew a lot about unrequited feelings. “Let’s take it easy, we have time to apologize to those who deserve apologies” Because maybe Rissa was overthinking things. “You need a hair appointment too, you look like a mess. A gorgeous mess”

[shawnxpeters]

rissacastro‌:

Just as they had imagined, their phone was blowing up. It was also almost dying so that was good? And they hated having to bother Amelia, but oh well… Their call reached voicemail, so Rissa left a message with Shawn’s phone number just in case. It was really good to have Shawn back… to be able to just be with him without worrying about things, even though they were worrying about lots of things. “How’s Tom?” They asked, trying to make conversation. As they looked down at their phone, it started buzzing with notifications again, so Rissa sighed. “Can you talk to me about what’s been going on with you? I don’t want to keep thinking about this…” They sighed, frustrated while moving their hands around.

“You know, he’s still the puppy in love, I thought they would be over that adorable phase but I think they will be sticking to it forever” He laughed, since thinking about his roommate always made him feel happy. He nodded, figuring a distraction was needed. “Well, I met this super sexy man who is amazing in bed and likes everything about it, so my hair shines because I’ve gotten laid so much I swear I lost the count” Maybe this wasn’t the best topic but sex had always been fun to talk about. “I also got a rise on my paycheck because apparently I cook like a God” He was exaggerating. “And Amelia is texting me, she says she has everything figured out and that as soon as the doctor says you’re ready to go a car will be waiting for us. Shit, she’s really efficient”

[shawnxpeters]

rissacastro‌:

As terrible as it was to think that, Rissa was happy to have Shawn’s undivided attention to themselves. Was it selfish? Yes. Did they care? Not at the moment. Maybe in the near future that would change, but right now, it wasn’t happening. “Can you get me my phone? I’ll ask Amelia what I should do.” And they almost told Shawn to check in on his boyfriend, but that would mean having to share and right now, they just wanted things to be like they used to be before everything started happening. “Can you… stay with me for a few days?I don’t want to be alone.”

“Sure, doll, here you go” Shawn had put it on silence so he wasn’t sure what Rissa would find, but they needed to call Amelia and he was glad they were agreeing to seeking for the help they needed. “Of course, I’ll let Tom know that I won’t be going home and I have a few days of vacation left, I’m sure they won’t mind giving them to me, you know, I’m a delight to talk to and no one can say no to me” He batted his eyelashes to show how adorable he could be. “I won’t move from your side” And he would text Jackson too, hoping he would understand his sudden disappearance.

[shawnxpeters]

rissacastro‌:

There was way too much to think about. And right now, Rissa was way too tired to focus on one thing. Still, they nodded when Shawn said they could use some time offline. The media could be scrutinizing when they wanted to, and right now everyone was probably judging their life decisions. “I–” You almost died. These words kept echoing in their mind and Rissa couldn’t even bring themselves to say anything back. To say they were okay, that they didn’t need rehab or something of sorts. “You’re right. I know you are. And I’m sorry for being stupid like that… I’ll look for a place.” They should also start thinking about moving out of that giant house and look for a smaller place to live. Something of their own. A place they wouldn’t feel so lonely. “No, I’ll call her. I just need to leave here first.” They paused, biting softly on their bottom lip. “How… how’s Jackson?”

“Stop apologizing, I don’t blame you and I’m not asking you to ask for forgiveness. I’ll help you find a place, I’m serious when I say I’ll be there for you, every step of the road” He promised because in his mind there was no other option. They needed help, help he couldn’t provide on his own, but he would be there, as much as he could. “We need to wait for the doctor to give the order, but maybe it would be a good idea to call her now, she could arrange a way out of this hospital, just in case the press is here” He didn’t know, but Amelia would know what to do. At Rissa’s question he looked surprised. “I... I actually don’t know. I was supposed to give him a call but I’ll do that later. He probably went home, I’m sure he’s okay” And maybe, just maybe, Shawn should have thought about his boyfriend sooner. And maybe, just maybe, the fact that he completely forgot was somehow of a sign?

[shawnxpeters]

rissacastro‌:

“I’m not even sure I want to check online.” They replied with a sigh, running their fingers through their hair and hating all of those wires connected to their body. “Do you know when can I leave? I don’t want to stay here any minute more than I have to.” And then it was time to face the harsh reality… to call Amelia and say they had screwed up (if the blonde hadn’t gotten the news yet and was trying to reach them) and ask for help, which was something Rissa hated, but if they wanted to still have a career, might as well do so. “I don’t want to bother her because she had babies a couple of months ago, but I think I might need her if I still want to have a career.”

