Machetes Up Top

[sings very loudly, a backstreet boys song]

I.. okay, bye Silas.

No, not bye. [she quickly wraps herself up in a towel and hugs him tightly]

[He smiled wearily, going to gently pat the top of her head.] You're a good person. You really, really are. No matter what anyone else might think.

[He gave a light tug to free himself from her hold before turning to leave.]

[sings very loudly, a backstreet boys song]

I’m sorry.

Yeah. Me too.

On second thought I'll just go use Dane's shower. He seems pretty adamant about me not dying, I don't have anything to lose.

See ya, Abby.

[sings very loudly, a backstreet boys song]

He looks at me like I’m scum.

Welcome to the club. At least for you it's just him. When other people you care about start doin' it too, that's when the self loathing really sets in.

[sings very loudly, a backstreet boys song]

He’s not going to forgive me, I broke his heart whilst I was trying to save it.

I wouldn't be so sure. Time, just give it time.

[sings very loudly, a backstreet boys song]

No, but he thinks I did. He thinks I was in cahoots with Dane or Michael.

If he ain't listening to you, that's his problem. Whatever happened, it was an accident. He's your friend and he's going to understand that, even if it takes him some time. And trust me, that one's good at changing his opinion at the drop of a hat...

[sings very loudly, a backstreet boys song]

But I hurt him just as bad, maybe even worse.

Were you trying to hurt him?

[sings very loudly, a backstreet boys song]

You helped torture my…friend.. but I guess I’m as bad as you.

I did as I was told. And I know you prolly hate me or whatever, but I won't let you think so little of yourself. I don't know what you think you did, but you're a good person, Dolly.

[sings very loudly, a backstreet boys song]

No no, it’s fine you’d probably run back to Dane and tell him I was mean to you and he’d hurt Dexter.

Yeah or I could talk him out of it, as I've done in the past, but I s'pose you only pay attention to the things I'm not responsible for.

[sings very loudly, a backstreet boys song]

Jesus, if I wanted an audience I would’ve gone outside.

If you didn't want an audience, you wouldn't be singin' so loud.

If it's that much of a bother I'll wait outside.

[sings very loudly, a backstreet boys song]

[hears her as he steps into the bathroom] ....tell me why-y

Danes eyes narrowed at Silas at his disrespect, pulling him back down by his wrist and slapping him across the face. “You get privileges, don’t make me think twice about them. I don’t care what you want, you might be sitting on the couch but you’re still a slave." Dane said seriously before turning to Dexter, reaching out to cup his face. “You’re not in trouble. I wasn’t clear on the rules but you aren’t to talk about Silas either. Or anything we do. The reasons you’re scared of him is because of things I instructed him to do. Do you understand that? I’m the only one you have to be scared of."

dextermoon-deactivated20131013

I wanted nothing more than to vanish. All this talk about punishments, privileges and fear meant nothing to me - but the fact that Dane was being gentle to the others, talking to them and ignoring me entirely, did, just as much as Silas’s words did. They hurt me, made my chest sting, my heart feel like it was being squeezed somehow, as if there wasn’t enough blood for it to pump through my body. I fought hard to control my breath, my teeth sunk deep into my lip, sucking the blood I’d drawn into my mouth before it could run down my chin. I was nothing if not entirely tense.

Dexter furrowed his brow at the events that seemed to be occurring before him. He wanted nothing more than to hide away from everyone. But he had wanted Dane and now he would suffer the consequences. Dane’s hand on his face was warm and Dexter closed his eyes as he swallowed roughly to get a hold of himself. “I’m sorry, sir…" His voice was quiet, and his breathing was shuddered as he leaned even further into Dane’s hand.

Silas' brow knit and he maintained a pointed frown. His cheek still stung from Dane's slap. Somehow he'd come to think that he and Dane were closer to normal friends than a slave and his Master. He shouldn't have been surprised as he was, really. Watching Dex act like an eager little puppy only made him roll his eyes once again. God, that little git really knew how to get under his skin without trying. He stayed silent, not bothering with an attempt to argue his case any further. He wanted to die and he'd find a way. No need to broadcast it and draw attention. "Well then, Sir, am I done here?" he asked, glancing back up at Dane. He was tired, he was hurt, and he didn't want to cap off that shithole of a day by watching Dane play around with his two real slaves.

#para #dane #arif #dexter

I was drawing, a portrait of Dane and Silas together from the memory of the weird little gathering he’d had at his cabin a few days ago. They were both beautiful, and they had both hurt me - but ultimately, that didn’t really matter. I was a slave, lower than Silas, unimportant now that we were back from my birthday present. I tensed, startled, when I heard a knock on the door to my room, wondering desperately who it might have been. Dane? No, he’d never have knocked. Silas’s voice answered that question, and I stared at the door in confusion for a moment before remembering how to react. “No, no … it’s fine, come on in," I called then, albeit quietly, and turned back to the drawing.

I entered the room slowly and shut the door behind me, staying close to it at first. A half smile came to my lips. How to start, how to start... "Shoulda figured you'd be drawin' again," I chuckled, going to rub the back of my neck. This felt just as distant as the start of our last little chat in his room, possibly more so. And I hated it. Slowly I strolled closer, my hands finding their way into my pockets.

