Shit Ass Ho Motherfucker

Welcome to the Dark side.

[shitasshomotherfucker]

Well, shit.

[shitasshomotherfucker]

When mom goes to the bathroom, errybody goes to the bathroom. :|

[shitasshomotherfucker]

Parents: the only people who will clean you up, snuggle you, and make you lunch right after you literally take a shit on them. Well, the only people who will do it for free, anyway.

[shitasshomotherfucker]

I hate the smell of my poop, but I also love the smell of my poop.

Little A

[shitasshomotherfucker]

The saddest little sickie. :(

[shitasshomotherfucker]

I just left my husband a three minute voicemail play-by-play about the multiple poops Baby E has taken this morning.

[shitasshomotherfucker]

Pop quiz: which of these things is not safe for babies?

[shitasshomotherfucker]

This is happening in my lap right now. I'm on the toilet. Happy Saturday!

[shitasshomotherfucker]

Our cats are assholes.

[shitasshomotherfucker]

Ugh. Now everyone is going to think I'm a monster, but really I just forgot to file his nails.

[shitasshomotherfucker]

I'm in the bath.

"Hi, mom. I'm just coming in here to pee and brush my teeth, because I really need to. I really need to pee because I really need to pee really bad, because I really need to. Oh! Hear that fart? That's an alarm for poopies. So I might poop too." "Okay."

[shitasshomotherfucker]

One of the benefits of having both a five year old and a six month old: playground bark in your nursing bra.

[shitasshomotherfucker]

We left for the bus in kind of a rush this morning.

[shitasshomotherfucker]

It never fucking fails. I put a brand new diaper on Baby E five minutes ago, we get to Little A's bus stop, and I hear him shit for like thirty seconds straight.

[shitasshomotherfucker]

Is it possible to poop out a cold? If it is, Baby E is making excellent progress.

[shitasshomotherfucker]

I JUST CLEANED THIS COUNTER GOD DAMMIT WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK MOTHERFUCKER. In other news, Baby E is teething.

[shitasshomotherfucker]

I ran over a squirrel on my way home from taking Little A to the bus this morning. It was sad and gross. It made a lot less of a mess than when I ran over it yesterday though.