“Then don’t. I think we could use some time offline, don’t you agree?” After all, the pressure of the media was too much for Rissa, and he understood it, their life was all based on their public image, but right now, there was something much more important, their life, and he was determined to help them through that. “I think they can let you off soon, but I think we should discuss what’s next, doll. I think you should go to rehab, you can’t go home, you can’t continue like nothing happened, you need professional help love, you almost died” He reminded them gently, since he didn’t know how they would react to this. “I can call her, you know I’m lovable, I can even offer to babysit if she needs to work, but I’m sure she’s gonna help”

[shawnxpeters]

rissacastro‌:

They were doing it again—excluding Shawn from their narrative. And Rissa wasn’t doing it on purpose. They just didn’t want to drag someone they cared so much into this huge pile of shit that was their life at the moment. “I’m sorry… for… you know… everything.” They pursed their lips, looking at Shawn as if they were about to cry again. Blame it on their stomach being pumped or whatever. “I don’t know which guy you’re talking about but, I think I have to work on myself first.” They sighed. “I’m a mess… I don’t like who I’ve become. I need to try and work on that first.” They didn’t want to become their mother… they didn’t want to keep abandoning people when they needed Rissa the most. “Did—did many people see what happened?” THey asked, hoping for a negative answer… TMZ was probably already on it and Rissa didn’t even want to think about it. “I don’t want to bother my agent with this shit, but I don’t know what to do.”

“Nothing to be sorry babe, we are together now and that’s all that matters to me” They were alive, that was the most important thing and he was so close to losing them that it was like the world was giving both of them a second chance, one he was very grateful to have. “Love yourself” He smiled softly, because they were right, how could they love someone if they didn’t love themselves first? “I’ll be here for you every step of the way” He assured them, shaking his head “I made sure no one got it on tape, but people talk so we won’t know until we check online” And the hospital had been very private about everything. “I’ll make the call, don’t worry, your agent should know because you’re not dealing with this situation alone”

[shawnxpeters]

rissacastro‌:

In all honesty, Rissa didn’t want to be having this conversation, because it only made her feel even worse… more selfish. They weren’t there to share Shawn’s happiness with him because they were too busy feeling sorry for themselves for 1) being so afraid of losing Shawn now that he was so happy with someone else and 2) not having found someone decent who actually cared about them. There were way too many things to consider when it came to the reason why they had become distant. They wanted attention, but couldn’t get it… then they decided to get angry and sad at the world for not getting said attention. “He’s a nice guy and you deserve to be happy with him.” Was all that Rissa managed to say once Shawn brought Jackson up. They didn’t want to feel jealous because jealousy was a nasty feeling to harbor… they were happy for Shawn, of course they were. He was the person Rissa loved the most. “I guess I felt like you didn’t need me in your life anymore… since you had found someone great.” They shrugged. And well—they had bonded over their distaste for love and everything it had done to their lives, right? “I’ll–do better next time.” They had to, right? They needed to stop depending on others so much, especially since Hollywood was a nasty place to depend on others and they really did want to get their career back… fuck, now that was probably doomed too.

“He’s great, yeah, but you know, love is not everything in life, and even when one thing in your life works, if the rest doesn’t then it’s not full happiness. I want to be fully happy and you’re a big part of my happiness, doll” So yeah, even when he was pretty sure he was in love with Jackson, he could never be happy if Rissa wasn’t part of his life, because he needed them, as much as he needed Jackson and his family. “You’re my someone great” He reminded them, grabbing their hand tighter. “We’ll do better next time, we’ve both been blinded by different things” He reminded them. “What about that guy that said was into you? You do have people around you, maybe you just have to look around better”

[shawnxpeters]

rissacastro‌:

It wasn’t easy to make Rissa speechless. Just like everyone else in their life, they were expecting Shawn to simply give up and leave them to their antics, but of course he wouldn’t, right? He was Shawn, and Shawn was their everything. It had always been them two against the world, so why couldn’t they simply turn to him with their life was falling apart? Rissa sat there, watching their hands together while their brain was going nowhere and their chest hurt. Their stomach and throat too, but not metaphorically. “I feel like my life’s falling apart and I don’t know what to do.” They sighed, sniffling to try and keep the tears down, but it wasn’t working. “Everyone seems to be doing one hell of a good job without me, so why bother, you know? I just feel so fucking lonely… and the drugs helped for a while… then they made everything worse because that hole was still there. Now I don’t know what to do.”

