Bunny Diaries ❤

Common place blog. Into my mind during midnights to 3AM.

[shybunnymia]

Entry: Feeling Stressed

There comes a day like this that I usually feel more stressed than usual. I do not get stressed by work these days rather I get stressed when things that I own get damaged/not working.

This day is one of those days. I do not get to use my laptop that often because my boyfriend uses it for "side-line" work. (Side-line work is not actual work for me but it does the job in providing him money to eventually by his OWN computer one day.) I really hate it when he brings my laptop home and I find that the WIFI is not working. I struggle to troubleshoot as much as I can then him hovering makes me more irritable.

I already have an idea in fixing the laptop but he keeps on instructing me how to do it. It really irritates me and puts me in a lot of stress. The fact that I cannot do what I need to do at the moment, I hate it when he hovers around telling me what to do and that I am doing it wrong. It is my laptop. Oh my mistake! HIS laptop already. (Though the settings are mine. I don't use it as much. He, on the other hand, has the device 24/7)

Don't get me wrong. I love to help him get some extra money but I want him to take care of the device just like I did. I got attached to my laptop because it was my first investment and I did not get to use it that much. It was like I never bought it for myself in the first place.

I was planning on creating a video today for my team at work. But ended up failing because the WIFI laptop was not working. I eventually gave up and thought of something else to keep me busy.

I feel like today, I was stressing out because of my laptop. HE was using that laptop! MY LAPTOP! The laptop that I am going to record winning streams with, the laptop that I am going to write numerous blogs and the laptop that I invested in to create youtube videos. Now I am back at my tablet and phone thinking, I shouldn't have bought that laptop.

Thinking in a couple of days, once HE FINALLY has the money to buy his precious PC, I am going to sell the laptop. I feel that it was not mine to begin with. I would feel much better for a new device than my current one. It just puts me in a lot of stress that one device.

Should I sell it or keep it?

[shybunnymia]

Hey! Finally have the chance to post again. So I switched to my old tablet set-up because I wanted to use a physical keyboard again for persicely this purpose.

So I have been wanting to buy another laptop again. I just bought one aleast 2 years ago and I just cannot use my current one because someone just keeps on borrowing it. I am not mad at him or anything. It is just like inspriations as this should not be hindered. Like I said, I switched to this set-up to make me excited of writting again.

As a kid, I loved typing stories. I had an old laptop that my aunt gave to me and I open it mainly because I wanted to write a story. Eventually the laptop had to be disposed because it was not opening anymore.

So I am saying this: When you are inspired to do something, JUST DO IT. I mean not being a Nike ad or anything but simply do something about it. If it means being putting yourself first, yeah, do it.

You will never know what you will create. A song, a poem, a blog or even a novel. If you have the resources, take a chance.

[shybunnymia]

Like I do not want to stop dreaming about them but they just keep popping at a weekday instead of a weekend.

So BTS has arrived at my dreams. No kidding not even a pure blood army or anything. I am just someone who likes them for their songs and visuals. But I am lucky enough to dream about them in the most wholesome way possible.

First, I was in an airBnB I think somewhere that was so beautiful. Then the owner had to book the same place with another group since all of the airBnB on the place was fully booked. Apperantly he can't say no to this group no matter how much I suggested that it is an inconvinence. So I gave in then lo and behold on the front door is BTS (like all of them with their baggage and everything). Well can't go to the full details of their stay because it was unbelievable being in the same house with BTS.

They were there for a concert and all the hotels along with some of the airBnB they've booked are full. They had to sqeeze in with us because the owner was a fan as well.

Second, they were in a concert for this place I went to. (Somehow this two dreams are connected because...) Jungkook was not feeling well that time and I was just a curious on looker being at a back-stage of the concert (they let me in to use the bathroom coz' I can't hold it in) Then saw Jungkook probably on the brink of fainting and pointed at me to come over. All of the members looked at me and I was puzzled but went anyway. By the time I was near him, manage to catch him faint. Everybody was in a frenzy and calling for a doctor. I told them there is a van at the back that could take us to the nearest hospital. I told them everyone can fit.

