Girl with the Journal

I'm the brown-haired girl in the corner of the coffee shop, writing myself through poems and stories...everything posted here was written by me (:

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I want to tell him what I’m feeling, but I won’t because I know him. I know he won’t fight for me, he’ll give up and let me go and I can’t lose him again.

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He runs away from love, maybe that's why he ran away from me

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I went to a concert last night, he was there. It was the first time I've seen him since the night he broke my heart. Through a crowded room I recognized his back, his hair, his hand held up in a fist...we bought these tickets together months before and he said to me, "baby we'll have the best time". I saw him when the crowd split. He watched the stage while I watched the back of his head. I didn't hear the music, only the memory of his voice saying, "I love you". But he doesn't feel that anymore. -The Girl with the Journal

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He kissed me. And the kiss told all his secrets; he loves me.

The Girl with the Journal

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Day 3:

This was the morning of my big test. He called me, saying how smart I am and spoke sweet words until I believed they were all true. "After the test," He said, "Come over, I'll order pizza and we'll watch a movie, and I'll hold your hand until you feel okay again." The test seemed as only a barrier keeping me from a day spent with green-eyes, and the thought of my hand being held by his played through my head.

Arriving at his house for the second time, I was no longer scared. The boy living inside would protect me. He didn’t surprise me when he put on a scary movie and held me close. He was warm and his jaw was strong pressed against the top of my head. He did surprise me when he kissed me. My hands shook. He kissed my neck. All I could do was close my eyes. He held my face. I wanted him. I thought I had him.

- “6 Days” - The Girl with the Journal

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Day 2:

DAY 2:

He invited me over. My hands shook at the steering wheel. He remains the only boy that has ever made me shake with fear. I've never been scared OF him; despite the darkness behind his voice and the dizziness that came with his presence. But I shook, and never figured out why.  

Turning into the entrance that leads down a bumpy road, I saw his reality. I pulled up to his trailer and parked my car outside. Ashamed to be scared of the neighborhood he spends his life in, I breathed in my fear and tried not to think of how my mother would react if she knew where I was. The floors were ripped open, bare in some spots. The window in his bedroom was an old blanket nailed to the wall. Yet somehow, he wasn’t ashamed, and I admired him. We sat on the old broken couch and a cat came and curled up between us. He was black with white paws, the white came up far enough to give make him look as if he was wearing little kitty socks. Thus, the name Socks.  

The three of us watched TV together, not talking, but our hands kept brushing as we played with Sock's fluffy tail. Later that night in his friend's basement, we used the same excuse with a furry dog. He held my hand. Months later he would find out that while he wasn't looking, I took a picture of it. His large hand laying over my small one.  

That night I couldn't sleep. I had a MASSIVE test in the morning and thoughts of failure and echoes of doubt clouded my mind. He called me and talked to me until I fell asleep. I laughed into my pillow as he told me silly stories. I smiled up at my ceiling.  

- “6 Days” - The Girl with the Journal

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Memorizing his mesmerizing eyes was simple...

“6 Days” - The Girl with the Journal

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Day 1:

He invited me to a house concert; he had a girlfriend, which should have been my first clue; and so I planned on saying no. Coincidentally, she dumped him that very morning, thus the plans for the evening were confirmed. 

“I’m not sad, I feel as if we’ve been broken up for months now.” He said through the phone. My attention was caught. I sprayed myself with an entire bottle of perfume before I left for the show; later that evening he would whisper in my ear and say, “You smell so nice...it’s refreshing.” It’s still my favorite perfume. 

The band played and his drunk friends jumped around, shoving each other and flinging their arms at the ceiling. Back in the corner he stood in front of me with his arm stretched out, protecting me from being pushed around. I peered up at him as he ran his tough hands through his wavy blond hair. Memorizing his mesmerizing eyes was simple. As my pen scribbles across my journal on this rainy Sunday evening, I see them in clear detail; Light blue, like the sky in a movie, and raw green captured in a perfect sunset of swirls. He would only hold my gaze for so long before forcing his attention away, as if me staring long enough would expose the boy beneath the glasses. I left the party early and he walked me to my car, I thought he might kiss me, but he gave me a hug. I could feel his heartbeat through his shirt. Driving home was a blur of blue and green.

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The bruises on my neck stayed longer than he did.

“6 Days” - The Girl with the Journal

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He's poison and he knows it. But the venom lives in his beautiful blue-green eyes, and captured me in a smile that made my head spin.

“6 Days” by The Girl with the Journal

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6 Days

He spoke to me as if we’d known each other for years, not ashamed to immediately share with me the darkest parts of his past. He hasn’t seen his mother since he was 5. He did cocaine at age 12. Two years ago he swallowed an entire bottle of pills in an attempt to kill himself. The things he shared were so intimate...so dangerous. His openness appeared to give me a chance to escape him before it was too late. He’s poison and he knows it. But the venom lived in his beautiful blue-green eyes and captured me in a smile that made my head spin. So I ran..but not away from him.

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Blue-Green-Eyes

I wrote out the story of blue-green-eyed boy who broke my heart in six days. I will be posting the stories by day 1-6 in different posts and then altogether in one at the very end of the story. As well as posting quotes from my story in separate posts.  I have literally poured my heart into these words,so please don’t steal them. (: My story is called, “6 Days”