Shit Text Chats Say

They said WHAT?!?!

[shit-text-chats-say]

Open for submissions

shit-text-chats-say is now open for submissions.

As you can guess by the word "shit" in the URL, I won't be censoring foul language. (Or fowl language. Don't be a chicken, submit something!)

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22:38 <@megaprogman> I just watched zardoz which was a thoroughly terrible movie. 22:39 <@holy_handgrenade> you only watched it to see sean connery in a speedo 22:42 <@megaprogman> It was for his mustache 22:45 <@holy_handgrenade> he was rockin a sweet stache

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Nothing quite like squid sphincters in the morning

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12:10 <@megaprogman> I will probably be fighting more bugs today. 12:10 <+hemi770> like in starship troopers 12:10 <+isley> that doesn't sound fair at all you're so much bigger than they are 12:11 <+isley> pick on someone your own size buddy!

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19:42 <+nimbius> Pondering the orb eh 19:42 <+nimbius> This email could have been an aetherial vision

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05:14 <+hemi770> gd stuff 05:14 <+hemi770> its everywhere these days 05:14 <+hemi770> there hardly used to be anything anywhere

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18:12 <+isley> come visit florida we made it illegal for the florida department of environmental protection to alert the public to sewage in the water they swim in. 18:13 <+nimbius> Poop enthusiasts rejoice 18:32 <+isley> yeah we have a masculinity crisis in this country and goddamnit we don't need a nany state telling you "oh you're swimming in sewage and there's dangerous levels of bacteria" 18:32 <+isley> real men don't wipe their ass and die from poop bacteria infections from the beach 18:41 <+nimbius> Turds are for heroes

[what-even-is-thiss]

Magic can theoretically be used by anyone but it takes years of meditation and weaving past the fabric of the self and burrowing into the soul of the universe to cast even the most basic spells so where did this farm boy from the back ass of nowhere find the time to learn how to cast fireball

[what-even-is-thiss]

What do you mean he says he just thought about it really hard and figured it out on his own I went to college for this no stop holding me back let me at him I have some questions

[what-even-is-thiss]

Boy where did you learn how to do that? You’re… hold on. No you’re going to drive yourself into the ground if you keep doing that. What do you mean your pa told you to put your back into it that’s not how magic works there’s no back involved in it stop that you’ll strain yourself

[what-even-is-thiss]

Stop throwing fireballs at the horses we only have so many of those. No you’re going to get arthritis if you keep doing that hold your hand like this. No, you don’t get to fry them horses those ones aren’t for eating. Yes I’m sure your ma really appreciates you helping with dinner but it’s ruining your… boy stop aiming at the horses and pay attention I’m trying to stop you from consuming your own spinal fluid

[what-even-is-thiss]

There, now you’re getting it. Now go tell your pa to stop “putting his back into it”. Take this book. What do you mean you can’t read? You’re like ten. Your pa can’t read either- oh for gods sake this is going to take longer than I thought

[mollyjames]

[honeypunks]

GENTLEMEN

START YOUR CRABS

[persephinae]

[shit-text-chats-say]

Gives Death this:

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14:16 <@megaprogman> My school is having a workshop soon on federal jobs openings 14:16 <@megaprogman> I don't think I will go to that workshop 14:16 <+isley> LOL 14:17 <+isley> dude you could have a lucrative career geting scapegoated and fired from a failing empire

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12:50 <+noelbius> oh true he is a total asshole. like if i worked construction for NCDOT and i caught him at a pool hall id put a racoon up his ass.

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16:21 <+isley> did you know ive never had chipolte? 16:21 <+grimbius> Then you've never truly shit your pants. 16:22 <+grimbius> A proper relentless stream of agony as you curse a dead god 16:22 <+grimbius> Also they skimp on portions.

[stay-close]

“Hope can be a powerful force. Maybe there’s no actual magic in it, but when you know what you hope for most and hold it like a light within you, you can make things happen, almost like magic.”

— Laini Taylor, Daughter of Smoke & Bone

[stay-close]

“I’m almost never serious, and I’m always too serious. Too deep, too shallow. Too sensitive, too cold hearted. I’m like a collection of paradoxes.”

— Ferdinand de Saussure

[stay-close]

“You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.”

— Thich Nhat Hanh

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Don't argue with the bat bot in #rantradio.