"I found true love.â
Not today Justin

shark vs the universe

titsay

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Love Begins

Kaledo Art
Keni
I'd rather be in outer space đ¸

Product Placement
macklin celebrini has autism
official daine visual archive
Xuebing Du

JVL

â
hello vonnie

Janaina Medeiros
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ojovivo
untitled
$LAYYYTER

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@shrugandrepeat
"I found true love.â
i wonder whatâs happening right now over at hogwarts
probably education since harry doesnât go there anymore
I was initially planning on being a casual fan, but then I thought, why not just let it consume my soul instead?Â
so hereâs a fun story about this movie. guess who loves this movie? me! i do! i love this movie. i love this movie so much that when i was in the 7th grade and i saw âfirst wives club 2â on pay per view i was like: HELL YEAH!! FIRST WIVES CLUB TWO!! NO ONE TOLD ME THERE WAS A SEQUEL!!!
hereâs the synopsis for first wives club 2:
disgruntled first wives take their ex-husbandsâ new lovers under their wing.
sounds great, right? awesome viewing material for a precocious 11-year-old.
so i buy this movie, and like, three minutes into it iâm starting to feel suspicious?? like itâs really low quality and my girls are nowhere in sight?? how come none of the first wives are the same?? how come theyâre alone in a bedroom with mood lighting?? why is she taking off her shirt?? why are they both taking off their shirts?? WHY ARE THEYâ
hereâs what i did not know about first wives club 2:
it is a lesbian porno of no relation to the beloved 1996 classic.
so of course i, horrified that iâve accidentally bought porn on my familyâs account (and in that state of panic that kids work themselves into whenever anything regarding sex is mentioned), quickly shut off the TV and go upstairs and watch an episode of veggie tales to like, cleanse my soul and apologize to jesus, and thatâs that.
EXCEPT, OF COURSE:
you have to pay for pay per view.
so the end of the month comes and i have completely put this incident out of my mind, haha, i accidentally bought porn, how funny, TELL NO ONE. right? and iâm sitting at a nice dinner with my mother, my stepfather, and my very religious aunt deb, and weâre just talking about farm things, whatever, when suddenly my mother puts her fork down and says, âokay, thereâs something we need to discuss. as a family.â
AS A FAMILY.
and iâm like, running through a list of people i know who could conceivably be dead, and fantasizing about my mother announcing that sheâs going to buy me My Own Computer Just Because U Earned It Kiddo, and she pulls out a piece of paper that says DIRECTV across the top. and iâm like: OH NO.
"i received the tv bill today," my mother said, and i was like, shoveling potatoes into my mouth as fast as i could because i knew that when i went to PORN PRISON they werenât going to feed me this kind of quality starch. "does anybody want to tell me who purchased the pornography?"
as a reminder, a quick table survey:
my mother, surprised and disappointed by the porn bill (innocent)
my stepfather, a grumbly old cowboy who just wants to sing along to kenny chesney and watch the hunt for red october (innocent)
my aunt deb, a super religious catholic whose best friend is a nun named Sister Placid (innocent)
me, the 11-year-old with a mouthful of potatoes who definitely purchased the lesbian pornography
silence.
my mother said, âiâm not going to ask again.â
silence.
my aunt looked at my stepdad. my stepdad looked at my aunt. NOBODY LOOKED AT ME, THE 11-YEAR-OLD WITH A MOUTHFUL OF POTATOES WHO DEFINITELY PURCHASED THE LESBIAN PORNOGRAPHY.
my mother shook her head and put the bill down. âthis was incredibly inappropriate,â she said. âskip, deb, whoever. buy that shit on your own time. iâm not paying for it. what if molly had seen it?â
WHAT IF MOLLY HAD SEEN IT?
"donât expose my kid to that crap."
DONâT
EXPOSE
MY KID
TO THAT CRAP
"if you want to watch porn, fine, but do it in private and donât expect me to pay for it. i canât believe one of you did that in the living room."
I CANâT BELIEVE ONE OF YOU DID THAT
IN THE LIVING ROOM
but molly, why didnât you own up to it and explain that it was an accident?
are you fucking kidding
i did not want to go to porn prison
the fun conclusion to this story is that i never owned up to it, which means that there are 3 people in the world who have not solved the mystery of the lesbian porn. a quick survey:
