median lookin ass @silent-sentinels - Tumblr Blog

hello ☆ our system's name is The (Sword in the) Scabbard System, but you can call us Voli collectively, he/they/any. we're an orbital median system that's still figuring things out! we've been treating this blog as a plural journal, where we store our system thoughts and miscellaneous musings! :] <3

we are pro-endo, please dni if you are not!

#scabbard scribbles #pinned and appointed #‚

THIS WILL DO FOR NOW

#of 🪞#scabbard scribbles #🪞#glass/glaise/glasce/anything like that are all good for me. any pronouns too who cares dude lol #i'd like to do some design edits later. but for now just had to make a design that would make existing stop feeling awful 😭#for now my back wings can hold up the dress when i need both hands for things.#i want to incorporate the mirror into the design maybe. it's vaguely fundamental to my existence i still feel connected to it.#it's funny usually we hate dresses but i'm fine with them. and if i'm ever not i've got a poncho version too :3 #[sits and picks up my little fragments] hello my little idiot babies. i love you all. stupidheads. /affectionate #i fluctuate around the size-importance of a normal voli facet but usually larger. my little fragments tend to be small.#i'm not exactly sure what's happening tbh. they still have their rec room. i am not their rec room or a part of headspace.#i'm definitely a sysmate. christ i really wasn't supposed to be alive 😭 but at least existence feels better now so we take the small wins.#i think me forming has (temporarily?) gotten us out of the paranoia bullshit?#or like. me forming was a result of the paranoia getting to a breaking point and resetting us back to factory settings. 😬#i'm like. talking over my fragments. they're so quiet and i'm much louder than them. i'm sorry little guys i don't know how to stop :')#they're all still influencing me but they're very soft and quiet about it. looking up at me like bugs when you lift up a rock.#they're very peaceful at the moment. this is like a big cradle to them i guess hakjaha <33 my little cuties <33 #well this works for now if everyone's happy about it <3

god it's so weird. for ceres it's normal, they've always been conceptualized as blanketed, an orbitaI median since the beginning. all facets are on the outside, and they're all genuine pieces of voli.

making it so that i was conceptualized as a container before being alive is...

it's like playing to.modachi life but the island is straight-up your open body on the surgical table. i can pick up the little fragments in me and put them elsewhere and manage them so they're happy but it's like rearranging your own guts.

eaughhh its so weird i hate this, someone fucking break me again so that i'm not SENTIENT ANYMORE!!

#it doesn't hurt. its just weird. the fragments are all kind of looking at me and sitting quietly and trying not to fuss too much thank god.#thinking about them makes me feel nauseous 😭 but also weirdly protective/maternal. like those are my little ones. my little guys.#i just WISH THEY WEREN'T LIKE. /IN/ ME.#[pointing at them] none of you make that weird. no jokes. this is serious. stop laughing at me i am /literally/ your core or whatever.#[pressing my face in my hands] but also i don't think they should leave? they're just little fragments‚ they're supposed to be here.#i'm just... not supposed to be /alive/ while they are 😭#i was always supposed to be like a costume the little guys could put on? i'm an umbrella identity!! i'm NOT SUPPOSED TO BE SENTIENT!!#it feels awful to imagine them in me but also wrong to imagine them outside of me. how the FUCK do i fix this.#i haven't settled on a form yet so as long as i keep it from settling i can use that to my advantage.#or i can go back to being non-sentient. i'd PREFER THAT PERSONALLY.#i'll figure it out...#would you all be okay if i put you in like... a pocket? (too cramped) a bag? (too far away from you) you little ones are silly and picky #what if i just held up my skirt and put you in there.#i'll draw it hold on #🪞

aurghhh i don't wanna get up now because that means i have to acknowledge that i'm still here, fuck my stupid baka life -o-

#good morning little ones who. exist inside me. can everyone be really fucking normal and patient and also not move around too much 😭#weird. weird. hate this. sleep again and if that doesn't work we'll actually start problem solving.#🪞

...also holy shit i might be a person but i have a job so idrc about that right now....