We managed to get Jungkook on the van along with the other members and a couple of their crew. The whole way I did not left his side and he slightly regained consiousness. He...some what...hugged me and... gave me a peck on the cheek thanking me for the my help. I was shookt. We got to the emergency room and then when I was no longer needed, I got out of the hospital then I woke up.

I wonder what my next dream would be? Not sure if this is a fan-fiction waiting to happen.

[shybunnymia]

Unfinished Epic Fantasy

When I was a little girl, I dreamt of becoming a writter. I had this epic fantasy story that I wrote on an old laptop that my Aunt gave us. I was playing around with it and discovered typing in it.

It was written more like how a script is written. Exchange of dialogs and how the character should act during the scene. I always imagined that instead of the Prince rescuing the Princess, it was the Princess rescuing the Prince for the sake of the two kingdoms.

I couldn't remember how I have came up with the conflict or how I got the idea on how two kingdoms would go about head butting one another. But one this is for sure, I was not able to give it a proper ending. The story ended when the Princess was able to rescue the Prince and they fought the war together. I never knew how they will end.

I even forget their names and setting. I was so engaged in the story that I forgot to back it up. I wish I could write it again.

Maybe it is about time to get the story starting.

[shybunnymia]

Brain vs. Heart

Brain: Better forget this guy and do not get swayed by his antics.

Heart: But he seems he has changed and gotten better in life. Why can't I have man like that?

Brain: It is against your belief! And last time I have checked, going after the one you like than staying with someone who is already here hurt like hell when he left.

Heart: Good point. But still he has nice cars and lives in a place where I dream of staying.

Brain: He might have everything and live in place you only imagine you could be. But still we go about "it seems" not "it is". Dream vs. Reality.

Don't get swayed just because he called you yesterday. He called because he was drunk and only calls you when he is drunk. You are just a drunk fantasy to him.

And maybe he wanted you to come to his place because he wanted to fulfill that fantasy.

You're boyfriend is always there. (Although some times he is a bit stubborn.) Why go after a guy who only calls you when he is drunk?

Heart: Alright. Maybe I was over thinking things. But could we once consider to be this one? I'm tired of being the man in the relationship. I feel like I am always doing everything.

Brain: But it's his statement, "You come to Korea" sounds like it's your move?

If he wants to see you or be with you, he will come here regards less of the pandemic. If he is dead serious, he is the one who should make the move.

Heart: Maybe I should get this out of my chest. And he told me before he has no intention of ever getting married.

But my Boyfriend has no idea either.

Urgh! It is all very frustrating.

Brain: Yeah. We should take a break. I find it very frustrating as well.

Heart: Good! Something we agree on!

[shybunnymia]

Welcome me back!

Hey everyone in the tumbr-verse! I am back!

Does anyone every read or scroll thru tumblr anymore?

Anyways, it is nice to know that this is not the first app that people start to open these days. If they do, well they would probably know more about my secrets. If I have any for that matter.

This year was awesome and depressing at the same time. This year I recently got promoted to a position that I clearly wanted. But once I go there, it was a whole new level of analyzation and by brain is killing me. Not to mention the amount of work and organization this job requires. I love the job but compared to my previous job I have a lot to maintain than my own task.

In the relationship department, everything is going well. We are as we say "going with the flow" of our relationship. But there are times that I feel there should be more. I feel like I have been in this relationship before in High School and College. At 29 almost going to 30, I think my relationships should level up. I don't feel like there is any improvement and that I am still living in my teenage years. As for now, I still stay. I can't say I have invested alot in this person (like really invested, real money and time!) because that would make me feel selfish in a way? As for my previous relationship, if this has to end it suppose to be on his end and not mine. I am happy with where I am but not contented because there is no improvement.