Shawn paid attention to their words, they were finally talking about things which was a good sign, because for months Rissa kept everything bottled up inside of themselves. “My life might seem like it’s improving but the hole in my heart kept getting bigger because you weren’t there to share my happiness with” He told them, smiling softly. “I guess we all got a little lost, you know? I was craving for someone to love me that I got too into it without really noticing what I was doing, it’s all about balance, and my love life is nothing if I don’t have my best friend there with me” He explained, feeling guilty for focusing so much in Jackson and ignoring the signs Rissa gave him. “Loneliness sucks, even when you’re surrounded by people you can feel lonely, but talking about it is the first step, opening yourself. And I don’t know what’s next either, but we’ll go through this together”

[shawnxpeters]

rissacastro‌:

Just hearing Shawn talk, it made Rissa get even sadder. It was not his fault–at least Rissa didn’t think it was his fault. Mostly because Shawn had always been there for them and Rissa was… well, Rissa had screwed up big time. “No… Really, you should go.” They sighed, feeling ashamed of everything they had been doing. “I—I’ve been a terrible person and I don’t need to keep feeling like shit.” Even if this was none of Shawn’s fault. It was easier to just push him away. “I mean… my mom and sister couldn’t give a shit, so why should you, right? I don’t want for you to keep carrying on all of my crap.” They took another deep breath before wiping their tears away from their face and sitting down on the bed. “I don’t want to keep dragging you into my mess.”

“That’s exactly why I’m staying, love, because you keep pushing me away and I allowed it for too long but not this time” He replied, a soft smile on his face since now he saw it all clearly. This is where he belonged, this is where he had to be. “Oh you can feel like shit all you want, I allow it, we all need some self pity and if we must, we’ll drown on it until you’re finally done” He assured them, holding their hand tighter. “Because I’m not your mom or your sister, of course, I’m almost offended by the comparison” He kissed their hand this time. “Your mess is my mess, and my mess is yours too, this time we are taking care of yours before we take care of mine, that’s all”

[shawnxpeters]

rissacastro‌:

Everything was so overwhelming. Rissa had heard stories about it… like how people coming back from having their stomach pumped after an overdose felt the most vulnerable, but now they guessed the stories were true. The brunette wanted to cry, whether out of happiness and relief for Shawn being there, or out of shame for being there themself, but still… “No, you should go.” Ris said again, trying their best not to let the overflowing emotions to get the best of them. “You’ve got Jackson to worry about, I–I’m okay. You should go.” They shook their head. “Please stop being so nice to me. I don’t deserve it… so please… just go, Shawn. Just—just go live your life.” They breathed deeply, already feeling the tears welling up their eyes as they rolled on the bed and laid on their sides, so they wouldn’t face Shawn. “Just go and be happy.”

“I have nowhere to be” Shawn assured them with a smile, holding their hand tighter. He didn’t have to worry about Jackson, he would text him later and he was sure he would understand, but right now? His place was next to them and he wasn’t planning on leaving their side. “You’re not okay, baby doll, come on” He whispered, his free hand removing some hair off of their face. “My life is right here, with you, I can go later and I can be happy in multiple places. You make me happy, you know that? You always have, you and me against the world, remember? That still hasn’t changed” He didn’t like seeing them cry, but he knew they needed their own space, he was just decided not to give it to them because look at how things ended the last time he tried that. “I love you”

[shawnxpeters]

rissacastro‌:

It took them a while, or at least, it felt like it had been a while to come back to their senses… did Rissa really know? They weren’t sure. But when they did, they felt like actual shit and their head hurt like hell… their while body felt cold… with the exception of their hand. Their hand felt warm… and the reason was sitting beside their hospital bed, which made their heart sink.

“Shawn?” They took a deep breath, already dreading even waking up because social media was probablh blowing up with what happened and Amelia was taking care of her babies, Ris didn’t want to bother her with that. “I… you should go home… I’m okay.”

“Oh hey babe” Shawn was so relieved to hear their voice again he did his best to hold the tears back because he kept thinking of how close they were to dying, of how close he was to losing them. “I won’t move a single bit, so if you’re thinking of kicking me out you’re really wrong, doll” He assured them with a smile. They had to stay here, they overdosed, and now Shawn knew the hardest part would come. “You need to get clean and I’m going to be here with you every step of the way, that’s what soulmates are for, right?”

[rissacastro]

(– @shawnxpeters

[flashback]

This party sucked… and seeing Shawn had not helped at all. It brought back all of those thoughts of how he was better and happier without Rissa’s drama in his life, but at the same time, it made them lonelier because… well, the only person they wanted to have around, was in fact, happier without them. And opening up wasn’t easy, so Rissa just shut themself out and dove deeper and deeper into that pool of superficial bliss that had them surrounded ever since their ex had gotten them into drugs. It was easier than voicing their concerns, right? Yes, because whenever they wanted to speak, no one was there to listen.

