Diary of _ _ _ _ _ _

june182011. welcome to my bottle.

[shesmute]

life would be perfect if i didnt have to worry about school so much... rip me.

pray for me fall 2016. 

[shesmute]

well shit.. LOL.. 

honestly this is the first time in a long time that i actually have time to myself, 

and what am i doing with this time?

i have no freakin idea.. im bored af... theres so many things that i could be doing but have no motivation to do so..

usually on my time off i spend it with my boyfriend, but damn, when he’s too busy workin im just like.. “what was i suppose to do again..?”

i dont wanna eat when im bored cause then ill just be fat, and i cant be having that.. 

ALSO, the problem is probably because my light bulbs are all burnt out. god damn, thats so fast  ! FAWK. 

[shesmute]

hm, its been a while since i wrote in my diary. i never got to talk about how things have been now adays. its pretty insane. lol.. 

ill get back to that another time.

TO BE CONTINUED. huehuehue<3;

[shesmute]

June 15th 2016

happy birthday. i miss you so much.. i had so much planned today.. but i couldn’t commit to it, and im sorry.

i wanted to go see you and give you a gift and take a shot or a couple with you. I wanted to then go to the billiards after that you loved so much maybe play, maybe just drink.. i wanted to then just cry a bit in the car before going home.. 

its crazy, but i feel like you mean a whole lot more to me than i do to you.. but again, ill never know.. and im okay with that, i mean i wish i was able to just find out, but i guess i just forced myself to accept it.. 

i still remember all the things you said to me, all the places you took me, all the things we did together. i feel like it just happened sometimes. its crazy how things get all of a sudden, but hey, i guess youre not missing much here. life is probably lit af up where youre at.. i just cant wait to see you soon, 

i promise balloons with a note on it and flowers and a shot or two next time i see you, hopefully its not too late. 

i love you & i miss you . continue watching over everyone.. you probably been laughin about my life now adays, huh.. lol.. <3`.

gone but never forgotten. family over everything. 

[iglovequotes]

http://iglovequotes.net/

[shesmute]

basically waiting`

[shesmute]

im strugglin`, i shall admit.

but you make things seems better <3 (:

[shesmute]

we basically celebrated our 1 month of knowing each other the best fucken way ever (:

[shesmute]

lol... you literally made me feel like i was in a kdrama or some movie, like seriously... the shit you do..

you left me messages saying youre done . because you feel like its not gonna work out cause you cant make me happy enough.. from there i didnt text back, sign of, "okay. im upset, but ill accept it.. "

never have i thought you would just drive to my house that night risking the fact that i might just not want to see you after that long drive you did..

im writing this right next to you while we go to cook out, while you sing the first song i ever heard you sing .. cause youre gonna have to do more than just say it.

how do i feel towards you? shit, like i know .. i find it hard to trust, to find feeling.

but lol, something about you..

you treat me like a true princess .. and we're not even together, and you know how i feel, my past relationship, how i feel like im not ready to start something with someone because of fear of on the edge of depression again. but yet you still do all this. we literally just met, not even a month ago, but yet you still do so much for me .

but like ive told myself.. ive set my standards so high so i cant find my perfect one. and you'll never know what the perfect one is like.

im sorry.

but who knows .. right?

[shesmute]

when you lose count on when the last time you had sex was.. LOL...

whats a sex life. #virginagain

[shesmute]

i’mma end up forever single or something, swear, 

after everything my standards went up to the point where i’m trying to find nobody. lol.. he’s not real.. my standards is basically my mind saying, yeah stacie, you can’t have nice things, you can just have yourself. lol. 

[shesmute]

right when i thought i was getting somewhere with this guy, 

its gone, i couldn’t. it was like a kbye. 

like wth man.. but again im sorry..for some reason i just couldn’t.. but i hope you live a happy one, and i hope one day our paths will meet again.. thank you for making me happy for the past weeks.. i know you care, i know you tried.. but after all the burns and tears, i ran to my family and myself so if you can’t amend with my family we’re just not going to work.. 

theBonBDay-05032016 r.i.p. to potential something. 

[shesmute]

April 30th, 2016

marks the day that you did something i never thought i guy would ever do.. 

i honestly dont know how i feel about it, lol.

giving sweet whisper nothings to a body during weak week<3`;

[shesmute]

that’s okay if you lied about being my bestfriend, but at least own up to that lie.. LOL. i guess dropping me so easy runs in the family, yeah? hah...

[shesmute]

not gonna lie, there’s not much to rant about anymore. 

life is pretty much on point other than the school struggles. 

i haven’t been to the gym which is making me have more urges tho, but i have been partying and chillin` with good vibes to distract myself. so i guess that makes up for it. 

` buying so many pillows WAS STILL WORTH IT. <3

[shesmute]

when you dream about someone of something that you’re not suppose to. LOOOL. I WILL NEVER SEE YOU THE SAME, EVER AGAIN, IM SORRY. 

*SOB. LOL.

[shesmute]

Virgin of 2 1/2 months..