Family-wise, I am clearly the bread-winner of the family right now. With my recent promotion and salary increase, this gives me the responsibility of having the last say when it comes to finances in the household. My money is clearly my family's money. I spurge some gadgets here and there but there is always a questionable look that is always given to me. I have say on where I spend my money but it has to be for the expense of the family and not only me.

And lastly, me. This year I have experience being a painter, a team leader, a tiktoker, a bibliophile, a book-hoarder, a techie and so on. I have done a lot of things this year that I never knew I could. I have discovered so much and experience so much just in the comfort of my home.

Next year, I am hoping to improve myself some more, focus on the things that matter and just live contented because this is all that really matters.

[shybunnymia]

8 years ago, I was the luckiest person to have the first glimpse of MYX Music Awards. I thank my Dad for letting me come with him as his PA. Seeing all those people in one room is truly an experience.

[shybunnymia]

Typical Thor. 🙄

[marril96]

I still love him…

@delenafantasy

[battleinyourhands]

and in the death of her reputation,

she felt truly alive.

[shybunnymia]

This song came out at exactly the right time. (07-10-2019)

Ed Sheeran - Best Part Of Me (feat. YEBBA) 

My lungs are black, my heart is pure My hands are scarred from nights before And my hair is thinnin', falling out Of all the wrong places I am a little insecure 

My eyes are crossed, but they're still blue I bite my nails and tell the truth I go from thin to overweight Day to day it fluctuates My skin is inked, but faded too

But she loves me, she loves me Why the hell she love me When she could have anyone else? Oh you love me, you love me Why the hell do you love me? 'Cause I don't even love myself

Baby, the best part of me is you And lately everything's making sense too Oh baby, I'm so in love with you

I overthink and still forget I lose my phone and place my bets And I never catch the train on time Always thirty minutes behind Your worries ain't seen nothin' yet

But you love me, you love me Why the hell you love me so When you could have anyone else? Yeah yeah, he loves me, he loves me And I bet he never lets me go And shows me how to love myself

'Cause, baby, the best part of me is you, woah Lately everything's making sense too Baby, I'm so in love with you (With you)Baby, the best part of me is you, woah Lately everything's making sense too Oh baby, I'm so in love with you (Ooh)

Baby, I'm so in love with you, yeah, yeah Oh baby, I'm so in love with you

[shybunnymia]

Stay Forever

There are probably a million ways to say this.

I want us to stay like this.

Your hand holding my wrist.

Your smell I cannot resist.

I get really shy saying this to you.

But I know when something true.

You never let me be blue.

You color my life with a different hue.

I know you don't have much.

But I know we could have more together.

So can I just stay forever?

[shybunnymia]

The Hopeless-Romantic and the Gamophobic

What do I get from loving you? A person who is so closed to the idea of love. A hopeless - romantic and a gamophobic in a mutual understanding. Probably a disaster waiting to happen.

He will never love her the way her father did. He will never feel the feeling of being the one. He will always be okay with her flirting around Which will always make her feel like a used toy.

No matter how many times she tries to move on, She will always get dragged down the same rabbit hole. But their friendship is way deeper than that hole. How could the hopeless-romantic let go of the only friend she has.

She knows he is special to her. He knows she is special to him. Maybe they were too broken They do not want to risk being more broken.

The more she tried to ask what is this they have, the more he insisted that she thinks too much. He said, what we have right now is alright. The more you think the more stressed you'll be.

But the questions keep haunting her. After all, he told her she was his friend but with benefits. Benefits of an official boyfriend. How could she allow such thing.

Day and night she thought about her questions. But he was always there he never left. He was there when no one would care. He was there when someone shattered her.

So I tell you, is the gamophobic really gamophobic. Or he is the same as the hopeless-romantic. Maybe he just needed her to show him that she will not leave. He needed someone to inspire him to believe.