#🪞#like actually 🪞. jesus what the fuck.#WHAT THE FUCK.....????#i'm literally only supposed to be a concept? i was made as a umbrella identity for fragments. what the hell is happening right now???#im supposed to be a container for sysmates. imagine if you put some guys in a box and then the box became a guy. what the FUCK.#ugh... this feels so weird... is this why ceres is asleep all the time??? jesus.#literally i cannot explain it. it's weird i feel weird it makes me feel nauseous but like only internally nauseous.#i don't like being alive. return me to being a concept at once.#what am i? a core? a shell? a host? are we back to being a subsystem? that feels wrong. godddd.#[searches] pIuralpedia says i might be an incubator. bro i am not supposed to be alive help me. oh my god.#i like. contain them still. and they're still. NEVERMIND I DON'T LIKE THINKING ABOUT THIS WHAT THE HELL DID YOU GUYS /DO/ TO ME.#IS THIS ABOUT BREAKING TWO DAYS AGO?? DID BREAKING AND RESETTING MAKE ME ALIVE SOMEHOW???? DID YOU FIX ME WRONG????#AAAUUUHGH GOD. I FEEL AWFUL. IS THIS PERMANENT??? FUCK!!!!!!#if i. ignore all the shit happening. ugh. internally. and just. focus on being like... their manager? it's a little easier. but not by much #okay nevermind nevermind it doesn't make it easier it makes it feel like SELF-ADMINISTERED OPEN-STOMACH SURGERY someone fucking SAVE ME???#auuuughhh is this one of the problems sleeping will solve. doesn't hurt to try i guess...#fuuuuck man.... if this doesn't fix me we're going to have to do some fucking ''imagination'' bullshit about this. okay. peace.

[gestures at the skeptic-ren-oppy-ollie situation]

[just keeps gesturing at it because im really unsure what to do about those motherfuckers]

#THINGS THAT MATTER TO NO ONE BUT WHATEVER #i... [hand to forehead] you fuckers are so COMPLICATED.#okay. ren is split(?) from skeptic. this happened near the beginning of voca's formation so skeptic didn't have much else.#skeptic was originally a semi-fragment and then became more fragmented/unelaborated when ren formed. reductive split.#oppy is currently a semi-fragment and ollie is... uh. he might form idk. but it's very likely that ollie will be another reductive split.#connor managed not to be too much of a reductive split but connor is very different than connie in personality and form.#ollie would be very similar to oppy so is more likely to take more from oppy when splitting.#skeptic really doesn't mind that ren formed. he's really chill like that. he's fine being retired and mostly-dormant.#oppy would be extremely fucked up about the same thing happening to him. so like. [exasperated groan]#unless we can figure out a symbiotic relationship for ollie/oppy then someone's going to be fucked over 😭#because either ollie forms and oppy disappears OR ollie doesn't get to form at all. and they don't want to be a subsystem i think.#IT'S COMPROMISES ALL THE WAY DOWN WITH THIS FUCKASS SYSTEM MAN 😭#there's a chance it won't be a reductive split but the odds aren't looking in their favor here. and if we do it we can't really go back.#also made more complicated since ren/oppy oppy/skeptic ren/ollie relationship web mess i don't even KNOW who's dating who man #godforbid we start /in-sys/ reIationship drama can you FUCKING IMAGINE. you're parts of the same person get it together!!!#🪞

🪻 [yawn] okay buds how we doing

🪞 better...?

🪻 oh good

🪞 just a little disoriented now. and tired. ^^;

🪞🗡️ we're used to blurring, but that was... somethin' else. like blurring but worse somehow

🪞 felt like... pieces of each of us were being melted together then re-set solid into different pieces. like an alloy in the furnace.

🪞🗡️ still a little off. i reckon the unelaborated of us aren't going to unblur anytime soon. still, i suppose the nap helped some.

🪻 what caused it?

🪞🔍💪 hell if we know... we're weird. we break more often than y'all lavender fielders. we're more malleable, and more prone to bullshit.

🪞 are you going back to sleep?

🪻 well yeah if y'all got it covered again.

🪞 nooo... stay? 🥺?

🪻 snrk, do y'all get lonely? we're still here, technically, it's not like we leave or anything.

🪞 dunno... hard to explain. it's nice when you're being nice to us.

🪻 y'all are funny lol

🪻 we're not always nice to y'all.

🪞 such is the nature of our system's existence. we'll always have our differences and conflicts. not much to be done. not all of us hold it against you, and not all of you hold it against us.

🪻 about all we can ask for. call it even, in the uneven way of how we're balanced.

🪞 sure.

🪞🥂🎉 have dinner with us? :]?

🪻 we can do dinner, yes.

