The Real Story: A Twelfth Night Fanfic
Written by Caitlin and Alexandra
“I do,” Viola said as she glanced into Duke’s blue eyes. After courting each other for two hours, they had decided to get married that very night. Literally, they went straight to the court. They went downtown to get their marriage license from a local judge, who coincidentally was also a town drunkard.
“I don’t.” Duke responded, proclaiming his real feelings for Viola. He screamed, “I WANTED TO MARRY CESARIO! WHERE IS CESARIO?” Duke ripped his wig off, revealing his long blonde locks and moderately sized rack. His true gender identity was finally being revealed.
Viola and the entire congregation gasped in unison. They were stunned at this proclamation.
“But Duke, I thought you were in love with me?” Viola said, tears welling in her lacrimal ducts.
“I thought I was,” sighed Duke, glancing down at his feet, “but now that I am standing here I realize that I am in love with Cesario, and not Viola.”
“I AM THE SAME PERSON!” Viola shouted.
“But are we?” Cesario asked raising his eyebrow. He entered the church from the side, he was wearing a long dark robe.
Duke looked questioningly into Viola’s eyes. “Viola? What’s happening?”
From the altar the priest asked, “Can we just get on with the wedding I want to go to the reception. I enjoy cake. Especially chocolate cake, you better have brought that.”
Duke looked at the priest with a strange look, but then, he realized that it was a reasonable request. His stomach grumbled as he too hungered for chocolate cake.
Meanwhile, Cesario and Viola started wrestling, Viola in her wedding dress and Cesario in his robe. They both wanted Duke. But there was only one Duke to have.
“Viola, butt out of this, I am the one who had a relationship with Duke first.” proclaimed Cesario.
“But I am the one Duke fell in love with. Besides, you are a man and this is the fifteen hundreds.” Viola said with passion.
Hands were grabbing, hair was being pulled and Antonio turned into a werewolf and bit Sebastian.
Sebastian cried out, “What is happening?! Sweet Jesus what is happening?!”
Sebastian was now fully infected with the bite and fled on all fours. The church erupted into chaos.
Duke pulled Viola aside amidst the screaming people, “Can we talk?”
“I am willing to marry you,” Duke paused dramatically, “but only if you continue to be dressed as Cesario for as long as we both shall live.”
“This is convenient,” Viola said, “BECAUSE I AM ACTUALLY A MAN DRESSED UP AS A WOMAN DRESSED UP AS A MAN.”
“I guess this arrangement could work…” Duke trailed off.
“Perfect,” Duke said, kissing Viola, now dressed as Cesario (but actually Cesario all along) on the cheek (Got to keep it PG). “My real name is Dukio by the way. As you can see, I am actually a woman.”
“Yes, that was quite the dramatic reveal earlier,” Viola/Cesario replied.
Two months later Dukio and Cesario had a beautiful wedding. Cesario in his suit and Dukio in flowing dress, covered in flowers--his garters were crossed if you know what I mean.
Unfortunately, Antonio and Sebastian arrived in werewolf form and ate all of the guests. They did not win the hit TLC show Four Weddings and get their dream honeymoon.
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