They saw Shawn coming out of the club with his boyfriend and it stung… It stung because they missed him, but it also stung because they were jealous of his happiness… but their body was tired, and after that last line of blow, their heart was beating too fast and weirdly or not–the last thing they saw before everything turned black and hitting the floor was Shawn leaving the club.

[shawnxpeters]

Things happened way too fast. One second he was on his way out of the club with his hot boyfriend and the prospect of the hours to come was filled with sex and love, and the next one he heard yelling and saw Rissa collapsed on the floor. His instincts, of course, made him go back, because Rissa was Rissa, and Jackson would understand why he suddenly abandoned him and ran to his friend’s side. He remembered calling for an ambulance, yelling and screaming, not letting anyone get close to Rissa because if this was as serious as he thought it was, he wouldn’t let anyone touch them, anyone see them like this. Somehow he ended up at the ER, waiting for a doctor to say something, and the words overdose reached his brain like a thunder, guilt filling him as he was informed that they were trying to save them, that they couldn’t tell him more until they were sure they were out of danger.

He should have seen it coming. He should have done something about it. But he didn’t. Because he was too busy getting himself a boyfriend.

Eventually, they allowed him to enter the room where they were apparently sleeping, and tears started falling as he reached for their hand, begging for them to wake up because he knew he couldn’t live without them.

[seoksjin]

G.C.F in Helsinki [Seokjin Ver]

[bangtarchive]

happi jinnie day 

[shawnxpeters]

jacksonhollis‌:

He knew Shawn didn’t mean it like that… but everytime he (or anyone, for that matter) mentioned his difficulty to handle PDA, he would grow self conscious. It was no one’s fault but his own, and no matter how hard he was trying to overcome his difficulties, it always seemed like it wasn’t enough for others. “Because it’s Noah. You don’t understand that because you are the annoying older brother… that’s Noah to me.” He chuckled, then pointed to the hood of his onesie. “And I’m dressed like this. He won’t stop annoying me. But he said he and Beth were matching outfits, he just didn’t tell me what he was coming as.” And even though he had met Beth quite a few times, it seemed like Shawn was the one always talking to her. “I–socialize enough with Noah. I don’t know… I guess I want us to do more things together that don’t involve us sexing each other up?” Jackson laughed softly, lowering his head a little because he felt embarrassed. “I figured you’d like that too? Us hanging out with other couples? Maybe we can have dinner with Thomas and his girlfriend? Or your brother and his—is he seeing anyone? Anyway… I meant us going out more often with other people.”

“Are you calling me annoying? Wait, you’re calling Noah annoying? I could use this against you, you know?” Shawn replied with a giggle, loving to know more about Jackson’s relationship with Noah, they were fun together, both adamant to admit that they were great at socializing, at least with each other.  “You look cute, adorable and super hot, nothing he can say should annoy you and if he’s dressed up, I’ll help you find out jokes to make fun of him” He assured him because he was such a supportive boyfriend. “I’d like that too, not that I have anything against sexing each other up, as you so eloquently said, but yeah, Id like that” Because those were things that couples did and they were a couple, and he felt his heart fall more in love with Jackson just by hearing that he wanted to do those things with him. “Thomas and his adorable girlfriend would be a great start, Danny boy is single but he has a partner that I’m decided to be friends with so she would be a nice option too. And yes, I mean, I’d love to do everything you say with you”

[shawnxpeters]

jacksonhollis‌:

“You can touch me.” Jackson replied with a soft chuckle as he reached up and gently brushed his knuckles against his boyfriend’s cheek for a second, before dropping his hands back to his sides. “Let’s get these drinks and go find a place to sit, then. Apparently Noah’s on his way, so I should probably start hiding.” He chuckled, before sipping on his drink. “Also… I’ve been thinking… this is probably something you’d like, but would you be interested in one of those double dates sort of things? With Noah and his girlfriend. I can use it as an excuse to make him socialize more. But also I can use it as an excuse to socialize more myself.”

“Not like I want to and definitely not in public” Shawn laughed, not wanting to make Jackson feel bad, but he wished they could just make out and touch him a little more, things that were definitely saved for the privacy of their own places. “But you look adorable, why would you hide?” Shawn nodded at his suggestion “Do you think he’s wearing something fun or is he coming as Noah?” Because it would be fun to see him dressed up as a character or something. “I’d love to, I already love Beth so we can make sure to take the lead in the conversation if you need it, but also letting you socialize, like,you know, just be there to fill any potential awkward silences? I think it’s a great idea”