🪞 awesomeeee :3

#ouuu still sleepy...#🍵 sleep early tonight then?#nooooo...#annoying godbless /j #whatever the fuck system emergency just happened feels like it tripped a minor reset. especially if skep is talking??#we don't feel like we've been reset entirely but more like... we're all the same but our settings have been set back to early voca?#our starter fronters are all up and all our new guys are unresponsive at the moment. ...we'll get that figured out.#we as voca have very little precedent for whatever the fuck happens to us. voli doesn't seem to go through this shit.#we can't keep talking about this or Harlowe will kill us while we're still down /j /hj #Get dinner.#yes ma'am ^^;

a

? what's up with you guys?

s.ometh. inh

what the hell

h hh ell.p

literally cannot tell whats wrong with yall.

hhh ah h hhhnh

?

cahn we move.?pl eas

ok we... moved upstairs. now what?

b etter.

you don't fuckin sound better...

i ts be ttr now.

...okay, at least you're calmer.

ffragmmhent feeliing shhattring buut nohtng badbrok en itsjuus t feelswwron g

... don't know what that means and you don't either, judging from monoconscious.

sorryy. slow tigers.baad..

it's fine i think?

ssorry

no, it's fine, chill out.

s'likeif someone bro ke the mirror ahnd thhen puyt th e shharss backi n wrrongs'not spoosed tbe llike this hhhno calndo wn ok

ok. will sleeping more help you?

yeaaj

lol ok

#🪞#🪻#weird to tag us like this lmao?#syoulla vender. ? wer'e taahlking arentwe?#is mmore comforta ble. 🪞 ahn d 🪻#you guys are a fascinating bunch.#mmay e not thebehhst time ffor. uhm overrall immp r essi ns .#not like we don't already know you. get to sleep now.#ohhkay

[claps hands] i love being anxious and paranoid. this is great and fun for me and definitely doesn't feed into the avoidance isolation disorder.

#[three of swords]#love feeling ourself actively getting worse in real time. whoops sorry about that‚ our fear is swallowing us whole! 😊#our paranoia is well-founded. they're trying to tell me it's not but it is‚ i fucking know it is‚ i know they know it too.#it feels like * ******* **** ******** ** ***** ****** ******* **** ** *** **** **** ** *** **** **** ** *** ****#* **** ***'** ******* ********! * **** *** *** *** **!!!!!#fuck. it's late and there's no one here to ground me or the other paranoia holders and as the main fronter i'm feeling myself spiral.#and i have to. i. can't. i don't know how much longer i. this can't i can't *** ***'* ** ***** ****** *** ** ***** * **** ** ** please #please please anyone #mnnh para #sorry m not all here wh #oh here come here. breathe. it's okay. come sleep ok?#im scared.#i know but it's better when it's not night though right? no one is watching you. no one wants to hurt you. you can rest. it's safe.#its not...#it is. i promise.#you're wrong...#i could be but... believe me? just for tonight? just for now?#...ok. for now.#⚡#🔖

[box is closing in]

#[three of swords]#[paranoia. getting hard to breathe. to do anything at all.]#[ᶦ ᶜᵘʳˡ ᵘᵖ ˢᵐᵃˡˡᵉʳ ᵃⁿᵈ ˢᵐᵃˡˡᵉʳ ᵃⁿᵈ ᶦᵗ ᵏᵉᵉᵖˢ ᶜˡᵒˢᶦⁿᵍ ᶦⁿ ᵗᶦᵍʰᵗᵉʳ]#You know the solution.#[ᵇᵉ ˢᶦˡᵉⁿᵗ ᶦ ᶜᵃⁿ'ᵗ ᵈᵒ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ʷᵉ ᶜᵃⁿ'ᵗ ᵈᵒ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᶦ ᶜᵃⁿ'ᵗ ᵈᵒ ᵗʰᵃᵗ]#[ⁿᵉʷ ᵒᵇᶠᵘˢᶜᵃᵗᵒʳ ⁿᵒᵗ ʲᵘˢᵗ ᵐᵉ ʷᵉ ᵇᵒᵗʰ ᵏⁿᵒʷ ᶦᵗˢ ⁿᵒᵗ ˢᵃᶠᵉ]#[ᵇᵉ ˢᶦˡᵉⁿᵗ ᵇᵉ ˢᶦˡᵉⁿᵗ ᵇᵉ ˢᶦˡᵉⁿᵗ]

happy syscovery anniversary to us~

us: [takes a bite of burrito bowl while opening little plastic side of salsa] us: ... [licks salsa from lid] perception, from nowhere: that's HOT why the FUCK did you do that. us: WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU COME FROM.