my mother, who lives every day wondering whose porn she paid for
my stepfather, who probably wishes he knew less about his wifeâs sisterâs porn preferences
my aunt, who probably wishes she knew less about her sisterâs husbandâs porn preferences
but molly, why donât you own up to it now, with the safety of time and distance and the knowledge that porn prison isnât real?
are you fucking kidding
this is the best thing iâve ever done
During the scene when Mulan decides to go to war instead of her father, she decides to do it while sitting on the foot of the Great Stone Dragon. The image of the dragon looking over Mulan is repeated several times throughout the sequence, and the bolts of lightning strike at significant times whenever the dragon is in sight. When Mulan takes her fatherâs scroll and when she is praying to her ancestors, the Great Stone Dragon can be seen. It is also engraved on the sword Mulan uses to cut her hair and the handles of the wardrobe containing the armor are in the shape of the dragonâs head. The dragonâs eyes glowing in the temple symbolizes Mulanâs role as protector of her family awakening, instead of the actual dragon.
The reason Mushu couldnât wake the dragon is because the dragon was no longer there. Mulan is implied to be the Great Dragon that protects her family.
CHRIST HOW DID I MISS THAT AFTER ALL THESE YEARS
If someone were to die at the age of 63 after a lifelong battle with MS or Sickle Cell, weâd all say they were a âfighterâ or an âinspiration.â But when someone dies after a lifelong battle with severe mental illness and drug addiction, we say it was a tragedy and tell everyone âdonât be like him, please seek help.â Thatâs bullshit. Robin Williams sought help his entire life. He saw a psychiatrist. He quit drinking. He went to rehab. He did this for decades. Thatâs HOW he made it to 63. For some people, 63 is a fucking miracle. I know several people who didnât make it past 23 and Iâd do anything to have 40 more years with them.
anonymous reader on The Dish
One of the more helpful and insightful things Iâve seen about depression/suicide in the last couple of days.
(via mysweetetc)
Stop it.
does anyone else feel like they just lost their favourite uncle
"To live would be an awfully big adventure."
"Laughter is timeless. Imagination has no age. And dreams are forever." - Walt Disney
Too cool not to reblog
sCREAMING
No ears are safe!
the saddest feeling ever is when you finish a show because you watched all of the episodes too quickly and you just want to stay inside that world for a little bit longer, but you canât
You would think that maybe Tony would be genre-savvy with the whole renegade-destruction-robot-apocalypse thing, but no
"One of the most interesting things about Elizabeth Turner was her Kiss of Death. Throughout the trilogy, all of the men she locked lips with has died - including Sao Feng in At Worldâs End, and (if you want to be petty about it) her father, Weatherby Swann. Usually they would die moments after kissing her for the first time. This excludes Will Turner who has kissed her several times before and beat the odds every time. However, even he succumbed to her kiss and died as well minutes after the two were hastily married by Barbossa. This is most likely a just coincidence and not something that was intentional, but years later itâs still fun to point out to friends and watch a dawn of realization hit their face when they realize that Pirate Queen Elizabeth may have also been the Grim Reaper.â
Pirate King* Elizabeth
let me just say a few things about âall about that bassâ real quick
itâs a song about body positivity and we donât get many of those so can we just take that into consideration please
i know people are kicking off about her using the phrase âskinny bitchesâ but she does follow it up with "no, iâm just playing i know you think youâre fat / but iâm here to tell you that / every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top" Â sheâs taken an insult commonly given to slim women and basically a said so what if you are skinny/skinny but you think youâre fat, YOUâRE STILL PERFECTÂ
iâve seen shit loads of people saying it makes them feel more confident, and slim women get a ton of media reinforcing the idea that their body is perfect anyway
ITâS CATCHY AS FUCKÂ
I hate when my phone dies and I canât get to a charger for like an hour. What happened while I was gone? Is Kate still married to William? How old is Blue Ivy? Who is the president Idk man my phone died
Anatomy of Songs [wronghands]