#para #arif

I must have stood outside Arif's door for a good five minutes or so before I actually knocked. I'm lucky he didn't come out during that time, it probably would have been all kinds of awkward. By nature I'm not too good with words, so even as I stood there having thought about what to say since the night before, I was still unsure how to go about this little apology. I just hoped Arif could forgive my complete lack of poetic ability. I knocked twice . "Arif, man, you busy?" I asked, resisting the urge to just barge in.

#arif

"You’re not killing yourself, and you’re not going to let anyone kill you. You’re too valuable for me right now." Dane said, drinking more of his beer and thinking it over. The clear answer was to lock Dexter up in his coffin and leave him there. But if Silas didn’t want to cause him anymore pain, and he wanted to mend things, Dane could help. It wouldn’t affect how Dane and Dexter were, and the dynamic between his slaves didn’t matter much to him. As long as they all knew their place on the pole. “I can’t say I’ll leave Weston alone, it’s more difficult than just your little crush on him. But I won’t harm him in your name. As far as Dexter goes, it’s on it’s way over and we can try to work something out with him. Deal?" Dane looked up when he door, reaching over to pet Arif fondly, running his fingers through his hair, “The door. Make sure he doesn’t run."

dextermoon-deactivated20131013

I just nodded, glad to be able to keep my head down while getting up because I did not want to meet Dane’s eyes right now - I was hurt, didn’t know why, and trying to suppress the pain. So I just hurried over to the door, opened it and quickly took Dexter by the hand firmly but painlessly, pulling him inside before shutting the door again. “I’m sorry, Dex," I murmured, head still down, then pulled him along into the living room after after me. Once I was sure he was focussing on my Master and not likely to run anymore, I let go of his hand and went back to my position at Dane’s feet, trying to shut my surroundngs out as much as possible. I did not want this.

Dexter had been upset and he had been going to Dane just as the master had told him to do the last time he had gotten upset. So he wouldn’t lash out again, so he would be a good boy. But when Arif opened the door and took him by the hand, he knew he was in trouble. He shook his head slightly but still allowed the other slave to lead him into the living room. He spotted Silas on the couch and fear filled his eyes, without another word he dropped to his knees close to Arif and took a shuddering breath.

#I AM SO SO SO SORRY #I WILL FEEL BAD ABOUT THIS #FOR MANY MOONS #I AM SO SORRY #para #nate #arif #dexter

Silas frowned and took one big gulp from his beer, keeping his unamused eyes fixed on Dane. Figures Dane only needed him around for the times he was useful. And he knew all too well when those were. His eyes narrowed at Dexter when he came in, rolling when he fell to his knees. "Really? Fucking great." He slammed the beer bottle down and stood. "This is the shit I don't want to deal with anymore, Dane. I have a hard enough time feeling like a monster 24/7 without the dramatics." There was a weakness in his voice -- a weariness not easily achieved. If Dane wouldn't kill him, he'd find a way and do it himself.

Dane nodded and took a drink of his beer, a smile twitching on his lips at the thanks that Silas muttered. So unnecessary. “Dexter was talking about you? I told him not to talk about what happened, he doesn’t learn does he? How about we play with him for a while and see how you feel then?" Dane suggested, shrugging, “I mean he’s on his way over anyway. And if you’re having problems with Weston I can help with that too. I haven’t released my claim on him yet."

I knelt in silence, determined to be what I was supposed to be: invisible, ever-present, but never seen. Still, I couldn’t help but lower my head more when Silas admitted to having nobody, the stinging in my chest returning with more force now. Of course I was nothing to him, he was worth more than me. It had beeen foolish to hope for anything else, and I had to bite down on my lower lip hard to keep myself from shuddering in self-loathing. It was hard to listen to Dane and my “fellow" slave, but I did my best, did it because I had to, wishing I had another choice.

The slightest flicker of movement made Dane glance over to Arif. A pang of guilt hit him. He decided against saying anything -- he didn't know the rules about what Arif could and couldn't do in Dane's presence. "Honestly I'd rather you just leave Weston be. I'd consider it a favor. And as for Dexter... I was hoping I wouldn't have to see his face again. It's a tempting offer but I can't hurt him again. Can we just cut to the chase? Where's the noose?"

#para #dane #arif

Dane was just about to tell Arif to open the door when he heard Silas approaching, but stopped short when the door opened. “No, of course not. Arif will fetch us drinks." He said and shot a look to the slave kneeling on the ground before turning his attention back to Silas. He liked Silas. Not in the way he liked Arif, or any of the others he liked. Silas was helpful and he wasn’t going to let this happen. “You can come sit next to me and tell me what’s wrong."

Seeing Silas enter Dane’s cabin made my chest sting; a little, undefined pain close to my heart that I couldn’t and didn’t even want to analyse. Instead, I just did what I was best at and obeyed, getting to my feet and grabbing two beers out of the bar before heading back towards the couch and kneeling next to my Master’s legs after placing them on the table. I kept my head down as always, silent, feeling as redundant as humanly possible.