Even now, my entire being is denying that this is reality.
That this is only a cruel, terrifying nightmare that I would soon wake up from.
That tomorrow, this would all disappear.
But no.
That didn’t happen.
That didn’t happen and now my heart and soul has been shattered.
It hurts so much!
It hurts, Jonghyun oppa 😢
The second half of 2017 was not going particularly well for SHINee as a group; they were on hiatus, focusing on solo activities, then there was Onew oppa’s issue.
But then, a glimmer of light appeared when they finally released an announcement that they would be going on a concert tour AS FIVE on 2018 to celebrate their 10-year debut anniversary.
At that moment, I felt a great relief rush through my body. The months of anxiety over my beloved 5 men were washed away with one online post.
Then December 18, 2017 happened.
December 18, 2017.
The day when I felt the most shock and terror in my entire life.
Who could have thought that a few string of words after the tag [BREAKING] could shake my world to the core.
Jonghyun oppa, I really cant put into words what I’m feeling.
Why?
Why?
“WHY?” is all that’s ringing in my head.
And though I am fully aware that I will never truly get the answer to that question, I feel like the mere fact that I will be haunted by this thought for the rest of my life might be enough to atone for the fact that I didn’t see it coming.
I am sorry, oppa, that I never noticed anything.
I am sorry, oppa, that I actually thought that everything was going well for you since you had successfully finished another set of solo concerts just days prior.
I am sorry, oppa, that I thought that I would be seeing you smile forever.
I am truly, truly sorry for not being able to do anything for you 😢
I feel so useless. I let you down. I am so sorry.
God knows what you were going through when you decided to do it.
You tried to find your happiness. You tried to get out, to break free.
You really did try.
And I’m proud of you for that. That is more than many others could do.
And even though I’m heartbroken, I don’t blame you. I can never blame you.
You were always a shining existence to me. I never thought that beyond that light was a crippling darkness. Forgive me for not noticing, oppa. What I’d give to turn back time and do something for you. 💔
Now I hope, from the bottom of my heart, that you are somewhere away from anything and everything that hurts you, that you are at peace, and that you are singing to your heart’s content.
Lets meet again in the next life, I am sure that I would find you again and love you again but in that time, I promise to love you so much more.
종현 오빠,
난 니가 더 이상 아프지 않기를 바래.
겨속해서 노래부르세요.
정말 감사합니다.
사랑합니다.
나는 절대로 당신을 잊지 못할 거예요.
수고 했어요. 정말 고생 했어요…
이젠 … 편히 쉬세요.
잘자요,오빠. ❤
My dearest SHINee,
My dearest Jinki oppa, Kibum oppa, Minho oppa, and Taemin,
I am praying to all things powerful that you four are okay.
Please please PLEASE know that we are all here for you. We are all here to share your grief and pain. We are all shedding tears with you. We are all here to love you even more so now.
Please try to take care of yourselves during this painful time.
Please eat to sustain your energies, please keep hydrated, and please try to rest your bodies. I can imagine that it would be hard but I hope you try. Jonghyun oppa would not want you to become unhealthy.
I hope for the same for Sodam unni and their lovely mother.
Condolences to his entire family. Please know that SHINee world cries with you in this time of grief.
Its definitely going to take a while.
And its going to be extremely difficult…
But lets all try to work on being okay.
Lets all try.
baratheonpilled
andulkaphoto
dededos