[shybunnymia]

Man alone measures time. Man alone chimes the hour. And, because of this, man alone suffers a paralyzing fear that no other creature endures. A fear of time running out

The Time Keeper by Mitch Albom

[shybunnymia]

내 사랑

9 years ago I met a guy in our high school. Typical Korean guy that he is, he was very sincere about his feelings towards me. He would visit our house in the evening and just hang-out enjoying each other’s company. I would be eager to wait for him to come by at our house. 

One night, he looked at me different. He leaned in a gave me a kiss. In that moment, I don’t want him to go. I like that he was caring and spoiled me with his affections. I was head-over-hills in love with this guy. 

We had that one grand date, he went to my church to pick me up. We basically wanted to walk around the city. Literally, we walked around Ortigas Center. I clearly remember that day like it was yesterday. We walked around to find a ride home. But there was no ride and all the terminals were full. We were going around Ortigas like it was a big park. I did not mind the time, I was just happy walking around with him. We would laugh if he got tired and we would rest at the nearest McDonald. We then decided to take a taxi home because all the rides going home was full. I was hesitant because it would be expensive. He reassured me telling me not to worry. He will pay the taxi ride. We got on the taxi and told the driver where we will go. I don’t care at that time what the taxi driver was thinking at that time when he suddenly pulled me in and gave me a kiss. He cupped my face with both his hands and kissed me gently saying, 아기야, 사랑해. (Baby, I love you) I blushed and hugged him tight on our way home. I was like that on our way home. He would occasionally check me and kiss my forehead and ask me if I was sleeping. How could I even sleep if he is right beside me holding me tight? I thank God for traffic that time. 

This is the first time I wrote this. All because I am to embarrassed to tell anybody. The taxi driver must have been in an awkward situation during that time. But I bet he met a lot of couples kissing at the back of his taxi. 

Our love lasted for 3 weeks, he just felt cold and rarely wants to see me at school. I even wrote him a letter telling him I was worried and I want to talk to him. But he ripped the paper in to shreds and put it in the trash. I cried that time. Then he finally told me he wanted to focus on his studies. 

Little did I know he was heading back to Korea in a couple of days. When I went to school that day, his friend just told me that he left for Korea the other day. I was crushed. After school, I went to his house and sure enough he was not there. It was hard for me because he never did contacted me and I was not able to say goodbye. 

I thought I was never going to see him again. He was what they say my greatest love. Thought our relationship was short lived, I was happy that time. I didn’t knew that 9 years later, we got to see each other again.

This is 9 years later: <3 

https://dreamsmemorieslove26.tumblr.com/post/165616431826/%EA%B9%80%EB%8F%99%ED%9B%88-%ED%95%84%EB%A6%AC%ED%95%80-%EB%B0%A9%EB%AC%B8

[shybunnymia]

Sudden Rain

After almost 10 years and 9 failed relationships, I have finally given up the fast that love is not something you should decide on your own. In fact, deciding on your own in the relationship mean you are on your own. 

Like today, I am trying to remove the infatuation that  I am feeling towards this person. I should not be feeling this but some how as a woman I am weak. I want him to know! I want him to see! I want him. Period. But 2000 miles away is unfathomable for a relationship to survive. 

By now, I should have learned not to put my heart in places it should not be. I hate it that i am weak! I hate that I can’t see him! But I really hate the fact that I can’t say to him how I really feel. I pray one day I will tell him or one day he will just know. 

This song fully captures how I really feel. The English lyrics of the song:

Although I don’t like deceiving myself or you I’m afraid that we’ll grow apart because of me I’m afraid that when this rain stops My feelings for you will stop too

I was comparing the rain to tears, and hopefully when the tears stop, so my feelings for him will stop. 

[shybunnymia]

I wish I never woke up!

I had a dream Lee Jong Suk was at a coffee shop I was dinning. I spotted him and wanted to follow him as he finish taking his order. He rode on an elevator and as the door closed we made eye contact. He then winked. I woke up.