It's been 3/4 months.
It's been a while hasn't it? I'm shocked to see that this blog is still getting attention. I don't really know what made me log back in, but I guess I have some stuff to get off my chest.
Firstly, I'm no longer in the naruto fandom. If anything, looking at orochimaru/orokabu truly makes me sick to my stomach. I've sold my collection, I've moved into another fandom, I got rid of my ocs, I'm out. My cards are on the table. You guys are allowed to still enjoy my contributions, I can't stop you, but there won't be anything new. At least some people can enjoy what now brings me pain.
Now on to what I have processed. Maybe it's not Orochimaru or orokabu or naruto itself that makes me so sick. Maybe it's not everyone else's fault. I feel violated. I feel disgusting. I feel stupid most of all. I'm sure you all know who I'm talking about (their name starts with a t and ends in va) but that was not a good friendship. What little of it was shown publicly was a lie, as being their friend genuinely almost led to me taking my own life. Even thinking about it makes me angry. I was played as a damn fool, because what? I felt bad for someone who was truly suffering? I wanted to become friends with someone who I looked up to? I burnt so many bridges for who, someone who made me miserable and emotionally abused me for 7 months? Someone who made me think I had to keep pumping out these stupid drawings to appease them? I'm an idiot. A damn fool. I have no backbone and I pay the price for it every time. They broke me down to a point I never want to experience again, something I promised myself I'd never contemplate ever doing. Even if they're gone, it's not like I won. Yeah I sure am the lucky winner, I have to sit up and night in absolute disgust and horror because I let someone treat me like that. I let someone abuse me, I let someone make me question aspects of myself that almost ruined my entire life. And for what? Really, for what? An anime? What a joke. An absolute joke. There are so many things I wish I could say to them, but it won't give me back the 7 months I spent wasting away. Nothing will. I just have to keep pushing. But yeah. That's it. That's what I have to say. I'll end with this though: For how much I wish to forget about Naruto's existence, Kimimaro is a very relatable character.
